Wild Blue Yonder

It has been one whole month since we said our goodbyes at the hotel, Da Beast took his oath for the Air Force and we began this new journey separate but together! I've actually been adding to this blog post for this whole past month as we've progressed through the weeks so hopefully it all is somewhat organized and easy to follow. Anything in black is my own writing or something I've added and anything in dark blue is something I learned later through Da Beasts letters he's been able to send so. 

Let's start at the beginning shall we?

ZERO WEEK 

Ahh here we are... the first official day at Basic Military Training for Da Beast and I'm already writing him, a goal I've had daily to do since then: 

 09/23/2020

Hi Da Beast!

It is me...your wifey. I miss you and so as a result I'm writing you a letter already even though I don't have stamps and I have no address to send it to you just yet. I'm thinking about using sandboxx to send you letters. I thought this would be the best because if I understand correctly the do all the work for me, they send it the very next day (as long as it is Monday- Thursday. Friday letters before 5 pm (EST) get delivered the following Monday and letters written after 5 pm (EST) Friday-Sunday get delivered on Tuesday), and I just write the letter on my phone or computer (although the computer says my first letter didn't arrive whereas the phone app says it has). So I downloaded the app to see if I could start writing you a letter but I have to know one of these training squadrons 320, 321, 322, 323, 324, 326 (GO BULLDOGS!), 331, 737 TRSS...which I don't know yet. Apparently you'll be giving me a very scripted call or text soon. 

I've been watching zero week videos and reading others experience just to see what you might be going through right now, just to feel like we're living side by side. 

Yesterday was weird...all day I was both excited and grumpy. I tried to spend time writing my feelings, talking about my feelings, and sitting with my feelings most of which was uncomfortable. As I mentioned in the last blog post that I wrote: I don't want to learn how to live without you in my daily routine but I know that this is good and exciting. Everything before yesterday feels like another life and it is! We are in a whole new rotation and we are learning, adapting, and grieving over the "good ol' times". Also it doesn't seem right to have fun without you here while you're there feeling I don't know what. I want to rush this part...but I know it's all apart of the process and I need to allow myself that time. These are going to be good times too I can just feel it. Yesterday, I spent the morning refreshing the Air force Recruiting Az Facebook page for your oath video and was SUPER excited when it was posted! Then I spent the rest of the day just doing normal routine things until you got to the Airport and had tons of time to wait so we got to Face-time for I would guess a couple of hours 

which was so nice especially because our next call when you landed in Texas lasted only a minute and your voice sounded a little tense. From the videos I've watched and the experiences I've read it sound like that's when things get started. I can't wait to hear your experience. In your call you told me you loved me and that you arrived safely, I told you I loved you too and the kids and I told you good luck and that was it. At least I thought it was it until I got your text: "My last call was at the Airport. We just now got on the bus to head to the base. Another 30 to 45 minutes. Then it really begins. You three are my world. I love you so much. Thank you for supporting me while I do this. We are all in this. This will be the hardest thing I do. I'm grateful that I have you three to back me up. See you in a second." I responded and I saw your text bubbles but you only "loved" and "thumbs-upped" my texts. I wondered if it was because you couldn't really respond on the bus. According to the videos and the experience I've read you go straight to the Pfingston Center, get off the bus, and get your military issued items and a box of food that is supposedly not very tasty as they've been nicknamed "box nasties". After that you get organized into flights, back on the bus, and sent to your dorms where you really get yelled at and you get your locker and bed. Today, tomorrow and Friday are the days I'm most curious about because from what I can find no one can remember exactly what happened these days or every bodies day to day experiences were different. I want to know what you're doing everyday but I can only ever find your scheduled activities week by week. I guess I'll just have to stop figuring it out and wait for your stories. Here is the zero week activities I found and the following in dark blue is everything I've gotten in a letter from Da Beast or have understood from his letters and everything else is put in the order I imagine the activities being:

"It's been less than two weeks and I have a hard time remembering back to what we did the first day so I'm glad you included a list. If I remember correctly our BMT Arrival, brief on the UCMJ, coping with BMT were all on the same day but that could be wrong...[Wednesday 09/23/2020], our first full day, I think we did the arrival and coping brief at the same time. It was just welcoming to BMT and also acknowledging that they understand the stresses that we came here with and wanted to reinforce to us that many before us have completed what we have just started. There is a text book for the BMT called BMT Study Guide" and it outlines everything we will need to learn here. ... We had chapters to read along with during the brief. It was emotional to me and a lot of other trainees. We were asked to remember why we joined, what motivated us to push forward, what we were willing to leave behind to be here. ... In the book it says to remember that millions have gone through this and have graduated. They had families, fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams and many could be the same as mine but many could be different. They worked hard and developed discipline and were successful."

• First week Briefing depends on the lieutenant colonel that you have and the speech they give. It could be on the bleachers in the graduation ceremony arena. One guy (on YouTube with Martin Productions) said their leader briefed them by saying "this is your life, your legacy, and your heritage. Your life is going to suck. Congratulations." They will however still welcome you and read you your rights as a trainee and what the MTIs can and can not do. If they violate any of these rules you must report it. 
• UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) -now that you wear the fabric of freedom their are rules that you can and cannot do as a military member.
• Coping with BMT - Chapel Orientation- You'll go back into the Pfingston Center Auditorium where you did your processing. One of the Chaplin is going to brief you on your religious rights. You can demand the  two hours on Sunday to attend church. It is your right. 
*Coping With Stress in BMT-can be tied to the chapel Orientation. A lot of people do it so can you.
737 TRG/CC/CCC Briefing- training group/commander/superintendent briefing (sounds like it might be the same as above, maybe?)

"Because of Covid we didn't really have a tour but later in the [first] week is when we were shown what was located on all sides of the building (he is referencing to his flights building with entrance to the dining facility, classrooms, and QC (quality control rooms))"

• Squadron Tour (Pay attention and know where you are going especially to know where to go for any appointments)

The day for health and welfare was on Thursday, [09/24/2020]. That was when I became a load guard. I have to wear a vest that is reflective and way to big. We [marched] across a bridge to a medical building. First, we actually went over to some medical tents. We were tested for COVID. ... We are whats called ROM- Restriction of Movement, so, there are heavy restrictions on where we can be. ... They lock up your civilian bag for restricted access ... They have a list of items that they gave to us the first night in our backpack. Then, [on Thursday], they line up a bunch of those same supplies and a few new ones. We'd walk in a line and have about 2 seconds to see what it was, check the size if it was clothing, and keep going. I had to buy items I already had because of the ROM. We also received a large military duffel with our issued clothes. We were issued PT clothes (blue shorts x3, grey shirts x3, white high socks x5, and running shoes whether we wanted them or not [even if you brought your own]. I also got "warm up clothes" which consist of a windbreaker jacket and pants. The haircuts were done outside when it was really windy so hair was flying all over the place. They assigned sweepers to sweep it up after each one but it wasn't contained very well. It was like tumbleweeds...but hair. The haircut, supplies, and duffel bag were all paid for with an advance on my paycheck. I was issued a card with $400 on it but I think there was another amount taken as well."

• Haircuts/ clippers
• Immunization, blood draw, and drug testing
• Pay ($400 advance for all your 1st issue clothing and equipment)- you'll be going over your direct deposited account and making sure you're getting paid.
• 1st issue- you get all of your apparel such as uniforms, boots, hats, clothing, running shoes, a large green duffel bag,equipment, and how to store it all flush against the side of the bed.       

• Health, Morale and Welfare- from what I understand this is when they check ALL of what your brought from home and go over your cell phone policy while at basic. I guess you can earn extra calls and even have 15min ones "scheduled" in week three and six but those can change depending on how your flight is doing. This is also the time where you get to text your address and call and recite your address speech. Address Text & Call (within 72 hours of arriving at JBSA Lackland)-this happened on Thursday September 24th, 2020 at 11:11am and lasted 2 minutes.
• Initial phone call (see above)
• Inital base exchange [BX] issue: In your basic military training study guide on page 35 will be a list of everything you need to buy 

"It's almost funny to me how these things go to the trainees heads. They volunteer for everything and the MTI knows their names. I have chosen to preform my best but stay under the radar. I haven't really opened up here. I'm still introverted here. I mean I join conversations and guys, for the most part, are friendly and willing to ask about me, help me, or ask me directly to assist."-10/03/2020; "Last night I was thinking about you [my little girl] when you play in the tub and how silly you are and the joy you find in the simplest things. I was specifically thinking about you in the tub because I was cleaning a big shower all by myself. At least at first. I had a bottle for spraying down the walls and when I would squeeze the trigger it squeaked like you do sometimes. Then do you know what happened? It quacked like a duck. Exactly like one. So I sprayed the whole shower just so I could hear the quack. I was laughing pretty hard so it's a good thing I have to wear a mask. Someone came in and I started coughing instead of laughing."- 10/02/2020                                                      

• dorm and drill basics:

Dorm details/ duties- you'll be reading this on your detail roster for your assignments while staying at your dorm such as: dorm chief, element leader, Latrine queen/king, latrine crew, day room crew, Bed Aligner, end of bed display, shoe aligner, utility closet, hallway, chrome polisher, house mouse, laundry crew, chow runner, guidon bearer, PT monitor, academic monitor, water monitor, kitchen patrol.

-More dorm responsibilities can include: Student Training Time (Set up you locker and your  things), Security Drawer (don't forget to lock it.), End of Bed Display( your towel, laundry bag, and your folded clothes. Also they show you how to make your bed with hospital folded corner sheets.) Laundry Marking ( label everything you have with the first initial of your last name and the last four digits of your social on the tag/ centered on clothing (for socks it's the toe). Refer to training manual for most updated information. It's suggested to mark not only laundered items but everything you have.) 

 -Drills could include fire drill, Facing Movements (stationary drill accomplished without marching such as attention and parade rest.),and Transit (Marching from one place to another).

• Physical Training- changes constantly but I've found it encompasses exercises that work on endurance and strength training. Something I found on this other blog is they usually don't start you with PT until the first Saturday and that your 1st week and more average daily schedule will start on Sunday. 

A few more things I found but can't place in a category above that makes sense to me are:

1. Airman's Time- Your MTI will be less intense and more of a mentor so they are more available for you to ask them questions.
2. Meals- Etiquette and movement in the chow hall. 

I know you will know all of this as you will be and have been experiencing it but writing it out is helping me to feel as if I'm there with you and I'm also wondering how accurate my list is compared to your experience. Besides I'm writing it as a blog post since I can't mail it to you yet and I wanted to get out all my thoughts...

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A few things that popped up right away (as far as feelings go, anyway) was how miserable I imagined him being and how guilty I'd feel if I enjoyed myself... 

"I don't mind hearing about the good times, the fun things you do. Don't feel bad. ...Share your trials with me, your heart aches, your fun times and the times you want to give up and I'll do the same."-10/03/2020

...and how I had been preparing to adjust and create a new normal but what I wasn't expecting was how much I didn't want to.

"Know that I'm not completely miserable. It's hard work for sure. But there are enough moments that remind me what all of this is for." -10/02/2020 ; "Our MTI said today to 'stop complaining about what you are asked to do. Stop thinking constantly of home. You selected to be here. Right now that's your job. So do it well. If you are asked to clean toilets, make it the cleanest toilet you've ever seen. Because it's your job. We know you are tired an don't want to do PT. You are getting paid right now to do so. So do your best. This is your paid interview. Graduation is when we decide to hire you so do your best. Present us your resume. Aim high. So am I miserable? Truthfully, most of the time, but, I'm also happy in my misery."- 10/03/2020

 I knew I could do it, it happens all the time without us realizing most of the time, we adapt, and it certainly wasn't all bad I just resisted it because the very thought of having a daily normal without him seemed wrong. As I mentioned in my letter above I wanted to rush this processes...force myself into being okay and accepting the adaption because it was okay and exciting but I still didn't want to. I had to allow myself time here too, in this resistance, because that was apart of me adapting. I would find the way and I would find out later how it all comes together for good. 

September 24th was the day I had a plasma donation appointment. It was for 11:10am and everything that morning was running smoothly. I got to my moms on time for my sister to watch my kiddos and then my mom and I got to the center 10 minutes early. Everything was perfectly set up in my mind. I thought this was for sure ago. I had even convinced myself that I probably wasn't going to get his address call today even though the thought kept coming back to me because I was going to have this appointment. Turns out my breakfast was sustainable enough and so they rescheduled me. I was so confused as I walked back out to my car and right as I got there I got the "Health, Morale, and Welfare briefing" image above in a text at 11:05am and only 4 minutes later the call from him. My call ended at 11:11am after a broken "love you bye" and then I was a mess. I cried and cried. And then I cried some more when I realized this was all planned. Heavenly Father knew I would need that time alone to hear Dax clearly and to truly feel the moment. He knew how I would take the call and how I wouldn't have been able to focus on my appointment afterwards. It took me about 1 hour to work through my sorrow and to come out the other end with jokes and excitement for sending him my letter now! I needed that time, so I'm fine I didn't get to donate today.

"I really enjoyed hearing your side of my phone call home. That's so amazing that you realized that the cancellation of your appointment allowed you to just focus on us. I love that." -10/03/2020  

The joke was that I had watched a video that's been circling around the internet about a girl who wrote her boyfriend every.single.day in basic and then when he graduated the drill Sargent "yelled" at her saying things like "do you know how many push ups I made him do?!" I had showed Dax and told him I was going to do that and he said "bring it" although I'm not sure how willing he is now, but too bad for him, I'm on letter four and I don't plan on stopping, ha ha! 

Hand drawn on September 25th in my excitement and emotional process for Da Beast!

WEEK ONE
September 27th is the start of Da Beast's first official week at Basic Military Training (referred to often as BMT). I'm just going to use this schedule and that's it. It's a pdf from the Air Force's site that breaks down every activity and requirement week by week so if you're interested you can click the link above for that. The good news about this week is days are starting to really follow a rhythm and routine that looks like this:

 

0445	Reveille
0500	Formation
0500-0600	PT. One day you run, the next day you do aerobic exercises.
0600-0615	Breakfast.
0630-0745	Dorm setup.
0800-1130	Drilling, classes, record checks, shots, uniform issue, etc.
1130-1230	Lunch.
1300-1700	Classroom instruction.
1700-1800	Dinner.
1900-2045	Set up the dorm for nighttime.
2100 (9pm)	Taps. Lights out.

"Today 10-2-2020. 5am we were up for our PT (physical training) test. 1.5 mile run, push ups and sit ups. Outside of our training and memory work there are a bunch of duties that have to be filled. Dorm chief, student instructor (trainees that are good a tutoring), element leaders (column or line formations), load guard (which I am currently). There are other assignments like for cleaning. I'm on latrine duty. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm with 10 other guys and we all have an area that we focus on. I started cleaning showers and found this nasty brown slime on the tile and grout. I started to focus on that and now we have (usually) have super clean showers. So I'm kind of a big deal. HAHA. The assignment I would love NOT to have is a 24 hour manned assignment. It's called Entrance Control (EC). It's rotated in two hour blocks with two people always on duty. Because it's 24 hours and always rotating sometimes it's in the middle of the night. So like last night my wing man and I started at 4am. We had to stand guard for 2 hours. We can only read that chapter on the EC and their responsibilities and that's it. There is a whole process for individuals coming in and out of the dorm. There is a speaker next to the door for Quality Control (CQ). Every hour they call and we have to report on the trainee assigned to our flight, how many are present, and what the current temperature is. They keep the dorms freezing cold. ...The food here is okay. Because of our activity we have to drink 16 water bottles a day, 1 full one every hour, which I would guess is equal to 32oz. We also have to pick two drinks during chow as well. Passing the PT minimums is a requirement so I'm trying to maintain a balanced diet... no matter how tempting the chocolate milk is. I see the menu for, I'd say, 5 seconds and then I have to make a decision so I do miss out on better options I'm sure. I eat a salad twice a day, lots of meat, and lots of vegetables when I see them have it available." ; "When we stand in formation for lunch or dinner I try and stand in the sun. The suns heat is perfect on my back with the combination of a cool breeze and flitting butteries. I find solace in these things."-10/03/2020 ; "0544 we wake up and get ready while getting screamed at. By 0600 we are lined up outside. From here we either march down to the track for stretching and exercise and cool downs or we stay on the "patio" which are large concrete slabs that we form up on for various things. We exercise until just before 0700. At 0700 we fall out for chow. We have to line up on a wall and then stretch the line back through the entire aisle where the beds are. ... We eat and are back upstairs in like 35 minutes. From whenever we get back we start showers. Because of covid every other shower is supposed to be used. There are 8 showers. We shower, shave, dress, and then start a process called dust downs. [For dust downs one guy (the dorm chief) calls off the assignment and allotted time it needs to be done in. Then everyone else does the assignment while they count down from that time. The idea is to get everyone to clean their own sleeping space/area so the whole dorm is cleaned in 10 minutes or less.] First our beds, then windows and windowsills, wall locker, floor, and then with our bag- we bring it to the center isle. We do this once in the morning and once in the evening. After dust downs we have our details which is the area of the dorm that each person is assigned to clean. I'm still latrine, but like I said, I don't mind it. After details we usually head outside for drill. Drill usually goes until 11:30 or so. We [then] have personal study for 45 minutes to 1 hour unless we are learning something new. At 1230 to 1300 we head out for chow, filling out in the same way. After chow it's been the same thing. More study time. [After study time and dinner there's an evening brief/Airman's time] He (Sargent Terrell from the brother flight) hands out mail and sits around to answer any questions. Then we are alone again."

"I wanted to also tell you about my Sunday. That day definitely stands out more. We don't do PT on Sundays but we were still rushed out the door. We ate and were given time to organize our closets and drawers. Then at about 0900 we were asked to confirm our religious preference. Then starting with the largest group they were brought into the day room for a video matching their sect. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was actually second. We had six. ... We listened to the stake president (I think) on base, I offered a prayer that I struggled through, and then [we] watched two videos. [Afterwards] we [discussed the video messages] as a group. 

10/02/2020 

[Excerpt from letter sent to Da Beast]

I got a blessing from my dad. It was really sweet and I started tearing up right after he said my name...in the very beginning of the blessing...and then I cried afterwards. The end is what really got me because he said something like ‘Heavenly Father is aware of your worries and struggles and he is by your side. It is okay to feel frustrated or sad or overwhelmed. It’s okay to share the feelings you keep to yourself with your family and to pray often for relief.” It was permission, love, and while he spoke I felt that, that’s what has been weighing on me. I feel like I haven’t “earned” my feelings. It’s been not even two weeks and I’ve already missed you, cried over you, and have serious attachments to receiving a letter from you. I feel like those who have been military wives for much longer and with husbands who have been deployed for a year have earned those feelings. So to get permission, in a sense, was a relief. The next thought that came to me was that it felt like the whole world was on my shoulders. My grandma Nerrings told me that’s because it was, I had my whole little world on my shoulders. I feel like I not only want to write you letters everyday but that I need to, to keep you uplifted and encouraged and with us while you’re there, I feel like I need to be as normal as possible for the kids, I feel like I need to be strong...but sometimes that little world gets heavy. After the blessing my grandma talked to me about her experiences of loneliness and the funny moments (that were not funny then) she had while in those times. It had always been nice to hear her stories but especially tonight I felt like we shared something: her past and my future were tied together and that felt nice. 

When we got home I saw a letter from YOU and I was so excited and I thanked Heaven for this much needed boost for the weekend ahead and then when I opened it I was a little bummed because it was just your graduation letter that you probably sent like a week ago after your call...but it was something."

It had a bunch of links to follow and to get information from such as:

-United States Air Force Basic Military Training Facebook Page

( I also found a Facebook page for the 37th Training Wing-"the largest training wing in the United States Air Force. The Wing operates schools at nine locations throughout the United States with most of its training conducted at JBSA-Lackland. The Wing trains Airmen, Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Coast Guardsmen, government agencies, coalition partners from over 100 countries and military working dogs." (Definition found here.)

- Basic Training Air Force Website Page

- The 37th Trainging Wing Air Force Website Page

- Flickr photos for Graduation Pictures from the Account Holder "Gateway Wing"

-YouTube Graduation Videos from the Account Holder "Gateway Wing"

This is the letter (that I've learned through my video watching) that get's sent after the scripted phone call with the address...which was about a week ago...so I guess I can expect the first real letter from Da Beast Next Friday? Speaking of which in two days he will be starting his official second week which is exciting!  

10/03/2020

This past Wednesday the 30th of September I woke up from a dream that I then wrote Da Beast about but didn't think it was important enough to include in the blog post (I can't include EVERYTHING) but as of today and for the sake of good story order I'm going to provide a clip of my letter to him:

" It didn’t help that last night I had a dream that I missed two calls from you and when I called back you said something like “I can only give you a second to say goodbye” and so I quickly said “I love you! Bye” before you hung up and then I watched you run with your wing man to catch up to the rest of your flight...how I did that I have no idea but it WAS a dream."

Why is this clip now important today? Here is a clip from a letter I wrote him today:

"The day went alright in the morning. I was able to pay attention to the general conference for the most part and then when it ended I got up to make some lunch. When I sat down to eat I noticed I missed two calls from you and my heart sank. It was my 9/30/2020 dream that I told you about but in real life! Maybe I was being prepared for this but regardless it was awful. I was so mad afterwards because I feel like I failed you! In your voicemail you said you needed to hear my voice and after trying to keep my phone charged and near me at all times I still missed it because I was up making lunch and the TV was still on from the conference so I couldn’t hear it. It was still nice to be able to text you a little and later I found out you got to talk to your dad for a few minutes so that was probably for the best too, but it took me a little bit to be okay with it."

The story doesn't end there though which is really what makes this whole story incredible. After I had missed his call I was sad and then mad at everyone. I was mad at myself for not taking my phone with me for the two minutes I was in the kitchen, I was mad Da Beast didn't use his voicemail to tell me he was okay, I was mad that Heavenly Father didn't prompt me (or did he?! No! I didn't get ANYTHING like that!) When he knew how badly I needed/wanted to talk to Da Beast. After about an hour I calmed down and realized there was a reason. There had to be. I prayed to understand because I was confused. I really wanted to know. I really wanted to see His way, His reasons. That evening during the general women's conference I got the call from Da Beasts dad where he told me that Da Beast wanted him to tell us he loves us and he's okay. It felt nice to hear that and I thanked his dad. After I hung up the call I felt like that was why I didn't receive a prompting to look at my phone. The phone call wasn't for me, it was for his parents. This is what he wrote about the experience:

"My phone call home was not expected. Crell kept dangling it in front of us but I thought it would be next week at the earliest, (there are mandatory calls week 3 and 7 (I think) and then the MTI's can authorize two more calls but the length is based off of our flights behavior). I started getting emotional when I relaized why we were lining up the way we were. It's called roster accountability. [Rosters are like a holding number in line. It's the order in which each trainee receives, participates in something, or takes accountability.] I'm #6. ... We were [told we were] "lucky" we earned 5 minutes because the flight hasn't been doing well with following directions. ...I figured you phone was dead so I saw my dad on my phone just to at least reach someone. My mom walked in and I was able to talk to her too. I forgot to wish her Happy Birthday tomorrow. I was almost sobbing when I left you a voicemail. I hope you three could understan me. It's not because I'm super sad or miserable. Just, the thought of hearing your voice breaks me down [as well as] hearing our kids call me Daddy and their beautiful voices."

Again you'd think that the story is done there but it isn't...

WEEK TWO

10/06/2020

[Excerpt from letter sent to Da Beast]

"One major thing to note today was as I was doing the dishes your mom called me asking for help on how to send you a letter through Sandboxx. She then told me about her experience with your phone call on Saturday. She was prompted! She said that she had just left her home to head to Mesa when she felt very strongly to return home to get an item she forgot. Normally, she said, she would have just continued on and replaced it later but she felt a strong call home. When she got home dad frantically announced you were on the phone and handed her the phone so she could talk to you too. When mom told me this it was a confirmation to me that your call was not meant for me as much as we both would have liked it to be. Between my dream preparing me to miss the call, not understanding why I wasn't prompted to look at my phone, your mom and dad's experiences, and praying to understand what God's plan was in all this I knew that your call was meant for them and I'm blessed to have been a part of it and to 'see'. I love you!"

 

10/08/2020

Today we received a envelope stuffed full of letters which I've gone back in this blog and added his thoughts or experiences. 

Opening those letters was better than Christmas. 

I read the kids letters first and cried. Then Bubba cried and we hugged each other for a minute. After that, and while I read my letters, the kids wrote to their daddy while voicing out loud what they were writing. 

It was so cute that I had to record a little bit of it. On Sunday the 11th he'll be starting his 3rd week and according to Dax's letter he's supposed to have a mandatory 15 minute phone call sometime next week. I’m trying not to make this blog too long but it seems like every moment has been precious and blessed!

"I promise I'm doing well. Its hard. Anyone who says that the AFBMT is "easy" is truly kidding themselves. It might be shorter or have less requirements than other branches but anyone who can get through this definitely earned it. They aren't motivated to look for ways to keep a trainee. I need what has been required of me. I need the pressure, the discipline, the fire under my feet, if you will. ... I do this for you [and our kids] and myself. I am truly honored to be here representing our family. ... Something I've learned here is what they call military baring. When I mess up, instead of hanging my head or apologizing I instead start over without emotion as it it didn't happen. ...we're all human. We make mistakes." 

10/09/2020

"We are actually starting to prepare now for our graduation which is cool. ... I really enjoy how they build on concepts. They definitely do a good job with that. I think it was Wednesday [the 7th, that] we went over for more processing. I provided all my paperwork and had my picture taken for my CAC ID, which is the military ID. We get it in week four, I think. 

"In chow hall we're not allowed to talk unless spoken to and one morning for breakfast I sat down and said, "bummer I forgot syrup" and I guess it was overheard because I got written up and "promoted" to chow runner. Chow runner is getting better. Of course my MTI's don't ever see it. "They" only seem to see when something has gone wrong. [Luckily] we have "Airmans Time" [where we] have more casual conversation [with the MTI's in the day room]. We still need a reporting statement at the start of every conversation but we've been laughing and joking more. He makes jokes or sarcastic remarks and it's more relaxed. The intensity isn't there and we can see that he does have a "normal" side. He can turn off his MTI voice. [Back to being a chow runner:] I'm finally getting through it without issue. I'm corrected on the little things but it's not given so publicly. It's more like genuine help. The first night I did it, I butchered it. Everything I did was wrong. My statement was choppy which they had me repeat until I got it right (probably because I lacked military bearing) my facing movements were bad, everything. When I was relieved of duty [for the day] the Msgt (who is the instructor supervisor) pulled me aside. He is a very intense man. He asked me if I knew who he was and I did but I was so shaken from everything I froze. I knew his name but messed up his rank. He told me everything that I did was disgraceful and embarrassing. He said that he would be watching me and if I couldn't get my life together than they had no place for me. I had a 341 form pulled. Sometimes they mean nothing but the further we go the more likely we end up getting written up and get an assignment, like homework. My assignment was to write my entire chain of command 10x, I think there are 17 total. ... They gave us a paper they call 'memory work' and we were expected to memorize it by the end of week two." 

10/10/2020

"I'm a road guard still. ...The vest makes me a target and I want to be fired so I don't have to do it anymore but I don't think going through the fire of being fired is worth it. So for now I stick with it."

"We went to the drill pad again today. What I really enjoyed about it was practicing our graduation with the entire squadron. . Seeing everyone raise their hand in taking the oath of enlistment, singing the Air Force Anthem, and repeating the Airmans Creed was amazing. There was also some marching and we also practiced passing around the Air Force coin that we get. Our MTI's pass them out while the "Star Spangled Banner" and "I'm Proud to be an American" play in the background. I was filled with pride and patriotism. I got chills from head to toe. I am so humbled to be here. I have a long ways to go before I am an Airman but I'm realizing more and more everyday that this was the right choice. I have no doubt this is where I'm supposed to be. I belong in the military. Sometimes I question whether or not I can handle it but then I improve. There are things I dreaded doing and now I actually enjoy it. 

"I was looking forward to my phone call home all week. I was so excited. I'm glad they changed it to allow phone calls weekly to happen. I think it's more healthy for the trainees. 

"As I was making the sandwiches my leg pressed against the cabinet and I realized my phone was buzzing and when I took it out of my pocket it was you! For the first split second I was in denial. I got over that quickly and answered with a ‘hello?’

"I really appreciate the tenderness in your voice. I don't know if you were even aware of it, but your voice was so soothing."

"and there was a pause before I heard you say “Megan?” oh my goodness it was SO nice to hear you in real time! I believe I said something like, “yes! Hi Dax!” and you let out a noise of relief and gratitude.

"Your voice was full of joy and it was comforting to me because it calmed my soul of worries."

"I quickly asked how you were still feeling a little in denial that this was happening or something. I think maybe I was dealing with surprise that it had really been a while since I heard your voice overlapping with the sense that no time had really passed that it was like any other call and then thinking that this is not any other call I only have a few minutes.You told me you were doing okay...

"I loved hearing my sweet babies voices. I thought it was funny that I was asked about lunch or "chow" but I'm assuming it's because you were just starting lunch yourself. But I loved it. Their voices were joy to my ears, though limited. But I was definitely fine talking to you."

...and we talked about the sub, wings, and chocolate milk you had for lunch, how your letters don’t actually arrive to you the day I see them signed off but a few days after that due to sorting, that you’re not a ‘load’ guard but a ‘road guard’. I still didn’t know what that meant. In fact I just now as I’m writing paused to look it up and it actually shows up as a thing and there's even a video from the AFROTC and some other one about what the road guard does. So that’s cool. We talked about a few more of my more recent letters but I didn’t want to use our time to go through all of that so I just referenced them. Like Friday the 9th, date night letter. You hadn’t gotten it yet so you didn’t read it Thursday like I had thought you would so we could be thinking about each other and “pretending” to look at the stars together on Friday so instead I just told you how rough of a week it was so it was a perfect night to go on a date with each other and how I wrote you about all of that. You said that I was amazing.

"I loved that you called me a rock star and that it was exciting that this was all actually happening."

"So by the time you get THIS letter you should have read Friday the 9th letters and know what I was talking about as well as the letter about missing your call which was before those letters. You also told me that they, the MTI’s, can actually give you time every week and it seemed like it was going to be a Saturday thing. I agreed with that adding “around lunch time” since that’s what I had been doing both times you called. So now I’m going to test out that theory and watch my phone like a hawk before I make lunch on Saturdays. . It was neat to hear a little of the background and the MTI timer. It was like a glimpse into your world even though I felt rushed. I felt like I should have answered the call more prepared with questions I wanted to know but I decided that letters were better for that. These calls are for ‘living in this moment’ even if they seem sloppy and rushed.

"It's amazing how much I looked forward to the call but I wasn't sure what to tell you about. It's not that I didn't know what to say but rather what to spend time talking about. We;'ll figure it out though."

"After we said our ‘goodbyes’ and ‘love yous’ I felt elated but then also doubted that that had really happened. It went so fast it was just a blur. Luckily this isn’t the 50’s-80’s and I have caller ID so there is proof that I got to talk to you.

WEEK THREE

10/11/2020

"We are required to study from our BMT Study guide at certain times. I'm writing now because my brain can't absorb anything more right now. Our church service has been short. Too short. There is a welcome video from the local branch president of the base and then we get only one talk. Still inspiring though. We cleaned our water bottles,

practiced weapons familiarization, had a class on being an Entrance Controller and now we are waiting for chow (dinner).

"Tomorrow is Columbus day so the MTI's don't work. It'll be a lot like today but we get to go to the mini mall. We can only get authorized items. We still can't get soda, candy, coffee, etc. I don't need much, but I look forward to going. I also get my OCP uniform this week, which I will be graduating in. Operation Combat Pattern (I think?)... I DO know that I do have beast week still, it's just shortened. No gas or overnight sleeping and I think we mostly demonstrate knowledge of weapons and the positions for holding a rifle like laying down, on the knee, and standing. Each position also has a correct way of bracing against something.

"These 2.5 weeks have really changed me for the better. I'm so grateful for what I've learned so far. I look forward to sharing all my experiences in person and incorporating teachings of Military into our life."

...AND that's the last letter I've gotten from him although another is coming in the mail but I guess that will just be in the next blog post. I thought about adding at least our side of things to wrap up this blog post right up until today but I really like seeing the letters and events side by side even though that's not how they come in real life. All our news is "behind". So to end I'll just add a little snippet of the letter I'll be sending to Da Beast tonight from yesterday's thoughts:

"I still can’t believe how watched out for I am. Every decision is being cradled in heaven's arms and guided by all of His angels. Nothing about this whole experience: the Airforce Wife, the temporary solo mom, the plasma donor, the independent and the dependent experience is anything like I expected but it’s all what I’ve needed. Along with my thinking last night (that I already told you) I was also thinking about our relationship after BMT. I feel like we might have to get to know each other again because the people we’re growing into will be different than the people we were before."

That's the thing about life. It never is exactly how we imagine it to be. I've been in awe this whole time because of how many calls we actually have been able to have (once a week on Saturdays- call times vary due to flight performance), how many letters I've been able to actually get, how much of Heaven's plan is in all of this and the angles He's sent our way, our struggles and the beauty we can still find in them, and how those lessons have manifested themselves. It's all been so much more than I imagined- more than just a military lifestyle being added into our lives, but our lives unfolding all their mysteries and learning more of who we really are and what we're really made of. 

Till next month!

-Megan 

Next Blog Post: Flying High

 

Off We Go

 Well it's here, it's happening, and I hardly believe it: Da Beast is heading off to Airforce BMT. But before we get to that...

September was a full month. Full of love, full of adventure, full of family, full of tears, full of gratitude and full of memories. It's the month Da Beast and I started off by driving back the the beginning of our marriage: our honeymoon in San Diego, California. We spent 4 days with my brother, his wife, and her family... 

being pampered,

boogie boarding in the ocean, 

seeing Balboa park, 

seeing Old town San Diego, and playing board and card games!

We then said our goodbyes...

and went straight to our Kayak tour in La Jolla and then checked into our Air BNB rental which was located on Lamont street and Garnet off of a street called Hornblend in Pacific Beach which was right down the street from The Plaza Condominiums that we stayed in for our honeymoon!

The Entrance to The Plaza Condominiums

 It was so interesting to be back nine years later. It was as if no time had really passed and then looking back

(as we ate breakfast at Bruggers bagels just as we had on our honeymoon) we had accomplished so many things in those nine years. We've grown up together (and if you ask me Da Beast is even more handsome now than he was then), we've gotten through leg surgery, death of family members, having our own children, buying and selling our first house, anxiety, communication difficulties, night shifts, personal struggles and misunderstanding, and probably more that I can't think of at the moment. Looking back on all of that and seeing how proud I was of where we are now and the direction we are going made this anniversary very special for us. And if you know anything about us nine has always been our number...it has shown up on it's own so many times and we've made things extra special when it's the ninth in a month, time or place. Needless to say this is our "real" golden anniversary. Ha ha! After breakfast and a little grocery shopping at vons we spent the rest of our anniversary in our Airbnb watching the t.v. series: Reign and eating Annie Chuns microwave noodles which were very similar to the noodles we would get all.the.time when we were first married. In fact this whole anniversary experience was taking all the old experiences that can't ever be or needs to be recreated exactly and pairing it with the new and fresh perspective of two people that have really lived. 

We ended our anniversary trip with a stop to down town Disney. On our honeymoon we actually went to Disneyland for I think 3 days, but due to the changes not only in our own lives but in the entire world we were happy to just snap a picture in front of Disneyland, walk through World of Disney, buy treats in Marcelines and beignets from Jazz kitchen and call it good! We then drove home and greeted our lovely children and spent the rest of the month swimming, dentist appointments, Da Beast was trying to take tests for COMPTIA certifications (such as the A+ and Networking) but it was not meant to be, we had lots of family dinners, went to church and that brings me right back around to now: our Military life is just beginning. We are at the precipice of mighty and great change which is both terrifying (as steep rock cliffs would be in real life and not just as an analogy) but also a vision of magnified beauty and excitement. 

On September 18th, Da Beast had his last meeting with his recruiter, Staff Sargent Mason. They made a finalized contract, talked about good running shoes, discussed any questions, talked about going back to MEPS and taking his official oath which was available to view on a Facebook page, and then finally an up in the air announcement that he might not go to Mississippi for Basic Military Training but instead Texas due to a hurricane and flooding in Mississippi. Our journey so far in the Military as been anything but predictable and I wouldn't ever expect it to be anything different once we're officially in it, which as of this morning is really happening. Have I mentioned that already because I still can't believe it! 

On September 19th, Da Beast's grandma opened her home to many and mostly family members for a Military Send Off party where we ate good food, visited, and in the end Da Beast expressed his motivation for entering into the Air Force (below image). It's been a good celebratory last week and for those of you who are wondering: I am sad but also excited and at peace. I've learned these past two months that it is very possible to feel seemingly opposing emotions at the same time and that doesn't mean that one overpowers the other or diminishes it, it just means there is so much more depth- the emotions encompassing and living together harmoniously if allowed. So while I may be crying, while I know I will not have it easy, while I know there is a new transition period and many more to come, while I know this is for our good and extended growth, I also know that this is our calling, that this is our opportunity, that this is our adventure, and that I'm at peace.

"Thank you everybody for coming out and support me and my family as we've made our decision to join the Air Force and I just wanted to share a couple of things I've had on my mind lately. One of the questions I've been asked a lot when I was working or by family is: if I'm ready to do this. I think I've prepared as much as I could. 

When we moved to Flagstaff when I was little within the first little while I met my friend Matt and his two friends Nick and Alex and almost immediately they became my brothers. They became three men, or boys at the time, that I feel like I would do anything for as we grew up together. As we've grown up, even though we've not always grown up in the same area all at once we've managed to stay pretty close and I realized very quickly that it was camaraderie that I needed in my life. So, when I served my mission I felt the same way with some of the companions that I had and I was so grateful for the connection that I had with some of those men. And then when I got back and I got married, I realized that the job that I had I wanted it to be the same way. I wanted the camaraderie, the brotherhood in my life. 

I've always had an interest in the military, it's kind of been woven into my interests and not necessarily my upbringing but my history. My grandpa Gilliland was a Marine, my Uncle Cory was in the Army, my grandpa Mason was in the Air Force, and I remember a trip up to Flagstaff, Matt and I were driving up there and I remember expressing to him, the first person I ever told, that I wanted to be in the Military. I didn't know what I wanted to do, I didn't know what branch, but I told him that's what I wanted to do. At the time I wasn't sure if that was going to happen. 

Then when I had my leg surgery and it became more of a possibility, I remember bringing it up to Megan when we were first married and it wasn't something she felt entirely comfortable with because we were just newlywed and I didn't really know what I wanted to do and so I kind of put it on the back burner a little bit. And then a couple of years ago, I was looking for another change in employment and I got an email from the Navy asking about my interest in doing IT for the Navy, which I accredit to google spying on us, because there was no way that they knew I was doing research into becoming an IT technician in general. So I asked Megan about it and she knew that I was kind of struggling in finding my "fit" and finding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and so I talked to her about it and she surprisingly said "yeah, let's go for it. Let's look into it. Lets see. You've tried a number of different things that haven't really worked, let's see what this has to offer." So I chatted with a Navy recruiter and I submitted my information and they never got back to me bu the Airforce did. So I met with my recruiter, Megan and I went together, and we talked to Staff Sargent Mason and everything I learned from him I knew it was going to be a fit. I knew that's where I belonged. I'm sure during basic training I won't feel that way but I do know that's where I belong. 

I know that this camaraderie, a brotherhood, of individuals who have my back no matter what is where I belong. 

The second thing I wanted to share that has been on my mind is patriotism. I desire so strongly to be a patriot. I know that our country is not perfect but it strives to do the best that it can. It is made up of imperfect people, of course, but what it stands for is the greatest thing on Earth. There is no other country that is more free than the United States of America. I want to be apart of that, I want to defend the opinions of others even if its one hundred percent against what I believe but I want to defend the rights of those individuals to believe that. 

I was thinking about the movie, the National Treasure, when Benjamin Gates is talking to Abigail Chase what the founding fathers did in the face of what they accomplished and the risks that they were taking and as he was talking about the Declaration of Independence he's looking in her eyes while they raise their champagne glasses and says, "to those who did what was considered wrong for what they knew what was right". They put their lives and everything that they had in the idea of America, for making it for what it is today, and establishing our Constitution, our Bill of Rights, and everything that we stand for around the world. We're a relatively young nation and yet we're what everyone looks to. I'm so proud to be apart of that. 

Thank you again for supporting me, I love all of you, and thank you so much for being here for me." 

[Edited Transcription of Military Send off Speech]

          

September 21st was our last day seeing Da Beast. We started the day by waking up early together to watch the sun rise. I felt as if it was  moving the kids beds and things into my room, cleaning and storing other items, and donating the items no longer wanted. After that we drove to the Sheraton Hotel where he will stay the night before he heads off to MEPS for the last time to do an updated medical check up and where he will take his official oath. What I thought was only to be a 20 minute check in, to the hotel and with the Airforce personnel there, ended up being slightly over an hour and I took a 20 minute off and on nap in the car while the kids watched videos on my phone. When he was finished we went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then took a drive back to the hotel that felt long and short at the same time. My tears started as we pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and continued to increase the closer we got to the hotel because I knew this was it for awhile and I couldn't help but feel sad. 

When Bubba saw me crying he began crying too. Baby didn't catch on until Da Beast was actually leaving and by then it was all out melt downs. Just when I thought I gained some composure and strength the kids were saying things like "why did you choose this?" and "I don't want to leave dada!" and "I have to go potty! I have to go into the hotel to go potty"...and the tears continued to pour out. We eventually we had to just  go and driving away was hard but I felt confident and at peace. On the way home the kids and I talked about how it's good that we are sad, it means that we care about and love daddy very much, how we can use our time to collect stories to tell daddy, how we can still write him and draw him pictures, how we plan on visiting him, and all the other things that are good about this too, even if it's also sad. Bubba even said he was excited to sleep in the same room like a sleepover and that he would be my "biggest helper" he would do all his chores, help with Faye, and he listed many more things that he would do to help me while "daddy is gone". When we got home we went to the bathroom, brushed our teeth, watched a video from Da Beast (he made enough till the end of his Basic Training so that we could "see" him since communication is limited in BMT), turned on some music, talked a little bit more and then the kids fell asleep. As I la there I was thinking about this adjustment period we'll all be going through, how we will maintain a "new normal" without Da Beast and I thought about how wrong that felt. I don't want to create a "normal" without him, I don't want to do things without him, I don't want to move on from the now and right now I don't have too but eventually we will naturally do so but it won't be "without him", he will not be here physically but he will still be apart of everything we do and one of the exciting parts of this journey is all the stories we will have to tell to each other and to others most of which I will probably be posting on this blog.

September 22nd is his Air Force ship date! I woke up early with puffy eyelids and shortly after Bubba was awake and in distress for having wet his bed. I just led him to the bathroom to take a shower and he asked "you're not mad at me?" to which I replied "no, honey. It's alright. Let's just get you into the shower and washed off." I was proud of how far I've come in maintaining my calm through these situations, for training myself that him knowing that accidents happen is alright, because I haven't always reacted this way. I also knew that I was not doing this alone. I feel like I should be a mess, a disaster, a ball of emotion and stress bouncing all over the place but that was who I was, not who I am now and I know Heaven is holding me up as I hold my kids up. Does that mean I won't feel broken at some point this week or anxious and flip out? No, but what it does mean is I'm fine now and I will probably continue to be fine because I know that for the past two years I've been prepared for this. I got this, even if I'm not ready for all of it in the moment, even if I'm scared sometimes, overwhelmed, or confused. I will figure it out as I go. 

Off we go...

Megan 

Next Blog Post: Wild Blue Yonder       

One Breath at a Time

 In a time where there doesn't seem to be enough time, when the days are slow, the weeks melt into each other, and looking back you wonder where the year has gone I've never felt more like I have all the time in the world. There's only one word to truly describe that feeling, for me, and that is to be content with the now. Being present with what is, breathing, and being grateful for all the small things that have led up to this one defining moment we as a family have been called to do: military life. 

This past week I've been really contemplating the breath. The specific thought that I had was observing the tiniest detail of the breath. If I allowed myself to see it, the whole world seemed to be in some state of breathing. The way the wind was rustling the leaves before the much needed storm headed our way was a breath, the shadows moving and swaying back and forth on the window was a breath, the world seemingly holding a collective breath on the outcomes of disease, death, violence, debate, and so on was a representative of a lack of breath. My thoughts then began moving in the direction of more action: 

We made a "classroom door" out of our front door that serves 3 different purposes: our home school classroom door decor, a reminder to take a breath when things seem difficult every time we see the door or before we leave, and then as I was putting up little paper books I noticed there were eight (which is the amount of months the hubby will be gone for training in the Airforce), turning the door into a third purpose: a countdown each month where we can record our thoughts on the past month and when we are together again. 

The second thing meditating on breathing brought me to was to send out a reminder to those who follow me on my yoga Instagram account and a family group text to breathe. It said: "Has anyone marveled at how the breath is in everything? Breathing is something we often take for granted or can even be afraid of. I know that sounds silly but when we notice we are holding our breath we are also holding a feeling restricting that breath. It might be scary to let it go. That’s why to a yogi breath is important, the center of everything. Taking a deep breath can change a course of direction. Even reading the word BREATH or BREATHE can cause a physical reaction and act as a cooling balm on the soul. The breath is the key to taking in things as they are, taking what is needed, and then releasing what we don’t. Sometimes we may want to hold onto a feeling but through the breath we can let it go and come back to our center. Here is your daily reminder to breathe...it’s funny how often we forget to."

When life gets a little crazy, I get a little overwhelmed, I feel stressed, angry, or anxious, or when time seems to suddenly be staring me in the face taunting that there is not longer enough of it I've been taking this word out and putting it to good use. I've even learned more about it! Did you know that the Hebrew word 'Ruach' when translated means 'breath', 'wind', or 'spirit' interchangeably.  In the family group text I aforementioned my brother-in-law said it in this way that I really liked, "breathing is literally spiritual power." If something so naturally done that we hardly give it a second thought is our internal power that moves us to create, become, and grow maybe it should be given that second thought. 

As I've been more aware of the tiny movements the breath is in myself and I around me I, as well as Da Beast, have seen the small preparations that have led us here, some of which I've already mentioned in my previous blog post: "A Quest for Freedom and Bravery Pt. 1", but also others we haven't acknowledged before such as all of the jobs Da Beast had before now has taught him that will put things into more perspective for him in his military career, how I've been seeking out my own inner strength and spiritual training to obtain the tools needed to get though the challenges, how even if life events had been different or as we "thought" we would go we probably would have still ended up at this point in our lives because it's more than just a career it's a calling, driving us forward for us to obtain experience and serve others. Looking back we were perfectly placed where we needed to be to make the best of where we are now, regardless of what direction we originally thought we were going.

Besides creating a "classroom" door with a deep meaning we've also put together and accomplished a few goals to help to prepare for, in retrospect, a short separation. 

• We've gone up north to visit family, go on a hike, and show the kids where and how we got engaged on this special bridge. We took lots of pictures, drank milkshakes, played pickle ball, stuck our feet in the water on our hike, picked flowers, walked downtown, and had a move night with a giant bag of Harkins Theatre popcorn they were selling. 
• We had a Disney Day with corn dogs, Mickey Mouse Ice cream, and a youtubed Electrical Parade. 
• We celebrated an early Halloween by putting up a few decorations and taking pictures together. We went over to my parents house and ate pizza together for lunch, the kids got to dress up, and then we went outside and rang the door bell for some "trick-or-treating". 
• We got our annual family pictures taken in my wedding dress with our children also dressed up by an old friend of mine to mark not only the importance of our family and the future we were facing but also an important year of marriage between Da Beast and I. It was hot but it was an amazing photo shoot. Afterwards we had a quick snack dinner of apples, peanut butter and cheese and put the kids to bed. 
• Right after Halloween comes Thanksgiving and being on a strict grocery budget right now it was going to be extremely simple but then we were given a whole raw chicken and I couldn't help but tear up and the tender mercies of God and the generosity of so many others that led to this simple chicken that I got to roast and have as our "main event". It was also the first time I butterflied a chicken which went pretty well if I say so myself. Seriously! God could've been like, "you'll be fine without a chicken or you have enough money you can buy a chicken if you really wanted one" but as ridiculous as it sounds he cares about our desires and efforts to be more conscious of our spending and blessed our home with a chicken that, even though we would have been fine without, made our early Thanksgiving that much more special. 
• The last Holiday we celebrated together was Christmas. I set out a little tree and we even got one present for each child (hence the strict grocery budget), we had pancakes for breakfast and filmed the children opening up their presents and playing with them with their daddy. Later we went on a drive to find lights while drinking hot chocolate and listening to subtle Christmas music. I think it was even more fun trying to find lights in August then in December but that's probably just me. It was like a treasure hunt and so much more enjoyable when we actually saw some. We even took pictures next to some palm trees wrapped in lights at a contemporary arts museum. It was amazing. 
• Da Beast had his month check in with his recruiter where they took his weight, wrote down his motivations for joining the Air Force, followed up on certification bonuses, and gave him a physical copy of the Basic Military Training (BMT) packing list. He also had his last day of work so that for the following week he could taking an online certification course for COMPTIA A+ and Net+ certifications where the Air Force would then give him a bonus for those being completed. Not to mention taking them now over the course of a week will only help him later when he does his tech (job) training.   

The overall, most important goal that we made and that I promised myself was to keep things as regular of a routine as possible and to record all of the little, small and simple things that we take for granted in our every day because those are the things we are going to miss the most. The big grand gestures, parties, Holidays, vacations and trips will all be nice to remember and to have when the actual dates for those things arrive (which was my thought process as I thought of what I wanted to do before he left) but as we lived them out I came to realize that every moment we have with him now is a mixture of joy and sadness. I came to realize that no matter how many plans I have in place or how many activities I have us do I will still miss him just as much. I'm just hoping this takes the edge off of it all. I'm just trying to take it all in a cherish it more than I ever have. I'm just trying. I'm just breathing. 

Because I know that in the end this will all be worth it and for our good and the good of our nation. Because I know that time goes by quicker than we realize and 8 months is not going to be that long. Because I know that by focusing on what I CAN control and what I CAN look forward too is more helpful right now than looking at what I lack or what is out of my control. Because I know that in reality time is all I really have and I might as well make the best of it. 

XOXO

Megan 

--------------> Next Blog Post: Off We Go        

 

Devoting Your Day

I want to write a blog post about blessing your day with devotion, but I'm just not feeling it. 

I want to write about how you can wake up in the morning with good intentions or a prayer and scripture or other spiritual reading but I don't even do that myself, every morning or even everyday at times.

I want to tell you all of these magical things that make my day run smoother but that's not where I am. 

I want to tell you about all the books I've read that have led me to write this post but, really, I read like two books a year. 

I want to, but I don't feel like I've learned enough to be able to. In fact I've looked through my list of all the blog post topics I'd like to write about and I don't feel like I have much experience in any of them, not yet. 

More like in the midst of all of them. 

The lesson I feel like is more prominent in my life currently is the thought "what kind of woman do I want to be?" which was prompted by a book I just finished called "The Lost Teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women" by Alonzo L. Gaskill, I I provided a link to Mike Whitmer, from the Deseret News, review. Just before that I was consumed with the thought, "Am I serving God or myself?" Which was stemmed from Brittani Krebbs. I first found Brittani on Youtube looking for what to expect from the military videos. Then I started following her on Instagram. She has a Christian faith that's inspiring and she shares devotional thoughts and notes she got from the devotionals she's been apart of. Last week was one about the first commandment: "Thou shalt not have any other gods before me". She mentioned how she got up with her baby and the first thing she did was take care of her baby. She didn't try to wake up earlier to put God first, was her thoughts. She said that even though that wasn't a bad thing it made her think about all the ways she could be putting God first in everything in her life. This isn't something I haven't heard of before, but the way it was mentioned this day stuck with me. In this devotional that she was apart of they talked about all the different gods: education, marriage, power, choice, self expression, achievement, education, athletics, spiritual things, and anything that takes up much of your thoughts and devotion. Then she shared a secret to finding these things that can take the place of God: What consumes or preoccupies your time? What goal, dream, or outcome is always in the back of your mind? 

 Then as I was reading “The Lost teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women” It made me think of it again because it talked about how we should treat each other and when we serve each other we are serving God and how I thought that went along with what this Brittani posted on Instagram. In my opinion she was serving God by serving her baby. I also believe that God gives us all talents and gifts to develop and share with others to support them and benefit them and ourselves. We need to all use our gifts and talents in line with our desire for the welfare of others. Because of the mass amounts of talents and gifts God gives to a person at any point in their life, the way we serve and spirituality progress will be different, but as long as our faith is in operation, God will make it known unto us our talents and gifts  and when and where to use them. Serving others is not bad, having goals, dreams, and ambitions is not bad but where are our intentions? Where is our foundation for that service, goal, dream, and ambition? If it's rooted in myself it will crumble. If I am not constantly checking and keeping my thoughts turned towards Him and watching the seemingly innocent thoughts that consume my every thought, they will wander. My service, hopes, dreams, goals, desires will leave the sturdy platform they once came from and become things I begrudgingly do, loathe to do, loose interest and motivation in, or that I do to get gain, wealth, popularity, and fame. Again, none of these things are bad if you have them, just where is it coming from? Self fulfillment or servitude to God? 

These were the thoughts running through my mind for a week, which you may or may not agree with, but which I found to be inspiring and a prompt to search my own intentions. Even when I get up in the morning to pray with my husband. I'm usually groggy and can't think of what to even pray for before I flop back on the bed and go back to sleep and he goes to work. I was "doing" the good but my "intention" was no longer there, it was a routine. Something I felt necessary. But now when I wake up I'm still groggy and can barely think straight and probably don't give the best prayers but my first thought is "I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my relationship with God. He wants to hear from me". And then I still go back to sleep and when I wake up next it's after the kids are up and I've looked at my phone. Am I putting God first in everything? No. Do I want to? Yes. Have I found a rhythm for that yet? No. Hence why I don't feel educated enough to be able to write this kind of post. I can tell you all the things I'd like to do or that I've done in the past but when it really comes down to it devoting your day to something, whatever it may be, starts in the heart of your intentions, your purpose. It's wanting and caring more for the outcome more than the obstacles or excuses we have in our lives.  

For example, almost two years in October  I took president Nelsons challenge to read the Book of Mormon in 3 months. When he first announced it at General Conference I laughed. Since having children it was hard for me to "find time" to study my scriptures. Especially the way I was USED to studying my scriptures and the way others had presented studying your scriptures. Before kids I would sit down in my room on the floor with my scriptures out, a journal, other resources, or I had a class to attend. Other said just "reading" your scriptures wasn't really "studying" your scriptures. And then I got a few people who would tell me that even if I just read a verse or two that "something was better than nothing" but that hardly seemed worth it to me. I had barricaded myself with thoughts, obstacles, and excuses for reading and studying my scriptures so I stopped. Sure I would read here and there when guilt really struck me but at the time of this General Conference I would say I hadn't really read my scriptures for 5 years, at least, which is something I feel ashamed about. After my initial laugh at his invitation (to read a book that I had read before over the course of a year, to not reading it at all, to being encouraged to read it in 3 months seemed impossible), I then had a thought "to just try it" when Russell M. Nelson said "the Lord will help you find a way to achieve it." So I took the challenge and during that whole time I learned that reading and studying your scriptures doesn’t have to be reading these large chunks of scriptures at once(although I did so I could finish on time since I didn't read everyday) and then trying to figure out the meaning and purpose for you; but instead reading a few verses in a topic that stands out to you, reading them over and over again, picking out phrases or words (for these first three months that was marking how many times Jesus was mentioned) that stand out to you and then reading the footnotes, following the promptings to other scriptures or general conference addresses, and writing down what comes to you from the scripture. Then you will know the message God intended for you; and it all started from just a few versus. And you know what I did it! I put aside my obstacles and excuses to put my faith in God first. And because it's now been proven that I can in fact read the Book of Mormon in 3 months I have since then done it 3 more times: the summer of 2019, October-December 2019, and then this past summer of 2020. Last winter I mostly listened to it and it actually helped me write a talk and prompt the blog post about Strengths or Weaknesses. This last summer I was actually able to get my journal out and write thoughts and impressions around a different word each day I read that I was looking for which gave me new insights especially for the words that weren't as evident in the scriptures themselves but gave good examples of it. For example I was looking for the word "compassionate" in the scriptures or examples of compassion in the Book of Mormon. It resulted on an idea for a future blog post.  

There is so much more I need to learn on what it means to devoting my day. Not knowing more than the meager amount of experience I shared here will keep me open for more knowledge to come my way and also allow me the opportunity to seek others expertise. As important as it is for us to be using our talents and knowledge for others it is equally important for us to enlist the help of others; all things you are weak in is someone else’s strength. Focus on your strengths, not what you wish you were good at and God will place you in the right time and place. All you will need to do is act on His inspiration and thank him continually.

So I'd like to know, how do you devote your day? 

xoxo

Megan 

--------------> Next Blog Post: One Breath at a Time

Celebrate All Things

Let's talk about the things that are not often celebrated or rather the instances where our mixed feelings make things confusing, our circumstances change, or even grief. Yes, I believe all of these things can be celebrated just as much as the things that make us happy and "feel good". 

Let's start with grief: I used to think that this only related to those who experienced something major like a death in the family, something significant like the loss of a job, or anything else related to a deep sadness. It was back in March that I realized that grief is more than any of those things, Grief is CHANGE. Anything that changes in your life can put you into any form or at any stages of the grief cycle- usually bouncing around back and forth within that scope. 

March, 19th 2020

Yesterday Morning I woke up with a thought that trauma goes through layers. It’s started for me as something I could sympathize with but couldn’t personalize. I was optimistic that it would be alright. 

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As things began to disappear and close and as social media became a thunderstorm of announcements of stress, encouragement, humor, stress, and experience I still held onto my faith that God was with my family and that it would be fine but other emotions started creeping in as well:
•denial of the seriousness
•anger at the panicked stockpiling
•anxious that I would have to go to the store on my normal shopping day and I couldn’t find what I needed.
•projecting my fear to the future that one day I might go to the store and not be able to feed my children or wipe our bums.
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Then I went shopping and that’s when my shock hit me. I saw it for myself but more than that I felt it. I felt dumb for wanting to cry in the store so I held it in until I drove home. Then I cried, yes, from the overwhelm and shock but also because I was full of gratitude-we had found what we needed, my son was a bright spot in everyone’s shopping experience, and our prayers had been answered.
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Then I plummeted. I didn’t want to leave my bed and I was upset with my lack of motivation. Our schedule hasn’t really changed but it all felt off. Why wasn’t I being normal? So I pushed myself and got more stressed and reacted angrily to minor situations. I tried to do nothing but then I felt hopeless and sucked into a device. Then I crazy organized and cleaned our apartment and felt slightly better. I tried things I enjoyed doing-some frustrated me more and some gave a bit of relief.
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Then I caught the Coronavirus...in my dream. I had accepted it in my dream. Then I woke up with this thought of trauma going through layers or in a pattern. Sound familiar? It did to me.
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I woke up this morning in search of the stages of grief. While the images I found of the Kubler-Ross grief cycle helped me realize the path I was on was of grief and change (especially the 7 stage change model curve) an image from a stock trading site resonated the most for me:

• Optimism 
• Excitement
• Thrill
• Euphoria
• Anxiety
• Denial
• Fear
• Desperation
• Panic
• Capitulation
• Despondence
• Hope
• Relief
• Optimism

I’ve been asked “how are you guys doing” and I didn’t really have an answer for anyone. Then I found this searching for the grief and change stages and now I have my answer: I’m grieving. At any moment I am in one of these emotions (plus others that are not on this particular image but this one resonated the most to me). My normal has been shaken and I’m grieving the loss of it. That doesn’t mean I’m constantly depressed because grief has stages and sometimes I may have thought I moved onto the next stage but really I’m just bouncing around from stage to stage, back and forth. I didn’t have a complete answer for anyone because “how I was doing” was on a spectrum

As you can see grief can come from anything, from stock markets, to being cooped up inside, from struggling to find you voice among many, to death. You’re letting go of something old, something you’ve worked for, something you’ve related to, or maybe something you’re attached to. Grieving is okay in these situations too, it’s not just saved for the severity of sad moments. 

Since March when everything was shut down and we were put on a quarantine to self isolate (where I'm from) things just seemed to go bonkers from what I saw in stores to what I saw on Instagram everyone was grieving, and when you have multiple people grieving at once it's even harder for everyone to heal because we all want someone to listen, we all want someone to see, we all want some one to understand...but when we all want something we can't give because we are grieving we can't expect others to give something they also don't have. But Christ can. When we turn to him and seek answers and give up our insecurities, when we stop demanding justice from other human beings that are too imperfect to give it and look into our own pains and shadows, when we open up our hearts and minds without pointing fingers so we can get a glimpse at the bigger impact our actions have not just at who we are angry at but also how it always comes back to someone we love...that's when we can begin to heal. As we heal we let go of trying to tell others how to speak, support, love, wear, and heal while also being patient with the different way they speak, support, love, wear, and heal. Our control is here. Our space is here. Our support is here. Our voice is here. It's not "out there". 

After a few months being stuck indoors for as much as possible (besides the occasional outing to the grocery store or to see family) there were other horrors being shared on social media. Many times I had to avoid social media for a few days to recollect myself. June 29th was definitely one of those times: 

So I’m having a rough go this morning and as I’m thinking about it I’m realizing:I’m getting really tired of being told by outside sources what to wear, how to think, what I should be doing or not doing, etc. Its restrictive.

I think everyone is feeling restricted and its been stressful for all of us and adding extra tension in everyone so, I feel like, we’re all extra irritable with each other. In my opinion I think as a whole we act on only two options: try and control the situation (by being vocal and trying to control what others do, think, say, believe, wear etc, dieting, judging others for doing things differently) or to search for freedom (overindulgence's like over eating, excess traveling, rebelling against a system, being over active/busy, seeking something sensual, etc.)

There’s actually a third option available to us but we don’t often take it but when we do it balances our inner turmoil from outer situational circumstances. It separates what is important and necessary from the loud voices around us. It connects us back to our soul, purpose and God. That’s where we will find the true peace and freedom. That is where we will be able to solve conflicts by necessary means including war or tough conversations if needs be. We will remember how to work from the inside out versus having the outside work it’s way in.

I'll say it again: grief is change and can mix up all our feelings. Often times I feel like the main emotion that makes an appearance is anger. I read once on instagram a mother who was explaining to her child what anger was: a mask hiding another feeling. Either because we don't yet know what that emotion is because we don't want to look at it or we know what the emotion is but we are ashamed or guilty of it. Either way we all have big emotions and it's okay to feel them, to coax them out, to be raw with someone close and safe, and to not always have an immediate resolution. I'm sure I've said it before but it's here in this vulnerable state that we can create the deepest and most healing bonds with one another as long as the other person is in a healing and growing place themselves. 

This brings me to my last example: No matter how happy or optimistic about a new venture you are going after you might still follow the stages of grief...and that’s normal! Grieving is okay in these situations too, it’s not just saved for the severity of sad moments. 

On July 10th 2020, the hubby got a call from his Airforce recruiter: we now have a date for the BMT (basic military training)! If you've been following my blog for a little while now you know we've been waiting a long time for this! If you haven't you can catch up by reading this blog post.  We've been excitedly and sometimes impatiently waiting for this day! My heart was thudding in my chest and there were butterflies in my stomach. I stood in the kitchen, pausing the dinner I was making, to stare wide eyed at the Da Beast in the corner of the living room talking excitedly, breathlessly, and cautiously into the phone. He was so excited and that's when other emotions started to put strain on my heart. I couldn't listen to them now. I told them, "later". But "later" never really came. Da Beast got off the phone and quickly looked at the job he'd be going to tech school for: cyber transport systems. It’s very similar to what he does now and he’s done for another job that he loved when we lived in Northern Arizona: network, cables, repairing communication systems to make sure they’re operational like circuits, telephones, routers & IP networks, ports, computers, etc. It says he can have a lot of down time if everything is operational so he can use that time to study for certifications like COMPTIA which he’s been wanting to do or other classes towards his career. It says the culture is a corporate of geeks where they talk about video games  It does take a lot of studying to achieve high marks for his tech school training which lasts about 6 months.More than likely all his training will take place at Keesler Airforce Base located in Biloxi,MS.

He then asked me what I was thinking or how I was feeling (I don't remember which) but I told him I was feeling a lot of things but didn't want to acknowledge them because then I would cry. He hugged me but didn't pry and I was glad at the time. I told him we shouldn't call or tell anyone yet until we let it settle with our little family first. We talked about things like if it was worth the kids and I moving there for the short period of time he'd be in tech school (his job training) and we entertained the idea for about an hour when I realized it was more important for us to stay where we are. Putting the kids through so much change all at once, veruses little by little was best not to mention we would have lots of family and friends near by. Another reason was because Da Beast is planning on leaving work a couple weeks before his BMT start date in September so instead of using that time to move we'd use it to spend time as a family, prepare the things we can control, and spend time with other family that he might not see for some time. At the end of the day we decided it just made more sense for the kids and I will stay where we are but we will be able to chat often enough when he’s in tech school and the kids and I will go to Mississippi once or twice while he’s there so we can visit.

The next couple of days we called/ video chatted family and shared our news! We also got to see our new nephew who made his debut July 2nd! I got asked a lot how I was feeling and even though I said and felt like I was excited there were still those other pesky emotions that begged for attention in the back of my mind. I quieted them by announcing that I had "many feelings but I was mostly excited" and then brushing them away again. By the end of all the announcements and Da Beast's very apparent excitement I never did get to acknowledging all of my feelings. I didn't want to ruin this for him. I didn't want to seem miserable to everyone when I really WAS excited. I didn't want "all those other feelings" to overshadow any happiness or excitement that I really did have but would then be judged by others because of these "other feelings". So I held it in and that's when the alarms started going off. My other feelings had just realized I lied to them and was never going to let them speak. It was like my whole body was saying "release pressure RELEASE PRESSURE!" but I instead tightened my walls and sunk deeper, but they were relentless: they started seeping out in anger and irritation and I even wanted to avoid a call with a good friend because I knew, to her, I'd spill the beans. And that's just what I did. My dear friend with ears to hear, a kind heart, and a compassionate soul listened to me ugly cry on the phone how afraid I was, how overwhelmed with feelings and responsibilities I was, how alone I was, how guilty I was, how frustrated I was, how disconnected I was...and all she said back to me was a validation of my feelings and how she only wished she could be here to give me a hug. I cried harder. She had a safe place for all my feelings to go and I am insanely grateful that God put her in my life by the simplest meeting in a park almost a year ago. After being so full of emotions I felt completely drained after our conversation and was then filled with love and courage by her gentle reassurances that we were strong and we were ready for this: no reprimands, no "this is what I would of done", no questioning my feelings or decisions, no "fixes", and no "you're so brave, I could NEVER do that,"...just listening and giving me a gentle push forward and back on my feet. Because if we are complete bearing our souls here: I didn't feel very brave. I'm also not saying anyone else said those things to me, I made them up on the spot to show the comparison and how much I appreciated the way she respond to me in MY current situation. In other situations and relationships the "other" things that could have been mentioned wouldn't all be "bad". 
That night I talked to Da Beast and told him all these feelings I had and he just listened and held me and told me that I didn't have to ONLY be happy or excited, I could be sad too. The next week I took it easy as I slowly gained back my momentum and planning for all the fun things we will be up too till he leaves. That is until yesterday. Da Beast was going through the same things I had just gone through: sinking deeper into his overwhelming feelings. We talked them out and I showed him the same support I always have and that I've been shown with a listening ear, open heart, and love...but it didn't start out that way. At first I was upset because I had been trying all day to bring everyone together but it was like putting two magnets together that had opposing energy and I wasn't getting anywhere. I wasn't seeking to put him down or scold him but I did remind him where his place was and what was important to me. Then when I realized it went much deeper that what I was aware of I then apologized for not asking more questions and being more observant. We talked about how grateful we didn't feel overwhelmed at the same time so we could be there to fully support each other and strengthen each other. I then felt like I've been told off and on the past few years, "brave". I also felt something I'd never felt before in the form of a thought, "I will wear my tears with honor."

In conclusion, and if I've written this post well enough, there were moments in my examples where celebration occurred. I celebrated the grief cycle when I found out that was what I was going through and I now had a rough map to my feelings. I celebrated the time I had to be more creative. In my second example I celebrated diversity and how we all navigate life different, it's beautiful, and I have so may more opportunities to listen to others stories! And in my final example I celebrated a long awaited announcement, good friends, and the deepening connection we have with each other when we express our feelings and listen to each other with love. Change is to be celebrated no matter how challenging or easy they many seem! Change may be grief but change is also a celebration! We are constantly growing and if we didn't feel a little scared we would be too arrogant to learn what we truly need to flourish. 

Let's not only celebrate the fun and happy times but lets also celebrate the challenging and troubling times that we are working through or have worked through, because in the end it's all worth a little celebration. 

You are worth celebrating! 

Much love, 
Megan 

--------------> Next Blog Post: Devoting Your Day 

Learning- A Life Long Process

How many times have we thought of knowledge as a destination?
When I get an 'A'...
When I get into the next grade...
When I get into the next math book...
When I complete my homework assignment...
When I pass this test...
When I graduate...
When I pick a career...
When I pick a degree...
When I go to college...
When I go to university...
When I go to vocational school...
Annnndd then what?
What I find interesting is after being in school constantly reaching for knowledge for a certain destination there is often disinterest in learning, dissatisfaction in the career/degree of choice, loss of direction, inability to fully understand your talents and dreams, lack of courage to fulfill and put into action what you've learned, and then essentially going back to school to continue with what is familiar. Or on the other hand that you feel superior or and expert in your field because of all the knowledge destinations you've achieved and you have no need to continue to learn.

Not all of the situations in life fall into these two categories, I've just seen it happen often to others, including myself. I'm in the first option. I learned for grades, I completed homework assignments and tests to move onto the next grade or level or graduation. I went to college with a money making career in mind not what I wanted to learn. I finished college without a degree, without direction, and burnt out from unsatisfying education.

Are all those things bad?
No way! It's good to strive to do the best you can and to improve. It's good to do things you don't always like, to learn things that make you uncomfortable to help you grow, it's good to try things to find out if you like them or not, it's good to make mistakes and resolutions, it's good to seek mentorship, teachers, and others with more experience in the things you enjoy. It's good to get degrees for those jobs that require them. I'll ask again:

How many times have we thought of knowledge as a destination?

When we grew up learning where was our focus? Was it trying to get to a stage, level, grade, ect? Or was it to discover, enjoy, contemplate, expand, understand, and grow?

Learning doesn't stop when we start going to school, when we graduate school, when we start a career, when we have children, when we get married, and not even if we declare we don't want to learn anymore. 😜

No.

We are always learning in everything. Whether we absorb anything is another story. Are we being receptive, open, humble, and seeking growth? If someone says something boarder-lining offensive we have two options:
1. Get offended. We have the right to after all! They hurt our feelings and were most certainly in the wrong.
2. Ask questions. The more we communicate the more we will absorb. We we learn that not only was that person unaware of what they had done because they were raised that way but they also have insecurities of their own causing their speech to be a little aggressive to hide those insecurities. Furthermore, we have a lot in common! If we both put aside our frontline of defense we will see that all we want is love, acceptance, respect, and friendship. We're now open to new perspectives and what the other has to teach us.

This goes into more than just one on one interactions but into everything. Because a good majority of what we will learn while alive on this Earth is through another human being who makes mistakes it is in our best interest to keep our hearts and minds open for opportunities. Some hurt more than others, like, a lot, and our natural reaction is to close up shop for the day and avoid that painful situation again. But if we can hold on just a little longer, find another who's job it is to help in healing, and try and see the other perspective we will draw closer than ever because we are now grafted together to grow stronger.

Bringing it back around to the educational system or "school", my perspective is that school should be about finding the joy of leaning no matter how that's achieved whether you're homeschooled or institutionalized. That means that every moment is a learning experience or the opportunity for one. I've been back and forth about whether to send my children to school or to teach them from home. I tend to lean more towards homeschool, my husband leans more towards public school, we decided together to go with what is needed for the time. We felt that this upcoming school year for Bubba's start in Kindergarten we were going to homeschool him. We sent him to a Montessori preschool last year. The reason I personally lean more towards homeschooling is the principle of freeform. There is no "wrong" way to lear since it's ALL learning. It's not structured or graded or put into generalizations. I realize that some long time homeschoolers with different points of view may strongly disagree with those statements but keep in mind that I'm comparing it to a public school system. I'm not saying that homeschool doesn't or can't have requirements, structure, or schedule in it's own way. The reasons we like a school system, however, is for it's ability to teach the children how to work with others who think differently than you, learn from someone else besides mom and dad, real world communication and interaction, testing the child's opinions and expanding interests, and of course not having to do the teaching. Luckily if you plan homeschool in such a way to include all of those things as well are they really "missing out"? This is when all of those who go, have gone, or have strong opinions about going "to" a school can strongly disagree with me too.

The struggle is real folks.

Moral of the story? If it feels like a good fit and meets whatever qualifications or requirements needed-- then you've made the right choice.

Put what you love to do in the forefront of your decisions and the decisions of the things your children love and then fill in all the requirements and necessary classes or subjects to lift it higher, to expand it, to develop it, and if you have more than one thing that you love, and they don't seem to have anything in common and you can't pick just one then don't! Find your overall purpose and reasoning behind why you love the things you do (helping people? Bring happiness? Communication? Expression? Ect.) and with that in mind set a timeline for yourself and start checking off all the things you love to do. In time they might all start coming together and revealing how they ARE all in common. You're experience with life is and will be unique and impactful on those around you, even if you don't realize it.

"Go, live your dream." -Disney's Movie Tangled.
XOXO
Megan
--------------> Next Blog Post: Celebrate All Things