So in my last blog post I included this topic as one of the 5 ways you can look for the lessons in your life. However it was too big of a topic to include everything so it seemed only fitting to give it it's very own post.
First off let me just say that this has been something I've been struggling with myself lately. There are a lot of social media platforms that are flowing with self care ideas, mantras, quotes, and all around advertisement for how important it is to take care of you. I think it's a very real thing for everyone that by taking that "me time" for yourself you preform better, work better, love better, etc. I find it all very moving, especially from social media mental health platforms, and effective. My hang up? Where is the balance? As a mom of two little people it seemed IMPOSSIBLE to take that time to regroup and then mom better. Then I realized that self care was about my perspective. Without kids it was easy for me to manage my emotions and mental stability by going off alone and doing whatever the heck I wanted to do, or go out for that matter! With a husband, two little kids, and all of their inventory I'm now accountable for in my homemaking quest, that seemed to get harder and harder for me because I saw it as an evasion on the quiet contemplation and focused self care.
My original perspective was that in order to take care of me it didn't include them. That perspective was hard for me to accept and I ended up putting them before me because I didn't want to seem selfish and I KNEW that I was responsible for my kids lives; I couldn't just leave them to fend for themselves.
So what did I do? I sat on it. I thought and thought and through a lot of prayer I continue to find tid bits that work for me and that I'm going to be sharing here. However, I know for a FACT I don't understand it all. It's one of the reasons I've postponed this post in the first place. I like to be able to give full answers to questions I or others have. This is not a complete answer. I am still looking for more answers myself, I am still learning myself, and if you go read my last post as I've linked up above this is a life lesson that I will continue to learn about and find answers through those steps.
First off let me just say that this has been something I've been struggling with myself lately. There are a lot of social media platforms that are flowing with self care ideas, mantras, quotes, and all around advertisement for how important it is to take care of you. I think it's a very real thing for everyone that by taking that "me time" for yourself you preform better, work better, love better, etc. I find it all very moving, especially from social media mental health platforms, and effective. My hang up? Where is the balance? As a mom of two little people it seemed IMPOSSIBLE to take that time to regroup and then mom better. Then I realized that self care was about my perspective. Without kids it was easy for me to manage my emotions and mental stability by going off alone and doing whatever the heck I wanted to do, or go out for that matter! With a husband, two little kids, and all of their inventory I'm now accountable for in my homemaking quest, that seemed to get harder and harder for me because I saw it as an evasion on the quiet contemplation and focused self care.
My original perspective was that in order to take care of me it didn't include them. That perspective was hard for me to accept and I ended up putting them before me because I didn't want to seem selfish and I KNEW that I was responsible for my kids lives; I couldn't just leave them to fend for themselves.
So what did I do? I sat on it. I thought and thought and through a lot of prayer I continue to find tid bits that work for me and that I'm going to be sharing here. However, I know for a FACT I don't understand it all. It's one of the reasons I've postponed this post in the first place. I like to be able to give full answers to questions I or others have. This is not a complete answer. I am still looking for more answers myself, I am still learning myself, and if you go read my last post as I've linked up above this is a life lesson that I will continue to learn about and find answers through those steps.
- Draw close to God.It's important to put God first so that we can be inspired with the answers we are looking for. When you follow His direction and commandments "then had thy peace been as a river, and thy righteousness as the waves of the sea." (1 Nephi 20: 6-10 & 18). If you are not religious my first response would be to find God because seriously He is everywhere and I would not have gotten anywhere close to where I am now without His guiding hand in my life. I know he has inspired me, lifted me, and led me to where I can grow the most and the best. These blog posts being one of them. My second response would be to do your best to connect with the land. There is an energy in the Earth that many can FEEL. It's why most self care and self help pins on Pinterest, mental health gurus, and so on and so forth say to get yourself outside. There is a TON of healing power in nature.
- Fill your heart with a love for others. If you're like me try and stop thinking that the self care and care of others are separate things and lower your expectations. Learn to have fun while you do work together, learn to think outside of the box and incorporate those you love in the things you do, learn to compromise, learn that what others give of themselves to you is what they are capable of giving in that moment, and learn to see the good. When practicing these things your love for others will continue to grow and you'll be able to see them as delights in your life versus irritants, complications, or out to get you.
- Try and walk the path of a disciple of Jesus Christ. One day I woke up feeling like I needed a day for me. That thought left me feeling guilty! How dare I want to take time to myself! Does my husband ever stop working? He comes home from work and then helps at home. Do my kids ever stop being kids and needing help? Needing me? HAHAHAHA! No. The answers no. So who did I think I was to want a day for me? I WANTED the title of mom and I wanted to career of a homemaker. You don't get breaks... or vacation... or privacy... it's in the job description. I had all these thoughts going through my head (and then some) but decided to tell myself that it was okay because it was Just. One. Day. Even better was the fact that I was CHOOSING me, instead of clawing for self care as a last ditch effort for just a smidgen of sanity. You know what happened that day?! I felt pretty amazing ALL DAY and do you want to know the best part? I actually WANTED to get things done and by the end of the day I thought I had "mommied" pretty well. Say what?!? I took care of myself, my little people, AND my husband at the same time without feeling overwhelmed or exhausted?!? Yes... yes I did. How? By following Jesus Christ. That man never seemed like he took a break but as I read the Book of Mormon October-December last year I realized how much Jesus did go off alone and take a break with prayer, fasting, taking a breath or two, contemplating but then the people would come and beg for him to teach them more or to just spend time with him and he'd go on his way with them. Here was the "AH HA" moment for me: He put his needs first but was okay with being interrupted. That day when I took it for myself I was okay with being interrupted. Interruption has always been hard for me. I like to concentrate, focus, and hone in. That's how I had always done it as an individual. Put your self care first but not at the expense of others. "It may be that your Christlike response to rejection a hardened heart could be softened"- Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
- Share what is in your heart (See: Missionary Work: Sharing What is in Your Heart by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf). This one I feel like is up to a very large array of interpretations because I feel like this looks different to everyone. The important thing is to contemplate what serving others AND yourself means to you and to study the scriptures and to turn to God and you'll find your answer. After that if there are things that are troubling you talk about it, write it out, and/or find help. There is a TON of help out there and even if one rejects their service and talents or you just aren't meshing with one person to receive what you need the good news is that there is someone out there that is meant to say the thing you needed or be there along with you for the ride. As uncomfortable as asking for help might be (hello, I'm Megan and I fear rejection) sharing what is in your heart will help you AND might even help someone else struggling with the same thing but was also too afraid to speak up. I have been finding that by talking about our struggles and personal experiences with another that there is a deep bond and connection that can happen even with two complete strangers.
- Trust the Lord to work his miracles. Being able to figure out the many ways that my family and myself could be taken care of at the same time boosts my confidence and removes my guilt. Bonus points if we are also working and having fun at the same time! Trying to do them seperatly caused tension , confusion, and a TON of guilt leading to despair and taking care of no ones needs. Self Care doesn't always look the same. Sometimes it is that quiet and secluded time for just yourself and sometimes it's taking it as it comes and allowing the interruption to happen. Sometimes those moments that may have been an "inconvenience" turns into the very self care moment you were looking for. Sure the kids might have fallen asleep in the care throwing any chance at a real nap out the window not to mention all the things you wanted to get done, but it also presented an opportunity and a choice. I happened to choose to stay in the care while they slept so that they could get some rest and I could take a moment of my self care and say "to heck with dinner and taking showers right now even though they're wet from swimming". It was worth it, even if it wasn't apart of the plan.
XOXO
Megan
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