The Skies are NOT the Limit

 3 months down, about 5 more to go! 

Now that Da Beast is in tech school the question I get most often is: "what's the plan, now?" To which I respond with a shrug and a smile and say: "well there's not much of a timeline but here is what I do know..."

• Tech training for Da Beast's career in Cyber Transport Systems is broken down into three classes:     1.) IT Fundamentals                                                                                                                             2.) Cyber Transport Systems (a more in-depth version of fundamentals from our understanding)           3.) Security Plus 
• On the site hyperlinked above for "Cyber Transport Systems" it says the Technical Training is 136 days which, from our understanding, is in class days. Class days are 5 days a week and do not include holidays or down days (not entirely sure what these are. Da Beast gets the day off from classes but if he has a job to preform he still must comply and also be there for accountability (attendance). Something like that, very similar to his weekends just an added day like a Friday to make it a three day weekend). So 136 divided by 5 is 27.2 weeks starting from November 30th when he started his first class. June 19th would then be the estimated graduation date from Tech school. Which means I added incorrectly the first time and will need to add a month to my countdown. 
• There are no specific timelines for each class (such as start and end dates) and since there are many rotating students and only a few teachers teaching many different classes we are assuming not all of that time is "class time", that sometimes there will be pauses where he will be on AFI (Awaiting Further Instruction) which is basically just whatever job they need you to do at the time like CQ (Charge of Quarters where you stand guard at entrances, do walking inspections, and make sure everyone is accounted for and well) or to do personal study in your dorm. Again, this is all from our understanding and experience as we are learning and may be different for others. 
• He gets his first orders within the first few months (this time varies based on how long the training is, the base you're currently at, etc.) but it could change up until his graduation day where he will have received his official orders and his date range of when he should be arriving to that base assignment. From what Da Beast hears from others is that if you get an assignment state side they get you out of the base faster than over seas but only if that base is ready for the Airman, otherwise you get to continue to do AFI at the current base until they're ready. Whenever those orders come in we'll be looking into housing at the base or in the area and preparing to move our family back together for about the next 3 years.
• Nothing is absolutely certain. Just like in normal everyday life nothing is set in stone. We can plan all we want but ultimately we float where the wind takes us. However, if we take the time to study the wind patterns and follow our internal compasses we can get glimpses of where it might be taking us. If there is anything I've been learning the most from all of this (and I'm sure I've mentioned it before) is to live a more intentional life, hone into my thoughts where inspiration lays, and constantly check in with God who knows all and can commune with my spirit. And then act upon it to the best of my ability and let the rest be. 

Regardless of what we think we may know or the unforeseen futuristic plans (or lack thereof) you can be sure we will continue to update you and let you know how it's going. 

SO...

As I mentioned in my previous blog post Da Beast started his first class November 30th. The children and I also embarked on our journey across the country to go see him for the first time in over two months! For the past few months I've been contemplating dates, transportation, driving routes, prices, and locations for stay and the moment I got to talk and call Da Beast more frequently the more focus I put on the process and made plans. The first week of December felt like the best decision and so did driving. I got some crazy looks and well meaning comments from others when they were notified of my plans and I just waited for someone to tell me not to do it. 

I was nervous to make the drive. I have never even traveled alone anywhere before and then adding two children into the mix AND driving?! I could see why others worried for me but it was my insecurity in it all that made me wait for someone to tell me how to live my life. 

How often have you stepped forward in the dark due to lack of experience? 

I feel like usually we have something from our past to tie to our present to make ourselves more comfortable in situations we're slightly uncomfortable with or we have a guide/ a mentor who has been there before to guide the way. But what happens if you've never before done anything like what you're about to do? There really isn't any past experience to relate to and there is no guide or mentor available whether that is because there isn't any or because it's the time to do it alone? That's how I felt before when this military journey officially began and that's how I had felt before this trip to see Da Beast. 

Sure there are things I found I could relate to/ other things I knew I could do: I knew I could drive, I knew I could drive in the car with the kids for 6-7 hours, I knew how to feed ourselves, I knew I could always ask for help, I knew how to be safe, I acquainted myself with the car and bought needed safety prep items, I promised to update others on my whereabouts, I looked over my drive route multiple times, I knew how to arrange a hotel stay, and I knew how to research. All of these were added together to create and official plan but as stated above I knew that it was just a plan and that the actual trip would look different and change as needed. 

Sure there were guides or mentors that came before me. I'm not the only one who is recording their military journey, I'm not the only one who's traveled across the country, I'm not the only one who drove her kids by herself (hi mom!), and I was offered help and alterations by others for sure. But I knew deep down that I needed to do this alone. I needed to let go of my net of fear loyally keeping me safe and I needed to go with my intuition and be guided by my faith. I needed to learn something about myself which I wasn't sure at the time what that could be. This was not only going to be a trip to see Da Beast but it was going to be a revelation to me. 

So we prepared, we planned, and November 30th we left. It felt weird to be completely in charge, to be the one who said "lets go" and then just get in the car with the children and start driving, and to be LIVING the very plans I had made. For the first third of our trip it was thrilling and smooth sailing. I planned to drive about 8 hours in total due to a stop in the middle at a park or bathroom breaks. We did just that and arrived at a rest stop just outside of El Paso. Yes, we slept at rest areas on the way there and it was the best minus the really cold nights. 

DAY ONE

We stopped just as the sun was setting, ate dinner, brushed our teeth and go the back of our Buick Enclave ready for the night. Since we were learning and doing it for the first time there were many adjustments that first night: child one didn't fall asleep for awhile and then had to pee, then child two woke up when child one was asleep having to pee, I wasn't comfortable in my current position so I had to move (tip: sleep with your head towards the back door and your feet through the seats if you have captain chairs (like we do) or you can put down the middle seat), and then I was freezing. I forgot my own blanket and toothpaste but my sweet son said I could use his toothpaste and his extra blanket he brought but I was still freezing. At about 2:30 am I couldn't take it any longer and decided to start driving so I could use the car heater and not kill the car. After a few hours I began to feel sleepy again and I pulled into another rest area at about 6 am (the time had changed), set up the car and fell asleep again. I would highly recommend staying at the Pecos West Rest Area whether you're going Eastbound or Westbound. We stayed there both ways. It was an amazing place to rest for a few hours and the bathrooms were inside this information center with clean bathrooms, vending machines and artwork! 

DAY TWO

At about 8am we woke up again, went to the bathroom, ate breakfast and went on our way for another seven and a half hours to just outside of Houston which already changed my plans. My plan was to stop at a rest area just outside of San Antonio and we did (to go to the bathroom) but because of my early morning drive we were able to drive a few hours farther and ended up at the Chamber's County Safety Rest Area. However I chose the westbound side on google maps which made me have to drive 7 minutes past the rest area and then back but I was tired and didn't care. We slept MUCH better that night. I would also recommend staying at the rest area just outside of San Antonio, the Guadalupe County Safety Rest Area as it is also a nice indoor bathroom/ museum and in normal circumstanced (meaning not during this COVID-19 Pandemic) they have a playground for the kids. There weren't many stops on the way to Houston other than bathroom breaks and I believe we stopped at a picnic area about halfway through to get out of the car for a bit and eat lunch, but that was all. 

DAY THREE

The last day of driving and it was only about a 6 hour drive (a bit more with stops)! And since we were driving though New Orleans we had to stop for lunch, right? So with very sweaty palms I traversed the streets of New Orleans looking for a highly rated restaurant Parkway Bakery and Tavern. I eventually found it but had forgotten the name of the restaurant and thought the parking lot was just a city parking lot so as I drove up I asked the attendant if "this is the only parking lot in the area". He asked me if I was "here for Parkway" to which I replied "no." He gave me a look of "aaaaannnnddd...what are you saying exactly?" to which I exasperatedly said that I was "lost and not from here." He asked me which restaurant I was looking for and when I looked it up I sheepishly grinned at him and told him that it was indeed Parkway. He smiled and told me "well you found it! Just pick a parking spot and go right in". I felt ridiculous which clued me in to one of the first things I needed to learn on this trip of discovery: get comfortable with being uncomfortable. There is a lot to be said on making mistakes and beating ourselves up over it. There is even more to be said about making mistakes and being okay with it. It's a normal thing to do. We ALL make mistakes and we can either stew about it or learn from it. I learned that while I was essentially made to drive across country on the freeway and I LOVED it, I was not meant to drive through the cities, at least not at this given time. It was a bit much for me. I also learned that it's better to roll with the uncomfortably and be embarrassed than to fear embarrassment and push back trying something for the fear of "doing it wrong" and wanting to "do it right the first time". Be prepared and well researched for sure, but don't wait too long to just jump right in. Experience is made from trying... not over thinking. And had I let my fear stop me and I just thought of ALL the scenarios that could have gone wrong and let THAT prevent me from going on this trip in the first place not only would I not have tried a shrimp Po Boy from New Orleans itself but I wouldn't have gone on the trip in the first place! Essentially I would have made myself miserable. Ha ha. From there we only had about an hour and a half of driving left and I was anxious to be there otherwise maybe we would've explored the city a bit more. We arrived in Biloxi, MS at about 4pm which was truly perfect timing because Da Beast got done with his class and everything else he needed to do at 4:30. So we checked into the hotel, showered, and drove to the base for our very first time! Lot's on firsts on this trip! Even though I had a military spouse card and they checked it and let me through I still felt like I wasn't supposed to be there! It took me a little while to find the building Da Beast told us to meet him at but eventually I did and we were all so happy to see him round the corner of the building in his uniform! The kids held nothing back and raced at their daddy who kept walking and refusing to acknowledge them because of what he had promised me. Thanks to the pandemic we were not allowed to attend his graduation and there was one part of it I was really looking forward to: tapping him out. In previous graduations at the end the Airmen stood at attention or at ease (I'm unsure of which, ha!) and then they would need to stand there until a family member "taps" them on the shoulder. Since I missed out I asked if he wouldn't mind doing that for me, and he did. I awkwardly tapped him out, hugged him, and kissed him. It was awkward because I felt like a fish out of water and I REALLY didn't want to unknowingly break any rules. 

For the next two days it was pretty much the same schedule. Da Beast had his class during the day so the kids and I explored Biloxi a little... 

Getting fudge, toys and magnets from Sharkheads Souvenir shop

Trying out Alligator at Snappers Seafood. Verdict: it good! Even the kids like it!

 

Had the beach right across the street from our hotel. We had it all to ourselves.

Took a little beach home with me.

Biloxi Beach

Biloxi Lighthouse 

We also just enjoyed lounging in the hotel and then come about 4:30 we would go onto the base and greet Da Beast, eat some dinner, roam the Base Exchange or Commissary, snuggle, hug, and watch movies in the back of the car. There was one time where we were driving around the runway and we had to stop next to flashing lights and a sign telling us not to drive any further when the lights were flashing because a plane was on the runway. It was super neat to watch! 

Saturday he didn't have any classes so we had the whole day with him. We got our continental breakfast from the hotel, he got his breakfast from the dining facility, and we met at a table behind the BX(base exchange) which soon became "our" table. From there we wandered the BX and commissary again where we met Santa Claus so the kids got to tell him what they wanted for Christmas.

We also got to play at the park on base.

 Later in the evening we drove around the housing there and looked at Christmas lights and listened to music sung by Josh Groban. He sings "I'll be Home For Christmas" and in this version there are excerpts from military members and their families and I pretty much cried the entire song. It was nice being there with him and still celebrating Christmas in our own way but it was hard thinking about the fact that it was a short moment and before long we'd be home and he wouldn't be home for Christmas. The words from Collabro's song Lighthouse that I mentioned before has been very comforting in these moments: "where ever I am, where ever you are is home". I even bought a lighthouse magnet that currently rests on Da Beasts lamp. 

On Sunday, our last day, we got to see Spider-man at the commissary but we spent most of our time in the car because it was cold. 

The morning wasn't so bad so we went for a little job around the track and took a bunch of photos of us to remember our time.

                                                 

In the late afternoon Da Beast had to go back to his dorm for a few hours for accountability and to clean his dorm. They also had to pick up trash because someone left their trash out the previous night by a fire pit, I believe, and so they all had to clean. We only had a few hours left and it just didn't sit right with us. The day was weird and cold and choppy so I told Da Beast that we were going to see him the next day even though we had to check out of our hotel and even though he had his class all day. 

DAY EIGHT

And that is just what we did. The kids and I woke up, got breakfast, hung out in the hotel room watching shows, I heated up some lunch, we checked out, we went onto the base, drove to the park, ate lunch, and then waited in the car since it was too cold outside. Come 4:30 we went and picked Da Beast up and spent one last evening with him very similar to all the previous evenings. At about 9pm we filled up with gas, dropped off Da Beast and said our goodbyes, and then began our drive home. We drove about 4 and a half hours before I couldn't drive anymore. We ended up at Sabine River Rest Area, went to the bathroom, got the car ready for bed, and then slept for the next four, four and a half hours. I woke up at about 6:30am and read my scriptures and watched the sunrise with Dax since we were awake at the same time. At about 7am I woke up the kids and then we went to the bathroom, got breakfast, and then hit the road again! 

DAY NINE

We drove another 3 hours 47 minutes all the way to Buc-ee's, a large gas station and convenient store. I was told by my mom about them and I saw them all throughout Eastern Texas along my drive to Mississippi. I even almost completely ran out of gas to do so because I really wanted to go check it out. There was one closer but I didn't want to stop only 2 hours after starting our drive, I didn't really need gas, and no one had to go to the bathroom. Besides driving to the Luling, TX location verses Katy Freeway location put us at lunch time and they supposedly had good BBQ pulled sandwiches. But that's not all they had in the convenience store! They also had salsas, candies, BBQ sauces, local honey, candied nuts, a whole line up of different foods, a home goods section, a toy section, merchandise, etc. Outside they also had gas station pumps and a car wash. It-was-huge! It was also super neat place to take our break, fuel up, go to the bathroom, and eat some lunch before heading on the road again. And of course we got a BBQ Brisket sandwich to share, some BBQ sauce, honey, and some toys while we were there too. 

After Buc-ee's things got changed around a bit so I'm unsure of exactly where I had first planned to stop for the night but it was still relatively early in the day so we just ate dinner, used the bathroom, and then drove a few more hours before we officially stopped for the night. However, my navigation for the rest area I was looking for took us on a service road which led to no where but slightly up ahead I could see a rest area but there was no connection from the service road to the rest area off the freeway. So I jumped to curb, parked, we brushed our teeth, got the car ready for bed, and then slept for the next 6 hours until I couldn't sleep any longer. 

DAY TEN         

I woke up at 2am, freezing, and when I checked the weather app it was indeed below freezing outside! 28 degrees! So I woke the kids up, we froze our bums off trying to go to the bathroom, then got back in the car and drove a few more hours until we made it to Peco's West Rest Area again and slept a few more hours. After we woke up officially for the day, went to the bathroom, and ate breakfast I was determined to make it all the way home and not spend another night in the car even though we still had about another 9 hour drive. We drove for long periods of time only stopping for gas or to go to the bathroom. And we did it! We pulled up into familiar territory but feeling strange after having so much scenery change in a relatively short period of time. We unloaded a few things from the car, I made dinner while the children played and then we got ready for bed just like we used to do, as if nothing had changed. 

Sure nothing physical had really changed from our trip: everything looked the same, our routine was getting back to the same, our apartment was just as we left it, everyone around us was to be the same...but there was a lot of mental and emotional change. On the drive there I was tense and constantly questioning my decisions but on the way home I was much more confident and determined. I felt as though I didn't just feel more confident but I also could see myself more like how others have told me they have seen me. It was relieving to know that I was a good mom to my children, to know I could take care of them, to know we make a really good team. It was nice to day dream with them, discuss weird things like how many dead animals were on the side of the road, and to play. It was intriguing to see how I figured out problems when they arose such as loosing Bubba's shoe at a rest area and having him just wear my socks while for the rest of the trip there until we found a wal-mart where we bought him new shoes. It was a revelatory trip that is difficult to fully explain because the work was all internal and rather subtle but I could see the difference in myself.  It was getting comfortable with the unplanned, embarrassing, and silly-looking because that's just how it had to be for the time and knowing that is was just for a time. 

Since we've been back from our trip I've been asked many times how it's gone and all I can say is "it was amazing. The only thing I'd change would be to have brought something to keep us more warm." We had an amazing time and then had to readjust to being apart once again. Emotions were a bit all over the place for the next few weeks and trying to play catch-up with Christmas planning- which seemed to all go all over the place: broken orders,

 missing order, orders coming after Christmas, plan B's, juggling social events, being there for Da Beast, serving others, last minute pick-up orders, items unavailable for orders. However, even through all of that I would see little glimpses of heaven looking out for us: secret Santa's delivering gifts almost every night secretively (very similar to when this happened for our family back in 2017 which you can read here if you missed it);

 a box delivered to us from Da Beast's mom on the very day I found out some items were not available for my order. In the box from my mother-in-law there were very similar items as those that were unavailable for the order; when we went to donate clothes and water to a local charity they gifted us with a few gifts and fresh flowers; Da Beast got his gift in the mail just before Christmas...and there were probably even more that were unnoticed.

In the end all was well: the 23rd we went through a giant drive thru of lights with my family, Christmas Eve we ate good food with my family, opened up our families gifts just to each other, and when we got home the kids went to bed and Santa used his magic key to get inside, eat the goodies, and leave out the gifts and stockings for the kids. Come Christmas morning the kids were so excited to open their gifts that they just about forgot they were hungry for breakfast. I made them wait until they were done eating and when their daddy was ready to Facetime for present opening. When the living room became satisfactorily messy we made some breakfast foods for lunch and drove to spend the afternoon with Da Beast's siblings, and then the evening with my family again which was dinner and games! Some of our favorite gifts to give and receive were: 

• Brightboxes made it nice and easy to send our Airman a gift to open on Christmas
• Beyond Romance by Ralph Lauren was a new found fragrance that I fell in love with and Da Beast ordered for me using the BX website to send it to me. 
• Sharper Image Remote control fighting Robots  was a replacement gift from Santa since the one Bubba asked him for was broken. 
• Cuteitos have been a slight obsession around here for awhile and were gifted to both kids from grandparents. Baby also loved her Peek-A-Boo elephant made by Playright and distributed by Walgreens but I couldn't find online. She got it from her Papa. 

We enjoyed all gifts given, of course, but just in case you're looking for some ideas yourself, these have been the most used the past few days by us. The day was full of mixed emotions but it was a very good Christmas all the same. 

Overall this past month has been an experience of looking beyond what we already know and see. What if everyone had only lived by the motto "the skys the limit"? What if no one thought "what could be beyond the sky"? It was risky business to go and explore space. It had never been done before. Even when it had been done before it was still a new concept that was only recently acted upon after much study and research. They literally had to step out into the darkness and unknown and because of those risks came greater rewards. There are many times where we not only limit ourselves on where we are but we grow comfortable with the idea that "this must be it, this must be all, I have learned enough". That is living within the motto of "the skys the limit". We LIMIT ourselves and when our lives become mundane or terrifying because of our risks we've taken or seen and then we try to limit others- make them believe that there is only sky to be had when in fact a whole universe is in front of them. If I had only stayed with what I could see or rely on I wouldn't have gained the confidence with which I so badly needed and still need to work on. I will always need to learn something new, to go beyond what I understand with as much research and experience from myself or others as I can fit under my belt, and to explore some undiscovered aspect of my life. God gives me the compass through it all. I may not be able to see the destinations I will be traveling to but I will be able to feel out how to get there. God will give me directions along the way and others to help me up when I've fallen or to guide me if I've been lost. I just need to be open for the adventure. To be open with embarrassment, mistakes, adjustments, detours, and plan 'b's when it all seems to be going wrong. I must have the desire to see beyond the skies. The sky's not the limit for you either. If no one has ever told you this let me tell you: you have the whole universe ahead of you, you just have to be brave enough to explore it. Because the skies not the limit. 

Merry Christmas,

Megan     

Next Blog Post: Skies to Conquer                               

Flying High

 Last blog post we left off in week three so it's only fitting we start there:

WEEK THREE

October 11th-October 17th 

10/11/2020

HER

Today is Sunday, so the start of your third week. Can you believe by the time you actually get this letter

you’ll be about or slightly over half way? Crazy. I feel like things were kind of slow but everyday since you

left I’ve been busy and/or not left alone which I am also grateful for and the days may feel long (especially

the letter receiving day) but the weeks are flying.

10/12/2020

HIM

Last night I was on EC duty (entrance controller). It can be an intense job during the day but this shift

started at 2000 (8pm) and ended at 2200 (10pm). Lights out at 2100 plunged the world in darkness. My

cheap battery light died so I couldn’t read like usual. 

I had the hour to kill so I decided to play a movie in my head. Well the only movie I’d say I know well enough for that is the Princess Bride. I replaced the actors with you and I for the beginning of the book part of the movie.

10/14/2020

HER

Today was a wild frenzy of making sure I was drinking enough, eating enough, getting to my families on time, getting to my appointment on time to donate plasma, peeing quickly, answering the questions before being tested, testing my blood with a finger prick for protein and iron levels and all that and for nothing. I had too high of blood pressure to donate today. I guess there was one positive...I was wearing the dark Air Force shirt and the lady at the counter told me the Air Force rocks and how her husband was in the Air Force. I told her (very proudly mind you) that you were in your third week at BMT. She then again told me that the Air Force is the best and I felt like you were with me. :) Also the guy you was drawing the blood and all that (I’m pretty sure) was a name I recognized from a family members name. I drove back to my family's house disappointed where I finished reading your letter-a surprise I got in the mail this morning before my appointment. I was confused and wondering what lesson I had to learn from not being able to do today's appointment but it wasn’t as clear as the first time I got it canceled on me (when you called) but the next day (10/15) I figured it out when I went for another appointment which all went beautifully! Both my pinkies are now sore from testing my blood yesterday (10/14) and then again today(10/15) and I have a hole in my right arm but I’m happy! I did it! And I even got a little teary as I donated because this was meant for someone. I was helping someone. I am fortunate enough to be able to do this and I had the courage to greet my fears. I am so incredibly proud of myself and my body! The lesson I learned? I’m learning about ‘ME’. I’ve learned how to notice my body more and when it is dehydrated vs hydrated. I can feel it in my veins. I’ve learned that my emotional wounds will get tied into just about anything and will open up again but that doesn’t mean I lost my progress, it’s a part of it. And then yesterday and today I learned that I rush through life and put an unnecessary strain on my body. It’s okay to get things done and even more okay to do things on time but they don’t have to be ‘rushed’.

10/15/2020

HIM

Guess what I was issued today? My blues and my OCP (occupational camouflage pattern). 

They started by fitting us with jackets, like a suit jacket, followed by colored short and long sleeve shirts,

light weather jackets, and then a heavier weather jacket, almost like a trench coat. It’s impressive because

they stand us in a line and as we walk into the room they size us up within literally two seconds. So I

walked through for my jacket and she says “40L” so that’s what I found on the rack and it fits perfectly.

At least the way they want it to fit. They did this for everything and had to make only slight adjustments.

Then a man sized us up for slacks. I’m a 35” long. To him at least. I thought it was way too baggy but,

oh well. In the waist I mean. Then we walked around the corner and up onto a stand where these ladies

fitted the legs of the pants to fall exactly where they needed to when wearing our low quarters- the shiny

black shoes. They marked them and within the hour all 39 of us had our pants sized to the correct length.

They can do it that fast. I haven’t worn the entire thing together. It was always a combination of PT gear and blues. After it was all done and stuffed into our duffel bag, which is an awesome bag by the way, then we moved onto the OCP. There were originally two camo patterns. There are the OCP and then a blue-grey pattern that was camo but had a different fit. I think I prefer those but the Air Force recently stopped issuing them during basic. Lackland is a joint operation so they have Navy, Army, and Marines here as well. They wanted everyone to start looking the same. 

We are one military but different branches. 

So they fit us with our pants, once again a bit too big in the waist but the size down was too small. They guy just said, “well you were issued a belt right? You know how to use one?” Which of course I do but with a wide waist fit makes the legs wider too which just makes everything else look baggy. Oh well. It is what it is for now. I can get them fitted in tech school. So pants, shirts(coats, because we have shirts underneath) then second cap issue, gloves, and finally boots. It was pretty cool to see that our boots were Goretex. I got to tell a couple of guys what Goretex was. Most of them thought Goretex was just a type of boot insert or brand. I love wearing the OCP, despite it’s bagginess on me. We got to wear them for dinner chow and it was fantastic. So much better then wearing the physical training gear all the time. It was the first time I felt like I was in the military. Marching to and from chow with all of the facing movements, saluting, and everything else is just better. We’ll see how I feel when I’m wearing my “blues”.

10/16/2020

HIM

I want to make sure I write this down for you because right now the last I heard I get 1 minute on Saturday. There is an app called “Aim High” where you can search by flight and see pictures of us. I know I’ve had a few taken. There may also be a website. Another Trainee told me about it so I’m not sure about the accuracy of this information, but, photographers have been floating around since the beginning and I know there are a few taken like I said. I’m surprised they haven’t told us anything about it. The MTI’s act like they don’t see them. Which is probably by design.

And, hey, guess what?! I’m no longer a chow runner! When we form up for chow, right after we are sized up which there is a whole process for that, the dorm chief or an MTI will yell, “chow runners, GO!” and we then echo as loud as possible. Then the two chow runners quickly fall out after relying, “Proceeding sir/ma’am”. So when another Trainee and I fell out and we were heading to the door our MTI said, “I don’t want to see anymore of your faces. We need new chow runners.” So I did it one last time and am a free man. Though by the end it wasn't so bad. I just had a really bad start to it all.

Something else I did on Wednesday was go with probably half the flight to a briefing for my specific job. We had a very large group so we didn’t even really get to the actual processing part. They sat us in a room to explain our jobs, write down what we were told, and then they explained what we still needed to do. They told me that I needed an interview even though I already had an interview and a follow up interview but there are two different databases and sometimes they don't correspond well. Since I didn't really do much I'll find out more when they call us back again.

10/17/2020

HER

Luckily there was nothing really going on today because I was really tired and antsy. You know since it’s Saturday and I was hoping that the Saturday call pattern continued. We did wake up and get to the farmers market early for our vegetable box and then we went to the park with our Relief Society President again. Then we went home and I made lunch and ate it and no call from you. Your past two calls were at 11:17 and 11:24 our time. Once it was past 11:30 I started to become very bummed and then I remembered how I was just talking to Bubba about being happy for what he got. When we were leaving for the park Bubba and I decided to not bring our water bottles but Baby wanted to. She was prepared because both Bubba and I were thirsty after the park. Baby was nice enough to share a drink but then she was done sharing. Bubba was upset and telling Baby she was mean. I told him that she didn’t “have” to share. She made the choice to bring her water, “we” didn’t so now we are learning that it’s a good idea to bring our water bottles next time. She decided to give him another drink but apparently it was “just a drop” and he was upset again. I went over with him again that she didn’t “have” to share, that she did all the right things. She shared even when she didn’t have to, she brought her water bottle, and she set up her boundaries to make sure she got the water she brought. Bubba and I were learning from her and from our experience and now we know we should ALWAYS bring our water bottles. Then he was mad at her and when I asked him “for what?! She did everything right?” he was just on repeat. I tried to tell him that I thought he was mad at himself but he wouldn’t take it. Then when we got home he complained about the amount of Gatorade I gave him. “Couldn’t you just be happy for what you did get?!” I asked and here I was upset that I didn’t get a call. Shouldn’t I just be happy for the letter I got that morning?” I prayed for forgiveness. Letting that go was hard but I did. Then I fell asleep and napped off and on on the rug when “Off we go” started blasting! At first I thought it was an alarm (like I told you on the phone) but I quickly woke up and realized it was YOU! At 1:20pm our time. I was so excited to hear you! I felt like our call this time was much more business like this time. We talked about your ballot coming in the mail, money transferred and withdrawn from the account, “blood money” (because of donating plasma) , our letters we’ve written or that are coming, you talked to the distracted children, and we were even quiet for a minute. Like we didn’t know what to talk about. I just liked being on the phone with you but it felt like a waste to not talk about “something”. I even remember thinking “who even are we anymore?” But not in a negative tone, more contemplative. I think it’s because this alternative lifestyle has “settled” and now it’s time to redefine what this means. The thing is it’s too temporary to define just yet. I was super excited to learn that there were pictures of you and that you got your uniform!

10/17/2020

HIM

This morning for PT was our 3rd week of training test. 1.5 mile run, push ups, and sit ups. 

I shaved off two minutes of my run time, but I still have to get better. My push ups improved but my sit ups

were somehow worse. I’ve asked to get help with my run so we’ll see what happens. Then we rushed off

to the showers and then breakfast. WE were rushed through that so we could make beds and do details

(clean) which we do twice a day. Then we headed out for more graduation practice. It was nice outside.

Since getting up it was cloudy with more of a heavy mist than rain. I was trying really hard to practice my

discipline. We had to stand completely still for about 20 minutes. I breathed in the rainy air and imagines

little kisses on my face. We had some study time and then we were picked out for bearing and discipline.

I missed my reporting statement which I instantly knew I did but I at least knew the answer to the question

I was asked. I just answered too quickly. Then I was able to call you. The sound of your voice is more

wonderful than anything, of any sound, I could hear here. 

I don’t want to speak but just hear your voice. 

Wild Blue Yonder

It has been one whole month since we said our goodbyes at the hotel, Da Beast took his oath for the Air Force and we began this new journey separate but together! I've actually been adding to this blog post for this whole past month as we've progressed through the weeks so hopefully it all is somewhat organized and easy to follow. Anything in black is my own writing or something I've added and anything in dark blue is something I learned later through Da Beasts letters he's been able to send so. 

Let's start at the beginning shall we?

ZERO WEEK 

Ahh here we are... the first official day at Basic Military Training for Da Beast and I'm already writing him, a goal I've had daily to do since then: 

 09/23/2020

Hi Da Beast!

It is me...your wifey. I miss you and so as a result I'm writing you a letter already even though I don't have stamps and I have no address to send it to you just yet. I'm thinking about using sandboxx to send you letters. I thought this would be the best because if I understand correctly the do all the work for me, they send it the very next day (as long as it is Monday- Thursday. Friday letters before 5 pm (EST) get delivered the following Monday and letters written after 5 pm (EST) Friday-Sunday get delivered on Tuesday), and I just write the letter on my phone or computer (although the computer says my first letter didn't arrive whereas the phone app says it has). So I downloaded the app to see if I could start writing you a letter but I have to know one of these training squadrons 320, 321, 322, 323, 324, 326 (GO BULLDOGS!), 331, 737 TRSS...which I don't know yet. Apparently you'll be giving me a very scripted call or text soon. 

I've been watching zero week videos and reading others experience just to see what you might be going through right now, just to feel like we're living side by side. 

Yesterday was weird...all day I was both excited and grumpy. I tried to spend time writing my feelings, talking about my feelings, and sitting with my feelings most of which was uncomfortable. As I mentioned in the last blog post that I wrote: I don't want to learn how to live without you in my daily routine but I know that this is good and exciting. Everything before yesterday feels like another life and it is! We are in a whole new rotation and we are learning, adapting, and grieving over the "good ol' times". Also it doesn't seem right to have fun without you here while you're there feeling I don't know what. I want to rush this part...but I know it's all apart of the process and I need to allow myself that time. These are going to be good times too I can just feel it. Yesterday, I spent the morning refreshing the Air force Recruiting Az Facebook page for your oath video and was SUPER excited when it was posted! Then I spent the rest of the day just doing normal routine things until you got to the Airport and had tons of time to wait so we got to Face-time for I would guess a couple of hours 

which was so nice especially because our next call when you landed in Texas lasted only a minute and your voice sounded a little tense. From the videos I've watched and the experiences I've read it sound like that's when things get started. I can't wait to hear your experience. In your call you told me you loved me and that you arrived safely, I told you I loved you too and the kids and I told you good luck and that was it. At least I thought it was it until I got your text: "My last call was at the Airport. We just now got on the bus to head to the base. Another 30 to 45 minutes. Then it really begins. You three are my world. I love you so much. Thank you for supporting me while I do this. We are all in this. This will be the hardest thing I do. I'm grateful that I have you three to back me up. See you in a second." I responded and I saw your text bubbles but you only "loved" and "thumbs-upped" my texts. I wondered if it was because you couldn't really respond on the bus. According to the videos and the experience I've read you go straight to the Pfingston Center, get off the bus, and get your military issued items and a box of food that is supposedly not very tasty as they've been nicknamed "box nasties". After that you get organized into flights, back on the bus, and sent to your dorms where you really get yelled at and you get your locker and bed. Today, tomorrow and Friday are the days I'm most curious about because from what I can find no one can remember exactly what happened these days or every bodies day to day experiences were different. I want to know what you're doing everyday but I can only ever find your scheduled activities week by week. I guess I'll just have to stop figuring it out and wait for your stories. Here is the zero week activities I found and the following in dark blue is everything I've gotten in a letter from Da Beast or have understood from his letters and everything else is put in the order I imagine the activities being:

"It's been less than two weeks and I have a hard time remembering back to what we did the first day so I'm glad you included a list. If I remember correctly our BMT Arrival, brief on the UCMJ, coping with BMT were all on the same day but that could be wrong...[Wednesday 09/23/2020], our first full day, I think we did the arrival and coping brief at the same time. It was just welcoming to BMT and also acknowledging that they understand the stresses that we came here with and wanted to reinforce to us that many before us have completed what we have just started. There is a text book for the BMT called BMT Study Guide" and it outlines everything we will need to learn here. ... We had chapters to read along with during the brief. It was emotional to me and a lot of other trainees. We were asked to remember why we joined, what motivated us to push forward, what we were willing to leave behind to be here. ... In the book it says to remember that millions have gone through this and have graduated. They had families, fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams and many could be the same as mine but many could be different. They worked hard and developed discipline and were successful."

• First week Briefing depends on the lieutenant colonel that you have and the speech they give. It could be on the bleachers in the graduation ceremony arena. One guy (on YouTube with Martin Productions) said their leader briefed them by saying "this is your life, your legacy, and your heritage. Your life is going to suck. Congratulations." They will however still welcome you and read you your rights as a trainee and what the MTIs can and can not do. If they violate any of these rules you must report it. 
• UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) -now that you wear the fabric of freedom their are rules that you can and cannot do as a military member.
• Coping with BMT - Chapel Orientation- You'll go back into the Pfingston Center Auditorium where you did your processing. One of the Chaplin is going to brief you on your religious rights. You can demand the  two hours on Sunday to attend church. It is your right. 
*Coping With Stress in BMT-can be tied to the chapel Orientation. A lot of people do it so can you.
737 TRG/CC/CCC Briefing- training group/commander/superintendent briefing (sounds like it might be the same as above, maybe?)

"Because of Covid we didn't really have a tour but later in the [first] week is when we were shown what was located on all sides of the building (he is referencing to his flights building with entrance to the dining facility, classrooms, and QC (quality control rooms))"

• Squadron Tour (Pay attention and know where you are going especially to know where to go for any appointments)

The day for health and welfare was on Thursday, [09/24/2020]. That was when I became a load guard. I have to wear a vest that is reflective and way to big. We [marched] across a bridge to a medical building. First, we actually went over to some medical tents. We were tested for COVID. ... We are whats called ROM- Restriction of Movement, so, there are heavy restrictions on where we can be. ... They lock up your civilian bag for restricted access ... They have a list of items that they gave to us the first night in our backpack. Then, [on Thursday], they line up a bunch of those same supplies and a few new ones. We'd walk in a line and have about 2 seconds to see what it was, check the size if it was clothing, and keep going. I had to buy items I already had because of the ROM. We also received a large military duffel with our issued clothes. We were issued PT clothes (blue shorts x3, grey shirts x3, white high socks x5, and running shoes whether we wanted them or not [even if you brought your own]. I also got "warm up clothes" which consist of a windbreaker jacket and pants. The haircuts were done outside when it was really windy so hair was flying all over the place. They assigned sweepers to sweep it up after each one but it wasn't contained very well. It was like tumbleweeds...but hair. The haircut, supplies, and duffel bag were all paid for with an advance on my paycheck. I was issued a card with $400 on it but I think there was another amount taken as well."

• Haircuts/ clippers
• Immunization, blood draw, and drug testing
• Pay ($400 advance for all your 1st issue clothing and equipment)- you'll be going over your direct deposited account and making sure you're getting paid.
• 1st issue- you get all of your apparel such as uniforms, boots, hats, clothing, running shoes, a large green duffel bag,equipment, and how to store it all flush against the side of the bed.       

• Health, Morale and Welfare- from what I understand this is when they check ALL of what your brought from home and go over your cell phone policy while at basic. I guess you can earn extra calls and even have 15min ones "scheduled" in week three and six but those can change depending on how your flight is doing. This is also the time where you get to text your address and call and recite your address speech. Address Text & Call (within 72 hours of arriving at JBSA Lackland)-this happened on Thursday September 24th, 2020 at 11:11am and lasted 2 minutes.
• Initial phone call (see above)
• Inital base exchange [BX] issue: In your basic military training study guide on page 35 will be a list of everything you need to buy 

"It's almost funny to me how these things go to the trainees heads. They volunteer for everything and the MTI knows their names. I have chosen to preform my best but stay under the radar. I haven't really opened up here. I'm still introverted here. I mean I join conversations and guys, for the most part, are friendly and willing to ask about me, help me, or ask me directly to assist."-10/03/2020; "Last night I was thinking about you [my little girl] when you play in the tub and how silly you are and the joy you find in the simplest things. I was specifically thinking about you in the tub because I was cleaning a big shower all by myself. At least at first. I had a bottle for spraying down the walls and when I would squeeze the trigger it squeaked like you do sometimes. Then do you know what happened? It quacked like a duck. Exactly like one. So I sprayed the whole shower just so I could hear the quack. I was laughing pretty hard so it's a good thing I have to wear a mask. Someone came in and I started coughing instead of laughing."- 10/02/2020                                                      

• dorm and drill basics:

Dorm details/ duties- you'll be reading this on your detail roster for your assignments while staying at your dorm such as: dorm chief, element leader, Latrine queen/king, latrine crew, day room crew, Bed Aligner, end of bed display, shoe aligner, utility closet, hallway, chrome polisher, house mouse, laundry crew, chow runner, guidon bearer, PT monitor, academic monitor, water monitor, kitchen patrol.

-More dorm responsibilities can include: Student Training Time (Set up you locker and your  things), Security Drawer (don't forget to lock it.), End of Bed Display( your towel, laundry bag, and your folded clothes. Also they show you how to make your bed with hospital folded corner sheets.) Laundry Marking ( label everything you have with the first initial of your last name and the last four digits of your social on the tag/ centered on clothing (for socks it's the toe). Refer to training manual for most updated information. It's suggested to mark not only laundered items but everything you have.) 

 -Drills could include fire drill, Facing Movements (stationary drill accomplished without marching such as attention and parade rest.),and Transit (Marching from one place to another).

• Physical Training- changes constantly but I've found it encompasses exercises that work on endurance and strength training. Something I found on this other blog is they usually don't start you with PT until the first Saturday and that your 1st week and more average daily schedule will start on Sunday. 

A few more things I found but can't place in a category above that makes sense to me are:

1. Airman's Time- Your MTI will be less intense and more of a mentor so they are more available for you to ask them questions.
2. Meals- Etiquette and movement in the chow hall. 

I know you will know all of this as you will be and have been experiencing it but writing it out is helping me to feel as if I'm there with you and I'm also wondering how accurate my list is compared to your experience. Besides I'm writing it as a blog post since I can't mail it to you yet and I wanted to get out all my thoughts...

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A few things that popped up right away (as far as feelings go, anyway) was how miserable I imagined him being and how guilty I'd feel if I enjoyed myself... 

"I don't mind hearing about the good times, the fun things you do. Don't feel bad. ...Share your trials with me, your heart aches, your fun times and the times you want to give up and I'll do the same."-10/03/2020

...and how I had been preparing to adjust and create a new normal but what I wasn't expecting was how much I didn't want to.

"Know that I'm not completely miserable. It's hard work for sure. But there are enough moments that remind me what all of this is for." -10/02/2020 ; "Our MTI said today to 'stop complaining about what you are asked to do. Stop thinking constantly of home. You selected to be here. Right now that's your job. So do it well. If you are asked to clean toilets, make it the cleanest toilet you've ever seen. Because it's your job. We know you are tired an don't want to do PT. You are getting paid right now to do so. So do your best. This is your paid interview. Graduation is when we decide to hire you so do your best. Present us your resume. Aim high. So am I miserable? Truthfully, most of the time, but, I'm also happy in my misery."- 10/03/2020

 I knew I could do it, it happens all the time without us realizing most of the time, we adapt, and it certainly wasn't all bad I just resisted it because the very thought of having a daily normal without him seemed wrong. As I mentioned in my letter above I wanted to rush this processes...force myself into being okay and accepting the adaption because it was okay and exciting but I still didn't want to. I had to allow myself time here too, in this resistance, because that was apart of me adapting. I would find the way and I would find out later how it all comes together for good. 

September 24th was the day I had a plasma donation appointment. It was for 11:10am and everything that morning was running smoothly. I got to my moms on time for my sister to watch my kiddos and then my mom and I got to the center 10 minutes early. Everything was perfectly set up in my mind. I thought this was for sure ago. I had even convinced myself that I probably wasn't going to get his address call today even though the thought kept coming back to me because I was going to have this appointment. Turns out my breakfast was sustainable enough and so they rescheduled me. I was so confused as I walked back out to my car and right as I got there I got the "Health, Morale, and Welfare briefing" image above in a text at 11:05am and only 4 minutes later the call from him. My call ended at 11:11am after a broken "love you bye" and then I was a mess. I cried and cried. And then I cried some more when I realized this was all planned. Heavenly Father knew I would need that time alone to hear Dax clearly and to truly feel the moment. He knew how I would take the call and how I wouldn't have been able to focus on my appointment afterwards. It took me about 1 hour to work through my sorrow and to come out the other end with jokes and excitement for sending him my letter now! I needed that time, so I'm fine I didn't get to donate today.

"I really enjoyed hearing your side of my phone call home. That's so amazing that you realized that the cancellation of your appointment allowed you to just focus on us. I love that." -10/03/2020  

The joke was that I had watched a video that's been circling around the internet about a girl who wrote her boyfriend every.single.day in basic and then when he graduated the drill Sargent "yelled" at her saying things like "do you know how many push ups I made him do?!" I had showed Dax and told him I was going to do that and he said "bring it" although I'm not sure how willing he is now, but too bad for him, I'm on letter four and I don't plan on stopping, ha ha! 

Hand drawn on September 25th in my excitement and emotional process for Da Beast!

WEEK ONE
September 27th is the start of Da Beast's first official week at Basic Military Training (referred to often as BMT). I'm just going to use this schedule and that's it. It's a pdf from the Air Force's site that breaks down every activity and requirement week by week so if you're interested you can click the link above for that. The good news about this week is days are starting to really follow a rhythm and routine that looks like this:

 

0445	Reveille
0500	Formation
0500-0600	PT. One day you run, the next day you do aerobic exercises.
0600-0615	Breakfast.
0630-0745	Dorm setup.
0800-1130	Drilling, classes, record checks, shots, uniform issue, etc.
1130-1230	Lunch.
1300-1700	Classroom instruction.
1700-1800	Dinner.
1900-2045	Set up the dorm for nighttime.
2100 (9pm)	Taps. Lights out.

"Today 10-2-2020. 5am we were up for our PT (physical training) test. 1.5 mile run, push ups and sit ups. Outside of our training and memory work there are a bunch of duties that have to be filled. Dorm chief, student instructor (trainees that are good a tutoring), element leaders (column or line formations), load guard (which I am currently). There are other assignments like for cleaning. I'm on latrine duty. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm with 10 other guys and we all have an area that we focus on. I started cleaning showers and found this nasty brown slime on the tile and grout. I started to focus on that and now we have (usually) have super clean showers. So I'm kind of a big deal. HAHA. The assignment I would love NOT to have is a 24 hour manned assignment. It's called Entrance Control (EC). It's rotated in two hour blocks with two people always on duty. Because it's 24 hours and always rotating sometimes it's in the middle of the night. So like last night my wing man and I started at 4am. We had to stand guard for 2 hours. We can only read that chapter on the EC and their responsibilities and that's it. There is a whole process for individuals coming in and out of the dorm. There is a speaker next to the door for Quality Control (CQ). Every hour they call and we have to report on the trainee assigned to our flight, how many are present, and what the current temperature is. They keep the dorms freezing cold. ...The food here is okay. Because of our activity we have to drink 16 water bottles a day, 1 full one every hour, which I would guess is equal to 32oz. We also have to pick two drinks during chow as well. Passing the PT minimums is a requirement so I'm trying to maintain a balanced diet... no matter how tempting the chocolate milk is. I see the menu for, I'd say, 5 seconds and then I have to make a decision so I do miss out on better options I'm sure. I eat a salad twice a day, lots of meat, and lots of vegetables when I see them have it available." ; "When we stand in formation for lunch or dinner I try and stand in the sun. The suns heat is perfect on my back with the combination of a cool breeze and flitting butteries. I find solace in these things."-10/03/2020 ; "0544 we wake up and get ready while getting screamed at. By 0600 we are lined up outside. From here we either march down to the track for stretching and exercise and cool downs or we stay on the "patio" which are large concrete slabs that we form up on for various things. We exercise until just before 0700. At 0700 we fall out for chow. We have to line up on a wall and then stretch the line back through the entire aisle where the beds are. ... We eat and are back upstairs in like 35 minutes. From whenever we get back we start showers. Because of covid every other shower is supposed to be used. There are 8 showers. We shower, shave, dress, and then start a process called dust downs. [For dust downs one guy (the dorm chief) calls off the assignment and allotted time it needs to be done in. Then everyone else does the assignment while they count down from that time. The idea is to get everyone to clean their own sleeping space/area so the whole dorm is cleaned in 10 minutes or less.] First our beds, then windows and windowsills, wall locker, floor, and then with our bag- we bring it to the center isle. We do this once in the morning and once in the evening. After dust downs we have our details which is the area of the dorm that each person is assigned to clean. I'm still latrine, but like I said, I don't mind it. After details we usually head outside for drill. Drill usually goes until 11:30 or so. We [then] have personal study for 45 minutes to 1 hour unless we are learning something new. At 1230 to 1300 we head out for chow, filling out in the same way. After chow it's been the same thing. More study time. [After study time and dinner there's an evening brief/Airman's time] He (Sargent Terrell from the brother flight) hands out mail and sits around to answer any questions. Then we are alone again."

"I wanted to also tell you about my Sunday. That day definitely stands out more. We don't do PT on Sundays but we were still rushed out the door. We ate and were given time to organize our closets and drawers. Then at about 0900 we were asked to confirm our religious preference. Then starting with the largest group they were brought into the day room for a video matching their sect. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was actually second. We had six. ... We listened to the stake president (I think) on base, I offered a prayer that I struggled through, and then [we] watched two videos. [Afterwards] we [discussed the video messages] as a group. 

10/02/2020 

[Excerpt from letter sent to Da Beast]

I got a blessing from my dad. It was really sweet and I started tearing up right after he said my name...in the very beginning of the blessing...and then I cried afterwards. The end is what really got me because he said something like ‘Heavenly Father is aware of your worries and struggles and he is by your side. It is okay to feel frustrated or sad or overwhelmed. It’s okay to share the feelings you keep to yourself with your family and to pray often for relief.” It was permission, love, and while he spoke I felt that, that’s what has been weighing on me. I feel like I haven’t “earned” my feelings. It’s been not even two weeks and I’ve already missed you, cried over you, and have serious attachments to receiving a letter from you. I feel like those who have been military wives for much longer and with husbands who have been deployed for a year have earned those feelings. So to get permission, in a sense, was a relief. The next thought that came to me was that it felt like the whole world was on my shoulders. My grandma Nerrings told me that’s because it was, I had my whole little world on my shoulders. I feel like I not only want to write you letters everyday but that I need to, to keep you uplifted and encouraged and with us while you’re there, I feel like I need to be as normal as possible for the kids, I feel like I need to be strong...but sometimes that little world gets heavy. After the blessing my grandma talked to me about her experiences of loneliness and the funny moments (that were not funny then) she had while in those times. It had always been nice to hear her stories but especially tonight I felt like we shared something: her past and my future were tied together and that felt nice. 

When we got home I saw a letter from YOU and I was so excited and I thanked Heaven for this much needed boost for the weekend ahead and then when I opened it I was a little bummed because it was just your graduation letter that you probably sent like a week ago after your call...but it was something."

It had a bunch of links to follow and to get information from such as:

-United States Air Force Basic Military Training Facebook Page

( I also found a Facebook page for the 37th Training Wing-"the largest training wing in the United States Air Force. The Wing operates schools at nine locations throughout the United States with most of its training conducted at JBSA-Lackland. The Wing trains Airmen, Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Coast Guardsmen, government agencies, coalition partners from over 100 countries and military working dogs." (Definition found here.)

- Basic Training Air Force Website Page

- The 37th Trainging Wing Air Force Website Page

- Flickr photos for Graduation Pictures from the Account Holder "Gateway Wing"

-YouTube Graduation Videos from the Account Holder "Gateway Wing"

This is the letter (that I've learned through my video watching) that get's sent after the scripted phone call with the address...which was about a week ago...so I guess I can expect the first real letter from Da Beast Next Friday? Speaking of which in two days he will be starting his official second week which is exciting!  

10/03/2020

This past Wednesday the 30th of September I woke up from a dream that I then wrote Da Beast about but didn't think it was important enough to include in the blog post (I can't include EVERYTHING) but as of today and for the sake of good story order I'm going to provide a clip of my letter to him:

" It didn’t help that last night I had a dream that I missed two calls from you and when I called back you said something like “I can only give you a second to say goodbye” and so I quickly said “I love you! Bye” before you hung up and then I watched you run with your wing man to catch up to the rest of your flight...how I did that I have no idea but it WAS a dream."

Why is this clip now important today? Here is a clip from a letter I wrote him today:

"The day went alright in the morning. I was able to pay attention to the general conference for the most part and then when it ended I got up to make some lunch. When I sat down to eat I noticed I missed two calls from you and my heart sank. It was my 9/30/2020 dream that I told you about but in real life! Maybe I was being prepared for this but regardless it was awful. I was so mad afterwards because I feel like I failed you! In your voicemail you said you needed to hear my voice and after trying to keep my phone charged and near me at all times I still missed it because I was up making lunch and the TV was still on from the conference so I couldn’t hear it. It was still nice to be able to text you a little and later I found out you got to talk to your dad for a few minutes so that was probably for the best too, but it took me a little bit to be okay with it."

The story doesn't end there though which is really what makes this whole story incredible. After I had missed his call I was sad and then mad at everyone. I was mad at myself for not taking my phone with me for the two minutes I was in the kitchen, I was mad Da Beast didn't use his voicemail to tell me he was okay, I was mad that Heavenly Father didn't prompt me (or did he?! No! I didn't get ANYTHING like that!) When he knew how badly I needed/wanted to talk to Da Beast. After about an hour I calmed down and realized there was a reason. There had to be. I prayed to understand because I was confused. I really wanted to know. I really wanted to see His way, His reasons. That evening during the general women's conference I got the call from Da Beasts dad where he told me that Da Beast wanted him to tell us he loves us and he's okay. It felt nice to hear that and I thanked his dad. After I hung up the call I felt like that was why I didn't receive a prompting to look at my phone. The phone call wasn't for me, it was for his parents. This is what he wrote about the experience:

"My phone call home was not expected. Crell kept dangling it in front of us but I thought it would be next week at the earliest, (there are mandatory calls week 3 and 7 (I think) and then the MTI's can authorize two more calls but the length is based off of our flights behavior). I started getting emotional when I relaized why we were lining up the way we were. It's called roster accountability. [Rosters are like a holding number in line. It's the order in which each trainee receives, participates in something, or takes accountability.] I'm #6. ... We were [told we were] "lucky" we earned 5 minutes because the flight hasn't been doing well with following directions. ...I figured you phone was dead so I saw my dad on my phone just to at least reach someone. My mom walked in and I was able to talk to her too. I forgot to wish her Happy Birthday tomorrow. I was almost sobbing when I left you a voicemail. I hope you three could understan me. It's not because I'm super sad or miserable. Just, the thought of hearing your voice breaks me down [as well as] hearing our kids call me Daddy and their beautiful voices."

Again you'd think that the story is done there but it isn't...

WEEK TWO

10/06/2020

[Excerpt from letter sent to Da Beast]

"One major thing to note today was as I was doing the dishes your mom called me asking for help on how to send you a letter through Sandboxx. She then told me about her experience with your phone call on Saturday. She was prompted! She said that she had just left her home to head to Mesa when she felt very strongly to return home to get an item she forgot. Normally, she said, she would have just continued on and replaced it later but she felt a strong call home. When she got home dad frantically announced you were on the phone and handed her the phone so she could talk to you too. When mom told me this it was a confirmation to me that your call was not meant for me as much as we both would have liked it to be. Between my dream preparing me to miss the call, not understanding why I wasn't prompted to look at my phone, your mom and dad's experiences, and praying to understand what God's plan was in all this I knew that your call was meant for them and I'm blessed to have been a part of it and to 'see'. I love you!"

 

10/08/2020

Today we received a envelope stuffed full of letters which I've gone back in this blog and added his thoughts or experiences. 

Opening those letters was better than Christmas. 

I read the kids letters first and cried. Then Bubba cried and we hugged each other for a minute. After that, and while I read my letters, the kids wrote to their daddy while voicing out loud what they were writing. 

It was so cute that I had to record a little bit of it. On Sunday the 11th he'll be starting his 3rd week and according to Dax's letter he's supposed to have a mandatory 15 minute phone call sometime next week. I’m trying not to make this blog too long but it seems like every moment has been precious and blessed!

"I promise I'm doing well. Its hard. Anyone who says that the AFBMT is "easy" is truly kidding themselves. It might be shorter or have less requirements than other branches but anyone who can get through this definitely earned it. They aren't motivated to look for ways to keep a trainee. I need what has been required of me. I need the pressure, the discipline, the fire under my feet, if you will. ... I do this for you [and our kids] and myself. I am truly honored to be here representing our family. ... Something I've learned here is what they call military baring. When I mess up, instead of hanging my head or apologizing I instead start over without emotion as it it didn't happen. ...we're all human. We make mistakes." 

10/09/2020

"We are actually starting to prepare now for our graduation which is cool. ... I really enjoy how they build on concepts. They definitely do a good job with that. I think it was Wednesday [the 7th, that] we went over for more processing. I provided all my paperwork and had my picture taken for my CAC ID, which is the military ID. We get it in week four, I think. 

"In chow hall we're not allowed to talk unless spoken to and one morning for breakfast I sat down and said, "bummer I forgot syrup" and I guess it was overheard because I got written up and "promoted" to chow runner. Chow runner is getting better. Of course my MTI's don't ever see it. "They" only seem to see when something has gone wrong. [Luckily] we have "Airmans Time" [where we] have more casual conversation [with the MTI's in the day room]. We still need a reporting statement at the start of every conversation but we've been laughing and joking more. He makes jokes or sarcastic remarks and it's more relaxed. The intensity isn't there and we can see that he does have a "normal" side. He can turn off his MTI voice. [Back to being a chow runner:] I'm finally getting through it without issue. I'm corrected on the little things but it's not given so publicly. It's more like genuine help. The first night I did it, I butchered it. Everything I did was wrong. My statement was choppy which they had me repeat until I got it right (probably because I lacked military bearing) my facing movements were bad, everything. When I was relieved of duty [for the day] the Msgt (who is the instructor supervisor) pulled me aside. He is a very intense man. He asked me if I knew who he was and I did but I was so shaken from everything I froze. I knew his name but messed up his rank. He told me everything that I did was disgraceful and embarrassing. He said that he would be watching me and if I couldn't get my life together than they had no place for me. I had a 341 form pulled. Sometimes they mean nothing but the further we go the more likely we end up getting written up and get an assignment, like homework. My assignment was to write my entire chain of command 10x, I think there are 17 total. ... They gave us a paper they call 'memory work' and we were expected to memorize it by the end of week two." 

10/10/2020

"I'm a road guard still. ...The vest makes me a target and I want to be fired so I don't have to do it anymore but I don't think going through the fire of being fired is worth it. So for now I stick with it."

"We went to the drill pad again today. What I really enjoyed about it was practicing our graduation with the entire squadron. . Seeing everyone raise their hand in taking the oath of enlistment, singing the Air Force Anthem, and repeating the Airmans Creed was amazing. There was also some marching and we also practiced passing around the Air Force coin that we get. Our MTI's pass them out while the "Star Spangled Banner" and "I'm Proud to be an American" play in the background. I was filled with pride and patriotism. I got chills from head to toe. I am so humbled to be here. I have a long ways to go before I am an Airman but I'm realizing more and more everyday that this was the right choice. I have no doubt this is where I'm supposed to be. I belong in the military. Sometimes I question whether or not I can handle it but then I improve. There are things I dreaded doing and now I actually enjoy it. 

"I was looking forward to my phone call home all week. I was so excited. I'm glad they changed it to allow phone calls weekly to happen. I think it's more healthy for the trainees. 

"As I was making the sandwiches my leg pressed against the cabinet and I realized my phone was buzzing and when I took it out of my pocket it was you! For the first split second I was in denial. I got over that quickly and answered with a ‘hello?’

"I really appreciate the tenderness in your voice. I don't know if you were even aware of it, but your voice was so soothing."

"and there was a pause before I heard you say “Megan?” oh my goodness it was SO nice to hear you in real time! I believe I said something like, “yes! Hi Dax!” and you let out a noise of relief and gratitude.

"Your voice was full of joy and it was comforting to me because it calmed my soul of worries."

"I quickly asked how you were still feeling a little in denial that this was happening or something. I think maybe I was dealing with surprise that it had really been a while since I heard your voice overlapping with the sense that no time had really passed that it was like any other call and then thinking that this is not any other call I only have a few minutes.You told me you were doing okay...

"I loved hearing my sweet babies voices. I thought it was funny that I was asked about lunch or "chow" but I'm assuming it's because you were just starting lunch yourself. But I loved it. Their voices were joy to my ears, though limited. But I was definitely fine talking to you."

...and we talked about the sub, wings, and chocolate milk you had for lunch, how your letters don’t actually arrive to you the day I see them signed off but a few days after that due to sorting, that you’re not a ‘load’ guard but a ‘road guard’. I still didn’t know what that meant. In fact I just now as I’m writing paused to look it up and it actually shows up as a thing and there's even a video from the AFROTC and some other one about what the road guard does. So that’s cool. We talked about a few more of my more recent letters but I didn’t want to use our time to go through all of that so I just referenced them. Like Friday the 9th, date night letter. You hadn’t gotten it yet so you didn’t read it Thursday like I had thought you would so we could be thinking about each other and “pretending” to look at the stars together on Friday so instead I just told you how rough of a week it was so it was a perfect night to go on a date with each other and how I wrote you about all of that. You said that I was amazing.

"I loved that you called me a rock star and that it was exciting that this was all actually happening."

"So by the time you get THIS letter you should have read Friday the 9th letters and know what I was talking about as well as the letter about missing your call which was before those letters. You also told me that they, the MTI’s, can actually give you time every week and it seemed like it was going to be a Saturday thing. I agreed with that adding “around lunch time” since that’s what I had been doing both times you called. So now I’m going to test out that theory and watch my phone like a hawk before I make lunch on Saturdays. . It was neat to hear a little of the background and the MTI timer. It was like a glimpse into your world even though I felt rushed. I felt like I should have answered the call more prepared with questions I wanted to know but I decided that letters were better for that. These calls are for ‘living in this moment’ even if they seem sloppy and rushed.

"It's amazing how much I looked forward to the call but I wasn't sure what to tell you about. It's not that I didn't know what to say but rather what to spend time talking about. We;'ll figure it out though."

"After we said our ‘goodbyes’ and ‘love yous’ I felt elated but then also doubted that that had really happened. It went so fast it was just a blur. Luckily this isn’t the 50’s-80’s and I have caller ID so there is proof that I got to talk to you.

WEEK THREE

10/11/2020

"We are required to study from our BMT Study guide at certain times. I'm writing now because my brain can't absorb anything more right now. Our church service has been short. Too short. There is a welcome video from the local branch president of the base and then we get only one talk. Still inspiring though. We cleaned our water bottles,

practiced weapons familiarization, had a class on being an Entrance Controller and now we are waiting for chow (dinner).

"Tomorrow is Columbus day so the MTI's don't work. It'll be a lot like today but we get to go to the mini mall. We can only get authorized items. We still can't get soda, candy, coffee, etc. I don't need much, but I look forward to going. I also get my OCP uniform this week, which I will be graduating in. Operation Combat Pattern (I think?)... I DO know that I do have beast week still, it's just shortened. No gas or overnight sleeping and I think we mostly demonstrate knowledge of weapons and the positions for holding a rifle like laying down, on the knee, and standing. Each position also has a correct way of bracing against something.

"These 2.5 weeks have really changed me for the better. I'm so grateful for what I've learned so far. I look forward to sharing all my experiences in person and incorporating teachings of Military into our life."

...AND that's the last letter I've gotten from him although another is coming in the mail but I guess that will just be in the next blog post. I thought about adding at least our side of things to wrap up this blog post right up until today but I really like seeing the letters and events side by side even though that's not how they come in real life. All our news is "behind". So to end I'll just add a little snippet of the letter I'll be sending to Da Beast tonight from yesterday's thoughts:

"I still can’t believe how watched out for I am. Every decision is being cradled in heaven's arms and guided by all of His angels. Nothing about this whole experience: the Airforce Wife, the temporary solo mom, the plasma donor, the independent and the dependent experience is anything like I expected but it’s all what I’ve needed. Along with my thinking last night (that I already told you) I was also thinking about our relationship after BMT. I feel like we might have to get to know each other again because the people we’re growing into will be different than the people we were before."

That's the thing about life. It never is exactly how we imagine it to be. I've been in awe this whole time because of how many calls we actually have been able to have (once a week on Saturdays- call times vary due to flight performance), how many letters I've been able to actually get, how much of Heaven's plan is in all of this and the angles He's sent our way, our struggles and the beauty we can still find in them, and how those lessons have manifested themselves. It's all been so much more than I imagined- more than just a military lifestyle being added into our lives, but our lives unfolding all their mysteries and learning more of who we really are and what we're really made of. 

Till next month!

-Megan 

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