Monday, November 23, 2020

Flying High

 Last blog post we left off in week three so it's only fitting we start there:

WEEK THREE

October 11th-October 17th 

10/11/2020

HER

Today is Sunday, so the start of your third week. Can you believe by the time you actually get this letter

you’ll be about or slightly over half way? Crazy. I feel like things were kind of slow but everyday since you

left I’ve been busy and/or not left alone which I am also grateful for and the days may feel long (especially

the letter receiving day) but the weeks are flying.

10/12/2020

HIM

Last night I was on EC duty (entrance controller). It can be an intense job during the day but this shift

started at 2000 (8pm) and ended at 2200 (10pm). Lights out at 2100 plunged the world in darkness. My

cheap battery light died so I couldn’t read like usual. 

I had the hour to kill so I decided to play a movie in my head. Well the only movie I’d say I know well enough for that is the Princess Bride. I replaced the actors with you and I for the beginning of the book part of the movie.

10/14/2020

HER

Today was a wild frenzy of making sure I was drinking enough, eating enough, getting to my families on time, getting to my appointment on time to donate plasma, peeing quickly, answering the questions before being tested, testing my blood with a finger prick for protein and iron levels and all that and for nothing. I had too high of blood pressure to donate today. I guess there was one positive...I was wearing the dark Air Force shirt and the lady at the counter told me the Air Force rocks and how her husband was in the Air Force. I told her (very proudly mind you) that you were in your third week at BMT. She then again told me that the Air Force is the best and I felt like you were with me. :) Also the guy you was drawing the blood and all that (I’m pretty sure) was a name I recognized from a family members name. I drove back to my family's house disappointed where I finished reading your letter-a surprise I got in the mail this morning before my appointment. I was confused and wondering what lesson I had to learn from not being able to do today's appointment but it wasn’t as clear as the first time I got it canceled on me (when you called) but the next day (10/15) I figured it out when I went for another appointment which all went beautifully! Both my pinkies are now sore from testing my blood yesterday (10/14) and then again today(10/15) and I have a hole in my right arm but I’m happy! I did it! And I even got a little teary as I donated because this was meant for someone. I was helping someone. I am fortunate enough to be able to do this and I had the courage to greet my fears. I am so incredibly proud of myself and my body! The lesson I learned? I’m learning about ‘ME’. I’ve learned how to notice my body more and when it is dehydrated vs hydrated. I can feel it in my veins. I’ve learned that my emotional wounds will get tied into just about anything and will open up again but that doesn’t mean I lost my progress, it’s a part of it. And then yesterday and today I learned that I rush through life and put an unnecessary strain on my body. It’s okay to get things done and even more okay to do things on time but they don’t have to be ‘rushed’.



10/15/2020

HIM

Guess what I was issued today? My blues and my OCP (occupational camouflage pattern). 

They started by fitting us with jackets, like a suit jacket, followed by colored short and long sleeve shirts,

light weather jackets, and then a heavier weather jacket, almost like a trench coat. It’s impressive because

they stand us in a line and as we walk into the room they size us up within literally two seconds. So I

walked through for my jacket and she says “40L” so that’s what I found on the rack and it fits perfectly.

At least the way they want it to fit. They did this for everything and had to make only slight adjustments.

Then a man sized us up for slacks. I’m a 35” long. To him at least. I thought it was way too baggy but,

oh well. In the waist I mean. Then we walked around the corner and up onto a stand where these ladies

fitted the legs of the pants to fall exactly where they needed to when wearing our low quarters- the shiny

black shoes. They marked them and within the hour all 39 of us had our pants sized to the correct length.

They can do it that fast. I haven’t worn the entire thing together. It was always a combination of PT gear and blues. After it was all done and stuffed into our duffel bag, which is an awesome bag by the way, then we moved onto the OCP. There were originally two camo patterns. There are the OCP and then a blue-grey pattern that was camo but had a different fit. I think I prefer those but the Air Force recently stopped issuing them during basic. Lackland is a joint operation so they have Navy, Army, and Marines here as well. They wanted everyone to start looking the same. 

We are one military but different branches. 

So they fit us with our pants, once again a bit too big in the waist but the size down was too small. They guy just said, “well you were issued a belt right? You know how to use one?” Which of course I do but with a wide waist fit makes the legs wider too which just makes everything else look baggy. Oh well. It is what it is for now. I can get them fitted in tech school. So pants, shirts(coats, because we have shirts underneath) then second cap issue, gloves, and finally boots. It was pretty cool to see that our boots were Goretex. I got to tell a couple of guys what Goretex was. Most of them thought Goretex was just a type of boot insert or brand. I love wearing the OCP, despite it’s bagginess on me. We got to wear them for dinner chow and it was fantastic. So much better then wearing the physical training gear all the time. It was the first time I felt like I was in the military. Marching to and from chow with all of the facing movements, saluting, and everything else is just better. We’ll see how I feel when I’m wearing my “blues”.

10/16/2020

HIM

I want to make sure I write this down for you because right now the last I heard I get 1 minute on Saturday. There is an app called “Aim High” where you can search by flight and see pictures of us. I know I’ve had a few taken. There may also be a website. Another Trainee told me about it so I’m not sure about the accuracy of this information, but, photographers have been floating around since the beginning and I know there are a few taken like I said. I’m surprised they haven’t told us anything about it. The MTI’s act like they don’t see them. Which is probably by design.

And, hey, guess what?! I’m no longer a chow runner! When we form up for chow, right after we are sized up which there is a whole process for that, the dorm chief or an MTI will yell, “chow runners, GO!” and we then echo as loud as possible. Then the two chow runners quickly fall out after relying, “Proceeding sir/ma’am”. So when another Trainee and I fell out and we were heading to the door our MTI said, “I don’t want to see anymore of your faces. We need new chow runners.” So I did it one last time and am a free man. Though by the end it wasn't so bad. I just had a really bad start to it all.

Something else I did on Wednesday was go with probably half the flight to a briefing for my specific job. We had a very large group so we didn’t even really get to the actual processing part. They sat us in a room to explain our jobs, write down what we were told, and then they explained what we still needed to do. They told me that I needed an interview even though I already had an interview and a follow up interview but there are two different databases and sometimes they don't correspond well. Since I didn't really do much I'll find out more when they call us back again.

10/17/2020

HER

Luckily there was nothing really going on today because I was really tired and antsy. You know since it’s Saturday and I was hoping that the Saturday call pattern continued. We did wake up and get to the farmers market early for our vegetable box and then we went to the park with our Relief Society President again. Then we went home and I made lunch and ate it and no call from you. Your past two calls were at 11:17 and 11:24 our time. Once it was past 11:30 I started to become very bummed and then I remembered how I was just talking to Bubba about being happy for what he got. When we were leaving for the park Bubba and I decided to not bring our water bottles but Baby wanted to. She was prepared because both Bubba and I were thirsty after the park. Baby was nice enough to share a drink but then she was done sharing. Bubba was upset and telling Baby she was mean. I told him that she didn’t “have” to share. She made the choice to bring her water, “we” didn’t so now we are learning that it’s a good idea to bring our water bottles next time. She decided to give him another drink but apparently it was “just a drop” and he was upset again. I went over with him again that she didn’t “have” to share, that she did all the right things. She shared even when she didn’t have to, she brought her water bottle, and she set up her boundaries to make sure she got the water she brought. Bubba and I were learning from her and from our experience and now we know we should ALWAYS bring our water bottles. Then he was mad at her and when I asked him “for what?! She did everything right?” he was just on repeat. I tried to tell him that I thought he was mad at himself but he wouldn’t take it. Then when we got home he complained about the amount of Gatorade I gave him. “Couldn’t you just be happy for what you did get?!” I asked and here I was upset that I didn’t get a call. Shouldn’t I just be happy for the letter I got that morning?” I prayed for forgiveness. Letting that go was hard but I did. Then I fell asleep and napped off and on on the rug when “Off we go” started blasting! At first I thought it was an alarm (like I told you on the phone) but I quickly woke up and realized it was YOU! At 1:20pm our time. I was so excited to hear you! I felt like our call this time was much more business like this time. We talked about your ballot coming in the mail, money transferred and withdrawn from the account, “blood money” (because of donating plasma) , our letters we’ve written or that are coming, you talked to the distracted children, and we were even quiet for a minute. Like we didn’t know what to talk about. I just liked being on the phone with you but it felt like a waste to not talk about “something”. I even remember thinking “who even are we anymore?” But not in a negative tone, more contemplative. I think it’s because this alternative lifestyle has “settled” and now it’s time to redefine what this means. The thing is it’s too temporary to define just yet. I was super excited to learn that there were pictures of you and that you got your uniform!

10/17/2020

HIM

This morning for PT was our 3rd week of training test. 1.5 mile run, push ups, and sit ups. 

I shaved off two minutes of my run time, but I still have to get better. My push ups improved but my sit ups

were somehow worse. I’ve asked to get help with my run so we’ll see what happens. Then we rushed off

to the showers and then breakfast. WE were rushed through that so we could make beds and do details

(clean) which we do twice a day. Then we headed out for more graduation practice. It was nice outside.

Since getting up it was cloudy with more of a heavy mist than rain. I was trying really hard to practice my

discipline. We had to stand completely still for about 20 minutes. I breathed in the rainy air and imagines

little kisses on my face. We had some study time and then we were picked out for bearing and discipline.

I missed my reporting statement which I instantly knew I did but I at least knew the answer to the question

I was asked. I just answered too quickly. Then I was able to call you. The sound of your voice is more

wonderful than anything, of any sound, I could hear here. 

I don’t want to speak but just hear your voice. 

WEEK FOUR

October 18th-October 24th 

10/18/2020

HIM

Sunday, today, was mostly relaxing. As much as it could be anyway. WE did what's called RLA (recruit

living area?) It’s basically getting everything ready to go for inspections. Rolling/folding clothes, towels,

socks, etc; getting rid of strings on clothing, ironing, everything. During inspections this next week it’s

kind of like a practice round. They still grade everything but we can take notes and make adjustments

for the actual inspection. They have a massive chart that outlines everything inspect-able by category

and each item each category. So like OCP clothes. They’d look over both the coat and pants and judge

it on proper placement of patches, stings, unauthorized items in pockets. So if one of those items fail it

fails the whole category. 11 categories fail the entire inspection. If the actual inspection fails then I’m

graded again within 24 hours. If that fails the Master Sergeant, who is a very intense man, will do the

inspection. He is the MTI supervisor, his title is ‘Instructor Supervisor’. If that fails I think there is a fourth

one and at that point they see it as unwilling/unable to adapt. Then I would be recycled. Which would be

terrible. This is called a PC or progress check. There are quite a few of them. It’s getting more and more

intense everyday but I’m keeping up. I’m not comfortable with everything but I’m not drowning either. 

BEAST week is not this upcoming week but during our 6th. I have mixed feelings about that.

So we prepped for inspections, practiced drill, bed making, and Master Sergeant stopped by. He stopped

by last night too and he pulled random people for discipline and bearing checks. I’m glad it wasn’t me. All

my studying today was writing flashcards for everything I could be asked and in all the different ways they

could phrase the question. It definitely has helped. When he came by tonight he wasn’t here long. He

showed us a binder with every paper for every contract, reenlistment, award, orders, everything. It was

huge. And an awesome idea. I want to do that too.


10/19/2020

HER

Dang I miss you today. Like ALL day I just felt empty, lonely and in need of your hug. You’re all I’ve thought about. I’ve had to PULL my thoughts away from you just to function today. I miss you, real bad. More than ever, today. I mean I ALWAYS miss you, everyday, but today there was something different, something more achy. Most of the time it’s been a happy “I miss you”; where I think about you, smile, and keep going. Today, like I said, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I just wallowed there. Maybe a part of it, maybe even a big part of it, is that I started my period today. But, geez, why am I so sad?! I snugged and loved the kids an extra amount today but now they’re in bed and I’m just alone with my feelings. There’s even a cricket outside. Just like they do in lonely parts in the movies. Ha ha.

10/19/2020

HIM

We had PT first thing this morning and again rushed through chow, showering and details. We were then

marched over to a different auditorium that we hadn’t visited before. Here we had a couple classes. 

The first class was on promotions and advancements. It’s amazing what all goes into it. You earn those

colored squares that are worn on the blues. Those squares equal points that go towards promotion. I

believe I have to promote to at least a Staff Sergeant to retire, an E-5. The second class was on the organization of the Air Force and the MTI teaching was much more enthusiastic and easier to pay attention to. It was a good class. The bases all have a specialty called MAJCOMS, each one has a specific scope of work which is why I can’t just go to ANY base. But my job can be needed under multiple MAJCOMS. It was really interesting but I don’t fully understand it. I think I have to be doing it for it to all come together. After classes there was chow and after chow we studied for about 10-15minutes before it was my elements turn for a mini-mall run.I didn’t buy much at the mini mall. I still have enough to cover my last hair cut. But other than that the card they give us for the $400 advance is worthless here. It can only be used in Lackland base and only select places. If I had a balance after graduation it would be deposited into our account after 6 months, I think. Over the weekend a trainee who I clean the showers with whistled at a female. I didn’t hear it but when female MTI found out  she started the day upset telling us we would be treated like we were in zero week if that’s how we were going to act. So when falling out for class we stood at attention rather than just at ease. At attention we are statues. If you drop something, have an inch, sweat dripping off your face, too bad. You can give a reporting statement and ask for permission to adjust and then have about 10 seconds at most to do whatever we needed to do. Sometimes they say to go ahead and sometimes they decline the request. After class was dinner chow and then I had to go into EC. I have a new Wingman. He is the chow runner so I could only relieve one of the temps. During EC if I am not standing by the door then I have to walk the dorm for security checks- checking security doors to makes sure they are locked, checking latrines, checking the room temperature, completing the log and 118 form. If I am stationed at the door I hold onto the EC binder. The binder has the schedule and drill procedures for fire, gas and bomb threats. If the MTI’s say “I smell smoke from the stairwell” or slip us a paper that notifies us of a bomb threat than the EC’s are in charge of the evacuation drill. I haven’t done that yet but I’m sure it’ll happen. If a female leader enters or exits the dorms I would also be responsible for the gender announcement: “Lady entering/ leaving the dormitory!” I also have to answer the call box for CQ and notate their messages. All around the two hours during the day can go from 0 to 60 very quickly. At night it’s just waiting on the clock. I prefer night time. I can think about you more and occasionally write to you.You are on my mind constantly. You are never my distraction but my motivation. You are my purpose, my will and why I desire to succeed. Making you proud of me, knowing you share what I do with pride is huge for me. I’ve never had more support than what I get from you. 

I love you Megan. I’ll see you in a second,

Love, 

Da Beast   

10/20/2020
HER
I didn't get to donate plasma again, my heart rate was too high. However it did give me a chance to go and get our tire finally fixed so I DID do that and you won’t even believe it. I happened to go to a discount tire and when I was driving home I realized it was right next to that QT that we had to stop at because our tire needed to be changed on our way to your sisters endowment. I said, out loud, to no one: “Aww, my love!” It may have been a difficult moment but it was still a special one with you and I was blessed with that memory today. I miss you. I also got to reflect on “letting go”. There are some things we can’t control, things that go completely different than planned and I think that was my lesson today in not being able to do this appointment: don’t force it. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t, if my goals take longer than planned then that’s how it will be, if I don’t continue that’ll be fine too because I’ve already gained so much by trying to donate plasma. Also I think I’m learning how to be okay with help, especially when it’s something that I’m CHOOSING to do rather than I HAVE to do and it’s also unpredictable. I have to trust others that they’re not just saying they’ll help because they feel like they have to or feel bad but because they actually want to and they’ll let me know if they can’t. This whole plasma journey has been more of a blessing then I ever thought it would be. Even with that though I still feel a little lost- like I have NO plan since I’m letting things be however they turn out. Just to be clear I’m not upset, in fact I’ve been very happy with all I’m learning and experiencing and doing I’m just a little lost in direction because I’m normally one who plans just about everything, so, to just go wherever the wind blows me makes me feel a little crazy.
10/21/2020
HER
Soooo...I think “letting go” was my final lesson with plasma donations. I was praying and thinking last night and I had this thought that seemed unlikely that it was just my own: “Megan, it’s okay to let it go”. I felt at peace about that but then I keep fighting it with thoughts like “will I be seen as a quitter?” “What if all of my appointments from here on out will be smooth going and I miss out on this opportunity?” “What if others are disappointed or what if they feel justified in their own negative experience?” But I keep coming back to “You learned what you needed too. You’re not quitting, you did what was needed. That’s worth so much more than any money you could’ve gotten. This is your experience, your story not theirs and it was such a positive and major learning experience. Don’t put yourself through unnecessary stress. You learned what you needed”. But then I fight myself again with thinking I’m making choices out of “emotional response” which if I was why would I feel at peace deep down beneath all the conflicting thoughts? I don’t feel negative, I don’t feel afraid, I wouldn’t hate going back if that opportunity came up again, at a BETTER time. So why is it so hard to let go? To cancel the appointments? To change plans? And then I read this on Instagram totally by happenstance because I don’t even know her, Ashley Gallego, “I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when we realize we have to give up and let go. And the hard part of that is accepting it. Because when you realize what you have to do, you can feel your heart sink, and you panic a little bit because you’re not sure how to let go, how to stop fighting for something to happen. It’s become a part of you, that fight...and once you give up and let go, it’s like letting go a little part of yourself, and it’s overwhelming, but you have to do it. It’s not worth the fight and the stress anymore, you can’t force something to happen you have to let it be.” And then right after I took a deep breath and plunge to cancel all my future appointments I sent a little prayer hoping that I made the right decision and then your mom texted me: “Have a Beautiful Day today Megan”. I texted her back with, “perfectly timed mom”.I still can’t believe how watched out for I am. Every decision is being cradled in heaven's arms and guided by all of His angels. Nothing about this whole experience: the Air Force Wife, the temporary solo mom, the plasma donor, the independent and the dependent experience is anything like I expected but it’s all what I’ve needed. Along with my thinking last night (that I already told you) I was also thinking about our relationship after BMT. I feel like we might have to get to know each other again because the people we’re growing into will be different than the people we were before. I’m excited to date you with all your new experiences and growth. To get to know more of you-because you will still be the same man I adore just with more amazing and developed aspects of you. I feel much better. I still miss you pretty badly this week but since making the decision I feel a weight has been lifted and I thought today was beautiful. I feel very changed. I’ve been able to take things a lot more gracefully and intentionally and I think the kids can see it too.
10/22/2020
HER
Well it’s official! We said goodbye and started this new journey a month ago and in a couple of days you will be starting your 5th week! Crazy! Today the kids and I took down one of our countdown books from the front door, decorated it and sent it off to you in the mail. Hopefully you get this letter AFTER that one comes or at least at the same time so that it’s still a surprise, ha ha.I also watched the most recent trainees graduate to Airmen yesterday and it was even more touching to watch after having read your letter about you practicing for it, knowing you will be doing it in a few weeks, and also recognizing a few names from your “cheat sheet”. I just wish I could be there. Do you think they’d let me if I got my ID to get on base and I left and just “happened” to arrive there on time?! Ha ha. Well I’m not sure what else to write and I need to send this letter for it to get to base by Monday. So I love you and stuff and I’ll see you in a second!
Love,
Megan

WEEK FIVE

October 25th-October 31st

10/25/2020
HIM

How Eagles Learn to Fly

The majesty of an eagle is a well known symbol. One that was chosen to represent the United States of America. 

When an eagle needs to make a nest they seek high points; tree tops, mountain tops, any high point. They then collect the sharpest twigs and thorns around. They build their nest so the spikes and sharp points face up. When they are done they pack it with moss, grass and other softer more comfortable natural material. 

The eagle lays the eggs and after a short while the eaglets hatch. For the first little while the mother provides for them: food, water, and shelter. Then slowly she will start to remove the cushion between the babies and the sharp points beneath the grass and moss. 

Eventually the babies are so uncomfortable that their mother spreads her wings and welcomes them onto her back. They happily join her and from there she takes off into the sky. They have lived up to this point only in the nest and their view limited to that world around them. 

They then see, for the first time, streams, mountains, forests, everything else the mother soars over. She flies higher and farther. Then without warning she flips upside down and shakes them off. The free fall as they have not been taught to fly. At the final moment she rescues them from impact. 

The eaglets are probably relieved but may be suspicious as their mother spirals back up into the sky and repeats the process. Though they fall on their own their mother never abandons them entirely. She inspires them by displaying her impressive six-foot wingspan. Eventually the eaglets are so inspired by their mother that they then spread their wings. 

The air rushes into their feathers as their descent is no longer terrifying but exciting when they realize they are flying.

Oftentimes the challenges that seem to be rushing at us feel like we are not possibly prepared for them. In reality we are slowly being brought out of our comfort zone and slowly pushed in the direction of that challenge. We will never face a challenge, a trial, a feeling of being dropped from a great height without the preparation to be successful. We have been prepared for this moment so that we can confront the next. 

The intelligent plan of the mother to teach her children in this manner gives them an ability to learn in their youth the extent of their greatness.  

*This story was told to me in a lesson review class that I wrote down from memory afterwards. Zackary Maples taught a class since he was what they called the academic monitor. He organized study sessions like this ‘lesson review’ for us to all talk about the various chapters we had to read for our end of course test. It had nothing to do with the actual class but something he shared at the end that inspired me.


10/29/2020

HER

I stamped my handwritten letter for you and put it in the mailbox like I’ve been doing everyday this week instead of the Sandboxx typed up letters I've been sending you and then we drove to grandmas listening to music. Do you remember that song called lighthouse by collabro? I had completely forgot about it until it came on and I remembered why I loved it so much and realized how well it fits into our lives right now. I’ve been in and out of Texas today. I even could swear I had a conversation with you. Like I could distinctly hear your voice call my name so I answered. I said “hello Dax, how are you doing today?” Then things got really muffled and hard to understand. I felt like you told me you were fine but you really missed me. I told you I missed you too and that I loved you and hoped you had a beautiful day. I think you said “you too” but it was faded and then gone. I’m interested to hear if you had a similar experience or if it was just a nice made up conversation in my head 😜. So when this song came on it was seriously so perfect. I even “sing it out loud so you’ll hear a voice you know”.

10/30/2020

HIM

A few weeks ago now you told me you were having a really hard time. That you always miss me but that

week was more difficult to live with. You were not alone. We’re too connected you and I. That week was

hard on me too. Being cut off from you like this pains me. The phone calls help but also tease me. Since

time seems to accelerate and it’s over before we really begin. 

I was happy to hear that this last week was better. Mine too. Monday was rough but the rest of the week

has been fine. I look forward to dating you. Telling you about everything. I’m glad you are writing about it and posting information. I too am keeping a journal of sorts. Keeping track of the day to day. I started late so it’s incomplete but it’s consistent since I bought it. 

We’ve chosen an interesting life, Megan. We scratch only the surface in trying to understand our new life , but I think it’ll be a fulfilling and exciting adventure. We will be tried and tested in ways other people can only read about and some they couldn’t imagine. It’ll all be worth it. 

10/31/2020

HIM

Today we practiced our graduation. One more practice and it’ll be the real thing. I was really excited for my

phone call. At the beginning of the  week we lost all 15 minutes except 30 seconds. I only got your

voicemail. I suppose it was for the best. Hearing your voice for less then 30 seconds would have broken

me. Some members of the flight got 10 minutes. I’m not sure how they got it up so high  and I stayed at 30

seconds but I can’t dispute it. 

The only thing I could think of is I brought out a towel for a run day. We can bring them for padding for when

we are laying down or doing positions like push ups. The ground is rough so it pads the palms for a work

out. On Monday I brought a towel out like most of the flight but then after we formed up our MTI made the

comment that it was a run day and we were supposed to have our colored run belts. Run belt- based off of the initial run time we were given neon colored belts to indicate our run level: blue, green, yellow and red. Blue is the fastest time and red is the slowest time. There was a bracket for each color. I was red. My second run I did better so I jumped to a yellow and then I did my final and if I were to be given another belt it would be green. So I definitely showed improvement. My final for push ups went up from 18 to 47 so a nice jump and my sit ups went from 35-50. 100% of the flight went back up stairs and swapped the towel for the belt. I didn't put my towel down. I lined up with the road guards and he caught me. Later he caught another trainee even though when he yelled at me he said “you are the only one in the squadron with a freaking towel! Don’t worry we’ll have a conversation about that later!” I stressed about it the whole workout and felt very discouraged. Then at the end of the workout I saw my towel soaked up all the water on the ground because of the rain. When we were forming back up I got ready really fast and made the poor decision to wring out my towel. I looked up and he was staring at me. I got up immediately and he yelled, “no that’s ok! The whole flight will wait on you to wring out your towel. Don’t worry we’ll add this to the conversation you and I will have!” I readied myself the whole day, but nothing happened. Now it’s Saturday and still not a word. I’m thinking he is disappointed for me not owning up to it, which I considered. But usually when they say something like that it’s guaranteed to happen. It wasn’t like I dodged our conversation. He never brought it up.

This week we are preparing for BEAST. It’ll be Wednesday and Thursday this week. Now that I’ve learned about it I’m really not all that excited. I get to shoot which will be fun and I believe I get to do the obstacle course which I think I’ll be good at. The part I don’t look forward to is similar to EC (Entry Controller). I stand guard and MTI’s try to get passed without following security protocols. I get to yell at MTI’s but I’m graded on the wording of what I say and I fear failing. I’m trying to study, I’m trying to prepare… I’m just anxious about it. I shouldn’t be but I am. Once BEAST is over I take the EOC (end of course) test. 100 questions in two hours covering 35 possible chapters. I’ve heard it’s common sense but the questions are randomized so the difficulty changes. Oh and I forgot, with BEAST the Entry Controller Test are scenarios that can be a number of different things. So like when someone walks up to the base I have to yell, “HALT. Raise your hands above your head. Spread your fingers. Spread your feet!” Then if they follow orders I give them a number like four and if they return the orders that add up to our base's secret number then they can be allowed access. So if it’s nine and they say “five” to my four then they are good. If they give the wrong one then there is a process to detain them. If they give no number at all and do not lower their weapon I detain them. If they raise their weapon then I yell “fire, trigger, safe” which is me switching off the safety of my training rifle, pulling the trigger to neutralize the enemy and safe which is returning the switch to safety. All in simulation of course. It might be more fun than I think. There are also medical scenarios. Someone is shot or attacked and it’ll vary with them either being conscious or unconscious. I have to know how to apply a CAT which is a Combat Application Tourniquet and know how to apply gauze to a gunshot or stab wound by stuffing it into the wound.

WEEK SIX

November 1st- November 7th

11/1/2020

HIM

So occasionally, and it’s been more lately, we have been having what is called Airman’s facilitation. It is an

informal setting with half the flight with one MTI in the day room and the other half on the other side of the

dorm building meeting in ‘A’ bay- both halves of the flight are doing the same thing. The dorm building is

split into two bays with the day room at the end: an ‘A’ bay and a ‘B’ bay. ‘A’ bay is to the left of the entrance

when walking in, ‘B’ bay is to the left if you continue down the hallway from the entrance with the latrine on

the right. The day room is at the end of the hallway past both bays.   

We watch a video with either a scenario acted out by Airmen or a video put to music that flashes statements

or a question. So on Friday I was in the day room with the half led by MTI in training. Because he is in training

so even outside these informal settings he can yell and be demanding of us but it’s not quite the same as our

other two MTI's. I still highly respect him though. Anyway, so this video we watched showed Airmen doing a

variety of jobs. Loading cargo, humanitarian aids, rescuing injured troops, working on computers, all sorts of

jobs and positions. The point was all jobs contribute to “the mission”- the overall goal of the Air Force. So,

part of facilitation is that we don’t give report statements because the MTI is supposed to guide the discussion

and continue posing questions but we, as half the flight, need to talk to each other. The discussion led to talk

about all of our jobs and how it contributed to humanitarian, combat, and two other main categories. I raised

my hand and stated my job as ‘Cyber Transport Systems’. Our training MTI then breaks from what and MTI

would usually act like and repeated my job with an exaggerated deep voice and said, “you sound like Optimus

Prime” and then said, “can you please say something from transformers.” So I said really the only line that I know,

“Autobots! Rollout! Both our training MTI mimic of my voice and him asking me to do it with my response

that followed had everyone laughing and cheering. Then he said, “ok, one more.” So I said, “I am Optimus Prime.

Leader of the Autobots.”

He was laughing so hard, he actually just moved on to the next person. I didn’t even get to share but it was

all worth it. Now I’m referred to or get requests for Optimus Prime all the time.

11/2/2020

HIM

We headed to a class for what is called SERE. It was a four hour course of everything surrounding becoming a prisoner of war. It was all pretty fascinating but all four hours were done through a video from the 80’s or 90’s and so it was outdated, the actors were horrible so it was hard to follow along for four hours. It was divided in half with chow in between but still. The info was good though. It was all about evading capture, preparing mentally when capture is imminent, to never surrender and the articles of conduct that outline the laws when it comes to Prisoners of War. When it was done we came up to the dorm and received our rank patches which was really cool.

I've been able to relate to people here at BMT. It’s better one on one and it’s quiet but it’s been a great way for me to push the limits of my comfort zone here. I thought I was prepared for this, that I could help lead but that hasn’t been the case and I’m content with that. I’m also proud of myself for being able to push myself physically. I’ve never worked out so hard for so long. I feel so much better. I’ve also had to learn in ways I’ve normally not been able to. At least not very well.

I also approve of who I’ve become. I’m more disciplined. I respond faster when called upon. I’ve been trained to simply move faster. With a true sense of purpose. 

My MTI said a couple weeks ago that us getting up early and exercising, making our beds, details and dust downs that we complete more in our morning then most of the country completes all day. That we all have the same amount of time in our day and all it takes is the discipline to do the most with it possible. By the end of the day I’m asleep in minutes. I don’t stay asleep. I toss and turn all night without you but not a day goes by where I don’t feel accomplished, where everyday I can say that I earned my meals. 

As chow runner, on my last day, our Master Sergeant was the one I reported to. He was present during our workout and a lot more excited and enthusiastic about the exercise. I did my report and he said, “Trainee, did you earn your chow?” 

“Yes, sir!” I shouted to which he would normally give a reply like, “Seat them,” or “Bring them in a seat them”. This time, however, he said “seat them like a boss”. So I said, “seat them like a boss. Yes sir. Thank you sir.” That was my last and best report I was a part of. 

My favorite part about BMT is how motivating our MTI’s can be. Hearing statements like “life here isn’t easier as the days go by, you are getting better,” or “We apply more and more pressure so that you are set up for success, so that you can be the best you,” are very motivating.

In a class we did recently we learned about the position of being an MTI. I feel like I wrote about this already. Oh well. So MTI’s are supposedly the best of the best in their field. Becoming and MTI is a special position. Those AFSC (job) details that I found before learning had a list of special positions. I’m thinking that’s the same thing. 

I believe those special positions are for those that excel at their AFSC and are given to them as a for of evaluation for promotion. The reason, or a reason, is because Technical Sergeant was in sheet metal, where he fabricated metal in repairing Aircraft. His supervisor wanted to help promote him so he recommended him for the MTI position. He passed all the other requirements to make Master Sergeant and will be officially promoted at the end of my cycle. If this is all true there are some really neat assignments available if/when I reach that level. 

Well tomorrow on the third is BEAST. It’s just two days and then I have the EDC test (end of course). Which I have been studying for since the first week of training. Then I’m done being tested. By the time you get this I could be done. This has been an experience like I never could have really imagined or related to without doing it. 

My perspective has changed. 

My standards have risen.

My confidence and discipline are at levels I never thought possible. 

I am very grateful for all of what BMT has done to and for me, but this is just the beginning. 

I love you. Thank you for being so in love with me. Thank you for being so positive. I know you have had moments of days or even weeks but your letter and our limited phone calls are wonderful. I’ve enjoyed showing off pictures of you all. I talk about you all the time. 

Thank you for being with me, working with me, and believing in me. 

I’ll see you in a second.

11/3/2020

HIM

To my lighthouse,

I had to add more since I was able to open the latest letter. I think that is sweet that you all had a sleepover.

I can understand not wanting to be alone. A nice break maybe but too much without me, right?

I absolutely remember the song ‘Lighthouse’.

This is one of the reasons I HAD to write to you. I was working out this morning and the sun was lighting

up the sky and that song came to mind! I don’t know the words very well so it was mostly the chorus.

Then I read your letter tonight! Crazy!

And then I also thought that it was amazing because my watch alarm is set to 9:09am. I always talk to

you when it goes off. I have a full conversation with you so that means we connected. Everyday it seems

like my connection gets stronger and stronger. 

Also today makes the 9th for days remaining. 

I got to go. 

I love you. 

You really are my lighthouse. 

Love,

Me.

WEEK SEVEN

Graduation week! And boy is was full of emotion! On the 7th of November we had our last 15 minute mandatory call that felt a little tense. I think we were both done with starting a bunch of conversations and not being able to finish them. Something he did tell me was that he should be able to call and possibly Face-time the Wednesday before his graduation on Thursday. Monday and Tuesday were pretty laid back but I was completely distracted at a friend's daughters birthday arty I brought Bubba and Baby too waiting for that call. The later and later in the day the less I expected it to happen. It never did. Thursday morning I woke up early and in a whirlwind of confusing graduation information I eventually found it and watched him graduate live at 8am! He did it! He is an official Airman! We are an official Air Force family.


 I spent the rest of the day at Da Beast's Grandmas house with my two sister-in-laws and my nephews. As I was folding laundry I got a Face-time call from Da Beast with the Air Force song as his ring tone! The kids and I got to Face-time him for 20 minutes which was heaven compared to the past few weeks. Seeing him in real time, seeing him packed and ready to go to Tech school, and getting to congratulate him in person was the BEST! Friday morning he got his phone back and we got to text and Face-time and we've continued on since then whenever possible!

He's now been in tech school for a week and we've reached our second month since we've started this journey together! All of this next week he will be doing whatever they need him to do on while he's active duty and then Da Beast's classes officially start on November 30th for his job training!  

I think one of the hardest things to wrap your mind around starting a new Military life is the redefining. Redefining relationships and dating, redefining what’s important, redefining self and spirituality and redefining “family first”. It might seem like by going into the military it is country first and family falls by the wayside and crumbled into nothing. It is no more “just us”, it is no more “my time”, it is no more etc etc. It is family first through country first. The military personnel who leave to bear up the country are there to protect love and liberty. To uphold God given rights and service to fellowmen. It is for and because of family. That’s where it began, our family just got bigger. My Airman is serving this country for me but without me physically there. We have to put aside some wants and desires for what is best. We have to weed out the unnecessary to have the most intentional and meaningful because it might be the only time we have. We have to grow stronger together by being separate. We have to say goodbye way to many times and is it easy? Never. Are we strong? Sometimes. Can we live without each other? Not for a moment but we do because we know the overall outcome is worth it. We know the effort we make is worth it. We will fly our love for our family, new and old friends, and country high, we will fight for truth, love, God and liberty and we will win every battle and challenge that comes our way. There is no failure in consistency. We will not fail. We are an American Airman Family. We WILL fly, flight, and win because we do it together no matter how far apart we are. 

-Megan

 Next Blog Post: The Skies Are Not The Limit

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