I want to write a blog post about blessing your day with devotion, but I'm just not feeling it.
I want to write about how you can wake up in the morning with good intentions or a prayer and scripture or other spiritual reading but I don't even do that myself, every morning or even everyday at times.
I want to tell you all of these magical things that make my day run smoother but that's not where I am.
I want to tell you about all the books I've read that have led me to write this post but, really, I read like two books a year.
I want to, but I don't feel like I've learned enough to be able to. In fact I've looked through my list of all the blog post topics I'd like to write about and I don't feel like I have much experience in any of them, not yet.
More like in the midst of all of them.
The lesson I feel like is more prominent in my life currently is the thought "what kind of woman do I want to be?" which was prompted by a book I just finished called "The Lost Teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women" by Alonzo L. Gaskill, I I provided a link to Mike Whitmer, from the Deseret News, review. Just before that I was consumed with the thought, "Am I serving God or myself?" Which was stemmed from Brittani Krebbs. I first found Brittani on Youtube looking for what to expect from the military videos. Then I started following her on Instagram. She has a Christian faith that's inspiring and she shares devotional thoughts and notes she got from the devotionals she's been apart of. Last week was one about the first commandment: "Thou shalt not have any other gods before me". She mentioned how she got up with her baby and the first thing she did was take care of her baby. She didn't try to wake up earlier to put God first, was her thoughts. She said that even though that wasn't a bad thing it made her think about all the ways she could be putting God first in everything in her life. This isn't something I haven't heard of before, but the way it was mentioned this day stuck with me. In this devotional that she was apart of they talked about all the different gods: education, marriage, power, choice, self expression, achievement, education, athletics, spiritual things, and anything that takes up much of your thoughts and devotion. Then she shared a secret to finding these things that can take the place of God: What consumes or preoccupies your time? What goal, dream, or outcome is always in the back of your mind?
Then as I was reading “The Lost teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women” It made me think of it again because it talked about how we should treat each other and when we serve each other we are serving God and how I thought that went along with what this Brittani posted on Instagram. In my opinion she was serving God by serving her baby. I also believe that God gives us all talents and gifts to develop and share with others to support them and benefit them and ourselves. We need to all use our gifts and talents in line with our desire for the welfare of others. Because of the mass amounts of talents and gifts God gives to a person at any point in their life, the way we serve and spirituality progress will be different, but as long as our faith is in operation, God will make it known unto us our talents and gifts and when and where to use them. Serving others is not bad, having goals, dreams, and ambitions is not bad but where are our intentions? Where is our foundation for that service, goal, dream, and ambition? If it's rooted in myself it will crumble. If I am not constantly checking and keeping my thoughts turned towards Him and watching the seemingly innocent thoughts that consume my every thought, they will wander. My service, hopes, dreams, goals, desires will leave the sturdy platform they once came from and become things I begrudgingly do, loathe to do, loose interest and motivation in, or that I do to get gain, wealth, popularity, and fame. Again, none of these things are bad if you have them, just where is it coming from? Self fulfillment or servitude to God?
These were the thoughts running through my mind for a week, which you may or may not agree with, but which I found to be inspiring and a prompt to search my own intentions. Even when I get up in the morning to pray with my husband. I'm usually groggy and can't think of what to even pray for before I flop back on the bed and go back to sleep and he goes to work. I was "doing" the good but my "intention" was no longer there, it was a routine. Something I felt necessary. But now when I wake up I'm still groggy and can barely think straight and probably don't give the best prayers but my first thought is "I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my relationship with God. He wants to hear from me". And then I still go back to sleep and when I wake up next it's after the kids are up and I've looked at my phone. Am I putting God first in everything? No. Do I want to? Yes. Have I found a rhythm for that yet? No. Hence why I don't feel educated enough to be able to write this kind of post. I can tell you all the things I'd like to do or that I've done in the past but when it really comes down to it devoting your day to something, whatever it may be, starts in the heart of your intentions, your purpose. It's wanting and caring more for the outcome more than the obstacles or excuses we have in our lives.
For example, almost two years in October I took president Nelsons challenge to read the Book of Mormon in 3 months. When he first announced it at General Conference I laughed. Since having children it was hard for me to "find time" to study my scriptures. Especially the way I was USED to studying my scriptures and the way others had presented studying your scriptures. Before kids I would sit down in my room on the floor with my scriptures out, a journal, other resources, or I had a class to attend. Other said just "reading" your scriptures wasn't really "studying" your scriptures. And then I got a few people who would tell me that even if I just read a verse or two that "something was better than nothing" but that hardly seemed worth it to me. I had barricaded myself with thoughts, obstacles, and excuses for reading and studying my scriptures so I stopped. Sure I would read here and there when guilt really struck me but at the time of this General Conference I would say I hadn't really read my scriptures for 5 years, at least, which is something I feel ashamed about. After my initial laugh at his invitation (to read a book that I had read before over the course of a year, to not reading it at all, to being encouraged to read it in 3 months seemed impossible), I then had a thought "to just try it" when Russell M. Nelson said "the Lord will help you find a way to achieve it." So I took the challenge and during that whole time I learned that reading and studying your scriptures doesn’t have to be reading these large chunks of scriptures at once(although I did so I could finish on time since I didn't read everyday) and then trying to figure out the meaning and purpose for you; but instead reading a few verses in a topic that stands out to you, reading them over and over again, picking out phrases or words (for these first three months that was marking how many times Jesus was mentioned) that stand out to you and then reading the footnotes, following the promptings to other scriptures or general conference addresses, and writing down what comes to you from the scripture. Then you will know the message God intended for you; and it all started from just a few versus. And you know what I did it! I put aside my obstacles and excuses to put my faith in God first. And because it's now been proven that I can in fact read the Book of Mormon in 3 months I have since then done it 3 more times: the summer of 2019, October-December 2019, and then this past summer of 2020. Last winter I mostly listened to it and it actually helped me write a talk and prompt the blog post about Strengths or Weaknesses. This last summer I was actually able to get my journal out and write thoughts and impressions around a different word each day I read that I was looking for which gave me new insights especially for the words that weren't as evident in the scriptures themselves but gave good examples of it. For example I was looking for the word "compassionate" in the scriptures or examples of compassion in the Book of Mormon. It resulted on an idea for a future blog post.
There is so much more I need to learn on what it means to devoting my day. Not knowing more than the meager amount of experience I shared here will keep me open for more knowledge to come my way and also allow me the opportunity to seek others expertise. As important as it is for us to be using our talents and knowledge for others it is equally important for us to enlist the help of others; all things you are weak in is someone else’s strength. Focus on your strengths, not what you wish you were good at and God will place you in the right time and place. All you will need to do is act on His inspiration and thank him continually.
So I'd like to know, how do you devote your day?
xoxo
Megan
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