One Breath at a Time

 In a time where there doesn't seem to be enough time, when the days are slow, the weeks melt into each other, and looking back you wonder where the year has gone I've never felt more like I have all the time in the world. There's only one word to truly describe that feeling, for me, and that is to be content with the now. Being present with what is, breathing, and being grateful for all the small things that have led up to this one defining moment we as a family have been called to do: military life. 

This past week I've been really contemplating the breath. The specific thought that I had was observing the tiniest detail of the breath. If I allowed myself to see it, the whole world seemed to be in some state of breathing. The way the wind was rustling the leaves before the much needed storm headed our way was a breath, the shadows moving and swaying back and forth on the window was a breath, the world seemingly holding a collective breath on the outcomes of disease, death, violence, debate, and so on was a representative of a lack of breath. My thoughts then began moving in the direction of more action: 

We made a "classroom door" out of our front door that serves 3 different purposes: our home school classroom door decor, a reminder to take a breath when things seem difficult every time we see the door or before we leave, and then as I was putting up little paper books I noticed there were eight (which is the amount of months the hubby will be gone for training in the Airforce), turning the door into a third purpose: a countdown each month where we can record our thoughts on the past month and when we are together again. 

The second thing meditating on breathing brought me to was to send out a reminder to those who follow me on my yoga Instagram account and a family group text to breathe. It said: "Has anyone marveled at how the breath is in everything? Breathing is something we often take for granted or can even be afraid of. I know that sounds silly but when we notice we are holding our breath we are also holding a feeling restricting that breath. It might be scary to let it go. That’s why to a yogi breath is important, the center of everything. Taking a deep breath can change a course of direction. Even reading the word BREATH or BREATHE can cause a physical reaction and act as a cooling balm on the soul. The breath is the key to taking in things as they are, taking what is needed, and then releasing what we don’t. Sometimes we may want to hold onto a feeling but through the breath we can let it go and come back to our center. Here is your daily reminder to breathe...it’s funny how often we forget to."

When life gets a little crazy, I get a little overwhelmed, I feel stressed, angry, or anxious, or when time seems to suddenly be staring me in the face taunting that there is not longer enough of it I've been taking this word out and putting it to good use. I've even learned more about it! Did you know that the Hebrew word 'Ruach' when translated means 'breath', 'wind', or 'spirit' interchangeably.  In the family group text I aforementioned my brother-in-law said it in this way that I really liked, "breathing is literally spiritual power." If something so naturally done that we hardly give it a second thought is our internal power that moves us to create, become, and grow maybe it should be given that second thought. 

As I've been more aware of the tiny movements the breath is in myself and I around me I, as well as Da Beast, have seen the small preparations that have led us here, some of which I've already mentioned in my previous blog post: "A Quest for Freedom and Bravery Pt. 1", but also others we haven't acknowledged before such as all of the jobs Da Beast had before now has taught him that will put things into more perspective for him in his military career, how I've been seeking out my own inner strength and spiritual training to obtain the tools needed to get though the challenges, how even if life events had been different or as we "thought" we would go we probably would have still ended up at this point in our lives because it's more than just a career it's a calling, driving us forward for us to obtain experience and serve others. Looking back we were perfectly placed where we needed to be to make the best of where we are now, regardless of what direction we originally thought we were going.

Besides creating a "classroom" door with a deep meaning we've also put together and accomplished a few goals to help to prepare for, in retrospect, a short separation. 

• We've gone up north to visit family, go on a hike, and show the kids where and how we got engaged on this special bridge. We took lots of pictures, drank milkshakes, played pickle ball, stuck our feet in the water on our hike, picked flowers, walked downtown, and had a move night with a giant bag of Harkins Theatre popcorn they were selling. 
• We had a Disney Day with corn dogs, Mickey Mouse Ice cream, and a youtubed Electrical Parade. 
• We celebrated an early Halloween by putting up a few decorations and taking pictures together. We went over to my parents house and ate pizza together for lunch, the kids got to dress up, and then we went outside and rang the door bell for some "trick-or-treating". 
• We got our annual family pictures taken in my wedding dress with our children also dressed up by an old friend of mine to mark not only the importance of our family and the future we were facing but also an important year of marriage between Da Beast and I. It was hot but it was an amazing photo shoot. Afterwards we had a quick snack dinner of apples, peanut butter and cheese and put the kids to bed. 
• Right after Halloween comes Thanksgiving and being on a strict grocery budget right now it was going to be extremely simple but then we were given a whole raw chicken and I couldn't help but tear up and the tender mercies of God and the generosity of so many others that led to this simple chicken that I got to roast and have as our "main event". It was also the first time I butterflied a chicken which went pretty well if I say so myself. Seriously! God could've been like, "you'll be fine without a chicken or you have enough money you can buy a chicken if you really wanted one" but as ridiculous as it sounds he cares about our desires and efforts to be more conscious of our spending and blessed our home with a chicken that, even though we would have been fine without, made our early Thanksgiving that much more special. 
• The last Holiday we celebrated together was Christmas. I set out a little tree and we even got one present for each child (hence the strict grocery budget), we had pancakes for breakfast and filmed the children opening up their presents and playing with them with their daddy. Later we went on a drive to find lights while drinking hot chocolate and listening to subtle Christmas music. I think it was even more fun trying to find lights in August then in December but that's probably just me. It was like a treasure hunt and so much more enjoyable when we actually saw some. We even took pictures next to some palm trees wrapped in lights at a contemporary arts museum. It was amazing. 
• Da Beast had his month check in with his recruiter where they took his weight, wrote down his motivations for joining the Air Force, followed up on certification bonuses, and gave him a physical copy of the Basic Military Training (BMT) packing list. He also had his last day of work so that for the following week he could taking an online certification course for COMPTIA A+ and Net+ certifications where the Air Force would then give him a bonus for those being completed. Not to mention taking them now over the course of a week will only help him later when he does his tech (job) training.   

The overall, most important goal that we made and that I promised myself was to keep things as regular of a routine as possible and to record all of the little, small and simple things that we take for granted in our every day because those are the things we are going to miss the most. The big grand gestures, parties, Holidays, vacations and trips will all be nice to remember and to have when the actual dates for those things arrive (which was my thought process as I thought of what I wanted to do before he left) but as we lived them out I came to realize that every moment we have with him now is a mixture of joy and sadness. I came to realize that no matter how many plans I have in place or how many activities I have us do I will still miss him just as much. I'm just hoping this takes the edge off of it all. I'm just trying to take it all in a cherish it more than I ever have. I'm just trying. I'm just breathing. 

Because I know that in the end this will all be worth it and for our good and the good of our nation. Because I know that time goes by quicker than we realize and 8 months is not going to be that long. Because I know that by focusing on what I CAN control and what I CAN look forward too is more helpful right now than looking at what I lack or what is out of my control. Because I know that in reality time is all I really have and I might as well make the best of it. 

XOXO

Megan 

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