Off We Go

 Well it's here, it's happening, and I hardly believe it: Da Beast is heading off to Airforce BMT. But before we get to that...

September was a full month. Full of love, full of adventure, full of family, full of tears, full of gratitude and full of memories. It's the month Da Beast and I started off by driving back the the beginning of our marriage: our honeymoon in San Diego, California. We spent 4 days with my brother, his wife, and her family... 

being pampered,

boogie boarding in the ocean, 

seeing Balboa park, 

seeing Old town San Diego, and playing board and card games!

We then said our goodbyes...

and went straight to our Kayak tour in La Jolla and then checked into our Air BNB rental which was located on Lamont street and Garnet off of a street called Hornblend in Pacific Beach which was right down the street from The Plaza Condominiums that we stayed in for our honeymoon!

The Entrance to The Plaza Condominiums

 It was so interesting to be back nine years later. It was as if no time had really passed and then looking back

(as we ate breakfast at Bruggers bagels just as we had on our honeymoon) we had accomplished so many things in those nine years. We've grown up together (and if you ask me Da Beast is even more handsome now than he was then), we've gotten through leg surgery, death of family members, having our own children, buying and selling our first house, anxiety, communication difficulties, night shifts, personal struggles and misunderstanding, and probably more that I can't think of at the moment. Looking back on all of that and seeing how proud I was of where we are now and the direction we are going made this anniversary very special for us. And if you know anything about us nine has always been our number...it has shown up on it's own so many times and we've made things extra special when it's the ninth in a month, time or place. Needless to say this is our "real" golden anniversary. Ha ha! After breakfast and a little grocery shopping at vons we spent the rest of our anniversary in our Airbnb watching the t.v. series: Reign and eating Annie Chuns microwave noodles which were very similar to the noodles we would get all.the.time when we were first married. In fact this whole anniversary experience was taking all the old experiences that can't ever be or needs to be recreated exactly and pairing it with the new and fresh perspective of two people that have really lived. 

We ended our anniversary trip with a stop to down town Disney. On our honeymoon we actually went to Disneyland for I think 3 days, but due to the changes not only in our own lives but in the entire world we were happy to just snap a picture in front of Disneyland, walk through World of Disney, buy treats in Marcelines and beignets from Jazz kitchen and call it good! We then drove home and greeted our lovely children and spent the rest of the month swimming, dentist appointments, Da Beast was trying to take tests for COMPTIA certifications (such as the A+ and Networking) but it was not meant to be, we had lots of family dinners, went to church and that brings me right back around to now: our Military life is just beginning. We are at the precipice of mighty and great change which is both terrifying (as steep rock cliffs would be in real life and not just as an analogy) but also a vision of magnified beauty and excitement. 

On September 18th, Da Beast had his last meeting with his recruiter, Staff Sargent Mason. They made a finalized contract, talked about good running shoes, discussed any questions, talked about going back to MEPS and taking his official oath which was available to view on a Facebook page, and then finally an up in the air announcement that he might not go to Mississippi for Basic Military Training but instead Texas due to a hurricane and flooding in Mississippi. Our journey so far in the Military as been anything but predictable and I wouldn't ever expect it to be anything different once we're officially in it, which as of this morning is really happening. Have I mentioned that already because I still can't believe it! 

On September 19th, Da Beast's grandma opened her home to many and mostly family members for a Military Send Off party where we ate good food, visited, and in the end Da Beast expressed his motivation for entering into the Air Force (below image). It's been a good celebratory last week and for those of you who are wondering: I am sad but also excited and at peace. I've learned these past two months that it is very possible to feel seemingly opposing emotions at the same time and that doesn't mean that one overpowers the other or diminishes it, it just means there is so much more depth- the emotions encompassing and living together harmoniously if allowed. So while I may be crying, while I know I will not have it easy, while I know there is a new transition period and many more to come, while I know this is for our good and extended growth, I also know that this is our calling, that this is our opportunity, that this is our adventure, and that I'm at peace.

"Thank you everybody for coming out and support me and my family as we've made our decision to join the Air Force and I just wanted to share a couple of things I've had on my mind lately. One of the questions I've been asked a lot when I was working or by family is: if I'm ready to do this. I think I've prepared as much as I could. 

When we moved to Flagstaff when I was little within the first little while I met my friend Matt and his two friends Nick and Alex and almost immediately they became my brothers. They became three men, or boys at the time, that I feel like I would do anything for as we grew up together. As we've grown up, even though we've not always grown up in the same area all at once we've managed to stay pretty close and I realized very quickly that it was camaraderie that I needed in my life. So, when I served my mission I felt the same way with some of the companions that I had and I was so grateful for the connection that I had with some of those men. And then when I got back and I got married, I realized that the job that I had I wanted it to be the same way. I wanted the camaraderie, the brotherhood in my life. 

I've always had an interest in the military, it's kind of been woven into my interests and not necessarily my upbringing but my history. My grandpa Gilliland was a Marine, my Uncle Cory was in the Army, my grandpa Mason was in the Air Force, and I remember a trip up to Flagstaff, Matt and I were driving up there and I remember expressing to him, the first person I ever told, that I wanted to be in the Military. I didn't know what I wanted to do, I didn't know what branch, but I told him that's what I wanted to do. At the time I wasn't sure if that was going to happen. 

Then when I had my leg surgery and it became more of a possibility, I remember bringing it up to Megan when we were first married and it wasn't something she felt entirely comfortable with because we were just newlywed and I didn't really know what I wanted to do and so I kind of put it on the back burner a little bit. And then a couple of years ago, I was looking for another change in employment and I got an email from the Navy asking about my interest in doing IT for the Navy, which I accredit to google spying on us, because there was no way that they knew I was doing research into becoming an IT technician in general. So I asked Megan about it and she knew that I was kind of struggling in finding my "fit" and finding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and so I talked to her about it and she surprisingly said "yeah, let's go for it. Let's look into it. Lets see. You've tried a number of different things that haven't really worked, let's see what this has to offer." So I chatted with a Navy recruiter and I submitted my information and they never got back to me bu the Airforce did. So I met with my recruiter, Megan and I went together, and we talked to Staff Sargent Mason and everything I learned from him I knew it was going to be a fit. I knew that's where I belonged. I'm sure during basic training I won't feel that way but I do know that's where I belong. 

I know that this camaraderie, a brotherhood, of individuals who have my back no matter what is where I belong. 

The second thing I wanted to share that has been on my mind is patriotism. I desire so strongly to be a patriot. I know that our country is not perfect but it strives to do the best that it can. It is made up of imperfect people, of course, but what it stands for is the greatest thing on Earth. There is no other country that is more free than the United States of America. I want to be apart of that, I want to defend the opinions of others even if its one hundred percent against what I believe but I want to defend the rights of those individuals to believe that. 

I was thinking about the movie, the National Treasure, when Benjamin Gates is talking to Abigail Chase what the founding fathers did in the face of what they accomplished and the risks that they were taking and as he was talking about the Declaration of Independence he's looking in her eyes while they raise their champagne glasses and says, "to those who did what was considered wrong for what they knew what was right". They put their lives and everything that they had in the idea of America, for making it for what it is today, and establishing our Constitution, our Bill of Rights, and everything that we stand for around the world. We're a relatively young nation and yet we're what everyone looks to. I'm so proud to be apart of that. 

Thank you again for supporting me, I love all of you, and thank you so much for being here for me." 

[Edited Transcription of Military Send off Speech]

          

September 21st was our last day seeing Da Beast. We started the day by waking up early together to watch the sun rise. I felt as if it was  moving the kids beds and things into my room, cleaning and storing other items, and donating the items no longer wanted. After that we drove to the Sheraton Hotel where he will stay the night before he heads off to MEPS for the last time to do an updated medical check up and where he will take his official oath. What I thought was only to be a 20 minute check in, to the hotel and with the Airforce personnel there, ended up being slightly over an hour and I took a 20 minute off and on nap in the car while the kids watched videos on my phone. When he was finished we went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse and then took a drive back to the hotel that felt long and short at the same time. My tears started as we pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and continued to increase the closer we got to the hotel because I knew this was it for awhile and I couldn't help but feel sad. 

When Bubba saw me crying he began crying too. Baby didn't catch on until Da Beast was actually leaving and by then it was all out melt downs. Just when I thought I gained some composure and strength the kids were saying things like "why did you choose this?" and "I don't want to leave dada!" and "I have to go potty! I have to go into the hotel to go potty"...and the tears continued to pour out. We eventually we had to just  go and driving away was hard but I felt confident and at peace. On the way home the kids and I talked about how it's good that we are sad, it means that we care about and love daddy very much, how we can use our time to collect stories to tell daddy, how we can still write him and draw him pictures, how we plan on visiting him, and all the other things that are good about this too, even if it's also sad. Bubba even said he was excited to sleep in the same room like a sleepover and that he would be my "biggest helper" he would do all his chores, help with Faye, and he listed many more things that he would do to help me while "daddy is gone". When we got home we went to the bathroom, brushed our teeth, watched a video from Da Beast (he made enough till the end of his Basic Training so that we could "see" him since communication is limited in BMT), turned on some music, talked a little bit more and then the kids fell asleep. As I la there I was thinking about this adjustment period we'll all be going through, how we will maintain a "new normal" without Da Beast and I thought about how wrong that felt. I don't want to create a "normal" without him, I don't want to do things without him, I don't want to move on from the now and right now I don't have too but eventually we will naturally do so but it won't be "without him", he will not be here physically but he will still be apart of everything we do and one of the exciting parts of this journey is all the stories we will have to tell to each other and to others most of which I will probably be posting on this blog.

September 22nd is his Air Force ship date! I woke up early with puffy eyelids and shortly after Bubba was awake and in distress for having wet his bed. I just led him to the bathroom to take a shower and he asked "you're not mad at me?" to which I replied "no, honey. It's alright. Let's just get you into the shower and washed off." I was proud of how far I've come in maintaining my calm through these situations, for training myself that him knowing that accidents happen is alright, because I haven't always reacted this way. I also knew that I was not doing this alone. I feel like I should be a mess, a disaster, a ball of emotion and stress bouncing all over the place but that was who I was, not who I am now and I know Heaven is holding me up as I hold my kids up. Does that mean I won't feel broken at some point this week or anxious and flip out? No, but what it does mean is I'm fine now and I will probably continue to be fine because I know that for the past two years I've been prepared for this. I got this, even if I'm not ready for all of it in the moment, even if I'm scared sometimes, overwhelmed, or confused. I will figure it out as I go. 

Off we go...

Megan 

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