One Breath at a Time

 In a time where there doesn't seem to be enough time, when the days are slow, the weeks melt into each other, and looking back you wonder where the year has gone I've never felt more like I have all the time in the world. There's only one word to truly describe that feeling, for me, and that is to be content with the now. Being present with what is, breathing, and being grateful for all the small things that have led up to this one defining moment we as a family have been called to do: military life. 

This past week I've been really contemplating the breath. The specific thought that I had was observing the tiniest detail of the breath. If I allowed myself to see it, the whole world seemed to be in some state of breathing. The way the wind was rustling the leaves before the much needed storm headed our way was a breath, the shadows moving and swaying back and forth on the window was a breath, the world seemingly holding a collective breath on the outcomes of disease, death, violence, debate, and so on was a representative of a lack of breath. My thoughts then began moving in the direction of more action: 

We made a "classroom door" out of our front door that serves 3 different purposes: our home school classroom door decor, a reminder to take a breath when things seem difficult every time we see the door or before we leave, and then as I was putting up little paper books I noticed there were eight (which is the amount of months the hubby will be gone for training in the Airforce), turning the door into a third purpose: a countdown each month where we can record our thoughts on the past month and when we are together again. 

The second thing meditating on breathing brought me to was to send out a reminder to those who follow me on my yoga Instagram account and a family group text to breathe. It said: "Has anyone marveled at how the breath is in everything? Breathing is something we often take for granted or can even be afraid of. I know that sounds silly but when we notice we are holding our breath we are also holding a feeling restricting that breath. It might be scary to let it go. That’s why to a yogi breath is important, the center of everything. Taking a deep breath can change a course of direction. Even reading the word BREATH or BREATHE can cause a physical reaction and act as a cooling balm on the soul. The breath is the key to taking in things as they are, taking what is needed, and then releasing what we don’t. Sometimes we may want to hold onto a feeling but through the breath we can let it go and come back to our center. Here is your daily reminder to breathe...it’s funny how often we forget to."

When life gets a little crazy, I get a little overwhelmed, I feel stressed, angry, or anxious, or when time seems to suddenly be staring me in the face taunting that there is not longer enough of it I've been taking this word out and putting it to good use. I've even learned more about it! Did you know that the Hebrew word 'Ruach' when translated means 'breath', 'wind', or 'spirit' interchangeably.  In the family group text I aforementioned my brother-in-law said it in this way that I really liked, "breathing is literally spiritual power." If something so naturally done that we hardly give it a second thought is our internal power that moves us to create, become, and grow maybe it should be given that second thought. 

As I've been more aware of the tiny movements the breath is in myself and I around me I, as well as Da Beast, have seen the small preparations that have led us here, some of which I've already mentioned in my previous blog post: "A Quest for Freedom and Bravery Pt. 1", but also others we haven't acknowledged before such as all of the jobs Da Beast had before now has taught him that will put things into more perspective for him in his military career, how I've been seeking out my own inner strength and spiritual training to obtain the tools needed to get though the challenges, how even if life events had been different or as we "thought" we would go we probably would have still ended up at this point in our lives because it's more than just a career it's a calling, driving us forward for us to obtain experience and serve others. Looking back we were perfectly placed where we needed to be to make the best of where we are now, regardless of what direction we originally thought we were going.

Besides creating a "classroom" door with a deep meaning we've also put together and accomplished a few goals to help to prepare for, in retrospect, a short separation. 

• We've gone up north to visit family, go on a hike, and show the kids where and how we got engaged on this special bridge. We took lots of pictures, drank milkshakes, played pickle ball, stuck our feet in the water on our hike, picked flowers, walked downtown, and had a move night with a giant bag of Harkins Theatre popcorn they were selling. 
• We had a Disney Day with corn dogs, Mickey Mouse Ice cream, and a youtubed Electrical Parade. 
• We celebrated an early Halloween by putting up a few decorations and taking pictures together. We went over to my parents house and ate pizza together for lunch, the kids got to dress up, and then we went outside and rang the door bell for some "trick-or-treating". 
• We got our annual family pictures taken in my wedding dress with our children also dressed up by an old friend of mine to mark not only the importance of our family and the future we were facing but also an important year of marriage between Da Beast and I. It was hot but it was an amazing photo shoot. Afterwards we had a quick snack dinner of apples, peanut butter and cheese and put the kids to bed. 
• Right after Halloween comes Thanksgiving and being on a strict grocery budget right now it was going to be extremely simple but then we were given a whole raw chicken and I couldn't help but tear up and the tender mercies of God and the generosity of so many others that led to this simple chicken that I got to roast and have as our "main event". It was also the first time I butterflied a chicken which went pretty well if I say so myself. Seriously! God could've been like, "you'll be fine without a chicken or you have enough money you can buy a chicken if you really wanted one" but as ridiculous as it sounds he cares about our desires and efforts to be more conscious of our spending and blessed our home with a chicken that, even though we would have been fine without, made our early Thanksgiving that much more special. 
• The last Holiday we celebrated together was Christmas. I set out a little tree and we even got one present for each child (hence the strict grocery budget), we had pancakes for breakfast and filmed the children opening up their presents and playing with them with their daddy. Later we went on a drive to find lights while drinking hot chocolate and listening to subtle Christmas music. I think it was even more fun trying to find lights in August then in December but that's probably just me. It was like a treasure hunt and so much more enjoyable when we actually saw some. We even took pictures next to some palm trees wrapped in lights at a contemporary arts museum. It was amazing. 
• Da Beast had his month check in with his recruiter where they took his weight, wrote down his motivations for joining the Air Force, followed up on certification bonuses, and gave him a physical copy of the Basic Military Training (BMT) packing list. He also had his last day of work so that for the following week he could taking an online certification course for COMPTIA A+ and Net+ certifications where the Air Force would then give him a bonus for those being completed. Not to mention taking them now over the course of a week will only help him later when he does his tech (job) training.   

The overall, most important goal that we made and that I promised myself was to keep things as regular of a routine as possible and to record all of the little, small and simple things that we take for granted in our every day because those are the things we are going to miss the most. The big grand gestures, parties, Holidays, vacations and trips will all be nice to remember and to have when the actual dates for those things arrive (which was my thought process as I thought of what I wanted to do before he left) but as we lived them out I came to realize that every moment we have with him now is a mixture of joy and sadness. I came to realize that no matter how many plans I have in place or how many activities I have us do I will still miss him just as much. I'm just hoping this takes the edge off of it all. I'm just trying to take it all in a cherish it more than I ever have. I'm just trying. I'm just breathing. 

Because I know that in the end this will all be worth it and for our good and the good of our nation. Because I know that time goes by quicker than we realize and 8 months is not going to be that long. Because I know that by focusing on what I CAN control and what I CAN look forward too is more helpful right now than looking at what I lack or what is out of my control. Because I know that in reality time is all I really have and I might as well make the best of it. 

XOXO

Megan 

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Devoting Your Day

I want to write a blog post about blessing your day with devotion, but I'm just not feeling it. 

I want to write about how you can wake up in the morning with good intentions or a prayer and scripture or other spiritual reading but I don't even do that myself, every morning or even everyday at times.

I want to tell you all of these magical things that make my day run smoother but that's not where I am. 

I want to tell you about all the books I've read that have led me to write this post but, really, I read like two books a year. 

I want to, but I don't feel like I've learned enough to be able to. In fact I've looked through my list of all the blog post topics I'd like to write about and I don't feel like I have much experience in any of them, not yet. 

More like in the midst of all of them. 

The lesson I feel like is more prominent in my life currently is the thought "what kind of woman do I want to be?" which was prompted by a book I just finished called "The Lost Teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women" by Alonzo L. Gaskill, I I provided a link to Mike Whitmer, from the Deseret News, review. Just before that I was consumed with the thought, "Am I serving God or myself?" Which was stemmed from Brittani Krebbs. I first found Brittani on Youtube looking for what to expect from the military videos. Then I started following her on Instagram. She has a Christian faith that's inspiring and she shares devotional thoughts and notes she got from the devotionals she's been apart of. Last week was one about the first commandment: "Thou shalt not have any other gods before me". She mentioned how she got up with her baby and the first thing she did was take care of her baby. She didn't try to wake up earlier to put God first, was her thoughts. She said that even though that wasn't a bad thing it made her think about all the ways she could be putting God first in everything in her life. This isn't something I haven't heard of before, but the way it was mentioned this day stuck with me. In this devotional that she was apart of they talked about all the different gods: education, marriage, power, choice, self expression, achievement, education, athletics, spiritual things, and anything that takes up much of your thoughts and devotion. Then she shared a secret to finding these things that can take the place of God: What consumes or preoccupies your time? What goal, dream, or outcome is always in the back of your mind? 

 Then as I was reading “The Lost teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women” It made me think of it again because it talked about how we should treat each other and when we serve each other we are serving God and how I thought that went along with what this Brittani posted on Instagram. In my opinion she was serving God by serving her baby. I also believe that God gives us all talents and gifts to develop and share with others to support them and benefit them and ourselves. We need to all use our gifts and talents in line with our desire for the welfare of others. Because of the mass amounts of talents and gifts God gives to a person at any point in their life, the way we serve and spirituality progress will be different, but as long as our faith is in operation, God will make it known unto us our talents and gifts  and when and where to use them. Serving others is not bad, having goals, dreams, and ambitions is not bad but where are our intentions? Where is our foundation for that service, goal, dream, and ambition? If it's rooted in myself it will crumble. If I am not constantly checking and keeping my thoughts turned towards Him and watching the seemingly innocent thoughts that consume my every thought, they will wander. My service, hopes, dreams, goals, desires will leave the sturdy platform they once came from and become things I begrudgingly do, loathe to do, loose interest and motivation in, or that I do to get gain, wealth, popularity, and fame. Again, none of these things are bad if you have them, just where is it coming from? Self fulfillment or servitude to God? 

These were the thoughts running through my mind for a week, which you may or may not agree with, but which I found to be inspiring and a prompt to search my own intentions. Even when I get up in the morning to pray with my husband. I'm usually groggy and can't think of what to even pray for before I flop back on the bed and go back to sleep and he goes to work. I was "doing" the good but my "intention" was no longer there, it was a routine. Something I felt necessary. But now when I wake up I'm still groggy and can barely think straight and probably don't give the best prayers but my first thought is "I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my relationship with God. He wants to hear from me". And then I still go back to sleep and when I wake up next it's after the kids are up and I've looked at my phone. Am I putting God first in everything? No. Do I want to? Yes. Have I found a rhythm for that yet? No. Hence why I don't feel educated enough to be able to write this kind of post. I can tell you all the things I'd like to do or that I've done in the past but when it really comes down to it devoting your day to something, whatever it may be, starts in the heart of your intentions, your purpose. It's wanting and caring more for the outcome more than the obstacles or excuses we have in our lives.  

For example, almost two years in October  I took president Nelsons challenge to read the Book of Mormon in 3 months. When he first announced it at General Conference I laughed. Since having children it was hard for me to "find time" to study my scriptures. Especially the way I was USED to studying my scriptures and the way others had presented studying your scriptures. Before kids I would sit down in my room on the floor with my scriptures out, a journal, other resources, or I had a class to attend. Other said just "reading" your scriptures wasn't really "studying" your scriptures. And then I got a few people who would tell me that even if I just read a verse or two that "something was better than nothing" but that hardly seemed worth it to me. I had barricaded myself with thoughts, obstacles, and excuses for reading and studying my scriptures so I stopped. Sure I would read here and there when guilt really struck me but at the time of this General Conference I would say I hadn't really read my scriptures for 5 years, at least, which is something I feel ashamed about. After my initial laugh at his invitation (to read a book that I had read before over the course of a year, to not reading it at all, to being encouraged to read it in 3 months seemed impossible), I then had a thought "to just try it" when Russell M. Nelson said "the Lord will help you find a way to achieve it." So I took the challenge and during that whole time I learned that reading and studying your scriptures doesn’t have to be reading these large chunks of scriptures at once(although I did so I could finish on time since I didn't read everyday) and then trying to figure out the meaning and purpose for you; but instead reading a few verses in a topic that stands out to you, reading them over and over again, picking out phrases or words (for these first three months that was marking how many times Jesus was mentioned) that stand out to you and then reading the footnotes, following the promptings to other scriptures or general conference addresses, and writing down what comes to you from the scripture. Then you will know the message God intended for you; and it all started from just a few versus. And you know what I did it! I put aside my obstacles and excuses to put my faith in God first. And because it's now been proven that I can in fact read the Book of Mormon in 3 months I have since then done it 3 more times: the summer of 2019, October-December 2019, and then this past summer of 2020. Last winter I mostly listened to it and it actually helped me write a talk and prompt the blog post about Strengths or Weaknesses. This last summer I was actually able to get my journal out and write thoughts and impressions around a different word each day I read that I was looking for which gave me new insights especially for the words that weren't as evident in the scriptures themselves but gave good examples of it. For example I was looking for the word "compassionate" in the scriptures or examples of compassion in the Book of Mormon. It resulted on an idea for a future blog post.  

There is so much more I need to learn on what it means to devoting my day. Not knowing more than the meager amount of experience I shared here will keep me open for more knowledge to come my way and also allow me the opportunity to seek others expertise. As important as it is for us to be using our talents and knowledge for others it is equally important for us to enlist the help of others; all things you are weak in is someone else’s strength. Focus on your strengths, not what you wish you were good at and God will place you in the right time and place. All you will need to do is act on His inspiration and thank him continually.

So I'd like to know, how do you devote your day? 

xoxo

Megan 

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