On May 31st 2019, I wrote a blog post about five ways you can find the lessons in your life which you can find by clicking here.
On June 15th 2020, I wrote a blog post about how learning is a life long process which you can find by clicking here.
On November 14th 2023 in correlation to this blog post I wrote about all of the lessons I learned about myself from therapy. I didn't want to make that blog post two long so I split it into two separate subjects because now that I have had many years accepting lives lessons and being prepared to continue to shed off more layers to expose a real and stronger me as I mentioned in my blog post back in 2017 about the Pride Cycle which you can find by clicking here. I think it's interesting to note that I clicked on that blog post on accident trying to find my life lesson blog posts and it ended up being very applicable to this past year of 2023 which I have deemed as a "season of purging" for myself.
Picking up where I left off in the last blog post, which you can find by clicking here , the year of 2022 ended with the last quiz from my "school of self" or therapy appointments. My therapist had to leave which was difficult for me but I also saw the benefit to it. One of my therapy goals was FRIENDSHIP including the friendships that I had which had ended and I was having a hard time letting go of, especially the deeper connection I felt to that individual. The fact that my therapist also had to leave my life looked an awful lot like a test from life. It was Heavenly Fathers nudge saying, "okay now what have you learned?" It was a practice for me.
Soon after my last session with my therapist I met a girl where we became instant friends. I've had this sort of spontaneous quick connection with a few others before and they have always been short lived. I'm still not sure exactly why this happens but it has, now three times. This time I think I was more ready for it because I knew she was moving soon. It was with my short and deep connected friendship with her that I was again tested. Perhaps these quick and deep connections with few individuals is the fact that I see myself in them. We are drawn to each other because we are unable to actually see ourselves the way others see us so we need someone to give us glimpses into what that is like. They are the closet thing we may run into that isn't a mirror to ourselves externally but internally. When I met her I felt like I met more of me and this time I understood why it might be hard for me to find friends. FRIENDSHIP ,being a therapy goal of mine and a repetitive life lesson for me such as in these blog post here and here, was a goal of mine where I was really actually looking for myself and what a rarity it was to find someone like me!
Now I know from an outside perspective this might all sound self centered but in reality it was a breakthrough for me. It helped me to give myself the self compassion, leniency, and forgiveness I rarely gave myself. It also took off the harsh lens that if I hurt people they wouldn't also be compassionate, lenient, or forgive me. It was an unrealistic lens I was holding onto, was unaware that it existed for awhile, and then wasn't sure how to remove. I kept learning, discovering, and writing until finally in December 2022 I was able to remove it because I saw myself in someone else and could at that point be more comfortably in myself, mistakes and all, in front of others knowing that generally speaking what we all want is a group of friends to make connection with and to communicate together. For the most part we all understand that others are going to disappoint us, make mistakes, make us upset, and confuse us! Generally speaking we all think that's worth it. Friendship needs the start of being yourself with someone else. I was finally able to do that.
It wasn't long after my friendship life-semester "final" that I was invited by a new friend of mine to a bible study. I knew with every part of myself that that was my next "class" I was to "enroll" myself into. It would also be a good place to continue to test out friendships with those of "like minds" but "different beliefs" which would very soon become my next lesson. Bible study ran from January 2023 to May 31st 2023 and towards the end I knew that bible study would not only end just for the summer for me but for now. I had felt it coming to a close. I had felt something else was going to call out for my attention. I believe a part of that was my calling in young women.
Over the summer my life tests started trickling in.
- Parent to a Friendship. Living on Beale AFB with kids who are old enough to be making friends primarily on their own has led to an abundance in friendship. It had made me so happy to see my kids with FRIENDS! Which actually makes more sense seeing as friendship has been a big thing for me lately and not just for myself! For most of the friendships flourishing with my kids I've seen my kids truly bloom! Some other friendships have been more challenging but I'm so stinking proud of my children and how they handle these instances! However, I know it's been taxing on them and there have been a few times where I've had to get involved and communicate with the other parents about it. The texting conversation was civil and each situations has been a test of character, my boundaries, and my mothering methods.
- On July 4th 2023 a movie called "Sound of Freedom" hit theaters and even before it did there was controversy about it swirling around. I didn't learn about this until a texting thread among our family. That was when my testimony woke up. It was as though what I believed was in a dormancy because I was worried about "keeping the peace" and I genuinely believe that people are good and we're all trying our best. This conversation, however, knocked me off of my fence. It didn't make sense to me that there would be such negativity surrounding a movie that was highlighting the humans who take advantage of the purest in our human race: children. This made me MAD. Another one of my therapy goals, besides friendship, was to "being angry in a healthy way" also under the category of boundaries and maintaining that balance of being kind while firm. It was through this group chat that I was able to stand up for what I believe, I recognized the difference between anger and a testimony, and my dormant testimony erupted! I felt the truth from God's spirit light me up in a way I hadn't felt for awhile and it was because of this conflict and controversy. After passing this test I had months of just feeling my testimony burning verses the calm and steady flow of the spirit that I had been living off of for years. It was a test because God felt I was ready to graduate into my further purpose BUT I had to learn it was OK to do so, FIRST. I had to learn ownership and responsibility over my own actions before using the gift of words God has given me. I had to learn how to use His gift.
- October 5th-7th, 15th - A test for my testimony. Furthering the lesson of my therapy goals around boundaries I had a lengthy conversation following the October 2023 General Conference talks. The very last talk, specifically, in which President Nelson spoke about focusing on where we want to go starts now. Social media blew up about it both within the church because of how remarkably relatable the talk was to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, as well as from those who have left the church and no longer participate in the ordinances and functions of the church as a member but are still very much involved either by choice or because of church member, family members, who share the talks from general conference with them. I saw many exclaim how hurtful and unreasonable President Nelson's talk was and I felt I needed to share my more neutral insights. I'll link his talk here so you can read it or review it for yourself. The message's intended audience was for everyone by saying we all have a choice to make. He urges that we make sure that the life we are creating now is the kind of life we really do want because the lives we create here will represent the lives we have in heaven. If we "Think Celestial" we are reminding ourselves that our goal is one of a celestial life. We wish to be with our Father in Heaven and families together. We wish to be like God. We try to think "What Would Jesus do?" To me it was clear that if you were truly happy with the life you were creating for yourself and that you'd want forever than it wouldn't bother you that another is living the life that makes THEM happy, even if you think the Celestial Kingdom doesn't exist. Even if you think the church is wrong. In my stories on Instagram I shared a similar response which initiated a conversation through personal chats. With this other person I learned that there was more than just "thinking celestial" that bothered people about President Nelson's talk. There was also a line about "not taking counsel from those who do not believe". A few other accounts that I observed had similar things to say, that 'members of the church were told to only believe in what the prophet had to tell the members of the church and not our own minds'. What President Nelson actually says is that we should "follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost". This is using the intellect God has given us, our intuition. What I tried to convey to this other person was that what President Nelson WASN'T saying that we were only supposed to talk to those who are members of the church or those who disagree with us. Everyone has their value, teaches us, and has knowledge and experience to share. Through our conversation parts of me came out in ways I wasn't expecting or intending and I tried my best to correct my mistakes and continue the conversation with them. It wasn't until the end that I realized what President Nelson had meant. This was another TEST of my boundaries and standing up for what I believe. President Nelson said to "not council with those who do not believe" because if someone's intent it to only seek out our mistakes and faults that is all they are going to find. There is no longer a "council" because at the core of the conversation the same belief to try and find connection and good within the other was missing. Remember that conflict and controversy is NOT the enemy. These two things help our testimonies to grow and after this conversation my testimony grew once again. It was hard for me to just let go of a conversation because I DO believe that everyone should have a chance to express themselves and I LOVE other peoples stories. I DO believe that each induvial is right where they need to be at this moment and that there is a REASON for EVERYTHING! By the end of it all, this conversation ended up being a test for not only my boundaries, but letting friendships go, and finding that balance between accepting responsibility for MY part, sharing what I believe, and holding to what I believe in.
- Light & Simplicity - Often times we feel, or at least I feel, that I must rearrange or add to make things better. I spend countless hours researching and developing methods to help my home run smoother or for my children and husbands to feel more loved when in fact I am doing the exact OPPOSITE. I keep being reminded to "simplify" which has begun a "purging" season for me. Some has been easier than I thought like the things that we watch or listen to as a family. The best part? I've seen these "releases" and "replacements" affect not only me but the rest of my family as well. It's through "letting go" that we "let MORE God". His light is allowed to work through us all should we let it.
- The Opposition to All things like ANGER vs TESTIMONY or JUDGE vs UNDERSTANDING. In 2 Nephi 2:11 it says "For there must be opposition in all things". I'd heard this so many times but I feel like being within instances of controversy I finally understood this which has freed me to take better care of how I react to certain situations. Since these opposites are so CLOSELY related they are HARDER to distinguish. Unlike HOT and COLD which are clear cut opposites, ANGER and TESIMONY feel the same. They are both intense and passionate but their purposes are VERY different. Anger comes from fear or hate and has the intent to cause suffering or to hold onto bitterness. It tends to be loud and harsh. A Testimony on the other hand comes from a place of faith and love with the intent to find resolution through being stern and direct. The adversary, Satan, Lucifer, whatever you call him, lives for these oppositions because it is often hard to tell the difference. He likes to claim that your anger was testimony or that those who are actually bearing testimony are heartless and acting out in hate. Knowing this technique of the adversary has helped me to fell more bold and confident in the battle for my soul, home, and heart.
- Looking for the Good, especially when it's hard to see it.
- Sometimes you need to be a witness to gratitude verses a participant. What if your day is filled with nothing just so that you can be ready for the very BEST something? I specifically thought of waiting for my children or husband to come home. If I'm in the middle of something I deem as "important" or that I'm "busy" I miss out on being able to greet them they way they TRUELY mean to me. When I'm not filling every second of my time I allow myself the opportunity to prove that the best part of my day didn't involve a screen.
- Sometimes you are meant to absorb and observe more like going to a library first thing in the morning to see the sun come through the window or pulling yourself into a hug by closing your eyes and applying a little tension.
- Replacing "this is wrong" with "how is this a blessing?"
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