The School of Self

     For the past few years blog posts have been nearly non-existent besides the one I posted in January of 2022. For the rest of the 2022 year and all of 2023 until now has been silent and not because there hasn't been anything to write about. 

    If anything I have had TOO many things to write about. For example I wrote a lot in my paper journal for most of last year to help me process emotion's and experiences as I went through therapy. I also wrote and self published a book called the "Veiled Conscious" which you can purchase at Barnes and Noble by clicking here or on amazon by clicking here or even Thriftbooks by clicking here. It's cheaper at Barns and Noble and Thriftbooks for a physical copy but if you're looking for a kindle version or audiobook I'd click the link for Amazon. I honestly didn't even know you could buy my book through Barns and Noble, so that was a neat find for me! 

    Besides my journal and my first published book I've been continuing to write more books which will hopefully published soon. Most of my writing time I feel has actually been tied up in homeschool lessons for my kids. Then there has been my more recent Instagram's posts and stories that has actually followed along the same standard I've been holding this blog to since it's beginning: to write what I've been learning. 

    These past 22 months, almost 2 years, I've had a LOT of intake and not a whole lot of output. I've been learning about myself which really started when I started therapy in July of 2022. The most interesting part of that was how I finally got into therapy. I had mentioned it off and on for five years before that and I guess I needed some divine intervention to help me get there because I got strep and then right afterwards a cold which I thought might be strep AGAIN. It wasn't, but because we went to my Primary Care Manager (PCM) on base to get the whole family tested this time I was given a mental health evaluation form. As terrifying and emotional as it was to fill that out it's what helped me to finally take that leap of faith which led me to my very sweet therapist. Her main goals was to help me with my three therapy goals, help me to self soothe, find self comfort, self compassion, and to create a network of friends around me. Since we had just moved onto base and the excitement of moving somewhere new in 2021 began to wear off in 2022 the loneliness kicked in. To add insult to injury as the saying go I also haven't been able to make friends very well my whole life. FRIENDSHIP was a BIG therapy goal of mine but I could also tell that my therapist genuinely wanted me to have a local circle of people that I could console with. 

 From July to December of 2021 I learned 

• To ride the wave of my emotions. Each emotion has a time limit and at the peak of an emotion is usually the most untrue and unhelpful. I learned how to tell myself that "this emotion is temporary". 
• Some of my favorite grounding, or comfort strategies, are rubbing fabric between my fingers, virtual/real nature walks, warm showers, connecting to my breath while eating, hug pillows, music- specifically focus, instrumental, or enchanting; changing location, write , doodle, making a plan, the smell of laundry detergent, hand soaps, hay, rain, and finding new recipes to try. At first I thought many of these might be childish but then I thought that perhaps that was the point; to reach and soothe the inner child. 
• That I am an Enneagram 9: The Negotiator. Not only was the description for this fairly accurate to me there is also the added bonus that the number nine has been our families number. We find it everywhere, especially in important situations. 
• That I am a highly sensitive person. I took a test recommended to me by my therapist and I only needed to answer 14 questions in correlation to their answers to be considered highly sensitive... I got 25. I then read at least most of "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine N. Aaron and found a lot of connections to myself through that book!
• "Don't Believe Everything You Think" by Joseph Nguyen  This was a book I read and discussed during therapy which taught me a LOT about myself the biggest thing being to "go with my first thought" because the rest of the thinking after that is justifications and rationalizations. It was easy for me to tie in my spirituality and that God is the instigator of those initial thoughts. 
• That my core values are Authenticity, Adventure, Balance/ Inner Harmony, Creativity, Spirituality, and openness. This was another test my therapist suggested I take.
• from my therapist that she has noticed that I am always looking for something new to learn, I usually take the harder route, that I'm a great storyteller.
• to honor the anniversaries of traumatic events with good memories and experiences. 
• to honor my confident self which was suggested in therapy and then enacted when I went and did a photoshoot for my birthday April 2023. 
• to try and get comfortable with embarrassment by accepting that I'm going to get embarrassed. I'm going to make mistakes and others are going to be witnesses TO those mistakes and even call them out but that THAT is OK. My therapist shared that one of her favorite quotes is "stay awkward, stay brave, stay kind." 
• about the dream completion theory that helped me also with research for my book that I mentioned above.   
• that I live in a variety of paradoxes and am I willing to accept that for now?
• that I share similar qualities to that which a good teacher has. My therapist brought it up and she wasn't the first. She suggested that I write down a list of what qualities I had that others might see in me that suggests "a teacher". 
• examples of how to communicate with others. I have yet to practice these to their full potential but I've been tested in 2023. 
• Boundaries are flexible. I remember this being a big lightbulb for me because the word boundary seemed so firm and stubborn. This line actually came from the book, "The Highly Sensitive Person" that I linked above which I didn't finish because I left blank pages if I ever wanted to go back and finish it. I was renting it from the library and had to return it. 
• Our strengths can also be our weaknesses if overused or used incorrectly. 
• that therapy is a school of self. I was taking a class to learn from someone who had a degree in phycological tactics and materials I could look over and write reports on. Within my class I had life quizzes to help me practice the tactics and materials I was given throughout the class. My life tests would then come later to really see how much I learned and expose where I needed to continue to learn. Thinking about therapy in this way helped me to see it's cost was worth it.

 
 To learn more about what I was tested on click here for the next post.