Being the Good and Seeing the Good is having a attitude of gratitude. And gratitude matters. It's what helps us to appreciate, to hope, to have faith, to have joy and happiness. True gratitude helps us to break down barriers and fill in the gaps. The first time gratitude took a deep rooted hold on me was when I was struggling to find any light in my life in 2017. I was so lost and not sure where to go but kept feeling that if I kept going forward with small acts I'd make it through somehow. One of those thoughts is what started this blog: looking for the lessons of life. As I focused on what God might be teaching me I began to see how it was all working for my good, even when it all seemed to fall apart. Right along with that in 2018 was when I stumbled upon Jen Bosen from Real Life on Purpose where she put together a daily email for Novembers traditional daily gratitude. However, her version was something I hadn't seen before and it was exactly what I needed. While it is no longer available I was able to reach out to her last year in 2023 and get the Gratitude on Purpose email list which I will share below, without her original messages that go with each topic. This is because while I want to share the big imapct this had on me I also respect all the effort and work she put into her own project and don't feel it's my place to put much more than what I will be sharing.
Last year when I reached out to Jen I was able to express how much this had meant to me and looking back on this list has brought tears to my eyes because these are the foundations I have rebuilt my beliefs on and even teach to my kids! I had the opportunity to express my gratitude to Jen YEARS later when I was finally in a place to look back and see how far I had come and how her efforts were noticed and needed.
As I continued to grow on these foundations of gratitude it has allowed me to have an open mind and heart and has expanded my desire for others to also experience the same joy. To let go of their pain, no matter how justified they feel it may be. If that is what you're seeking then this post is for you.
Because we have a natural human tendency to seek answers we try and find the right sources.
If you have a heart problem you don’t go to see a mechanic.
Even the mechanic probably goes home to hobbies that have nothing to do with cars. Perhaps they relate to the heart because they work with valves and so do heart doctors. Perhaps they’re a fantastic cook but they don’t have a food handlers license so they give their food out to just friends and family. There is no limitation to the vast variety of talented and amazing people out there!
The mechanic’s value is not less. The mechanics “beliefs” are just different. The mechanic made the necessary choices to become a mechanic and the doctor made the necessary choices to become a doctor.
Simply put: I’d go to a doctor for my heart, a mechanic for my car, and Jesus for my soul.
What this DOESN’T mean is that I won’t talk to the atheist mechanic about souls, the Christian doctor about their favorite cars, or Jesus about the condition of my heart.
The church has its policies and makes its decisions by fallible people who have their own goals in mind. This united goal for the celestial kingdom and the church extends the offer to ALL who want to think celestial, who want the same goal, and who want to have the same belief to also achieve that. If that’s what I want I make the necessary sacrifices, preparation, and choices to get there. The church isn’t trying to exclude anyone. Exclusion happens from individual choices made. It’s that way for any club, membership, religion, group, etc. We can’t just say we want something and get it. Life in its imperfect state doesn’t work like that! We have to work at it. If I wanted to shop at Costco, I’d need to take the necessary steps and sacrifices to get access to it. If I wanted to go to Disneyland, I can’t just go straight to the gate and demand they let me in without a ticket even if the rest of my family is already in there. If I didn’t take the necessary steps and sacrifices to get myself into Disneyland I’m not going to get into Disneyland…today. These and many others have boundaries, rules, requirements, expectations, etc. to make it to their collective end goal. Even apply for a job works like this! We “agree” to the terms and conditions of being a member of that company. As individuals we also each have or should have our own boundaries.
I only say ‘should have’ because it’s something a person would go to therapy for. Boundaries are a way of life. Choices are a way of LIFE. The church is no different. The church, president Nelson, and others are saying “if you WANT this, then work on getting there and we want all who want to, to come join us. To let go of whatever is holding you back but if you’re good where you’re at then that’s good for me too but if you ever change your mind then here’s how you can do it. As for those who already are here at this conference here’s how you can make the most of it because this life is a challenge, confusing, and also beautiful.”
From my perspective it has always been an invitation. The choice after that is all individual. I believe in eternal families, my God, my Savior, this Church and I want to be in the celestial kingdom so I make choices that aim me in that direction. Your beliefs and your choices may aim you in a different direction. That’s all.
When we have been encouraged to “think celestial” that’s for those who want or may someday want to be in the celestial kingdom too.
When we have been recommended to “not council with others that don’t believe” that’s not BECAUSE they believe different but what they do WITH that difference. If two differing parties get together and have a civil counsel but come to no common agreement based off of their differences then both parties go no where. This is not just church related! When the government cannot agree it shuts down which hurts a LOT of people. There is no “success” in counseling with people who BECAUSE they believe different they CHOOSE to focus on the differences and mistakes and don’t make much effort into finding common ground. If you don’t want to see any good in another’s message you’re going to only see what’s wrong. Both parties will end up just going into circles with no end goal. That’s not to say there was no VALUE in the conversation up to that point.
If we look for and highlight the mistakes someone or some organization has that’s all we will continue to see. If we look for the good, regardless of how much we have to stretch to see it, we will continue to see the good. It’s not as complicated as it’s being made out to be. It wouldn’t matter how else I worded this message if your intent is to continue to focus on what’s “wrong” that I said. If that was the case that’s what you’ll see and respond to. If I kept changing my analogies and the way I say it in an effort to find what we CAN agree on within what we DISAGREE on but you just want to pick it apart it’s going to not be a counsel it’s going to be exhausting, frustrating, and will most likely end up far from the original subject matter that was brought up in the first place. It will only make it more difficult to want to have a have another conversation, or another counsel. It doesn’t mean it WON’T ever happen but it does mean it’ll be HARDER to have another conversation because the expectation will be “misunderstanding” before the conversation has even begun; since that is the pattern and character that has been shown before.
This is what it means in the scriptures when it says to “agree with the adversary quickly while thou art in the way with them”. It doesn’t mean admitting defeat, it doesn’t mean you stay silent and don’t defend yourself, and it DOESN’T mean to not get into the conversation in the first place.
The tough conversations need to be had to work through feelings, thoughts and actions. Most people avoid them for their own reasons. Everything and everyone is our teacher. There is a time to share your hurt and then right afterwards a journey of letting it go. It’s NOT easy to share your feelings. I believe it’s even harder to share them eloquently. The hardest of all, in my opinion, is then letting it go/ to stop bringing it back up again. Teaching by consistently pointing out what wrong isn’t going to have a positive outcome. It doesn’t “fix” anything and it makes both parties, especially the one being “taught by mistakes”, worse.
“We are not our history. We are our future”.
Because we are on this earth to learn and are meant to make mistakes we are not meant to dwell on the past and wallow in self pity and guilt. God takes care of what “went wrong”. Jesus took care of all our mistakes. And we’ve been given the gift of the Holy Ghost to keep moving forward. We have a history but it was not meant to define us. It is meant to MOTIVATE us. The unfortunate history is not meant to hang around our necks and weigh us down, as the devil would like us to constantly remember, but to be a reminder of why we got moving in this direction in the first place.
We make mistakes. That’s our history, but what we do with it is what makes our future and our character.
And some others may not understand those choices we've had to make. Some we might not even understand ourselves or some that are so complex we’re not sure what the right one looks like. Seeing people at the intersection of their choice versus afterwards and if we agree with it will lead to more compassionate hearts. There is an accountability that needs to be taken with each choice we make but we mustn’t focus on it. Focus instead on the person who has to make the tough choice in the first place. Imagine how it felt for them having to make that choice. Did they feel it was right, right away? Was it easy for them to do? Did they have to give up things they loved and were used too, when they made that choice? Do you see them as brave for choosing what they thought was best in the moment? Do you see yourself in them? Have you needed to make tough choices where neither choice felt right or neither choice felt wrong but you HAD to make a choice and you just hoped it was the right one?
It’s not often we see people in the middle of them making their choices; especially the tough ones. It’s usually a private and vulnerable time; so it’s natural for us to focus on the accountability of the choice after it’s already been made. That’s why we live on Earth in our probationary state.
Probationary:
1.) relating to a process of testing or observing the character or abilities of a person who is new to a role or job.
2.)relating to the release of an
offender subject to a period of good behavior under supervision.
I always roughly knew probationary to mean “test” but I felt like I should look up the definition this morning and I’m glad I did.
The first definition talks about a test of our character or abilities. How can we turn our heart more towards God? By choosing Him always. Consistent effort and showing integrity in our character, in who we are, turns our hearts more towards Him and like it says in verse 10 of Alma chapter 12, “And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word; and he that will not harden his heart, to him is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full”. This reminded me of a talk from this past conference called “Integrity: a Christlike attribute” by Jack N. Gerard.
Definition two addresses probationary from a law standpoint as someone who has already committed an action requiring ‘proof of good behavior under supervision’. I think from a spiritual law standpoint this is applicable as well to our lives on Earth because we naturally struggle to choose God always. We might want to, but we we still fail from time to time. I think this definition could be changed slightly to mean that when we have made a choice against Gods commandments we have many opportunities to prove once again our loyalty to Him and that whatever we can’t make up is taken care of by the supervision of Christ who felt our pains and died for our sins. This reminded me of a video I saw on Instagram where a woman filming a man in their call asked something like the question, “why would God send good people to hell?” To which he responds incredulously with something like, “God doesn’t send us to hell. We’re already in our own versions of hell making our way back to Him for deliverance. WE put ourselves in hell. HE takes us out of it.”
When someone’s choice has hurt you say what you need to say, let it go because you can’t control them or their choices only yours, and then go about noticing anything good. About them, what you learned from the situation, about the organization, or anything you’ve noticed that has made you grateful for it. Gratitude is the biggest vehicle to happiness. Both kids are hurt. Both kids are defensive. Both kids need love. Both kids need peace. But it only takes ONE to stop the cycle. What if that ONE decided they had spent enough of their life trying to defend themselves verses living their happy life? What if that one kid decided to keep walking even if the other kid continued their torment? What if that one kid returned a name call with a true smile? Wouldn’t they have a happier life without continuing the banter to “protect” themselves and other kids like them?
They’d have more time to PLAY because they’re done fighting. That’s what I mean when I say “let it go” or “don’t dish it back”. I’m actually more worried about how happy everyone could ACTUALLY be if we spend all our time pointing fingers. How much more TOGETHER could we be if we noticed and appreciated our similarities verses dividing ourselves and defending ourselves because of our differences? How much more together could we have during the hard conversation. Then from that hard conversation only focus on what we LOVE about the other verses how WRONG they are?
“You’ll never be happier than you are grateful”
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