My Nations Call Pt.1

*This blog post covers the time from April 22nd to May 22nd and here's why...

Remember how hopeful the last blog sounded with the graduation from Da Beasts third and final class being projected May the Fourth? How I even thought Star Wars day would be the perfect day to graduate for him not only because of the famous saying "May the Force be with you" and it being the Air Force but also because that would mean he would be home by his birthday and mothers day and we wouldn't have to wait another month. Well is you couldn't tell by the way I worded all that, it didn't happen like that. 

Da beast was super bummed right away but I was still optimistic, at least for that first week in May, and then I got hit hard with emotions the weight of a ton of bricks. I think what really did it in for me was the thought: "I have no plans. I didn't plan this far ahead." I literally left the first few weeks of May wide open to just be experienced. I wanted to just have some fun as a family and get ready for our move. Instead I was left with the thought, "Now what?" It wasn't that I was bothered with continuing life the way it had been, it was that I had already moved on to the next step. 

I still tried to cling onto some hope by thinking that I didn't need to "wait" for things to happen to make plans. That even though it seemed like I might not have much choice with when Da Beast would be coming home but I could choose what I did with any time that I had to wait, which on May 5th-8th I didn't know when that could be, everything had to change now. The next security+ class that he could take was scheduled for the 11th which put his next test on the 25th. We weren't sure how that would work out with him needing to report no later than May 31st. 

May 9th, Da Beast decided he'd pay for the test himself and take it again because it gave him the chance to come home earlier than the 26th or 27th with his new current schedule, but if he didn't pass it wasn't going to get in the way with him taking the test again on the 25th. It seemed like a risk worth taking. When he didn't pass that it solidified the *new* current schedule.         

Here is what Tech training for the Cyber Transport Systems has looked like for us so far (This is all based on our experience and current knowledge):

It's broken down into three classes:

1.  IT Fundamentals  November 30th 2020 - January 6th 2021
2. Cyber Transport Systems January 11th 2021 - April 13th 2021
3. Security Plus April 21st-

We got the next duty assignment & Short Sheet about January 21st 2021 to Beale, AFB with the reporting date changed to no later than July 30th 2021 but we'll be heading up to Northern California sooner than that. Or at least that's what I hoped for. The next few weeks would prove to be a challenging time for my spirit.

Da Beast is still in his third and final class.

This class lasts about two weeks starting the 11th putting his test and graduation May 25th. Shortly after he submits his test he finds out if he passes or not and with the extra time to report to Beale we still have the two weeks of leave (in route) and then 7 days of travel.  

Out Processing: 

The steps involved in out processing (everything you need to do in order to leave your current base) involves your short sheet (which you can read more about on my previous blog).

This list then branches out into other items that need to be accomplished based off our your current situation before leaving base. For our family this meant additional TMO briefings more specific to: 

• Leave in Route - This isn't updated from the original dates until he passes his test but will most likely be taking transportation from base to Gulfport, MS airport and flying home May 26th.       
• Government Assisted Moves (Packing and moving your household items from one place to the next)- dates also aren't changed for this until he passes his test, but my guess was for packing up on the 4th of June. From our understanding they will then move our things from our apartment to a storage location on Beale AFB since we don't have housing on base yet.    
• Base Housing & Housing Application - This was only talked about in the TMO briefing but required us to seperatly go to the base housing website and submit an inquiry. They then called Da Beast with more information as well as sent him, you guessed it, more paperwork for the application process via email. Also in the email they detail what's included in the home, what you need to provide for yourself, and a little bit about the community and surrounding area. I don't know why but I was surprised by how similar it was to filling out applications for living in apartments. We currently have no idea what place we are in for housing now.       

Other items that need to be finished before leaving base (all of which was pretty much accomplished before his first test so he didn't have much left to do besides pack up and buy plane tickets):

• Any other out processing paper work and finalizing the above dates and routes 
• Close out mail box 5 days prior to leaving, which he already did before taking his first test and he just left it that way. 
• Be signed off on PT score
• Buy plane tickets 
• Get rid of/sell/ship/pack up belongings 

What else is about it?

Before Da Beast took his test on the fourth I fasted and prayed that he'd pass his test and come home and so did many others. That fast I was grateful for the power and opportunity of fasting in numbers. Knowing I wasn't alone or sacrificing alone was a comfort to me despite how the outcome wasn't as I expected. Before Da Beast took his second test I fasted and prayed again although this time I changed my perspective. I didn't fast for him to pass, my heavenly parents and I both knew that was going to happen although my vision of it was a lot more limited and my faith on that, I felt, faltered. I prayed and fasted for the assistance to "let go and let God". I knew that was what I needed to do, I knew that the way it turned out would be the best way and better than I could imagine or expect, and I knew Da Beast would pass his test despite how I was at war within myself on whether that was true or whether I was imagining it. If I knew all these things why was I holding on so hard to my ideals?! Not only could I seemingly not "let go" but I was also frustrated with myself that I wasn't! The answer to that fast and prayer was that is exactly why I was going through what I was: I was being tested. 

All of the answers to my questions began to tie together into a more cohesive thought on the tenth after I participated in a class I'm in called, "Joyful and Spiritual Birth" by Melissa Stoker which I was talked into taking by a friend and I decided "why not?" and decided to take it with her. The class is every other week and every single time I go to participate in the zoom call something happens that makes it more challenging for me to even arrive whether that be physical like a earlier time when I'm putting the kids to bed alone or a more mental such as wondering why I'm in a birthing class when I'm not pregnant, nor plan on being pregnant anytime in the future. 

As I was preparing for this birth class and again reflecting on the difficulty of participating in the class and wondering why I'm even in it I had a few thoughts, the first being, “I’m refining you.” Refinement is often related to that of precious stones where they take the raw element and then cut it, heat it, pressurize it, fill up any fractures caused by the impurities that have been removed which then leaves holes, and then polishing them. I’m sure no stone, if they could talk, would say this is a painless process by any means. I would also doubt any jeweler would tell you the process is "quick and easy".  

The second thought I had was that of following all the steps in this class. I’ve felt from the beginning that it isn’t necessary. This class, for me, is to help me in this refining process; not to prepare me for birth or another child but to guide me in areas I need to understand better; to take out the impurities and replace them with light, much like the tourmaline crystal which actually starts out very dark and then through light and heat is lightened in color. This class is more than just a birth class for mother and baby. This is a birth class for emotions and to increase spiritual connection. Both of which cannot work without the other just like mother and baby work together during physical birth. For me this meant that I'm going to take the class for how I need it all while having the support and insights from the group which have been spectacular. A few takeaways from this class were:

• I am not just a bystander to my life, waiting for things to happen, I am a partner with God in my life. With him I can decide what is next, especially when things don’t seem to go the way I expected. There is always a next step even if I don’t see it right away. I hold a powerful responsibility in my decisions even when others are involved.
• My experiences these past weeks have been teaching me how to discern these “voices” in my head: My own, the spirits, and the adversaries. There was even a specific moment when I was talking to my friend, who introduced me to this class, last week when it hit me: the thoughts I was having we're not my own. They were of the adversary. He knew he couldn’t shake me knowing that God was going to take care of my family and that we would be together again when Dax passes his test. So he used it against me which was unclear at first. Before and during my fast and prayers I would have thoughts such as “who am I to ask God for this? Who am I to tell God what I desire in my life when he is all knowing and already has a plan for me?” Once I realized it was a thought from the adversity it no longer had its power over me. Instead he has moved on to find more thoughts to twist and turn like “see? Dax is not passing his test. He’s failed twice. He’s failed you. He can’t support you so you shouldn’t support him. He’s not going to pass. You are going to continue to do this alone for even longer. You just give up your faith and the hope that it’ll ever happen”. As I continued to recognize this thoughts and disown them the power was taken away and the adversary no longer held that power over me until he found another angle to attack such as guilt for the thoughts I had or shame that I doubted God and his plan now. I was in the depths of a fight I struggled to believe I'd win but I kept pushing forward hoping that I would and I'd eventually find my relief.

Following this class I began to feel as though I was gaining more ground on my feelings and faith; I felt more relaxed and at peace; and I also realized after some time that I had finally let go and could now see the God's plan being put into place. I continued to make plans and try to soak up every minute of it because I felt it wasn't going to be too much longer before they all became memories. As I scheduled as far out in advance as was possible I began to see even more why Da Beast hadn't passed the first few times and why we needed to stay: I was learning, once again, that there are more than just my plans and desires in play. God creates the most beautiful balance of care between all their children .I was reminded that this work involves many, not just me. They do what is best for all not just the one. It was another confirmation to me that our Heavenly Parents truly love and care for each one of us individually, even on subconscious terms we may not have even given any thought to but we were grateful to receive it and during that time realize it was more important to us than we could've known. Such as a unexpected call from a son in Basic Military Training the day before your birthday,

more attendees to a graduation you didn't originally think was that important but it ended up meaning the world to you,

intense gratitude to a sister who was available to watch your children even though you initially dreaded asking her because she has so much else to do but it ended up blessing you both more than you ever thought, safety in knowing your sister is nearby during a time when you were scared and unsure, 

time with a friend at the park that you had first met and not thinking anything of it until you sit and reminisce with them,

extra time with a great grandmother to which you understand that there is always a chance that it could be the last, and being able to be certain that with this new schedule there would be no way you'd miss out on most of your friends and families schedules being perfectly aligned to surround you with their love and congratulations

 as well as being available to hold that new niece on her blessing day.

This thought became much more clear when I was in the next "Joyful Spiritual Birth" class held on the 24th of May when there was an excerpt from her booklet that said, "This is not just my experience it is our experience". Of course it was talking about how in pregnancy and birth the mother holds space for the body and spirit of another child of God. The woman's body then becomes a vessel that not only holds the spirit of the mother but the body and spirit of the child as well. So, in birth, it is not just the experience of the mother it is also the experience of the child. I interpreted this on a larger scale for myself while I had been reminded of the vastness and complexities of God: this is not just "me" it is "us". This birth class has made me realize the more I participate in it that it's not just for preparation for birth it is preparation for life situations. These are fundamentals girls to women should know, in my opinion, because they are the foundations of who they are. In fact I think anyone could gain something from these excerpts because it's a birth story with no beginning or end. The only thing that makes it more predominate knowledge for the female gender is because birth happens through them. 

“For a Few hours she becomes a wide-open portal into Heaven”- Heather Ferrell; the The Gift of Giving Life  

So why did I wait to write this blog? Well I've been posting on the 22nd or 23rd for the past 8 months and Da Beast would be taking his test only a few days after that. Honestly I didn't want to write a blog post that would be depressing and unsure. I wanted to be able to write a blog post that said, "Hooray he passed!" But then once the day came where Da Beast was to take his test I then found I ran out of time and now looking back I see the beauty that was there the whole time. 

So instead of one blog post this month I'll be writing two posted on the same day. 

XOXO

Megan

Next Blog Post: My Nation's Call Pt.2