First off I want to put a little disclaimer: this topic is heavy. It hits those sensitive spots; even if you think you're ready to face your fears you never really know until it's all splayed out in front of you. The key that I have learned through all of it is: it's not really a matter of the fear at all. It's how you respond to it. If anything I write triggers you, I suggest you take a step back and read this later, because, like I mentioned in a previous blog post: it just might not be the right time. And that's okay. Because some fears need to be treated slowly and in fragments.
Fear plays a giant role in our lives. In general I think we don't understand fully how much it dictates our decision making skills, choices, and even emotional responses to situations. According to Psychology Today our fears were important for life or death situations many years ago, but now our brains react to more low key situations in the same manner (generally speaking, there are those cases where intense trauma causes high fears for very logical reasons). Our fears are what keep us alive but they can also prevent us from going after those dreams and ambitions that seem too daunting, or even to face challenges that will help us grow and experience life, and THAT is what I mostly want to focus on.
If you have been following my blog posts AT ALL you will know that part of why I write the very minimal blog posts that I do is to help cope with my own anxiety. I have turned MY anxiety into a series of lessons I personally need to learn, and challenges I need to conquer. These are my personal experiences. Facing ones fears is a difficult thing to teach another person because we all have our own challenges to face and lessons to learn. My hope is that by writing my own down I will be able to see my own progress and hopefully help someone else out there struggling as well. Also, another side note is just because I have "learned" these lessons does not mean I have "mastered" these lessons. THAT will take even more time.
This has been the biggest lesson I have learned up to date and I keep feeling like I need to "write it all down" because I have conquered a few dooseys and may not remember it all. Well I don't remember it all and I didn't write it all down because I felt like I still had a lot to learn. The truth of the matter is I probably still do. I believe that our lives are, for their entirety, to do this very thing: Overcoming our fears. Overcoming fear does not mean we don't ever fear, just that we don't let it control us, we control IT and use it as a tool to push us past each fear as it comes along. Even if it is the same fear, wearing different jackets. Each fear we move past, each obstacle we launch over (even if it's not gracefully, because, in all honesty it takes a TON of practice to greet fears gracefully, which is the goal here).
A few ways I express/ run away from fear are:
1. Divulge in electronic devices, especially socially media or movies/shows. Focusing on other peoples drama or problems or even happiness helps me avoid my own. While this can also be seen as a positive it is the source that is the issue. A few times I have learned that serving others helps me to get out of my own head and even figure out my own struggles. If I turn to electronic devices these "moments" of other's lives are fragmented, polished, or extra dramatized. If I turn to my spouse, my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, or friend and find what they need (even if it's a service as small as answering my phone when they call) I find peace and a deeper commitment to keep on going. Even turning to my kids (which is most of the time why I feel the need to "escape") I find what they need, what I need, and we form a deeper bond. This hasn't been always easy, and honestly some of what I learned was from observing my husband struggle with my son and then I was baffled when my son clung to him instead of me. It was because my husband and son worked together to reach a ground of calm alliance so that they could work through the troubles and fears and get to the deeper bond and commitment. What you put your time into, no matter how difficult, is what you will gain back.
2. Get anxious and angry. This one is something I have to observe in myself everyday. It is very easy for me to feel flustered, annoyed, inadequate, and panicked. In the moment I don't always know how to steer a situation to a more positive and common ground. When I keep trying different ways to do something and nothing seems to work it gets discouraging and I can easily get heated up. Taking a few minutes to myself where I breath and clear my head is handy in these situations. This does not mean filling up my head with scenes from movies or shows or photos from someone else's life which is what I tend to do most of the time. This means changing the situation or scenery, reading scriptures, or even simply walking away (even if it looks more like stomping and grumping with a few slammed doors).
3. Victimize/ feeling my worth is measured by another person. This one I feel is the most damaging for myself personally because I feel deep down this is what causes all of the other reactions to fear that I have. If I put my self worth in another person I tend to get stuck there and don't progress anywhere. This is where my "key" I mentioned at the beginning of this post really comes into play. The way you react/ the decisions you make based off another's choices really makes or breaks a person, in my opinion. This is also the most sensitive of all the subject matter I've just used because it's hard to just "let things go" and to go forward with a positive attitude when you want justice or revenge, when you feel it's the other persons fault, or that you know all. Loving a person that feels anger, jealousy, hate, or even just a little hard feelings towards you is a large challenge to face. Especially when that person is someone who has been a big influence in your life. It rocks your judgement, decision making, self worth, and confidence. BUT, if you can love them despite all of that, want what's best for them, and continue to prove to yourself and others that they have no reason to feel/ think that way (whether they do or not is actually harming or freeing themselves based on their reaction choices). Letting go of resentment and judgement and going forward with love and a knowledge that harboring all those negative feelings only hurts you and makes you more unhappy, means you conquered another fear. There's a quote from the movie "Rigaletto" that Bonnie gives that says "A hurt for a hurt never helped anybody". Going with that similar logic into situations where I want to "get back at somebody" helps to remind me that if I say what I feel would "justify" me or "defend me" it won't make anything better. I need to live it, give no reasons for what they say, feel, or do to be even remotely true. If there's a problem, come with a solution not a complaint. I feel like that's a quote from another movie. Working on "yourself" doesn't have to look selfish. In fact, I'm not a psychologist, but I think it's healthy to have others in your life to work a long side and practice rewiring thoughts of your self worth into positive reactions for hopefully everyone. And if it doesn't happen for everyone involved don't give up on loving them. Don't give up on wanting whats best for them. Don't give up, because the moment you let those hurt feelings choose for you how you react or the decisions you make, you're stuck again.
Moral of the story is you are amazing. You may be afraid but as long as you keep working on you by not just accepting challenges but looking for the lesson in every challenge, desiring to be a better you without hurting others but loving them so they can come with you on your journey, and focusing on your actions and reactions to every situation YOU WILL GET PAST IT!
And you'll be free to be fearless.
Well...sort of. ;)
-Megan
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Thursday, August 16, 2018
A Friend...Indeed
Good Morning!
For those of you who don't know (which is probably many), I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of which I have been called as a Relief Society Secretary. All of the callings in this church are service oriented, unpaid jobs, that fulfill needs and uplift not only other members of the church but also the person with the calling. I love my calling, even though I may not feel like I am doing everything I probably "should" be doing; I do feel I am doing all I need to/ able to be doing.
A year ago I didn't have a calling and I wasn't offered one because it simply wasn't the right time. (Click here to see my previous post). I couldn't have handled a calling at that moment and I'm glad I wasn't even offered one. At the beginning of this year -after I had worked past some of my struggles- my thoughts began to change. I was beginning to WANT to contribute, I wanted to know others in our ward better, I was wanting to be accomplished with a small thing outside of the home, and I was wanting to learn (and THAT my friends is the key to life- getting yourself into a position to want to learn about everything even if you have your own opinions, because with learning comes growth, opportunity, love, and no judgement, anger, or hate because you are simply curious. Being curious doesn't mean you necessarily have to DO things you don't know or understand or lack in but it does mean you are actively listening, waiting productively, and turning the areas of misunderstanding into ones of understanding.)
Enter in my call to serve in the Relief Society Presidency! It hasn't always been easy, and there have definitely been times I've been frustrated with my calling or even wished I didn't have it, but overall I love it and it has been everything I've needed to continue to learn and grow in the direction I was wanting to go.
Soon after my calling as the secretary we had general conference which only answered more of my desires to be a better person. This new call of action was to release the Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching movements and to combine them in a combined effort to minister as the Savior did. As a new change, there has been some scrambling and confusion in trying to figure out what this means for each person involved, which is A LOT. And since I was asked to give a short talk in a Visiting Teaching Conference we were going to be having (we canceled it since Visiting Teaching was no longer a term,) I've been stuck on the idea of writing a talk to give, and while it's title has changed the content has not.
"What is ministering?" While this has been asked and answered already on lds.org I have been wanting to write what I think it is. Before, when ministering was Visiting Teaching, I had a hard time with the concept. To me it was all about lessons and numbers and reports which just didn't sit well with me. "Why can't I just do what I can for others and if I need to I will report the needs of my friends to those who can help them better?" Is often a question I would ask. I began to search to see if I could find others who thought the same way, and I found this blog by the Unconventional Relief Society who had already figured out how to minister before it was an actual term in the LDS church.
Ministering to others, the way I see it, is not about something else you have to do, but a open door into new friendships. Let me put it this way: think about your best friend or the person you are the closest to. How did you get there? What would you be willing to do for them? Why do you want to be with them? Just like with going out and introducing yourself to a stranger, asking them questions with full intent to learn about them, helping them out and letting them help you, going out together, inviting them over for dinner, getting to know their family, and simply talking to them the same is with ministering...we are just given the strangers name already.
Ministering takes time. Just as you took the time to really get to know, love, and adore the person you are the closest with the same goes for those we minister. There will be moments of absence and busy lifestyles, there will be those really good conversations and moments of silence, there will be the times where they will be the ones who help you the most and then there will also be the times you will help them the most, there will be dinners and parties and other family members to meet and love, and there may even be those moments of disagreements. The point is- you don't give up, you keep perusing because the relationship is worth it. Every person is worth getting to know and if you look deeply enough you will find those things you have in common with the person you thought you had nothing in common with.
Ministering takes practice. We are on this Earth to learn, we just have to be willing to do so. This will take a lot of humility and searching for the right "thing" that resonates with your soul. Even if you are not at the time of your life to learn about something specifically, you can still be productive in waiting for that moment by continually searching. This will open up your heart and mind and allow that moment to slip into your guarded thoughts to give you the best idea you've had in ages. Some suggestions on where to search is to pray, to ask others you think might be better at something then you (instead of being jealous that they can find opportunity), to find a book/podcast/ blog, etc. Start where you can and keep going until you are well practiced, and then continue on until you are a master. This will also take time, and there will be some slippery slopes ahead, storms, fog, and obstacles but YOU CAN DO IT! And if you find things that upset you or you get stuck on then leave it alone and move on. Just because a subject is worded one way you may not agree with does not mean that subject is wrong, it just means the way you can learn it best hasn't been presented to you yet.It's not that objects time, but don't stop looking!
Ministering is looking to the Savior. There was a talk given in Church last Sunday where the only thing I remember is "If you want to really know the savior, don't just study him, live like him". "He loved, taught, prayed for, comforted, and blessed those around him, inviting all to follow him (see Mark 8:34)." (Excerpt from, Frequently Asked Questions on Ministering under the tab "What is "mininistering"?)
In the end, ministering is what you make it- just like any other relationship/ passion you have in your life. Do what you can, don't force what you can't, and keep searching- you'll find what you need when you need it.
I believe in you.
XOXO
Megan
For those of you who don't know (which is probably many), I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of which I have been called as a Relief Society Secretary. All of the callings in this church are service oriented, unpaid jobs, that fulfill needs and uplift not only other members of the church but also the person with the calling. I love my calling, even though I may not feel like I am doing everything I probably "should" be doing; I do feel I am doing all I need to/ able to be doing.
A year ago I didn't have a calling and I wasn't offered one because it simply wasn't the right time. (Click here to see my previous post). I couldn't have handled a calling at that moment and I'm glad I wasn't even offered one. At the beginning of this year -after I had worked past some of my struggles- my thoughts began to change. I was beginning to WANT to contribute, I wanted to know others in our ward better, I was wanting to be accomplished with a small thing outside of the home, and I was wanting to learn (and THAT my friends is the key to life- getting yourself into a position to want to learn about everything even if you have your own opinions, because with learning comes growth, opportunity, love, and no judgement, anger, or hate because you are simply curious. Being curious doesn't mean you necessarily have to DO things you don't know or understand or lack in but it does mean you are actively listening, waiting productively, and turning the areas of misunderstanding into ones of understanding.)
Enter in my call to serve in the Relief Society Presidency! It hasn't always been easy, and there have definitely been times I've been frustrated with my calling or even wished I didn't have it, but overall I love it and it has been everything I've needed to continue to learn and grow in the direction I was wanting to go.
Soon after my calling as the secretary we had general conference which only answered more of my desires to be a better person. This new call of action was to release the Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching movements and to combine them in a combined effort to minister as the Savior did. As a new change, there has been some scrambling and confusion in trying to figure out what this means for each person involved, which is A LOT. And since I was asked to give a short talk in a Visiting Teaching Conference we were going to be having (we canceled it since Visiting Teaching was no longer a term,) I've been stuck on the idea of writing a talk to give, and while it's title has changed the content has not.
"What is ministering?" While this has been asked and answered already on lds.org I have been wanting to write what I think it is. Before, when ministering was Visiting Teaching, I had a hard time with the concept. To me it was all about lessons and numbers and reports which just didn't sit well with me. "Why can't I just do what I can for others and if I need to I will report the needs of my friends to those who can help them better?" Is often a question I would ask. I began to search to see if I could find others who thought the same way, and I found this blog by the Unconventional Relief Society who had already figured out how to minister before it was an actual term in the LDS church.
Ministering to others, the way I see it, is not about something else you have to do, but a open door into new friendships. Let me put it this way: think about your best friend or the person you are the closest to. How did you get there? What would you be willing to do for them? Why do you want to be with them? Just like with going out and introducing yourself to a stranger, asking them questions with full intent to learn about them, helping them out and letting them help you, going out together, inviting them over for dinner, getting to know their family, and simply talking to them the same is with ministering...we are just given the strangers name already.
Ministering takes time. Just as you took the time to really get to know, love, and adore the person you are the closest with the same goes for those we minister. There will be moments of absence and busy lifestyles, there will be those really good conversations and moments of silence, there will be the times where they will be the ones who help you the most and then there will also be the times you will help them the most, there will be dinners and parties and other family members to meet and love, and there may even be those moments of disagreements. The point is- you don't give up, you keep perusing because the relationship is worth it. Every person is worth getting to know and if you look deeply enough you will find those things you have in common with the person you thought you had nothing in common with.
Ministering takes practice. We are on this Earth to learn, we just have to be willing to do so. This will take a lot of humility and searching for the right "thing" that resonates with your soul. Even if you are not at the time of your life to learn about something specifically, you can still be productive in waiting for that moment by continually searching. This will open up your heart and mind and allow that moment to slip into your guarded thoughts to give you the best idea you've had in ages. Some suggestions on where to search is to pray, to ask others you think might be better at something then you (instead of being jealous that they can find opportunity), to find a book/podcast/ blog, etc. Start where you can and keep going until you are well practiced, and then continue on until you are a master. This will also take time, and there will be some slippery slopes ahead, storms, fog, and obstacles but YOU CAN DO IT! And if you find things that upset you or you get stuck on then leave it alone and move on. Just because a subject is worded one way you may not agree with does not mean that subject is wrong, it just means the way you can learn it best hasn't been presented to you yet.It's not that objects time, but don't stop looking!
Ministering is looking to the Savior. There was a talk given in Church last Sunday where the only thing I remember is "If you want to really know the savior, don't just study him, live like him". "He loved, taught, prayed for, comforted, and blessed those around him, inviting all to follow him (see Mark 8:34)." (Excerpt from, Frequently Asked Questions on Ministering under the tab "What is "mininistering"?)
In the end, ministering is what you make it- just like any other relationship/ passion you have in your life. Do what you can, don't force what you can't, and keep searching- you'll find what you need when you need it.
I believe in you.
XOXO
Megan
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Many More Moments
It's been a few days since I felt the need to write another post, THIS post, but I just haven't found that "moment" until today.
Originallly I wanted to call this post "magical moments", but that was already taken by Disney when cast members hand out special, or rather magical, moments to individuals or families. For example, when my husband and I were first married and spent part of our honeymoon at Disneyland a castmember in Fantasyland noticed our "Just Married" buttons and asked us if there was a ride we hadn't yet been on. Confused by the question I said we 'had been on almost all of them' (since this was our second day) although now I'm pretty sure she meant that morning. Surprised she had responded with 'oh well you guys work fast!' and 'what ride would you like to go on again?' Still confused and wondering where this was going we had said that we hadn't been on Mr. Toads Wild Ride yet and she then had us follow her through the exit to cut the entire line! We were shocked, thankful, and felt slightly guilty- we had, after all cut a ton of families. Back in that chapter of our lives I had still never even heard of a "magical moment". That coined term I would learn only in these past few years, and yet we were still given that moment.
The moments I will be writing about this morning, while they may not be Disney related, are still magical.
They are the moments when the sun is just hanging below the horizon working to break through at 4:45 in the morning; when the city or town is quiet and sleepy and peace just hangs heavily in the air.
They are the moments when it so late in the evening (or early enough in the morning to still be considered "evening") when the only things awake to keep you company are the night animals like owls in the sky or predators in the fields or forests. For a town this hour comes earlier in the night around 10 or 11 when the darkness is thick. For a city this hour could be more in the morning like 2 or 3 after all the parties have ended and everyone has ended their busy days. No matter what hour it comes, the outcome is the same. The roads are empty, the street lamps are lit, and the world feels entirely yours for j u s t...t h a t...m o m e n t...
They could even be the moments that don't have an hour to a day but seem so planned that they just fit there in your life. Like a feeling or thought to proceed somewhere, a seemingly spontaneous event, when you've learned something new or figured out a problem thats been weighing on you for some time, or even something as simple as doing what you love to do, even more so if you've forgotten how much you enjoyed doing it.
Usually these moments are accompanied by feelings of great peace and true happiness and are the moments we strive to have in our lives constantly, and that we crave more of but come only when it is 'its' time to shine.
Heres the twist: these magical moments aren't always positive. These moments are full of the great and marvelous, the simple and subtle, and even the challenging and tempting. The secret is knowing that everthing good and bad comes at a time when you need it. For those moments difficult or challenging it can be hard to see or even to agree with that last sentence. I know that if I had read this blog post a year ago I would have bitterly laughed at it and stopped reading right there, insisting that it wasn't helpful and a waste of time. And that would have been okay because that wouldn't have been the time for that to speak out to me. I've learned to not hang out on the stubbornly persistant idea that everything I see, touch or hear has to be right, truthful, meaningful, or perfect. Sometimes it's just not my time to share in that moment.
As I've been learning this concept and becoming comfortable in it I had a moment with a new friend of mine. She probably didn't even realize how impactful it was for me in that time, since it was said in passing without any weight to it, but it was one of those magical moments where everything clicked for me. She had asked me if I wanted to borrow a book that I knew she had been working on reading. Surprised that she had finished it that fast I had asked her if that meant she was finished with it. Her reply: "No, but I've read what I've needed and I'm feeling really good in the place I'm at right now." Completly caught off gaurd by this genuine moment I stumbled with a reply that went something like, "oh that's okay. I'm not ready to read it right now," and then I we said our goodbyes and I drove home. Her sentence keeps coming back to me over and over when I'm presented with a decision to make or I feel frustrated that I can't seem to finish "that one thing". Maybe I'm so focused on finishing that I didn't even realize that I had already gotten my fill and needed to just move on.
Along this same mindset I've been looking into minimalism-I really liked this post by Danielle Faust. I've read quite a few blogs but have encorporated the thinking of "what is enough?" into even what I've been saving on Pinterest. Sometimes I read a blog and I like it so much that I save it or want to save it to "read for later"and then never read it again or at all. I've told myself that if I didn't have enough time to read it then then it wasn't the right moment and that I will be able to find what I need when the moment does arise. Because we have a ton of internet space devoted to knowledge and opinion I will be able to find what I need when I need it the most. Although pintrest posts are not taking up physical space it's still taking up mental space, which is the most important space I have and physical space can also take a part in how sane you are in your mental space (cue in minimalistic thinking). My goal is to take everything that I have or that comes to me in either of those spaces and asking myself that question, "what is enough?" and keeping what I will use over and over or that will keep me from a being a complete disaster later (72 hour kits and other prepardness methods), leaving behind what I only needed in that moment, and not kicking myself for the past decisions or mistakes I've made but using them to my advantage and just keep going.
To close my thoughts -that could probably run forever- I've learned in this part of my journey to not get stuck in the moments I want to be having or wish I was having or even the moments that I once had, but to enjoy many more moments whether they be challenging or rewarding because every moment is a blessing. Thank you to all those who have and continue to be blessings in my life and help me discover the magic in every moment.
Love to all.
-Megan
Originallly I wanted to call this post "magical moments", but that was already taken by Disney when cast members hand out special, or rather magical, moments to individuals or families. For example, when my husband and I were first married and spent part of our honeymoon at Disneyland a castmember in Fantasyland noticed our "Just Married" buttons and asked us if there was a ride we hadn't yet been on. Confused by the question I said we 'had been on almost all of them' (since this was our second day) although now I'm pretty sure she meant that morning. Surprised she had responded with 'oh well you guys work fast!' and 'what ride would you like to go on again?' Still confused and wondering where this was going we had said that we hadn't been on Mr. Toads Wild Ride yet and she then had us follow her through the exit to cut the entire line! We were shocked, thankful, and felt slightly guilty- we had, after all cut a ton of families. Back in that chapter of our lives I had still never even heard of a "magical moment". That coined term I would learn only in these past few years, and yet we were still given that moment.
The moments I will be writing about this morning, while they may not be Disney related, are still magical.
They are the moments when the sun is just hanging below the horizon working to break through at 4:45 in the morning; when the city or town is quiet and sleepy and peace just hangs heavily in the air.
They are the moments when it so late in the evening (or early enough in the morning to still be considered "evening") when the only things awake to keep you company are the night animals like owls in the sky or predators in the fields or forests. For a town this hour comes earlier in the night around 10 or 11 when the darkness is thick. For a city this hour could be more in the morning like 2 or 3 after all the parties have ended and everyone has ended their busy days. No matter what hour it comes, the outcome is the same. The roads are empty, the street lamps are lit, and the world feels entirely yours for j u s t...t h a t...m o m e n t...
They could even be the moments that don't have an hour to a day but seem so planned that they just fit there in your life. Like a feeling or thought to proceed somewhere, a seemingly spontaneous event, when you've learned something new or figured out a problem thats been weighing on you for some time, or even something as simple as doing what you love to do, even more so if you've forgotten how much you enjoyed doing it.
Usually these moments are accompanied by feelings of great peace and true happiness and are the moments we strive to have in our lives constantly, and that we crave more of but come only when it is 'its' time to shine.
Heres the twist: these magical moments aren't always positive. These moments are full of the great and marvelous, the simple and subtle, and even the challenging and tempting. The secret is knowing that everthing good and bad comes at a time when you need it. For those moments difficult or challenging it can be hard to see or even to agree with that last sentence. I know that if I had read this blog post a year ago I would have bitterly laughed at it and stopped reading right there, insisting that it wasn't helpful and a waste of time. And that would have been okay because that wouldn't have been the time for that to speak out to me. I've learned to not hang out on the stubbornly persistant idea that everything I see, touch or hear has to be right, truthful, meaningful, or perfect. Sometimes it's just not my time to share in that moment.
As I've been learning this concept and becoming comfortable in it I had a moment with a new friend of mine. She probably didn't even realize how impactful it was for me in that time, since it was said in passing without any weight to it, but it was one of those magical moments where everything clicked for me. She had asked me if I wanted to borrow a book that I knew she had been working on reading. Surprised that she had finished it that fast I had asked her if that meant she was finished with it. Her reply: "No, but I've read what I've needed and I'm feeling really good in the place I'm at right now." Completly caught off gaurd by this genuine moment I stumbled with a reply that went something like, "oh that's okay. I'm not ready to read it right now," and then I we said our goodbyes and I drove home. Her sentence keeps coming back to me over and over when I'm presented with a decision to make or I feel frustrated that I can't seem to finish "that one thing". Maybe I'm so focused on finishing that I didn't even realize that I had already gotten my fill and needed to just move on.
Along this same mindset I've been looking into minimalism-I really liked this post by Danielle Faust. I've read quite a few blogs but have encorporated the thinking of "what is enough?" into even what I've been saving on Pinterest. Sometimes I read a blog and I like it so much that I save it or want to save it to "read for later"and then never read it again or at all. I've told myself that if I didn't have enough time to read it then then it wasn't the right moment and that I will be able to find what I need when the moment does arise. Because we have a ton of internet space devoted to knowledge and opinion I will be able to find what I need when I need it the most. Although pintrest posts are not taking up physical space it's still taking up mental space, which is the most important space I have and physical space can also take a part in how sane you are in your mental space (cue in minimalistic thinking). My goal is to take everything that I have or that comes to me in either of those spaces and asking myself that question, "what is enough?" and keeping what I will use over and over or that will keep me from a being a complete disaster later (72 hour kits and other prepardness methods), leaving behind what I only needed in that moment, and not kicking myself for the past decisions or mistakes I've made but using them to my advantage and just keep going.
To close my thoughts -that could probably run forever- I've learned in this part of my journey to not get stuck in the moments I want to be having or wish I was having or even the moments that I once had, but to enjoy many more moments whether they be challenging or rewarding because every moment is a blessing. Thank you to all those who have and continue to be blessings in my life and help me discover the magic in every moment.
Love to all.
-Megan
Monday, May 7, 2018
Weighted Journals
Weighted Journals
From writing my first journal entry in 2002, through off and on writing about my day and emotions, to the blogging I've been doing now I've learned and grown into who I am today. So I'll hold onto those lessons and moments of growth but I don't need the evidence of heart break and drama to lug around in the forms of my hand written journals any longer.
I've struggled with the idea of getting rid of my journals. Whether they are good or bad (at least half of them are not that great) I felt like I should keep them because they are still a bit of my history but honestly after just reading my 2nd and 3rd journals I just couldn't read them anymore. It was a good thing I summarized my journals in later versions so I could just look in the back of them and see the general information I wrote out.
I wrote 9 journals of my life and 2 journals of just spiritual experiences. I'm only keeping 6 out of all 11. I still feel an attachment to the 5 I want to get rid of for the aforementioned motion of it being my history no matter how much it apparently still hurts to read my heart being broken or all the initial choices I made or thoughts I had that were really not in my best interest. As a fair compromise I'm going to summarize them VERY briefly on this blog post as if I were talking to someone who wanted to know my life story. In other words, not all the details will be present, just moments in my life that were turning points for me; a timeline of sorts. *NOTE* no matter how brief I tried to make it this is still a long post. sorry!*
Journal #1:
This journal went from 2002- 2005 and contained the most evidence of my growth as a writer and story teller. I begin by saying friends that I have and the type of soap I used, food I've eaten, and crushes I've had. It has a good feeling attached to it and I can't help but laugh at my younger self especially when I write something like "we got lip gloss and my kind was Vanilla Frosting. Yum. it protects and smooth's my lips. bye." It even had a few big moments in it like
- Tuesday July 15th 2003 (I didn't actually specify the year but I'm assuming that is the case based off of the previous entry) -Started My Period.
- Friday June 11th 2004- I got my Ears Pierced
- Monday Febuary 14th 2005- My first Valentine
Journal #2:
2005-2006
This journal hurt the most to read. I was going through a lot of emotions from being kind of "a thing" with my first Valentine to feeling very alone. If there is anything I've gotten from this journal it's that I wish I could tell myself that he wasn't what love really looked like. It didn't look like name calling, weird physical gestures( a foot in the face for example), pretty compliments, ignoring, pressure (like a first kiss for example), or immaturity. However, being the stubborn 13 year old that I was maybe wouldn't have listened anyway because I thought I knew it all. The good news is closer to the end of the journal I was barely getting a grasp on all of that, knowing that I was just apart of a tug of war of wits and I didn't need nor deserved to be treated that way. The bad news was it was after I gave my first kiss away.
- Friday July 15th 2005- First Kiss
"A kiss is an evidence of love, not an evidence of lust--but it can be. Dont ever let a kiss in your courtship spell lust. Necking and petting are lustful; they are not love...i don't mind [you] kissing each other after you have had several dates;...not the kiss of passion, but the kiss of affection" -Spencer W Kimball 1959
Journal #3:
2006-2007
This journal gets a little messy in the emotional department. I'm really trying to figure things out here but luckily for me this is the first journal I add a summery of in the very back of the journal so I don't have to read the whole thing. Things still aren't exactly over with Valentines Day guy because he keeps flip flopping with what he says which confuses the heck out of me (the writer in me still wants to know exactly what happened). Other guys start coming into my life, choices and changes, friends to foes, blessings, books, death in the family, and even traveling. This is the journal of the proverbial falling off the horse and starting to pick myself up.
- April 20th 2006- I fell down at least 7-8 steps causing the worst spraining of my ankles in my life. At 7:39 am before school my mom was heading back to the school and the ambulance was called and was heading to pick me up. I had always wondered about the stories behind the sirens and now I knew this one. I was driven to the hospital, x-ray's, given pain medication, and sent home with two sore and swollen but very lucky ankles. I was out of school for a little while and even when I went back I was wheeled around for about a week and then crutches for another while.
- May 13th 2006- First Mormon Stake dance since I was 14!
- August 4th 2006- My first trip with a friend and my first time at a water park
- August 17th 2006- First day of Seminary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
- August 20th 2006- My patriarchal blessing was given
- October 21st 2006- My Grandpa on my dads side Passed away and we had his funeral
Journal #4:
2007-2008
This journal is less scattered and more black or white, not really any in between. I had moments in this journal that were positive and a wealth of memories that came from experiences through traveling to important and historical monuments of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I almost want to keep this one but for just as high as experiences that there were, there was also some severe lows. In other words my own version of the "rebellious stage"; black attire and bad boyfriend included.
- May 15th 2007- Break up with the "Bad Boy". I only put this as a significant moment because this is when it really all hit home for how I should be treated as not only a blossoming woman but just a person in general. It was a relief and also scary at the same time. It made me realize that in a persons darkest moments it truly shows what kind of person they are capable of being. Whether that be a person who never gives up even if by being hurt they may say things they shouldn't or a person who becomes a black hole. It doesn't mean that they will always be that way. We were teenagers after all and there are these slopes in our lives where sometimes we figure it out and sometimes we droop lower. However, in that moment and period of my life I'm glad I saw a different path and got him out of my life ESPECIALLY how he reacted to breaking up with him.
- June 13th 2007- My first Pioneer Trek (this is actually in one of my spiritual journals but it's the same time period)
- July- My mom took all of us kids on a road trip to see Temples, Nauvoo, Joseph Smiths home, and even the Niagra Falls and a bit of Chicago and Minnesota where a boy who helped me get out of so many situations that really weren't in my best interests but as I've already stated taught me anyway. In a way he was my life line to what a true friend really looked like and I only wish I returned the favor more.
- September- I got the farthermost I ever have for trying to audition for a movie. This one happened to be for the Twilight movie by Stephanie Meyer. I made calls constantly and left messages only to be told I needed an agent or something. In the end they chose an actress for the part and I never got to actually audition.
- November- I took my permit test twice and ended up passing the second time!
2008 (It was one of if not my smallest Journal)
This journal is a bit of a lull with a burst of strong emotions ( it's what happens when you have a crush on a Mormon Missionary, totally not worth the headache). Its a journal of me getting the last large chunk of crazy off my chest. I think I was preparing a lot at this time changing from adolescence into real womanhood. I was dreaming a lot in this journal and making goals even though some of those dreams were a little off it was still a good time for me to have hopes and dreams to keep me going and to put into place and motions the real, deep, and true things of my heart.
- April- My sweet 16. It was sweet but nothing like the movie versions (curse you media and my high expectations!)
- April 15th-Legalized Driver with driver licence included (of course).
- April- I went to my first Mormon Prom
- May 20th-21st- GED orientation and testing (spoiler: I passed!)
Journal #6
2008-2009
- August 24th 2008- Started college classes (spoiler: I still don't have a degree in anything just a bunch of credits equal to a AA-degree)
- August 8th 2008- My first real date with a nice guy (just to clarify I never had dates just boyfriends up to this point although I REALLY wish I would have waited for the dates or asked boys out myself when I turned 16! Seriously makes a difference, but once again, I still learned from it all!)
- September 30th 2008- Started my first Job at Subway
- January 31st 2009- First winter formal for Flag High with one swell guy. (Spoiler: I dated him the longest and was always treated with respect and love. I'm thankful for our relationship even though it was not meant to be.)
- June 5th-6th 2009- GED Graduation Day and Celebration
I'm keeping these so I've decided not to write about them (even though I blogged the 1st one and I'm keeping that one) but I will say that I only feel like I keep progressing. It may be slow and I may slide back at times but overall I think I'm becoming a strong and better person through it all. I keep telling myself lately that this and whatever is coming up in my life is meant to be. I can do hard things.
So as I close these journals for good I just want to say if feels good to remember and to forgive. It feels good to not only emotionally let these things go but also a physical representative. I'm only bonded by the challenges and hardships but I'm not longer chained to those moments. I've got this, and so do you.
-Megan
Sunday, April 22, 2018
Balance Starts in You
I have felt the tug for another blog post these past couple of weeks but have struggled with what topic to write about.
There have been so many miraculous, wonderful, and even challenging events in my life lately that I have a burning desire to share but I would like to do so in a tactful way.
I guess the best place to start would to be balanced.
Just like my head is swirling with stories and knowing what exactly to share at this time or to share later so are our lives. I believe it is a constant struggle of individualized needs and being apart of a community and greater purpose than our own. I know I've struggled with this and the moment I started having children I only felt more split.
I felt a duty to God.
I felt a duty to myself.
I felt a duty to my religion.
I felt a duty to my family both immediate and extend.
I felt a duty to my callings in church.
I felt a duty to my spiritual study.
I felt a duty to teaching and being an example to my children.
I felt a duty of an honest person.
I felt a duty to be a good citizen of the state, country, and place of the world that I live.
I felt a duty to be a friend and make some friends.
I felt a duty of love, kindness, patience, and sanity.
I felt a duty to my home and the care and maintenance of it.
I felt a duty to health and happiness.
I felt a duty to authenticity and uniqueness; to be me and what that meant.
All of these ( and probably more) pulled and continues to pull in what feels like different directions . I am left feeling confused, lost, anxious, exhausted, and stressed. There was no way I could be all of these things, still be a sane person, and not to mention happy.
SO I wouldn't....
Last Sunday we had a lesson in relief society about being a Bearers of Heavenly Light. The talk was called just that and it was given by Dieter F Utchodrf last October for the Priesthood Session of General conference. Although it was given to the men of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it was the perfect talk I've been needing on this journey to get my life back on track and to be content and determined once again. Even better was when our discussion leader read a quote at the end of the hour for Relief Society by Marianne Williamson. It summed up the very feelings I've been feeling for a few months:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, who am I to bne brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a Child of God! You're playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
That quote hit home so hard that I probably sat there with my jaw hanging open for the whole relief society to see. It pointed out to me that I've been squashing myself down because I didn't want to disappoint or lead astray anyone when in reality by squashing myself into nothing I was not only miserable but I WAS letting people down and they weren't following me anyway! This was the perfect explanation that by being the person I was created to be and by following the Christ's light there would be no room for hectic and crazy and everything else would naturally work out into the balance I was desiring the most in my life.
The Peace
The Calm
The Happy
As well as fuel my motivation to rise up and love and help others the way I've always wanted to do.
I'm going to share an experience that has happened to me recently that I feel would make the perfect ending to this particular blog post. It all started with a dream....
A few weeks ago I had woken up in a panic from another dooms day dream. There was ciaos outside of my home and I kept asking everyone I came into contact with inside, "what is going on?" But no one gave me a straight answer. I could see my family by the window looking at what I then saw was a mass amount of SWAT team and police men as well as their well armored vehicles covering our whole street. They were surrounding our neighbors home across the street and everything looked crazy outside. I then looked out my backyard window and saw teenage boys from the age of 9-14 trying to climb over our fence and into our backyard. For some reason this didn't alarm me.
I turned back to my family and again I asked "what is going on?" and to my right the answer, "there's been mass murdering going on outside and they are trying to grab hold of the leader of the group whose been killing everyone." One of the teenage boys had gotten into my house (again fr some reason this didn't alarm me) and was holding his phone recording a video of the event. After that everything seemed like it slowed down. I was outside now, and I could hear people in the background yelling at me to gt back inside but I just kept walking towards the park down our street. There was trash and belongings everywhere and the park was the worst. Toilets, bunk beds, dressers, tires, and other items littered the whole park as if houses had just been gutted and thrown onto the lawn of the park. I turned around and saw the front of our neighbors house be ripped off by the SWAT team and noticed that the house was completely empty except a sandbag barricade, and in the center a man with a mustache wearing a wife beater, cargo pants, and a look of gruesome pride holed up, waiting. He surrendered. What shook me the most was the fact that the house was used as a base, not even trying to be concealed as an actual home, as if this had been plotted and planed for awhile and he was just waiting.
I woke up during this part of the dream with my chest tight, my heart pounding, and feeling sick to my stomach. I felt as if there was no where that would ever truly be safe. The security system we had just got wouldn't matter when the world was ending. The safe places wouldn't be safe. The sanctuaries wouldn't hold any meaning. No precautions would end up mattering and worst of all was it wasn't just my life to worry about. If it were just me I'd give it away, I wasn't afraid of death but the dying part and even more beyond that was my children. I couldn't stand it if they were hurt or if I wasn't there to take care of them and be there for them. I prayed that if this is what the end were really to look like to please just let me die first. I was tormented and my very core ached. I felt like I was falling apart and so I woke up my husband and asked him if he'd hold me so that I could feel a little bit put back together. It was at that point in the middle of the night that I realized how impact the dream really was to me. I cried and I sobbed and I exhaled in anguish. My husband became more alert and asked me 'what was wrong' to which I told him, "just hold me really tight".
We laid there for awhile until I gained some composure and stretched out a little bit. I was still frantic and that's when I felt a warmth on my cheek and heard a voice in my head. It was a woman "shh-ing" me and telling me that "it's okay and everything will be fine." I asked her in my thoughts who she was and immediately had the thought of Heavenly Mother. She respond that it didn't matter. I had the impression that-whoever she was- was stroking my hair and sitting on the side of my bed. I relaxed and felt calm so quickly that I knew I wasn't just imagining things since I've had panic attacks before and there has been no real way to calm myself down, not to mention a complete one-hundred and eighty degrees. I asked her again who she was and she said, "I'm a friend it doesn't matter who I am. You're safe, go to sleep." I then thought about my kids and worried about there safety. "They're safe," the woman responded, "There are angels with them just like there are with you." I had the impression that there were two angels in each room with my children which made me relax to the point where my eyes closed. I kept trying to have the conversation in my thoughts with her and opening my eyes but I felt like I had no control of them. I felt like the woman had rolled her eyes in humorous disbelief almost like "you're at peace why aren't you trying to go back to sleep?"
I told her, in my thoughts, that I didn't want to forget when I woke up. I didn't want to forget the angels. I didn't want to forget her and the experience I'd been having.
She told me, "You won't. You won't forget and someday you will be doing just as I am doing, comforting others who need it."
With one more sigh I fell asleep and the next morning it was just as she promised: I didn't forget and a week or so at general conference there was a change in how we reach out to others in love and minister to them just as Christ did and again her declaration to me that someday I would be comforting others just as she was doing became that much more real to me. This is a purpose of mine and I'm going to let my light shine and glorify God by doing His work.
-Megan
There have been so many miraculous, wonderful, and even challenging events in my life lately that I have a burning desire to share but I would like to do so in a tactful way.
I guess the best place to start would to be balanced.
Just like my head is swirling with stories and knowing what exactly to share at this time or to share later so are our lives. I believe it is a constant struggle of individualized needs and being apart of a community and greater purpose than our own. I know I've struggled with this and the moment I started having children I only felt more split.
I felt a duty to God.
I felt a duty to myself.
I felt a duty to my religion.
I felt a duty to my family both immediate and extend.
I felt a duty to my callings in church.
I felt a duty to my spiritual study.
I felt a duty to teaching and being an example to my children.
I felt a duty of an honest person.
I felt a duty to be a good citizen of the state, country, and place of the world that I live.
I felt a duty to be a friend and make some friends.
I felt a duty of love, kindness, patience, and sanity.
I felt a duty to my home and the care and maintenance of it.
I felt a duty to health and happiness.
I felt a duty to authenticity and uniqueness; to be me and what that meant.
All of these ( and probably more) pulled and continues to pull in what feels like different directions . I am left feeling confused, lost, anxious, exhausted, and stressed. There was no way I could be all of these things, still be a sane person, and not to mention happy.
SO I wouldn't....
Last Sunday we had a lesson in relief society about being a Bearers of Heavenly Light. The talk was called just that and it was given by Dieter F Utchodrf last October for the Priesthood Session of General conference. Although it was given to the men of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it was the perfect talk I've been needing on this journey to get my life back on track and to be content and determined once again. Even better was when our discussion leader read a quote at the end of the hour for Relief Society by Marianne Williamson. It summed up the very feelings I've been feeling for a few months:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, who am I to bne brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a Child of God! You're playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
That quote hit home so hard that I probably sat there with my jaw hanging open for the whole relief society to see. It pointed out to me that I've been squashing myself down because I didn't want to disappoint or lead astray anyone when in reality by squashing myself into nothing I was not only miserable but I WAS letting people down and they weren't following me anyway! This was the perfect explanation that by being the person I was created to be and by following the Christ's light there would be no room for hectic and crazy and everything else would naturally work out into the balance I was desiring the most in my life.
The Peace
The Calm
The Happy
As well as fuel my motivation to rise up and love and help others the way I've always wanted to do.
I'm going to share an experience that has happened to me recently that I feel would make the perfect ending to this particular blog post. It all started with a dream....
A few weeks ago I had woken up in a panic from another dooms day dream. There was ciaos outside of my home and I kept asking everyone I came into contact with inside, "what is going on?" But no one gave me a straight answer. I could see my family by the window looking at what I then saw was a mass amount of SWAT team and police men as well as their well armored vehicles covering our whole street. They were surrounding our neighbors home across the street and everything looked crazy outside. I then looked out my backyard window and saw teenage boys from the age of 9-14 trying to climb over our fence and into our backyard. For some reason this didn't alarm me.
I turned back to my family and again I asked "what is going on?" and to my right the answer, "there's been mass murdering going on outside and they are trying to grab hold of the leader of the group whose been killing everyone." One of the teenage boys had gotten into my house (again fr some reason this didn't alarm me) and was holding his phone recording a video of the event. After that everything seemed like it slowed down. I was outside now, and I could hear people in the background yelling at me to gt back inside but I just kept walking towards the park down our street. There was trash and belongings everywhere and the park was the worst. Toilets, bunk beds, dressers, tires, and other items littered the whole park as if houses had just been gutted and thrown onto the lawn of the park. I turned around and saw the front of our neighbors house be ripped off by the SWAT team and noticed that the house was completely empty except a sandbag barricade, and in the center a man with a mustache wearing a wife beater, cargo pants, and a look of gruesome pride holed up, waiting. He surrendered. What shook me the most was the fact that the house was used as a base, not even trying to be concealed as an actual home, as if this had been plotted and planed for awhile and he was just waiting.
I woke up during this part of the dream with my chest tight, my heart pounding, and feeling sick to my stomach. I felt as if there was no where that would ever truly be safe. The security system we had just got wouldn't matter when the world was ending. The safe places wouldn't be safe. The sanctuaries wouldn't hold any meaning. No precautions would end up mattering and worst of all was it wasn't just my life to worry about. If it were just me I'd give it away, I wasn't afraid of death but the dying part and even more beyond that was my children. I couldn't stand it if they were hurt or if I wasn't there to take care of them and be there for them. I prayed that if this is what the end were really to look like to please just let me die first. I was tormented and my very core ached. I felt like I was falling apart and so I woke up my husband and asked him if he'd hold me so that I could feel a little bit put back together. It was at that point in the middle of the night that I realized how impact the dream really was to me. I cried and I sobbed and I exhaled in anguish. My husband became more alert and asked me 'what was wrong' to which I told him, "just hold me really tight".
We laid there for awhile until I gained some composure and stretched out a little bit. I was still frantic and that's when I felt a warmth on my cheek and heard a voice in my head. It was a woman "shh-ing" me and telling me that "it's okay and everything will be fine." I asked her in my thoughts who she was and immediately had the thought of Heavenly Mother. She respond that it didn't matter. I had the impression that-whoever she was- was stroking my hair and sitting on the side of my bed. I relaxed and felt calm so quickly that I knew I wasn't just imagining things since I've had panic attacks before and there has been no real way to calm myself down, not to mention a complete one-hundred and eighty degrees. I asked her again who she was and she said, "I'm a friend it doesn't matter who I am. You're safe, go to sleep." I then thought about my kids and worried about there safety. "They're safe," the woman responded, "There are angels with them just like there are with you." I had the impression that there were two angels in each room with my children which made me relax to the point where my eyes closed. I kept trying to have the conversation in my thoughts with her and opening my eyes but I felt like I had no control of them. I felt like the woman had rolled her eyes in humorous disbelief almost like "you're at peace why aren't you trying to go back to sleep?"
I told her, in my thoughts, that I didn't want to forget when I woke up. I didn't want to forget the angels. I didn't want to forget her and the experience I'd been having.
She told me, "You won't. You won't forget and someday you will be doing just as I am doing, comforting others who need it."
With one more sigh I fell asleep and the next morning it was just as she promised: I didn't forget and a week or so at general conference there was a change in how we reach out to others in love and minister to them just as Christ did and again her declaration to me that someday I would be comforting others just as she was doing became that much more real to me. This is a purpose of mine and I'm going to let my light shine and glorify God by doing His work.
-Megan
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Prophetess of the Home
Once again it has been too long.
All the same it feels like the perfect time for another blog post! This time about the ultimate desire to be a woman of God.
Specifically a prophetess.
When I came across the term in my scripture studying I basically got the "shivers"- as my son calls them- and became giddy over the thought of possibly becoming one. But what did it mean? All throughout scripture it talks about prophets or apostles of God being wise and male leaders who, at times, had to start of their own journeys a little rocky but it made them into the spiritual giants we have read about in the Bible and/or Book of Mormon.
It's true that they have all been men but that also didn't mean that the woman's role was any less important.
A prophet or an apostle from the scriptures, and in today's time, are given the priesthood of Melchizedek to preform sacred ordinances. Women can contribute to this priesthood by receiving a testimony of Jesus Christ and enjoying the Spirit of Revelation. Women who are prophetess' do not hold the keys of the priesthood to preform these ordinances but they are still a very big part of them from the very beginning because they call out to God and answer when he calls back.
This does not mean that as a priestess or prophetess you need to go and build up your own church or preach, but what it does mean- to me- is that I can build up my own house and teach, follow, and do my very best everyday and as long as I have a testimony in Jesus Christ I will be directed where to go and as long as I'm following, my children will also follow.
A prophetess isn't about leading masses of people or preaching the word of God to every person you come across but just continuously learning and BEING that leader.
A natural born leader isn't someone who is looking to rule over others, but through their gifts and talents others follow them anyway.
Being aware of gifts and talents aren't random happenstances but God given to help you thrive by completing challenges to obtain the talents and to add variety and beauty to the world.
Good examples of priestess/prophetess' are found in these scriptures: Exodus 15:20, Judges 4:4, 2 Kings 4:4, 2 Chronicles 34:22, Luke 2:36 .
Here are a 3 ways we can develop our abilities as prophetess' in our own homes:
*Notes taken from "Rise Up in Strength Sisters in Zion", by Bonnie L Oscarson, October General Conference 2016
2. BE BOLD
“The world needs the touch of women and their love, their comfort, and their strength. Our harsh environment needs their encouraging voices, the beauty that seems to fall within their natures, the spirit of charity that is their inheritance.
"If we wish the blessing, we must pay the price. A part of that price lies in being faithful. Faithful to what? Faithful to ourselves, to the very best that is within us. No woman can afford to demean herself, to belittle herself, to downgrade her abilities or her capacities. Let each be faithful to the great, divine attributes that are within her. Be faithful to the gospel. Be faithful to the Church. We have all about us those who are seeking to undermine it, to look for weaknesses in its early leaders, to find fault with its programs, to speak critically of it. I give you my testimony that it is the work of God, and those who speak against it are speaking against him.Be faithful to him. He is the one true source of your strength. He is your Father in Heaven. He lives. He hears and answers prayers. Be faithful to God.
" I feel to invite women everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass."- Excerpts from the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Gordon B Hinkley manual, Chapter 5, "Daughters of God".
3.REPENT ALWAYS
"The grace of God is a gift given to us as the atonement through our ability to repent and have faith. Faith unto repentance fills us with joy and hope that we then turn to share and serve others. Faith unto repentance is a lifelong pursuit that can be a joyous journey if we pursue it with faith in Jesus Christ and have hope in his atonement" - Repentance is always Positive by Stephen W Owens from General Conference in October 2017
James 2:14-26
"God has provided that through faith men might work mighty miracles, for without works faith is dead and with such faith we can accept whatever the outcome and still spiritually prosper. Is our faith focused on simply on wanting to be relieved of pain and suffering, or is it firmly centered on God? Our supreme focus should be on the spiritual miracles that are available to all God's children. When we exercise our faith and go to work, enduring to the end, even in our hardest days we can be grateful because we understand the deeper meaning and can see the miracles at work." - Has the Days of Miracles Ceased? By Elder Donald L Hallstrom from October Conference in October 2017
In conclusion, don't loose sight of your potential to excel in who you are and your relationship with God and Jesus Christ because through them you will be able to enjoy the blessings of revelation and will know the right opportunities to lead. I know that as I studied this more the more certain I was that my lifelong goal was to become a Prophetess, to know God and to know "my" people. To love them and serve them and to understand the deeper meanings of challenges placed in my life to only become better, stronger, and a more beautiful soul. Writing this out has reminded me that I'm already there, I just need to keep on going.
-Megan
All the same it feels like the perfect time for another blog post! This time about the ultimate desire to be a woman of God.
Specifically a prophetess.
When I came across the term in my scripture studying I basically got the "shivers"- as my son calls them- and became giddy over the thought of possibly becoming one. But what did it mean? All throughout scripture it talks about prophets or apostles of God being wise and male leaders who, at times, had to start of their own journeys a little rocky but it made them into the spiritual giants we have read about in the Bible and/or Book of Mormon.
It's true that they have all been men but that also didn't mean that the woman's role was any less important.
A prophet or an apostle from the scriptures, and in today's time, are given the priesthood of Melchizedek to preform sacred ordinances. Women can contribute to this priesthood by receiving a testimony of Jesus Christ and enjoying the Spirit of Revelation. Women who are prophetess' do not hold the keys of the priesthood to preform these ordinances but they are still a very big part of them from the very beginning because they call out to God and answer when he calls back.
This does not mean that as a priestess or prophetess you need to go and build up your own church or preach, but what it does mean- to me- is that I can build up my own house and teach, follow, and do my very best everyday and as long as I have a testimony in Jesus Christ I will be directed where to go and as long as I'm following, my children will also follow.
A prophetess isn't about leading masses of people or preaching the word of God to every person you come across but just continuously learning and BEING that leader.
A natural born leader isn't someone who is looking to rule over others, but through their gifts and talents others follow them anyway.
Being aware of gifts and talents aren't random happenstances but God given to help you thrive by completing challenges to obtain the talents and to add variety and beauty to the world.
Good examples of priestess/prophetess' are found in these scriptures: Exodus 15:20, Judges 4:4, 2 Kings 4:4, 2 Chronicles 34:22, Luke 2:36 .
Here are a 3 ways we can develop our abilities as prophetess' in our own homes:
- RISE UP
*Notes taken from "Rise Up in Strength Sisters in Zion", by Bonnie L Oscarson, October General Conference 2016
2. BE BOLD
“The world needs the touch of women and their love, their comfort, and their strength. Our harsh environment needs their encouraging voices, the beauty that seems to fall within their natures, the spirit of charity that is their inheritance.
"If we wish the blessing, we must pay the price. A part of that price lies in being faithful. Faithful to what? Faithful to ourselves, to the very best that is within us. No woman can afford to demean herself, to belittle herself, to downgrade her abilities or her capacities. Let each be faithful to the great, divine attributes that are within her. Be faithful to the gospel. Be faithful to the Church. We have all about us those who are seeking to undermine it, to look for weaknesses in its early leaders, to find fault with its programs, to speak critically of it. I give you my testimony that it is the work of God, and those who speak against it are speaking against him.Be faithful to him. He is the one true source of your strength. He is your Father in Heaven. He lives. He hears and answers prayers. Be faithful to God.
" I feel to invite women everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure. I hope you will not try to set goals far beyond your capacity to achieve. I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so, you will witness miracles come to pass."- Excerpts from the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Gordon B Hinkley manual, Chapter 5, "Daughters of God".
3.REPENT ALWAYS
"The grace of God is a gift given to us as the atonement through our ability to repent and have faith. Faith unto repentance fills us with joy and hope that we then turn to share and serve others. Faith unto repentance is a lifelong pursuit that can be a joyous journey if we pursue it with faith in Jesus Christ and have hope in his atonement" - Repentance is always Positive by Stephen W Owens from General Conference in October 2017
James 2:14-26
"God has provided that through faith men might work mighty miracles, for without works faith is dead and with such faith we can accept whatever the outcome and still spiritually prosper. Is our faith focused on simply on wanting to be relieved of pain and suffering, or is it firmly centered on God? Our supreme focus should be on the spiritual miracles that are available to all God's children. When we exercise our faith and go to work, enduring to the end, even in our hardest days we can be grateful because we understand the deeper meaning and can see the miracles at work." - Has the Days of Miracles Ceased? By Elder Donald L Hallstrom from October Conference in October 2017
In conclusion, don't loose sight of your potential to excel in who you are and your relationship with God and Jesus Christ because through them you will be able to enjoy the blessings of revelation and will know the right opportunities to lead. I know that as I studied this more the more certain I was that my lifelong goal was to become a Prophetess, to know God and to know "my" people. To love them and serve them and to understand the deeper meanings of challenges placed in my life to only become better, stronger, and a more beautiful soul. Writing this out has reminded me that I'm already there, I just need to keep on going.
-Megan
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