Mother like Faith

So sorry it's been practically a whole month since I posted but I wanted to do a bit more studying before posting this particular topic: faith; and not just any faith but having faith as a mom. Since I've been on this crazy journey this past year, apart of my metamorphosis has been to take small topics that stir my spiritual curiosity and explore it into new depths to emerge as a new being with a different perspective on the world. I believe this process isn't a once in a lifetime experience and that I'll probably go through something like this probably a few more times before I die, I mean haven't you heard of "midlife crisis"...yep...I believe it's the same thing. Remember that post about the pride cycle?

Yep...

Its...all...apart...of...the-plan!

I believe that we are constantly given lessons and experiences great or small to slowly learn what we personally need to become the person we need to become, and specifically in this topic: the woman, mother, and wife I need to become.

Did you know that there is a personal progress app? Yes, there is, and it's not just for the young women! It's an EXCELLENT study guide for mom's or any woman with a small amount of time! It's my next step in progression. I've downloaded the app, set a timer for 6:30 (which I don't always follow...BUT I can still read while I nurse!), and I read or do the task for the day that the app has sectioned off.

The very first experience in the whole personal progress program is Faith 1: "The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Learn about faith from the scriptures and living prophets...Read 2 general conference talks on faith. Exercise your own faith by establishing a habit of prayer in your life. Begin by regularly saying your morning and evening prayers. After three weeks of following this pattern discuss...what you have learned about faith and how daily personal prayer has strengthened your faith. In your journal express your feelings about faith and prayer." (edited from the personal progress program explanation for faith experience one. See https://www.lds.org/young-women/personal-progress/faith?lang=eng for more information!)

So I asked my "mothers in arms" what they thought a good balance was in "principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." as a nurturer/ a mother like it says in "The family: a proclamation to the world" on how to have a happy and successful family. 
This is what they had to say: 
*edited texts to fit the flow of my blog post*

"I think FHE is the key...I think coloring pictures of Jesus, walking around the temple, playing on the grass at the church building, reading books that have the scriptures made for kids...are great ways to start. You can make a matching game with the oass along cards or something...I think the more you expose them, the easier it will be for them to grasp the bigger concepts when they get to [an age that can understand those concepts.]"  -Katherine 

"...Remember that not everything has to be done every single day, it just becomes overwhelming. I try to implement a new activity every week or so to branch out, but I also don't get upset if she starts playing something up or being imaginative, I just roll with it...We have a kids scripture story book that helps too. We are not the best by any means at reading it every day, but we do try and they're easy enough that we can explain the basics of the story." -Tylene 

These texts reminded me of the Micheal Mclean song "Which part is mine" which used to always pull at my heart strings when I was younger because it was still a topic that was easy to relate to even without children. Now that I have children I understand this song in a whole new area with a different perspective. Having children is the most beautiful-heart breaking-anxiety-ridden-experience. The level of responsibility feels more like a weight then a badge of honor most of the time and a lot of times all I can think of it how every little thing I do is going to mess up my children in the future. In the song it says,

 " Every sleepless night knows many mothers who are

Wondering if they've done alright

And the dairyman's daughter knew more than a few of those nights.

Had she give her sons too much freedom?

Had she smothered her two teenage girls?

Did she spoil them too much or not trust them enough

To prepare them for life in this world?

So she opened her heart to the heavens and she

Spoke of her children by name.

And the prayer that she prayed that her kids would be saved

Had a very familiar refrain…She said

"Which part is mine? And God, which part is yours?

Could you tell me one more time, cause I'm never quite sure

And I won't cross the line like I have before.

But it gets so confusing sometimes.

Should I do more or trust the divine.

Could you please tell me which part is mine and which part is yours?" 

Seriously?! Could this song get anymore real?

I'm sobbing just re-reading the lyrics. 

But just as my friends had said, everything comes in moderation and in it's own time. We can only work with the knowledge and experiences we have NOW. My own mom has told me quite a few times that she wishes she would have had all the availability of knowledge that the internet gives to all us new mommies because there are so many things she regrets. Well I can tell you that my oldest is almost three and I already have regrets of my own even though I DO have all this knowledge! Sometimes I feel like there is TOO much knowledge, people with their opinions on the best way to raise children and blah blah blah. Another friend of mine said "I think we've lost the ability to use our mothers intuition." That really hit home to me. I've been driving myself crazy trying to know EVERYTHING instead of turning to God and learning only what I need to know. 

1. Faith is WORK in all things 

"All we can do as mothers is work with what we've got and pray for the rest." 

Which is where faith to grow into my life again comes into play. I've always had the ability of faith I just needed to nurture it. 

A few Sunday's ago the question was posed " can your faith be a burden?" My ears instantly perked up and I got all defensive of my new found knowledge on faith. My answer was undeniably "no". There was then an immediate follow up question that I almost missed since I was instantly whispering to my hubby about how faith could in no way be a burden; this question was "can LACK OF faith be a burden?"

Yes. Yes 'lack of faith' itself can be a burden or something to overcome. I don't think faith itself can be a burden because faith is always alive in something. As I kind of mentioned a few sentences ago, I thought I didn't even have faith anymore, it's been something I've even struggled with this past year especially. I had hope in the smallest of things, being that I felt like what I was feeling wouldn't last long, that somehow and in someway I'd get through it. And I am, slowing taking those steps one challenge or trial at a time, for "ye receive no witness until AFTER the trial of your faith," (Alma 32:21 and Ether 12:6). All the faith in my life for each moment or experience has to be collected together and be stronger than every fear that I have. And in order for that to happen I've had to and will have to continue for a little while longer to WORK FOR IT!

2. Faith is Listening 

Faith is to have the spirit guide us to calling on God because of belief and in turn listening to Him when he speaks through others or the whispering of the spirit, thoughts, promptings and even dreams. 

(Romans 10:14-17)

To hear by faith is to have the Holy Ghost carry our hearts and bare witness and to be our listening ears. God has called before those who are not very eloquent in their words so that the people who are listening can know that it is by the spirit of God that they can hear and understand and also that the speaker can trust in the Lord to know what to say and how to say it. The spirit speaks in a language we have forgotten how to speak, but the Holy Ghost is our interpreter should we let him guide us by our very souls. Satan will try and overpower that testimony of belief and make you believe you never even had faith in anything to begin with...even to a point of being afraid to admit you might have one. However, by listening we will be able to find even the smallest of faith granules in what might seem as an insignificant "hope". Then slowly that insignificant little hope can turn into an unwavering belief all because you were looking and listening. (Jacob 4:4-7, revelation 19:10, Mosiah 18:9, Mormon 9:25, and D&C 10:33.) 

3. Faith is Courage 

Don't be afraid of what you believe and don't hold too much weight into some dooms-day-horrors. God knows all the directions of the world and no matter which your life may go your safety goes beyond the mortal body. To have true faith is to trust in God's plan NO MATTER WHAT because it is the perfect plan. Easier said then done, I KNOW. I myself feel like I have to have plans A-Z all thought through before I even begin on plan A, it's been a hard lesson for me to let it go and just jump sometimes. 

John 5:44, 12:39-42, and Proverbs 29:25  

About a month ago, as I was laying with my little Bubba before he went to sleep he was telling me that when it gets dark he gets scared. I then proceeded to tell him what I thought I SHOULD tell him even though I wasn't sure how it was true yet myself, that mommy and daddy and Jesus would keep him safe through the night. Ever since then it's almost been a nightly routine and every time I would feel as if I were forcing the words "Jesus will keep you safe" through my tightened throat. How could I be teaching my son this if I wasn't even sure I believed it myself? And then one particular night it really hit me hard. My little bubba told me he was scared at night and it was instantly followed by "but Jesus keep me safe." Instead of feeling proud that he was getting the concept and learning what trusting in God was my heart clenched and I wondered. "Would he? Have I been lying to my son this whole time? It didn't feel like a lie but I also don't know what God has in store for him. Would he keep him safe?" 

God doesn't save everyone from physical death and if the unthinkable were to happen to my little boy, would that mean I lied? 

Doubt has a way of capturing the hearts of many in a vise so tight that the heart can no longer beat and becomes hardened. Although no one has all the answers we CAN still practice our faith and in those areas we lack in we can ask God to help us in our unbelief.  With only one strong desire doubt can be ironed out. With at least a will to go forward we can become unwavering. With the faith that our souls are more important than the physical death, are we not actually saved? By searching and discovering gospel topics such as the atonement we can be given the peace of mind that we truly are safe, but it takes a whole lot of courage. 

4. Faith is the Gateway 

"For we walk by faith not by sight"

2 corinthians 5:7, Ether 12:20, and D&C 42:49, 67:10 

When we let go of all dear and doubt and only rely on faith, we will be able to 'see' the lords work not with our physical eyes but by our spirits and someday when our faith becomes strong enough to be a knowledge , nothing will be hidden from us just like the brother of Jared. Through the testing of our faith it will be revealed unto us the magnitude of Christs honor and glory resulting in our ultimate goal and importance of faith in our lives: to feel unimaginable joy and the salvation of our souls. 

1 peter 1:7-13

Learning more deeply the aspects of faith and especially in companionship with praying for 21 days my perspective was enlightened and bad days turned into challenges to overcome. I was able to study the scriptures more enthusiastically as I found words or phrases that made me curious or that excited me and then in turn it gave me something to pray about and to strive for throughout my day. Lastly my day ended with being able to put all my frustrations and blessing from the day on the line and review what I had earnestly prayed for in the morning. The strength from reflection made me more humble and curious instead of anxious and angry. Prayer and the faith behind it did in fact move mountains, just not the kind visible by the human eye but more of the obstacle of my stubborn personality and the influences on my children. 

As a mother, wife, daughter, or woman it is important for me to turn the the Father of all things because when I don't know how to react, explain, or understand my own family (or really anyone), God can and as I prayed for many times he helped me to see my babies instead of slave drivers and he helped me to "speak with the spirit" and desire to become a priestess in my own home. 

With love, 

Megan