I've been busy this past month of April with trips, a birthday, and our house was put on the market so there has been a ton of showings coming along; but mostly I believe I've been avoiding writing about this subject. It was something I thought I had learned a few months ago and just haven't figured out what the new lesson was yet, but that wasn't the case.
I am currently still learning (and will learn more about in the future I'm sure) how to fail.
In fact this years "motto" for myself is "Success isn't made without mistakes".
I have always been a perfectionist border-lining OCD which makes failure extremely personal. Failure is challenging for everyone. Failure is something most (if not a great percentage) of the worlds population tries to avoid, including myself. I've been known to go out of my way to avoid situations I THINK might happen. I sit and agonize over the many possible situations before entering and many times missing my opportunity all together because I wrestled with what to say or do.
...Sometimes I don't even try...
There are a ton of quotes out there that talk about how "The only Failure is Not Trying," (Robin S. Sharma). So what's stopping us from enveloping failure? Fear plays a big role in not accepting our own failures.
But Failure IS apart of the plan!
We came here as spirits to be tested using the temptations and limitations of the body. Building a reliance on God and having faith in His plan can redirect us in all the challenge, confusion, sorrow, and especially failure of life. A lot of times we turn to people, especially those close to us, with our problems wanting them to fix it or to tell us the direction we should go. Sometimes ,even ,we might see someone who appears to "know it all" and just go with what they say because it makes sense or is easier. While these people can be good advisers and God does influence us through others, our first plan of action would be to ask our Father in Heaven so that he can set us in the right path. This has been happening to me a lot lately but isn't new. I've gone through my life rarely making decisions for myself based off of fear of failure and/or what others have said. Don't get me wrong: I've had a pretty good life, albeit challenging like everyone else's, but I've been led to where I've needed to go and I'm okay with that. Sometimes I'll even wait for someone else to have come to the same decision I have to KNOW it's the right direction to go before heading that way because two is better than one, right? My point is, is that as great, kind, and intelligent as those around us may be (and it's important to have those people in our lives because they keep us from making really bad decisions) it is of even greater benefit to be constantly tuning into God, constantly aligning our will with His because HE KNOWS ALL.
During these past few months I've been actually holding strong, having hope and faith, continuing to move forward with as upbeat attitude as I can muster because of my relationship with Heavenly Father I've been fostering over the past few years. I KNOW he is taking care of my family and I and we WILL be where we need to be when this trial and challenge is complete. My core knowledge is strong but my outer influence has left me wavering on choices, questioning answers received, and all around dejected. As uncomfortable and difficult as lessons in failure may be the question is, "Where do you go from here?" Take it out on your family? Blame and shame others? Quit?
NO! You continue to pray. You continue to fight, not against anyone, but against your doubts. You continue to pray that you will be aligned with Him who knows all and sees all because you can't and you can't do it alone. You "Try, Try, Try," (by President Henry B Erying) "The world and your life can seem to you to be in increasing commotion. My reassurance is this: the loving God who allowed these tests for you also designed a sure way to pass through them". "With God Nothing Shall be Impossible" (by President Russell M. Nelson) " You may be momentarily disheartened, remember, life is not meant to be easy. Trials must be borne and grief endured along the way. As you remember that 'with God nothing shall be impossible' (Luke 1:37), know that He is your father. You are a son or daughter created in His image, entitled through your worthiness to receive revelation to help with your righteous endeavors. You may take upon you the holy name of the Lord. You can qualify to speak in the sacred name of God (see D&C 1:20).
"Wilt Thou be Made Whole?" (by Elder Matthew L. Carpenter) "Our Heavenly Father is all-knowing. He knows our physical struggles. He is aware of our physical pains due to illness, disease, aging, accidents, or birth disorders. He is aware of emotional struggles associated with anxiety, loneliness, depression, or mental illness. He knows each person who has suffered injustice or has been abused. He knows our weaknesses and the propensities and temptations we struggle with. During mortality we are tested to see if we will choose good over evil... Through His ministry, Christ taught that He had power over the physical body. We cannot control the timing of when Christ's healing of our physical ailments will occur. Healing occurs according to His will and wisdom. In the scriptures some suffered decades; others, their entire mortal lives. Mortal infirmities can refine us and deepen out reliance upon God. But when we allow Christ to be involved, He will always strengthen us spiritually so we can have greater capacity to endure our burdens."
Sure there have been things in these past few months that has been anything BUT perfect, that I've been tested with, that I've avoided, that have hurt me but I've also learned that I'm stronger than I think I am and that my Heavenly Father wants me nearer to Him so that I can witness all the good He is doing for me and so that I can go forth doing good for others. If you're having a hard time like me, I just want you to know you're not alone and if you have the time click the links above and read the talks because they have helped me to have the hope and faith that I'm clinging onto right now by the smallest thread.
I will not have all the answers but I hope that I can direct you to the One who does.
❤
Megan
---------------->Next Blog Post: 5 Ways to help You find the Lessons in Life
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Monday, March 11, 2019
A Capacity for Love
We have all made mistakes and will continue to all make mistakes; sometimes the exact same ones. It feels like the moment I pull myself out of one hole I immediately fall into another one right next to it, and I know I'm not the only one.
Each one of us has this amazing and unique story. We may find others with extremely similar stories that draw us closer together. We may also find others that bother, frustrate, or make us believe that they are NOTHING like us and all they do is judge us for who we are. In Alma 5:18 it talks about having a remembrance of the defiance against God and his commandments. Even if you don't believe in God or are struggling with your belief in God your inner being still has those things that you remember that churn your stomach or make your chest ache and squeeze tight. Your anxiety swells; your depression tells you not to get out of bed in fear of making your yesterday, your today; and you're avoidance kicks in with justifications, busy work, anger, substances, and a slew of other activities to keep you from looking your beast straight in the eyes and clear your conscious the right and permanent way.
This "right and permanent way" looks a little different to everyone, because like I've shared in the previous paragraph, each of us has this amazing and unique story, even with those who share similar stories to ours they are slightly different, and even those we think are NOTHING like us or judge us they are more like us than we know. I know this because we have all made mistakes. We are all hurting over something or many somethings. What if we treated everyone as if they were in serious trouble? What if we were able to take care of others AND ourselves at the same time versus attempting to put up walls all around ourselves to keep us "protected" from more holes to fall into, all the while continuing to yell down from our towers that we have be unjustified?
What IF our apologies were more for us than for those we are apologizing too?
What if we were to
Each one of us has this amazing and unique story. We may find others with extremely similar stories that draw us closer together. We may also find others that bother, frustrate, or make us believe that they are NOTHING like us and all they do is judge us for who we are. In Alma 5:18 it talks about having a remembrance of the defiance against God and his commandments. Even if you don't believe in God or are struggling with your belief in God your inner being still has those things that you remember that churn your stomach or make your chest ache and squeeze tight. Your anxiety swells; your depression tells you not to get out of bed in fear of making your yesterday, your today; and you're avoidance kicks in with justifications, busy work, anger, substances, and a slew of other activities to keep you from looking your beast straight in the eyes and clear your conscious the right and permanent way.
This "right and permanent way" looks a little different to everyone, because like I've shared in the previous paragraph, each of us has this amazing and unique story, even with those who share similar stories to ours they are slightly different, and even those we think are NOTHING like us or judge us they are more like us than we know. I know this because we have all made mistakes. We are all hurting over something or many somethings. What if we treated everyone as if they were in serious trouble? What if we were able to take care of others AND ourselves at the same time versus attempting to put up walls all around ourselves to keep us "protected" from more holes to fall into, all the while continuing to yell down from our towers that we have be unjustified?
What IF our apologies were more for us than for those we are apologizing too?
What if we were to
"Be Strong Enough to Forgive Without Receiving an Apology"
-Bora Kisongo ?
The more we look our beasts in the eyes and remorsefully apologize for the things we realize we have personally done we begin to be cleared from everything holding us back in the past, freeing us to move forward to new mistakes and challenges that we are now stronger to face, whether we think so or not. If you think "there is NOTHING for me to apologize for", dig deeper where it's the most uncomfortable and you've found it. This takes time. Coming to a realization of things we could have done better means admitting we were wrong in the first place. It means we are at level "vulnerability". It means we are walking out of our tower and into the war and pot holes full of damage. It means staring at a hundred starving and snarling beasts all at once. It means doing the uncomfortable. This is not just easy "band aid" solution, this is a long and terrifying processes. Take it how you can. Remove a stone from your wall. Calm down at least one beast. Do that one thing you think is uncomfortable enough... even if it means looking your parent(s) in the eye and telling them something you never have or never thought you would or never even thought of till now. Apologies are letting go of the past you and are making you strong enough to forgive yourself no matter how the apology is taken.
Slowly we become more courageous.
Slowly we become less aware of what others "owe" us.
Slowly we start looking for that apology less and less.
The more we start looking less for apologies the more we realize that those people we thought judged, hated, scorned, discriminated, and hurt us are just like us. Waiting for an apology is giving more permission to those who caused an offense in our eyes, control of our emotional health and stability. When we let that go we learn to love ourselves where we are at and to love those where they were or are at. We expand our capacity for love. Our empathy outshines it all and we are able to take care of others at no expense of our own. We are able to take of ourselves without completely alienating or segregating ourselves into "us and them".
To take this all a step further, include God. Admittance, acceptance, and apologies are all the best WE can do for ourselves but there are just somethings we can't fix and we need to turn it over to the wisdom and higher power of a God who loves all because he see's all. While we must play the "what if they are just having a bad day?" game with a stranger who cut us off on the freeway; God knows EXACTLY why they cut us off on the freeway. Maybe they were racing to the hospital with hope and fear mixed together that their love one might die only to get there and find out it happened and now they have to tell the rest of their family. We are made to make mistakes and so are the others around us so we could learn and grow into happiness.
I believe the goal is not perfection, but righteousness. Trying to always do the right thing and not stressing out if we goofed up or if others goofed up and apologizing when we DO know we goofed up. Perfectionism is in Christ and through him we can be perfected, one step at a time through our own faith and righteousness.
Love,
Megan
------>Next Blog Post: Failure is Apart of the Plan
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Finding Friends
Finding good friends has probably been one of the things I've always sought for in life.
I didn't want to be alone.
When I was a kid I didn't hold a lot of self worth or confidence. I was insecure and thought that if I was friends with the popular girl in 1st grade, I'd have it made. I'd be set.
Yes, this started young for me.
I had thought that by searching and selecting certain individuals was how not to be alone and would give me that self worth or confidence. Here is what actually happened (not verbatim) :
"Hey can I hang out with you at recess?" I asked
"Uh...I guess so," Popular girl answered, and I was stoked! Finally I wouldn't be alone talking to the sun or sitting at the swings by myself. Popular girl, her friends and I walked out to recess together and just stood around on the slab of cement looking super cool, of course. It was winter so I had dressed in a under-tank and a long sleeve shirt, but standing in that sun was making me hot. I told all the new friends that I had made that I was feeling warm. I mentioned that I did have an undershirt (noting that they were wearing tank tops) and that I was really getting hot.
"Take off your shirt then!" Popular girl had said a bit impatiently.
So I did. I felt better until a teacher came up to me and asked me to put my shirt back on.
My new friends curled into themselves and laughed... at me.
At this time I did only what I could think of as a first grader, at that time, which was to put my shirt back on and run away with their laughter still echoing in my head. I spent the rest of my recess's wishing I had an imaginary friend but I couldn't conjure up one so I talked to whatever I could, tried to join "clubs", tried to make up my own "club", told everyone at recess that I thought was "cool" but none of it worked.
Then I met Tylene. She was someone I wasn't randomly picking but someone who came. Since I didn't understand how friendship really worked at the time it wasn't what I was looking for, but you know what she did? She stuck around. We would have play dates that I wouldn't admit I actually enjoyed and looked forward too and at times I'd try and push her away and be mean. It's not something I care to share because I feel horrible about how I treated her and I know that no matter how many times I apologize and try to make up for it, it was still our past. She still stuck around. We have been friends for 20 years and I'm still amazed that she is my best friend. She taught me that true self worth is being okay being you and that friendship isn't just something that snaps into place all of a sudden and you're never going to be alone ever again but that you have to work at it, even if it gets uncomfortable and the other (me) was a jerk.
As I grew older I still didn't have an understanding of good and healthy relationships. I thought I needed to have a boyfriend and I still pursued friends that I clicked really well with off of the bat. In middle school I had a friend that was quiet and shy but when I met someone I clicked with and things were going good for me, I told her we couldn't be friends anymore that she wasn't "cool" enough. This crushed her and she left. She is still someone I need to apologize too, because that was an awful thing to do and it makes me sick that I was that way. Wouldn't you know, my friendship with the girl I clicked with right away blew up in a big way. I was upset that these girls were "making fun of me" (I put that in quotes because looking back I don't think that they were) so I switched schools, then my friend started hanging out with those girls, I didn't like it, then gave my friend opportunities to choose me over them, she chose them (or forgot was more likely), and so I told her I didn't want to be friends anymore. A few years later we reconciled but never became friends again.
At this point you might be thinking "why would anyone want to be your friend you jerk" and you wouldn't be wrong. I thought the same thing for a long good while. Tylene was still my friend (amazingly enough) but had moved to a different town. Luckily we still talked a lot and when we did visit each other we tried to make the most out of our time with our shenanigans. (There may or may not be a Megan and Tylene Show somewhere on tape that we wanted to put on YouTube but never did.) I think this was the time when I really began to evaluate myself and what my addition was to relationships. My relationships so far weren't working as I expected and instead of the self worth and confidence that I was looking for from other people, I got LESS self worth and LESS confidence.
I began to work on myself.
Only a few years of working on my own thoughts and actions I met my friend Patrica. We were in a institute class together and got along pretty well. We were classroom buddies but didn't see much of each other outside of our class, our class ended, and then I got married to my husband. Later we began to really bond but just before that I met my friend Katherine.
Katherine and her husband were visiting from where they had met at college because they were planning to move to where my hubby and I currently were living. When we had met I found out that her husband had known mine since the pre-teen era of their childhoods. At this time I was starting to grow some confidence and self worth because I had met and married my husband, we were setting goals for ourselves, we had already jumped through some hurdles and he was my best friend. However, I also found myself not even trying to make friends with any females. I had my husband and that was good enough more me... or at least that's what I tried to tell myself. Katherine and her husband had invited us to do family home evening with them one Monday evening. I had recently found out I was pregnant with my first, which threw in a whole new slur of emotions but the strongest of them that I was feeling as we drove to their apartment was nerves. Even after a great conversation I still doubted everything I said, but we kept getting together. Katherine had taught me that friendships are more than just first impressions and isn't one way. The more I got to know her and observe her other friendships the more I learned that relationships are not just one at at time but a unity and love for everyone.
Some of her other relationships just happened to be with my friend Tylene who had moved near by and my friend Patrica who also lived close. We began to weave our friendships together into this group of women that I am insanely grateful for. We were all married and all soon very pregnant and about to have a first born's close together. Even though I was now making friends I STILL didn't understand how it all worked. I got jealous and over protective of the relationships I deemed stronger than the others. It was very competitive for me and internally I struggled to do the right thing and was afraid I was going to end up friendless again and again forever.
As we were compelled to move to another city away from this group of Gals that had grown together through babies and now second pregnancies it was brought to my husband and my attention from Patrica's husband that we seemed to favor certain couples over others. This stung because it was true, but because of the time and tentative care from these three women I learned just what it means to be a friend. Patrica taught me that friends are everywhere if you're just willing to look. So I evaluated my life, studied my friendships, and took the church efforts of Visiting Teaching (now ministering, you can read my intake of that if you click here) and made a huge leap in the friendship department by working on how to be a true friend to everyone I meet.
I still don't know everything there is to know about friends (I've even looked up the many blog posts there are out there about how to make friends, there's some good information if you're curious), but from what I've learned from my group of Gal's and other budding relationships is that friends are literally everywhere you just have to be keen on looking for things you have in common verses what makes you different which can be hard sometimes; it's okay to have more than one REALLY GOOD friend at a time; and to give budding friendships (including those you've only met once) lot's of time to grow. Everyone was just one person before they made a friend. I would advise to do as my friends have done for me and as I'm trying to do from their examples to not rely on first impressions. You only get a sliver of their life up until they met you and there is SO much more to love about them that you'd never have known if you just give up. Along with all that, is to forgive and try to see things from where they are coming from by asking questions. Lastly, work on you. Not in the defensive "take me or leave me" sense but on the idea of curiosity, patience and acceptance of all that you are apart of whether that be the good or bad, and apologize when you realize it's the bad.
I'll be writing about apologies next: "are they really for those you apologize to or for yourself?"
Happy Valentines Day!
Now, go make a new friend! ;)
XOXO
-Megan
Thursday, January 31, 2019
Highlighting 2018
Hello to all my avid readers! The year of 2018 has come and gone and so has the month of January 2019.
So, heres the deal: I didn't really have a goal to write a certain amount in my blog, or really ANY "resolutions" for the new year pertaining to this blog. My husband and I made goals such as having purposeful savings, continuing our plans to visit family every 3-4 months, read more, date more, move more (in replacement of specific exercises), finish minor remodeling to our house, sell our house, move, complete challenges (our own or issued by others) to promote self help, more gospel study, putting God first more, spend more time with friends, etc. Most of our resolutions you've probably heard before, seen before, or even done before so I'm not going to spend my whole time writing about those things. What I am going to write about is how as this month has progressed and I've reviewed the last half of 2018 (August-December) I've noticed a few things, a few things I should write about.
I've noticed that while I may not have many readers, as of right now, the few that have read certain blog posts (thank you family) bring up certain blogs that meant something to them. This humbles me for the simple reason being that these blog posts were written mostly for myself with the availability open to the public in case my thoughts and experiences needed to reach someone today; so the fact that they mean something to someone else as much as they mean to me is amazing, and also great conversation pieces. That led me to thinking that regardless of how many people read these posts I should try and compile a goal to work towards. I'm not going to tell you what that goal is, but hopefully by the end of this year you'll catch on to the pattern and if I was successful.
Now into the true purpose of this blog post:
2019 Resolutions
(If you wish to skip this part for the actual highlights of the year just scroll down a couple of paragraphs and you'll see.) So, heres the deal: I didn't really have a goal to write a certain amount in my blog, or really ANY "resolutions" for the new year pertaining to this blog. My husband and I made goals such as having purposeful savings, continuing our plans to visit family every 3-4 months, read more, date more, move more (in replacement of specific exercises), finish minor remodeling to our house, sell our house, move, complete challenges (our own or issued by others) to promote self help, more gospel study, putting God first more, spend more time with friends, etc. Most of our resolutions you've probably heard before, seen before, or even done before so I'm not going to spend my whole time writing about those things. What I am going to write about is how as this month has progressed and I've reviewed the last half of 2018 (August-December) I've noticed a few things, a few things I should write about.
I've noticed that while I may not have many readers, as of right now, the few that have read certain blog posts (thank you family) bring up certain blogs that meant something to them. This humbles me for the simple reason being that these blog posts were written mostly for myself with the availability open to the public in case my thoughts and experiences needed to reach someone today; so the fact that they mean something to someone else as much as they mean to me is amazing, and also great conversation pieces. That led me to thinking that regardless of how many people read these posts I should try and compile a goal to work towards. I'm not going to tell you what that goal is, but hopefully by the end of this year you'll catch on to the pattern and if I was successful.
Now into the true purpose of this blog post:
The 5 Blog Highlights of 2018
I may have mentioned a few times (maybe I didn't) that I've caught on to certain lessons from the past 6 months that I've needed to learn and that was what compiled my blog post. I would find a topic that would excite my soul with wonder and/ or dread, I'd have opportunities to experience learning and growing within that topic, and then when I would feel the closure of what I had applied to my life from these life lessons and write them all down in one blog post. Typically it seemed that these lessons would come every few months and last until the next lesson appeared. While at the end of last year and the beginning of this year I felt that I had finished my previous lesson, no new lesson appeared. At times this would frustrate me and left me feeling disappointed. Had I not completely learned that lesson?
While new topic had appeared to me to learn (or I was too oblivious to catch on), the lessons that I had learned the past few months kept cycling through--almost like at school when they test you on everything you've learned the past semester or year. As I continued to study my life and the gospel of Jesus Christ I've continued to learn more about these 5 things:
- Gratitude . I learned this back in April of last year but then it resurfaced in an even more profound manner in, you guessed it, November. This beautiful soul of a human being whom I found on Instagram was doing a 21 day Gratitude challenge that would arrive in your email inbox everyday of the month of November. I caught on late and ended up not being able to do it in November but I DID complete in in December and the way she puts things and helps you think puts gratitude in a whole new light.
- Agency and Accountability . This lesson was in May when I realized all the things I hold on to, and I'm not talking about physically (although this particular blog post also has physical evidence) but mentally. I also learned it again only a few weeks ago as I began the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints new program "Come Follow Me" as well as from another amazing individual whom I found through the I am Mom summit. I started following her on Instagram and she has been so helpful with mental clarity. There was a recent post she wrote on Linktree that I enjoyed reading which you can check out here; she says "Let yourself simultaneously accept what cannot be, grieve what may never be, and face what is possible."
- Simplicity . I learned this lesson in June about living each moment and then again a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon Minimal Mom's Youtube Channel . It was actually a video about simplifying meal planning but there was one part that I liked when she talked about how what ever you bring into your house soon becomes inventory you have to take care of. She has more helpful videos on making life a little simpler, which, lets be honest is what all moms desire in some fashion. We not only have our inventory but our husband, kids, etc to take care of and that can be exhausting and overwhelming.
- Friendship. I wrote a blog post in August about my knew understanding and knowledge of what ministering to others is all about: being a friend. I'll be writing another blog post about the friends in my life that also helped to shape my idea of what friends are in the next month so stay tuned!
- Fear. This one was a big one that I learned and took awhile for me to really grasp it. This is an on going lesson seeing as there are things everyday that we have to overcome. There is a rocking lady on Instagram who, with her sister, have a profile called "Strong Fit Mama's". They are a powerhouse of fighting back and excellent role models for not only Mama's but anyone needing someone to relate with. I seriously love them. If you literally want to kick fear in the butt go check them out and for a more gospel related message go check out Elder Rasbands talk entitled "Be Not Troubled".
I am so thankful for all the lessons and people God has put into my life to fulfill it, give it depth and meaning, and to grow me into a better and stronger me. Heres to a whole new year of meaningful lessons and lot's of exciting new beginnings.
-Megan
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Becoming Fearless
First off I want to put a little disclaimer: this topic is heavy. It hits those sensitive spots; even if you think you're ready to face your fears you never really know until it's all splayed out in front of you. The key that I have learned through all of it is: it's not really a matter of the fear at all. It's how you respond to it. If anything I write triggers you, I suggest you take a step back and read this later, because, like I mentioned in a previous blog post: it just might not be the right time. And that's okay. Because some fears need to be treated slowly and in fragments.
Fear plays a giant role in our lives. In general I think we don't understand fully how much it dictates our decision making skills, choices, and even emotional responses to situations. According to Psychology Today our fears were important for life or death situations many years ago, but now our brains react to more low key situations in the same manner (generally speaking, there are those cases where intense trauma causes high fears for very logical reasons). Our fears are what keep us alive but they can also prevent us from going after those dreams and ambitions that seem too daunting, or even to face challenges that will help us grow and experience life, and THAT is what I mostly want to focus on.
If you have been following my blog posts AT ALL you will know that part of why I write the very minimal blog posts that I do is to help cope with my own anxiety. I have turned MY anxiety into a series of lessons I personally need to learn, and challenges I need to conquer. These are my personal experiences. Facing ones fears is a difficult thing to teach another person because we all have our own challenges to face and lessons to learn. My hope is that by writing my own down I will be able to see my own progress and hopefully help someone else out there struggling as well. Also, another side note is just because I have "learned" these lessons does not mean I have "mastered" these lessons. THAT will take even more time.
This has been the biggest lesson I have learned up to date and I keep feeling like I need to "write it all down" because I have conquered a few dooseys and may not remember it all. Well I don't remember it all and I didn't write it all down because I felt like I still had a lot to learn. The truth of the matter is I probably still do. I believe that our lives are, for their entirety, to do this very thing: Overcoming our fears. Overcoming fear does not mean we don't ever fear, just that we don't let it control us, we control IT and use it as a tool to push us past each fear as it comes along. Even if it is the same fear, wearing different jackets. Each fear we move past, each obstacle we launch over (even if it's not gracefully, because, in all honesty it takes a TON of practice to greet fears gracefully, which is the goal here).
A few ways I express/ run away from fear are:
1. Divulge in electronic devices, especially socially media or movies/shows. Focusing on other peoples drama or problems or even happiness helps me avoid my own. While this can also be seen as a positive it is the source that is the issue. A few times I have learned that serving others helps me to get out of my own head and even figure out my own struggles. If I turn to electronic devices these "moments" of other's lives are fragmented, polished, or extra dramatized. If I turn to my spouse, my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, or friend and find what they need (even if it's a service as small as answering my phone when they call) I find peace and a deeper commitment to keep on going. Even turning to my kids (which is most of the time why I feel the need to "escape") I find what they need, what I need, and we form a deeper bond. This hasn't been always easy, and honestly some of what I learned was from observing my husband struggle with my son and then I was baffled when my son clung to him instead of me. It was because my husband and son worked together to reach a ground of calm alliance so that they could work through the troubles and fears and get to the deeper bond and commitment. What you put your time into, no matter how difficult, is what you will gain back.
2. Get anxious and angry. This one is something I have to observe in myself everyday. It is very easy for me to feel flustered, annoyed, inadequate, and panicked. In the moment I don't always know how to steer a situation to a more positive and common ground. When I keep trying different ways to do something and nothing seems to work it gets discouraging and I can easily get heated up. Taking a few minutes to myself where I breath and clear my head is handy in these situations. This does not mean filling up my head with scenes from movies or shows or photos from someone else's life which is what I tend to do most of the time. This means changing the situation or scenery, reading scriptures, or even simply walking away (even if it looks more like stomping and grumping with a few slammed doors).
3. Victimize/ feeling my worth is measured by another person. This one I feel is the most damaging for myself personally because I feel deep down this is what causes all of the other reactions to fear that I have. If I put my self worth in another person I tend to get stuck there and don't progress anywhere. This is where my "key" I mentioned at the beginning of this post really comes into play. The way you react/ the decisions you make based off another's choices really makes or breaks a person, in my opinion. This is also the most sensitive of all the subject matter I've just used because it's hard to just "let things go" and to go forward with a positive attitude when you want justice or revenge, when you feel it's the other persons fault, or that you know all. Loving a person that feels anger, jealousy, hate, or even just a little hard feelings towards you is a large challenge to face. Especially when that person is someone who has been a big influence in your life. It rocks your judgement, decision making, self worth, and confidence. BUT, if you can love them despite all of that, want what's best for them, and continue to prove to yourself and others that they have no reason to feel/ think that way (whether they do or not is actually harming or freeing themselves based on their reaction choices). Letting go of resentment and judgement and going forward with love and a knowledge that harboring all those negative feelings only hurts you and makes you more unhappy, means you conquered another fear. There's a quote from the movie "Rigaletto" that Bonnie gives that says "A hurt for a hurt never helped anybody". Going with that similar logic into situations where I want to "get back at somebody" helps to remind me that if I say what I feel would "justify" me or "defend me" it won't make anything better. I need to live it, give no reasons for what they say, feel, or do to be even remotely true. If there's a problem, come with a solution not a complaint. I feel like that's a quote from another movie. Working on "yourself" doesn't have to look selfish. In fact, I'm not a psychologist, but I think it's healthy to have others in your life to work a long side and practice rewiring thoughts of your self worth into positive reactions for hopefully everyone. And if it doesn't happen for everyone involved don't give up on loving them. Don't give up on wanting whats best for them. Don't give up, because the moment you let those hurt feelings choose for you how you react or the decisions you make, you're stuck again.
Moral of the story is you are amazing. You may be afraid but as long as you keep working on you by not just accepting challenges but looking for the lesson in every challenge, desiring to be a better you without hurting others but loving them so they can come with you on your journey, and focusing on your actions and reactions to every situation YOU WILL GET PAST IT!
And you'll be free to be fearless.
Well...sort of. ;)
-Megan
Fear plays a giant role in our lives. In general I think we don't understand fully how much it dictates our decision making skills, choices, and even emotional responses to situations. According to Psychology Today our fears were important for life or death situations many years ago, but now our brains react to more low key situations in the same manner (generally speaking, there are those cases where intense trauma causes high fears for very logical reasons). Our fears are what keep us alive but they can also prevent us from going after those dreams and ambitions that seem too daunting, or even to face challenges that will help us grow and experience life, and THAT is what I mostly want to focus on.
If you have been following my blog posts AT ALL you will know that part of why I write the very minimal blog posts that I do is to help cope with my own anxiety. I have turned MY anxiety into a series of lessons I personally need to learn, and challenges I need to conquer. These are my personal experiences. Facing ones fears is a difficult thing to teach another person because we all have our own challenges to face and lessons to learn. My hope is that by writing my own down I will be able to see my own progress and hopefully help someone else out there struggling as well. Also, another side note is just because I have "learned" these lessons does not mean I have "mastered" these lessons. THAT will take even more time.
This has been the biggest lesson I have learned up to date and I keep feeling like I need to "write it all down" because I have conquered a few dooseys and may not remember it all. Well I don't remember it all and I didn't write it all down because I felt like I still had a lot to learn. The truth of the matter is I probably still do. I believe that our lives are, for their entirety, to do this very thing: Overcoming our fears. Overcoming fear does not mean we don't ever fear, just that we don't let it control us, we control IT and use it as a tool to push us past each fear as it comes along. Even if it is the same fear, wearing different jackets. Each fear we move past, each obstacle we launch over (even if it's not gracefully, because, in all honesty it takes a TON of practice to greet fears gracefully, which is the goal here).
A few ways I express/ run away from fear are:
1. Divulge in electronic devices, especially socially media or movies/shows. Focusing on other peoples drama or problems or even happiness helps me avoid my own. While this can also be seen as a positive it is the source that is the issue. A few times I have learned that serving others helps me to get out of my own head and even figure out my own struggles. If I turn to electronic devices these "moments" of other's lives are fragmented, polished, or extra dramatized. If I turn to my spouse, my brother, my sister, my mother, my father, or friend and find what they need (even if it's a service as small as answering my phone when they call) I find peace and a deeper commitment to keep on going. Even turning to my kids (which is most of the time why I feel the need to "escape") I find what they need, what I need, and we form a deeper bond. This hasn't been always easy, and honestly some of what I learned was from observing my husband struggle with my son and then I was baffled when my son clung to him instead of me. It was because my husband and son worked together to reach a ground of calm alliance so that they could work through the troubles and fears and get to the deeper bond and commitment. What you put your time into, no matter how difficult, is what you will gain back.
2. Get anxious and angry. This one is something I have to observe in myself everyday. It is very easy for me to feel flustered, annoyed, inadequate, and panicked. In the moment I don't always know how to steer a situation to a more positive and common ground. When I keep trying different ways to do something and nothing seems to work it gets discouraging and I can easily get heated up. Taking a few minutes to myself where I breath and clear my head is handy in these situations. This does not mean filling up my head with scenes from movies or shows or photos from someone else's life which is what I tend to do most of the time. This means changing the situation or scenery, reading scriptures, or even simply walking away (even if it looks more like stomping and grumping with a few slammed doors).
3. Victimize/ feeling my worth is measured by another person. This one I feel is the most damaging for myself personally because I feel deep down this is what causes all of the other reactions to fear that I have. If I put my self worth in another person I tend to get stuck there and don't progress anywhere. This is where my "key" I mentioned at the beginning of this post really comes into play. The way you react/ the decisions you make based off another's choices really makes or breaks a person, in my opinion. This is also the most sensitive of all the subject matter I've just used because it's hard to just "let things go" and to go forward with a positive attitude when you want justice or revenge, when you feel it's the other persons fault, or that you know all. Loving a person that feels anger, jealousy, hate, or even just a little hard feelings towards you is a large challenge to face. Especially when that person is someone who has been a big influence in your life. It rocks your judgement, decision making, self worth, and confidence. BUT, if you can love them despite all of that, want what's best for them, and continue to prove to yourself and others that they have no reason to feel/ think that way (whether they do or not is actually harming or freeing themselves based on their reaction choices). Letting go of resentment and judgement and going forward with love and a knowledge that harboring all those negative feelings only hurts you and makes you more unhappy, means you conquered another fear. There's a quote from the movie "Rigaletto" that Bonnie gives that says "A hurt for a hurt never helped anybody". Going with that similar logic into situations where I want to "get back at somebody" helps to remind me that if I say what I feel would "justify" me or "defend me" it won't make anything better. I need to live it, give no reasons for what they say, feel, or do to be even remotely true. If there's a problem, come with a solution not a complaint. I feel like that's a quote from another movie. Working on "yourself" doesn't have to look selfish. In fact, I'm not a psychologist, but I think it's healthy to have others in your life to work a long side and practice rewiring thoughts of your self worth into positive reactions for hopefully everyone. And if it doesn't happen for everyone involved don't give up on loving them. Don't give up on wanting whats best for them. Don't give up, because the moment you let those hurt feelings choose for you how you react or the decisions you make, you're stuck again.
Moral of the story is you are amazing. You may be afraid but as long as you keep working on you by not just accepting challenges but looking for the lesson in every challenge, desiring to be a better you without hurting others but loving them so they can come with you on your journey, and focusing on your actions and reactions to every situation YOU WILL GET PAST IT!
And you'll be free to be fearless.
Well...sort of. ;)
-Megan
Thursday, August 16, 2018
A Friend...Indeed
Good Morning!
For those of you who don't know (which is probably many), I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of which I have been called as a Relief Society Secretary. All of the callings in this church are service oriented, unpaid jobs, that fulfill needs and uplift not only other members of the church but also the person with the calling. I love my calling, even though I may not feel like I am doing everything I probably "should" be doing; I do feel I am doing all I need to/ able to be doing.
A year ago I didn't have a calling and I wasn't offered one because it simply wasn't the right time. (Click here to see my previous post). I couldn't have handled a calling at that moment and I'm glad I wasn't even offered one. At the beginning of this year -after I had worked past some of my struggles- my thoughts began to change. I was beginning to WANT to contribute, I wanted to know others in our ward better, I was wanting to be accomplished with a small thing outside of the home, and I was wanting to learn (and THAT my friends is the key to life- getting yourself into a position to want to learn about everything even if you have your own opinions, because with learning comes growth, opportunity, love, and no judgement, anger, or hate because you are simply curious. Being curious doesn't mean you necessarily have to DO things you don't know or understand or lack in but it does mean you are actively listening, waiting productively, and turning the areas of misunderstanding into ones of understanding.)
Enter in my call to serve in the Relief Society Presidency! It hasn't always been easy, and there have definitely been times I've been frustrated with my calling or even wished I didn't have it, but overall I love it and it has been everything I've needed to continue to learn and grow in the direction I was wanting to go.
Soon after my calling as the secretary we had general conference which only answered more of my desires to be a better person. This new call of action was to release the Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching movements and to combine them in a combined effort to minister as the Savior did. As a new change, there has been some scrambling and confusion in trying to figure out what this means for each person involved, which is A LOT. And since I was asked to give a short talk in a Visiting Teaching Conference we were going to be having (we canceled it since Visiting Teaching was no longer a term,) I've been stuck on the idea of writing a talk to give, and while it's title has changed the content has not.
"What is ministering?" While this has been asked and answered already on lds.org I have been wanting to write what I think it is. Before, when ministering was Visiting Teaching, I had a hard time with the concept. To me it was all about lessons and numbers and reports which just didn't sit well with me. "Why can't I just do what I can for others and if I need to I will report the needs of my friends to those who can help them better?" Is often a question I would ask. I began to search to see if I could find others who thought the same way, and I found this blog by the Unconventional Relief Society who had already figured out how to minister before it was an actual term in the LDS church.
Ministering to others, the way I see it, is not about something else you have to do, but a open door into new friendships. Let me put it this way: think about your best friend or the person you are the closest to. How did you get there? What would you be willing to do for them? Why do you want to be with them? Just like with going out and introducing yourself to a stranger, asking them questions with full intent to learn about them, helping them out and letting them help you, going out together, inviting them over for dinner, getting to know their family, and simply talking to them the same is with ministering...we are just given the strangers name already.
Ministering takes time. Just as you took the time to really get to know, love, and adore the person you are the closest with the same goes for those we minister. There will be moments of absence and busy lifestyles, there will be those really good conversations and moments of silence, there will be the times where they will be the ones who help you the most and then there will also be the times you will help them the most, there will be dinners and parties and other family members to meet and love, and there may even be those moments of disagreements. The point is- you don't give up, you keep perusing because the relationship is worth it. Every person is worth getting to know and if you look deeply enough you will find those things you have in common with the person you thought you had nothing in common with.
Ministering takes practice. We are on this Earth to learn, we just have to be willing to do so. This will take a lot of humility and searching for the right "thing" that resonates with your soul. Even if you are not at the time of your life to learn about something specifically, you can still be productive in waiting for that moment by continually searching. This will open up your heart and mind and allow that moment to slip into your guarded thoughts to give you the best idea you've had in ages. Some suggestions on where to search is to pray, to ask others you think might be better at something then you (instead of being jealous that they can find opportunity), to find a book/podcast/ blog, etc. Start where you can and keep going until you are well practiced, and then continue on until you are a master. This will also take time, and there will be some slippery slopes ahead, storms, fog, and obstacles but YOU CAN DO IT! And if you find things that upset you or you get stuck on then leave it alone and move on. Just because a subject is worded one way you may not agree with does not mean that subject is wrong, it just means the way you can learn it best hasn't been presented to you yet.It's not that objects time, but don't stop looking!
Ministering is looking to the Savior. There was a talk given in Church last Sunday where the only thing I remember is "If you want to really know the savior, don't just study him, live like him". "He loved, taught, prayed for, comforted, and blessed those around him, inviting all to follow him (see Mark 8:34)." (Excerpt from, Frequently Asked Questions on Ministering under the tab "What is "mininistering"?)
In the end, ministering is what you make it- just like any other relationship/ passion you have in your life. Do what you can, don't force what you can't, and keep searching- you'll find what you need when you need it.
I believe in you.
XOXO
Megan
For those of you who don't know (which is probably many), I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, of which I have been called as a Relief Society Secretary. All of the callings in this church are service oriented, unpaid jobs, that fulfill needs and uplift not only other members of the church but also the person with the calling. I love my calling, even though I may not feel like I am doing everything I probably "should" be doing; I do feel I am doing all I need to/ able to be doing.
A year ago I didn't have a calling and I wasn't offered one because it simply wasn't the right time. (Click here to see my previous post). I couldn't have handled a calling at that moment and I'm glad I wasn't even offered one. At the beginning of this year -after I had worked past some of my struggles- my thoughts began to change. I was beginning to WANT to contribute, I wanted to know others in our ward better, I was wanting to be accomplished with a small thing outside of the home, and I was wanting to learn (and THAT my friends is the key to life- getting yourself into a position to want to learn about everything even if you have your own opinions, because with learning comes growth, opportunity, love, and no judgement, anger, or hate because you are simply curious. Being curious doesn't mean you necessarily have to DO things you don't know or understand or lack in but it does mean you are actively listening, waiting productively, and turning the areas of misunderstanding into ones of understanding.)
Enter in my call to serve in the Relief Society Presidency! It hasn't always been easy, and there have definitely been times I've been frustrated with my calling or even wished I didn't have it, but overall I love it and it has been everything I've needed to continue to learn and grow in the direction I was wanting to go.
Soon after my calling as the secretary we had general conference which only answered more of my desires to be a better person. This new call of action was to release the Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching movements and to combine them in a combined effort to minister as the Savior did. As a new change, there has been some scrambling and confusion in trying to figure out what this means for each person involved, which is A LOT. And since I was asked to give a short talk in a Visiting Teaching Conference we were going to be having (we canceled it since Visiting Teaching was no longer a term,) I've been stuck on the idea of writing a talk to give, and while it's title has changed the content has not.
"What is ministering?" While this has been asked and answered already on lds.org I have been wanting to write what I think it is. Before, when ministering was Visiting Teaching, I had a hard time with the concept. To me it was all about lessons and numbers and reports which just didn't sit well with me. "Why can't I just do what I can for others and if I need to I will report the needs of my friends to those who can help them better?" Is often a question I would ask. I began to search to see if I could find others who thought the same way, and I found this blog by the Unconventional Relief Society who had already figured out how to minister before it was an actual term in the LDS church.
Ministering to others, the way I see it, is not about something else you have to do, but a open door into new friendships. Let me put it this way: think about your best friend or the person you are the closest to. How did you get there? What would you be willing to do for them? Why do you want to be with them? Just like with going out and introducing yourself to a stranger, asking them questions with full intent to learn about them, helping them out and letting them help you, going out together, inviting them over for dinner, getting to know their family, and simply talking to them the same is with ministering...we are just given the strangers name already.
Ministering takes time. Just as you took the time to really get to know, love, and adore the person you are the closest with the same goes for those we minister. There will be moments of absence and busy lifestyles, there will be those really good conversations and moments of silence, there will be the times where they will be the ones who help you the most and then there will also be the times you will help them the most, there will be dinners and parties and other family members to meet and love, and there may even be those moments of disagreements. The point is- you don't give up, you keep perusing because the relationship is worth it. Every person is worth getting to know and if you look deeply enough you will find those things you have in common with the person you thought you had nothing in common with.
Ministering takes practice. We are on this Earth to learn, we just have to be willing to do so. This will take a lot of humility and searching for the right "thing" that resonates with your soul. Even if you are not at the time of your life to learn about something specifically, you can still be productive in waiting for that moment by continually searching. This will open up your heart and mind and allow that moment to slip into your guarded thoughts to give you the best idea you've had in ages. Some suggestions on where to search is to pray, to ask others you think might be better at something then you (instead of being jealous that they can find opportunity), to find a book/podcast/ blog, etc. Start where you can and keep going until you are well practiced, and then continue on until you are a master. This will also take time, and there will be some slippery slopes ahead, storms, fog, and obstacles but YOU CAN DO IT! And if you find things that upset you or you get stuck on then leave it alone and move on. Just because a subject is worded one way you may not agree with does not mean that subject is wrong, it just means the way you can learn it best hasn't been presented to you yet.It's not that objects time, but don't stop looking!
Ministering is looking to the Savior. There was a talk given in Church last Sunday where the only thing I remember is "If you want to really know the savior, don't just study him, live like him". "He loved, taught, prayed for, comforted, and blessed those around him, inviting all to follow him (see Mark 8:34)." (Excerpt from, Frequently Asked Questions on Ministering under the tab "What is "mininistering"?)
In the end, ministering is what you make it- just like any other relationship/ passion you have in your life. Do what you can, don't force what you can't, and keep searching- you'll find what you need when you need it.
I believe in you.
XOXO
Megan
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Many More Moments
It's been a few days since I felt the need to write another post, THIS post, but I just haven't found that "moment" until today.
Originallly I wanted to call this post "magical moments", but that was already taken by Disney when cast members hand out special, or rather magical, moments to individuals or families. For example, when my husband and I were first married and spent part of our honeymoon at Disneyland a castmember in Fantasyland noticed our "Just Married" buttons and asked us if there was a ride we hadn't yet been on. Confused by the question I said we 'had been on almost all of them' (since this was our second day) although now I'm pretty sure she meant that morning. Surprised she had responded with 'oh well you guys work fast!' and 'what ride would you like to go on again?' Still confused and wondering where this was going we had said that we hadn't been on Mr. Toads Wild Ride yet and she then had us follow her through the exit to cut the entire line! We were shocked, thankful, and felt slightly guilty- we had, after all cut a ton of families. Back in that chapter of our lives I had still never even heard of a "magical moment". That coined term I would learn only in these past few years, and yet we were still given that moment.
The moments I will be writing about this morning, while they may not be Disney related, are still magical.
They are the moments when the sun is just hanging below the horizon working to break through at 4:45 in the morning; when the city or town is quiet and sleepy and peace just hangs heavily in the air.
They are the moments when it so late in the evening (or early enough in the morning to still be considered "evening") when the only things awake to keep you company are the night animals like owls in the sky or predators in the fields or forests. For a town this hour comes earlier in the night around 10 or 11 when the darkness is thick. For a city this hour could be more in the morning like 2 or 3 after all the parties have ended and everyone has ended their busy days. No matter what hour it comes, the outcome is the same. The roads are empty, the street lamps are lit, and the world feels entirely yours for j u s t...t h a t...m o m e n t...
They could even be the moments that don't have an hour to a day but seem so planned that they just fit there in your life. Like a feeling or thought to proceed somewhere, a seemingly spontaneous event, when you've learned something new or figured out a problem thats been weighing on you for some time, or even something as simple as doing what you love to do, even more so if you've forgotten how much you enjoyed doing it.
Usually these moments are accompanied by feelings of great peace and true happiness and are the moments we strive to have in our lives constantly, and that we crave more of but come only when it is 'its' time to shine.
Heres the twist: these magical moments aren't always positive. These moments are full of the great and marvelous, the simple and subtle, and even the challenging and tempting. The secret is knowing that everthing good and bad comes at a time when you need it. For those moments difficult or challenging it can be hard to see or even to agree with that last sentence. I know that if I had read this blog post a year ago I would have bitterly laughed at it and stopped reading right there, insisting that it wasn't helpful and a waste of time. And that would have been okay because that wouldn't have been the time for that to speak out to me. I've learned to not hang out on the stubbornly persistant idea that everything I see, touch or hear has to be right, truthful, meaningful, or perfect. Sometimes it's just not my time to share in that moment.
As I've been learning this concept and becoming comfortable in it I had a moment with a new friend of mine. She probably didn't even realize how impactful it was for me in that time, since it was said in passing without any weight to it, but it was one of those magical moments where everything clicked for me. She had asked me if I wanted to borrow a book that I knew she had been working on reading. Surprised that she had finished it that fast I had asked her if that meant she was finished with it. Her reply: "No, but I've read what I've needed and I'm feeling really good in the place I'm at right now." Completly caught off gaurd by this genuine moment I stumbled with a reply that went something like, "oh that's okay. I'm not ready to read it right now," and then I we said our goodbyes and I drove home. Her sentence keeps coming back to me over and over when I'm presented with a decision to make or I feel frustrated that I can't seem to finish "that one thing". Maybe I'm so focused on finishing that I didn't even realize that I had already gotten my fill and needed to just move on.
Along this same mindset I've been looking into minimalism-I really liked this post by Danielle Faust. I've read quite a few blogs but have encorporated the thinking of "what is enough?" into even what I've been saving on Pinterest. Sometimes I read a blog and I like it so much that I save it or want to save it to "read for later"and then never read it again or at all. I've told myself that if I didn't have enough time to read it then then it wasn't the right moment and that I will be able to find what I need when the moment does arise. Because we have a ton of internet space devoted to knowledge and opinion I will be able to find what I need when I need it the most. Although pintrest posts are not taking up physical space it's still taking up mental space, which is the most important space I have and physical space can also take a part in how sane you are in your mental space (cue in minimalistic thinking). My goal is to take everything that I have or that comes to me in either of those spaces and asking myself that question, "what is enough?" and keeping what I will use over and over or that will keep me from a being a complete disaster later (72 hour kits and other prepardness methods), leaving behind what I only needed in that moment, and not kicking myself for the past decisions or mistakes I've made but using them to my advantage and just keep going.
To close my thoughts -that could probably run forever- I've learned in this part of my journey to not get stuck in the moments I want to be having or wish I was having or even the moments that I once had, but to enjoy many more moments whether they be challenging or rewarding because every moment is a blessing. Thank you to all those who have and continue to be blessings in my life and help me discover the magic in every moment.
Love to all.
-Megan
Originallly I wanted to call this post "magical moments", but that was already taken by Disney when cast members hand out special, or rather magical, moments to individuals or families. For example, when my husband and I were first married and spent part of our honeymoon at Disneyland a castmember in Fantasyland noticed our "Just Married" buttons and asked us if there was a ride we hadn't yet been on. Confused by the question I said we 'had been on almost all of them' (since this was our second day) although now I'm pretty sure she meant that morning. Surprised she had responded with 'oh well you guys work fast!' and 'what ride would you like to go on again?' Still confused and wondering where this was going we had said that we hadn't been on Mr. Toads Wild Ride yet and she then had us follow her through the exit to cut the entire line! We were shocked, thankful, and felt slightly guilty- we had, after all cut a ton of families. Back in that chapter of our lives I had still never even heard of a "magical moment". That coined term I would learn only in these past few years, and yet we were still given that moment.
The moments I will be writing about this morning, while they may not be Disney related, are still magical.
They are the moments when the sun is just hanging below the horizon working to break through at 4:45 in the morning; when the city or town is quiet and sleepy and peace just hangs heavily in the air.
They are the moments when it so late in the evening (or early enough in the morning to still be considered "evening") when the only things awake to keep you company are the night animals like owls in the sky or predators in the fields or forests. For a town this hour comes earlier in the night around 10 or 11 when the darkness is thick. For a city this hour could be more in the morning like 2 or 3 after all the parties have ended and everyone has ended their busy days. No matter what hour it comes, the outcome is the same. The roads are empty, the street lamps are lit, and the world feels entirely yours for j u s t...t h a t...m o m e n t...
They could even be the moments that don't have an hour to a day but seem so planned that they just fit there in your life. Like a feeling or thought to proceed somewhere, a seemingly spontaneous event, when you've learned something new or figured out a problem thats been weighing on you for some time, or even something as simple as doing what you love to do, even more so if you've forgotten how much you enjoyed doing it.
Usually these moments are accompanied by feelings of great peace and true happiness and are the moments we strive to have in our lives constantly, and that we crave more of but come only when it is 'its' time to shine.
Heres the twist: these magical moments aren't always positive. These moments are full of the great and marvelous, the simple and subtle, and even the challenging and tempting. The secret is knowing that everthing good and bad comes at a time when you need it. For those moments difficult or challenging it can be hard to see or even to agree with that last sentence. I know that if I had read this blog post a year ago I would have bitterly laughed at it and stopped reading right there, insisting that it wasn't helpful and a waste of time. And that would have been okay because that wouldn't have been the time for that to speak out to me. I've learned to not hang out on the stubbornly persistant idea that everything I see, touch or hear has to be right, truthful, meaningful, or perfect. Sometimes it's just not my time to share in that moment.
As I've been learning this concept and becoming comfortable in it I had a moment with a new friend of mine. She probably didn't even realize how impactful it was for me in that time, since it was said in passing without any weight to it, but it was one of those magical moments where everything clicked for me. She had asked me if I wanted to borrow a book that I knew she had been working on reading. Surprised that she had finished it that fast I had asked her if that meant she was finished with it. Her reply: "No, but I've read what I've needed and I'm feeling really good in the place I'm at right now." Completly caught off gaurd by this genuine moment I stumbled with a reply that went something like, "oh that's okay. I'm not ready to read it right now," and then I we said our goodbyes and I drove home. Her sentence keeps coming back to me over and over when I'm presented with a decision to make or I feel frustrated that I can't seem to finish "that one thing". Maybe I'm so focused on finishing that I didn't even realize that I had already gotten my fill and needed to just move on.
Along this same mindset I've been looking into minimalism-I really liked this post by Danielle Faust. I've read quite a few blogs but have encorporated the thinking of "what is enough?" into even what I've been saving on Pinterest. Sometimes I read a blog and I like it so much that I save it or want to save it to "read for later"and then never read it again or at all. I've told myself that if I didn't have enough time to read it then then it wasn't the right moment and that I will be able to find what I need when the moment does arise. Because we have a ton of internet space devoted to knowledge and opinion I will be able to find what I need when I need it the most. Although pintrest posts are not taking up physical space it's still taking up mental space, which is the most important space I have and physical space can also take a part in how sane you are in your mental space (cue in minimalistic thinking). My goal is to take everything that I have or that comes to me in either of those spaces and asking myself that question, "what is enough?" and keeping what I will use over and over or that will keep me from a being a complete disaster later (72 hour kits and other prepardness methods), leaving behind what I only needed in that moment, and not kicking myself for the past decisions or mistakes I've made but using them to my advantage and just keep going.
To close my thoughts -that could probably run forever- I've learned in this part of my journey to not get stuck in the moments I want to be having or wish I was having or even the moments that I once had, but to enjoy many more moments whether they be challenging or rewarding because every moment is a blessing. Thank you to all those who have and continue to be blessings in my life and help me discover the magic in every moment.
Love to all.
-Megan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)