Skies to Conquer

  4 months down, about 4 more to go! 

Let's start this post out with a few updates from the previous post, "The Skies are Not the Limit" where I answer a frequently asked questions to me and then we'll get to the rest of the post about being a "sky conqueror"...well maybe...I just thought it sounded cool. 

• Tech training for Da Beast's career in Cyber Transport Systems is broken down into three classes:     1.) IT Fundamentals                                                                                                                             2.) Cyber Transport Systems (a more in-depth version of fundamentals from our understanding)           3.) Security Plus 
• June 19th would then be the estimated graduation date from Tech school. 
• There are no specific timelines for each class.  Da Beast started his second class, Cyber Transport Systems, and they gave him an end date, BUT, only if all of his lessons and tests that he goes through at his own rate go in a timely manner. The neat thing about this process is they have a schedule laid out but you can complete each item as fast as you want or you can take a little more time if needed. The instructor goes around the room and basically is there to instruct where you (and others that are in the same section as you) on that material. When you feel ready you test on the material. If you don't pass you're given a yellow folder that just says you need to take it again. If you continue to fail they then try and teach you in another way that works for you based off of a test you take in the beginning of class on what teaching style you learn best from. If you're still struggling they reclassify you (give you a different job which may require a new tech school location and completion date), but that's not the point. The point is is they give you lots of opportunities to learn, test, and even some wiggle room on when to get things done. It's individual based learning and I think it's fantastic because, to me, it shows that everyone has a potential, it's just a matter of figuring out how you operate. SO because Da Beast started his second class on January 11th they are estimating that he should be finished with this second class by April 1st...and no it's not a fool's joke. This is his longest class of the three and as soon as he finished his Security+ certification (which can be completed in as little as a few weeks) it all depends on his location and report date.     
• He gets his first orders within the first few months He got his location and his reporting date is the end of May, of which we will not be disclosing at this point so be on the look out for that announcement! My guess was he was going to get his location the week of the 19th of January, with a more specific feeling on the 19th, and that we were going to go to Las Vegas, NV. I was right about the week, he found out on January 22nd, but I was wrong about the location! I'll give you a hint: we were pleasantly surprised at the fact that there is a '9' involved (Da Beast and my number since before we were married), AND, we both are excited about it and feel we're going to really enjoy this location. That is all.   

Regardless of what we think we may know or the unforeseen futuristic plans (or lack thereof) you can be sure we will continue to update you and let you know how it's going. 

What does it mean to be a conqueror? How do you know when you've conquered something? 

Just looking back on this past month from December 22nd- January 22nd, for me, I could say I didn't conquer anything. That I've just been dragged through it with metaphorical kicking and screaming. It's one of the reasons why I've pushed this post off a few days. 

What do I have to show from this past month? I fear the answer based off of the definition of conqueror (courtesy of Google), would be nothing. I have not overcome. I do not feel like a victor, winner, champion, hero, vanquisher, or defeater. If anything I feel defeated, deflated, demotivated. I looked at the New Year with dread filling up my heart and a lack of understanding as to why I felt this way and then continued to feel this way as the weeks were ticked off for January. 

The darkness was a strong surge around me pulling me closer every time I tried to break free, every moment I felt a little sanity return, every time the peace appeared to be there. This description actually reminds me of the new movie, "Soul" from Disney. I felt like a lost soul going through the motions or trying to force my way through my feelings and situations. I had forgotten what living felt like, the enjoyment found in little things, and the natural flow that for some reason can be difficult to tune into. When talking to my sister- friend, bonus sister, aka sister-in-law she said to me "it's probably because it's all now catching up to you. You've been doing this parenting thing alone now for months and that's rough". I told her that she was probably right. I've been trying to be bold, strong and maintain a level of happiness. She then asked if I felt like I had gotten used to doing things without Da Beast. I told her that I didn't think I'd ever get used to it, that of course I got this and I know I do and I've gotten into a routine, for sure, but being used to him not being here? No. I don't think I could ever get used to his absence. The question had taken me by surprise and definitely got me to thinking. This was not a matter of not knowing what I'm doing or that I  suddenly lost the ability to know how to do anything. This had to do with the fact that I'm tired of doing it the way I have been, that I'm tired of pushing through, that I'm tired of just maintaining and wishing for a different situation. I had lost the happiness of where I am and was focusing too much on where I used to be or where I want to be. To be asked this question had me thinking about my current situation from a different perspective than I currently was which was: I'm failing even if I'm not actually doing anything to fail at. I appreciate the time she took to listen and ask that question even when she herself was struggling with her own. 

I think when looking at the words "to conquer" we think it needs to be something "finished" or "accomplished" which is attainable short term, of course. However, if we look long term especially for emotional statuses, maturity, and health is it ever finished? Is there ever an end to development, learning, knowledge? Is there ever the true title of expert? If you answered, yes, I'd like to take you on my train of thought and have you look a little closer. In my opinion the answer to all these questions long term would be "no" because we are never done learning something new there is always something else. To conquer, as found in the lyrics of a song I just found looking up the definition of conqueror says: 

We all make mistakes

You might fall on your face

but you gotta get up!

We all make mistakes

You might fall on your face

don't ever give up. 

To be a "sky conqueror" means to take what I mentioned in my last post and not take "the sky's the limit" at face value. To go beyond the skies to the unlimited possibilities. To conquer is to keep going and never give up as in the famous and many versions of this basic quote, "You never fail until you stop trying" by Albert Einstein. To conquer is to take the little moments of victories and accomplishment no matter how small they may seem. For example this past month I have booked a flight to go see Da Beast, I've put the kids in an Active Playtime class for social interaction and exercise, I've noted down the times I've been seen by God, I've signed up for a new self reliance course  that the Church of Jesus Christ puts on called "Emotional Resilience", and I've tried to take special note of the moments of peace. 

The way's I've been seen by God I've had to really look out for because if I didn't I would have missed them: 

• Da Beast relayed a quote from one of his military leaders to “Never doubt in the dark what you know in the light”
• A dream... it was my birthday and everyone I had ever met/made an impact on in my life that that had ever made an impact on me were there to celebrate me and to silently let me know my acts were seen. There was such a large group of people I was constantly stunned and telling dream Da Beast that I couldn't believe it. When I was evaluating and relaying the dream to Da Beast later I realized that it was a little message to me to not discount myself and purpose here as we often do.
• Someone paying for my groceries
  
  
  
• My sister-in-law emailing me while on her mission on the same day someone paid for my groceries. I could've taken it as a coincidence but instead I saw physical angels taking the promptings and inspiration from a loving God and following through with it.
• A preacher at the farmers market smiled and said, "God bless you."
• Watching “Forgotten Carols” play recording with my family and finding new connections there.
• I saw a dove on my way to church which represents “deep peace to quiet a worried or troubled mind”.
  
  
  
• I saw a rainbow which can represent a sign of hope and a promise that better times are to come
  
  
  

And there was probably more that I forgot about or didn't even see.

Get creative. If you feel as though you have been all boxed up there are still ways through to freedom. It may look like making the box your temporary home, cutting windows in the box to let some light in, sticking your feet through the box to at least walk around with it, pop you head out of the box to see where you are going, or ripping the box to shreds and moving on. Whatever you plan to do with you box, regardless of how things may seem out of control, regardless of how high the sky may seem there is always a way out, you are in control, and there's always a way to reach the sky and beyond if you just start with something you may not have thought of before. Notice the small acts and be apart of the small acts and things will look a little brighter than they have before. Go Sky Conqueror, you got this, just keep going.

XOXO

Megan

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