Last year in June of 2019 I wrote a post titled, "How to Care For Others AND You", and since then it's still been one of my life lessons.
At the end of November I was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting for our church for the second Sunday in December, the 8th. The title I was given to go off of was the question, " How do I find joy in serving others." For the next two weeks I was anxious, nervous, excited, hopeful, and empowered.
My initial thought was that I had an opportunity to change the feeling of this particular theme of talk that I'd heard often but only felt insignificant and discouraged afterwards. I felt inspired by the spirit for what to say and felt very inadequate to present it. I postponed actually writing the talk because I was receiving so many thoughts and countering them with questions like "was I changing the way this theme was presented in talks for what Heavenly Father wanted me to say or because it was something I've been studying for a few years and I was passionate about it? I had decided it was both. I was asked to give this talk by the inspired bishopric through the spirit of God BECAUSE it was something I was dedicated to and I wanted others to feel and remember their own joy in serving others.
Once I actually began to write the words flowed, words that I felt were too perfect to be my own. I wrote most of my talk in one sitting but felt there was one more thing I needed to learn before it was finished. Over the next few days I had listened to my scriptures and talked to my sister and thats when I knew I had found the ending to my talk.
My next hurdle to overcome was to give the talk. I was nervous about presenting it but knew it was what God needed me to say, so, even through my distress I felt peace. Once at the podium I felt the spirit and that I was where I needed to be. It was the best talk I feel honored to have been called as a messenger in that time.
What does this talk I gave in sacrament meeting have to do with a blog post I wrote months ago? Well for starters I began my talk with:
"How do you help others and yourself at the same time without neglecting one or the other?"
That’s a big question to tackle and super personal, but regardless of which unique avenue of service you are on it’s the right one.
You. Are. Enough.
I strongly believe I was asked to give this talk back in December of 2019 because I have struggled with this, I continue to not know all the answers, and to tell everyone that their contribution IS enough and worth it.
The key to finding Joy in service?
Question yourself and pray to be aware of what it is that you DO and HOW you do it.
Elder Utchdorf gives a talk called “It Works Wonderfully” from October 2015 Ensign. In it he gives 2 thoughts on why the gospel can seem fulfilling and joyful for some while others have “less-than-fulfilling experiences”.
1.) Simplify
“to step back, look at your life from a higher plane, and simplify your approach to discipleship. Focus on the basic doctrines, principles, and applications of the gospel. I promise that God will guide and bless you on your path to a fulfilling life, and the gospel will definitely work better for you.”
2.) Start where you are.
Elder Utchdorf said, “Sometimes we feel discouraged because we are not “more” of something—more spiritual, respected, intelligent, healthy, rich, friendly, or capable. Naturally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve. God created us to grow and progress. But remember, our weaknesses can help us to be humble and turn us to Christ, who will “make weak things become strong.” Satan, on the other hand, uses our weaknesses to the point that we are discouraged from even trying.
I learned in my life that we don’t need to be “more” of anything to start to become the person God intended us to become.”
I’d like to add another thought to his:
3.) Give yourself time.
When I first got married I was never really into visiting teaching. I felt it was more forced and invading than natural and friendly. In our first apartment we lived in I would even turn down a few visits if I felt like I had a good enough excuse to do so and to my surprise that didn’t seem to phase the woman who tried to visit and teach me! Instead she seemed genuinely interested and concerned for me and would stay on the phone to just chat. When we moved I remembered her impact on my life and realized that if I was going to visit teach I was going to do it the way I thought it’d work best: by being a friend like she was to me.
Luckily I had a companion who felt the same way and although we did plan the lessons to teach we tried not to make that the focus. I found joy there.
Fast forward a few years when we moved to Mesa I became a visiting teacher to a few women, one of which was not active. This worried me at first because I thought I had this greater obligation to bring her back to the church. This was also the time I found out I struggle with anxiety. I went with what I could handle: by being a friend. I didn’t bring up anything church related for two years. Last Christmas I felt strongly to invite her to church. She came.
I think we put this pressure on ourselves like Utchdorf said to “be more”. We see others success and wonder where is our own when we don’t realize that their success was an accumulation of small incidents, hard work, and a collection of seemingly random situations that you wouldn’t think go together. And that our own successes are currently in the works, every small thing we do works up to what may seem like a major event.
A few weeks ago my husband and I met with a couple to chat. During our conversation we found out they were members of the church. After our conversation with them as my husband and I drove home he turned to me and said that he was proud of me for just being forward and mentioning the term “Ward” before we even knew they were members. His thought was that it was my sneaky way of sharing the gospel and my testimony. Shocked I responded with “we didn’t know before I said “Ward”? I thought they said something first!” He insisted that I started it. Truly stumped I went with a response that went like this “well I guess they looked like they were and I just convinced myself so much that it came out”. This experience sparked other thoughts in me that were more meaningful than the experience itself: I had no idea I was doing it and that if we are living our lives the best we can with a “willing heart, desire to believe, and trust in the lord” -as Elder Utchdorf mentions in his talk- then that’s probably how it will go a good majority of the time: we won’t even realize we’re doing it.
Recognizing this is where we will find the joy.
You can help and serve others by finding what works with you in a simple and present way and the Lord will truly do the rest because your contribution is worth it.
Recently with the corona virus changing the safety nets around us, our schedules, and our interaction with the world we've been asked by church leaders to spend careful and prayerful attention on those we minister too. I again felt the panic and the guilt. I haven't ministered since we moved into the ward last July. I sat with my feelings for a minute and then remembered this talk I gave in December where I encouraged everyone to recognize the good they do, to remember how you serve. I couldn't think of anything so I prayed asking Heavenly Father to remind me what it is that I DO, DO to serve other. Almost instantly I was reminded that I could write. So I did. I wrote and old fashion email. Did they respond? Nope. Then I thought about them during Easter and tried calling. Did they answer or call back? Nope. But my intention was there.
Remember how I said I wrote my talk but then felt there was something missing? I was listening to the Book of Mormon (you can get one for free at this site by clicking here or here) though my gospel library app and it just happened to be the story of Alma the Younger.
In Mosiah 27 it talks about how Alma was “wicked and idolatrous”; that he “spoke much flattery to the people therefore he led many of the people to do after the manner of his iniquities” and “stealing away the hearts of the people”. This was a man who was “going about to destroy the Church of God”. Why would God then choose to send him and angel to essentially ‘shape up’ and become a great prophet later on?
I’ll let that sit for a second while I ask questions relatable to this one.
Why would God ask a man who stumbles himself through life to be a seventy? A stake president? Or a Bishop? Why would God ask imperfect people such as ourselves to teach one another, be missionaries, be parents, etc?
Because we are perfect in our imperfections! Because we have that desire to do good in our hearts.
Now let’s go back to Alma the Younger. Here’s a man who is being pretty naughty, we don’t know what desires he had in his heart but they must have been good because God called out to him and HE LISTENED. If he was doing unrighteous acts why would God then choose to send him an angel to essentially ‘shape up’ and become a great prophet later on? Why not the sons of Mosiah?
Here’s my interpretation of it:
1.) Yes, Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah equally led away or harassed the people of the Church, but it was Alma who was kind of this Mob Boss of the whole operation. This man had leadership skills. Leadership skills are an excellent quality to have when used to uplift and inspire others. He had a great gift, he was tempted to use it improperly but even through his unrighteous acts he was still practicing that talent.
2.) Once the angel did come to him it shook him to his core and he became ill because he now recognized where he went horribly wrong. This gave him perspective and determination to help others. This also became a gift and talent that helped him preserve later in life.
3.) Because of all the wrong he did he was able to fully connect to others, to testify in a personal way, to have compassion on others, and to be an example.
In this past General Conference of April 2020 there was a talk given by Dale G Renlund titled, "Consider the goodness and greatness of God" where he also mentioned the transformation of Alma the Younger that I would recommend reading, it's definitely on my re-read list!
We like to look at the miracles of others and to express our positive attributes to others which is great and gives hope but it overlooks those little situations that brought us there even if they are uncomfortable. Examples of this from my life have been my own anger and yelling at my kids. I hate admitting this. I know it’s not right, it doesn’t feel right, and it’s something that was at its peak after I had my second. My anger held hands with my anxiety. Now, I don’t yell as much. I have accepted my efforts with compassion and continue to learn and grow.
One particular thought as I was writing this talk was that I have a gift in my voice, a powerful one, and the adversary has his focus squarely on distracting me and helping me to forget its there. This thought combined with my interpretations of Alma the Younger led me to wonder if our "weaknesses" were actually weaknesses or just misplaced or incorrectly used strengths.
There is this quote that I love by Marianne Williamson that says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Again I ask, how do we help others and ourselves at the same time without neglecting one or the other? How do we find joy in serving others?
D. Todd Christofferson in last 2019 April conference said in his talk entitled “preparing for the lords return” said in reference to God hastening his work “Employing our admittedly imperfect efforts—our “small means” —the Lord brings about great things”. By recognizing what we CAN do versus what we can’t/ aren’t doing.
This is a service to ourselves and is a service to others because when we strive to be good, when we have that burning desire to do good despite the way it seems to look for others we become aware of the impact we truly make we see all the good we truly do and this is where the joy is found.
You are enough.
Your contribution is worth it.
Through your efforts miracles will be had and you will find that joy in serving others.
