Uncovering our Spiritual Gifts

[This Post in Under Construction. Feel free to read it anyways if you want. I just wanted to post it early so I can have a link for another post. I haven't yet finished my thoughts here though.)

On March 21st 2024 I was dreaming and in my dream I had a thought so profound that it woke me up.

In the week of March 18th-22nd my kids and I started to learn about paleontology. When we think of paleontology we might go straight to thinking about the dinosaurs versus the process of how we got to know about dinosaurs in the first place.

Our gifts from God are very similar. We might be walking along through outside when we suddenly see a glimpse of how God see’s us. It would be too tempting to then rush over to our jackhammer to get the whole gift out of the ground but God steadies our process and tells us when to use the jackhammer.

In the beginning of removing a fossil from the earth a jackhammer may be used to remove major rocks and obstacles away from the fossil but the closer and closer the paleontologist gets the smaller and more creative their tools have to get. 

Just when we can really start seeing our gifts from God begin to be uncovered and we’ve gone through all the work to remove large obstacles keeping us from our gift and we’ve used the odd small tools to define our gift he then tells us to put away our jackhammer and to grab some toilet paper. Confused, we might ask him “why toilet paper? That won’t get my gift out of here!” But he insists. It’s at this point we have two options. Leave our gift for someone else to find and use or to trust ing God and grab the toilet paper. 

When trying to remove a large fossil from the ground the paleontologists want to preserve as much as they can and protect the fossil until they can bring it back to a lab where they use even more tools to not only remove but then piece together the fossil. In order to do this they cover the fossil (and the remaining dirt and rock) in toilet paper and then plaster. This process is known as jacketing. In order to get both sides of the large rock and fossil they bring in large construction machines that help to carefully lift and flip over the fossil to preserve the other side. 

If you’ve chosen to go and get the toilet paper God then will instruct you with now covering your gift that you worked so hard to reveal. He tells you that it needs to be preserved for the right time and tells you that you’ll need more people to help lift, carry, and protect your gift. This is slightly disappointing because you thought you had done all this work and were about to see your complete gift soon. You had worried over breaking it or missing a piece of it and now He was telling you to cover it back up and do it again? Not to mention you had to trust ‘others’ to also handle your gift carefully? Do you continue? 

Once the preserved fossil is jacketed the paleontologists then have to figure out how to get the fossil to the lab as most fossils are found where there aren’t any roads. Once they have been able to get the plastered fossil to the lab paleontologists then start by removing the plaster with a saw. Then they need to finish removing the surrounding rock from the fossil by using an air scribe tool and carefully and patiently remove all remaining rock. 

Since you’ve seen your gifts potential you might as well see the whole process through even though you still have months ahead to continue to define it and relying on others gifts as well. However, not all do. At anytime in the process many give up on their gifts, handing off the responsibility to someone else. Should you continue you will find that once the rock is all removed you still have your work cut out for you as your gift is in pieces. 

Piecing together the fossil is tricky jigsaw puzzle with oftentimes tiny or missing pieces and takes years to put together but despite the long and painstaking process the joy outweighs the pain. 

Just like removing a fossil from the ground our gifts have a process to them and each one of those steps matters as you move through them. Each part of uncovering your gift, although challenging, teaches you something new and gets you in close to the smallest of details. It teaches you patience, creativity, hope, reliance, determination, and gratitude. Throughout the entire process God reveals more of his mysteries to you as you work alongside Him and have faith in His process so by the end when others can see your fully complete gift and marvel at it you’ll have pure joy and not because of the outcome, but the journey it took you to get there. 

D&C 88:33

Receiving the Holy Ghost by David A Bednar

Known By Name

What do our baptismal covenants that we make and then renew during sacrament meeting every Sunday mean? In 2021 I learned more about the covenants I made at baptism when I was asked to lead a discussion on the topic in Relief Society. This is that message: 

And they said unto me: What meaneth the ^arod of iron which our father saw, that led to the tree? And I said unto them that it was the ^aword of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would ^bhold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the ^ctemptations and the fiery ^ddarts of the ^eadversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction. Wherefore, I, Nephi, did exhort them to give ^aheed unto the word of the Lord; yea, I did exhort them with all the energies of my soul, and with all the ^bfaculty which I possessed, that they would give heed to the word of God and remember to keep his commandments always in all things. -1 Nephi 15:23-25

The Iron rod is the “word of God”. 

I think that the most common and literal meaning to the word of God is the scriptures, but ultimately we could apply it to anywhere God is speaking to us: through the spirit, through the prophet, through others, and through our covenants. When making and keeping covenants with God we are communicating and working with Him by agreeing to the specific purposes of His plan. This is the rod.

As God’s children we are all a part of His plan, we all chose it when coming to Earth, and we all have a purpose that requires our individual perspective and talents as I mentioned in the ocean and land story I ended my talk in sacrament meeting. This is the path, underneath and beside the rod. We are each walking our own path to help us learn, grow, and work with God even if we are unaware of Him, believe in Him, or are wicked. But is walking only on the path without the rod considered wickedness?

In D. Todd Christofferson’s talk entitled “Why the Covenant Path,” he says “Some might say, “I can make good choices with or without baptism; I don’t need covenants to be an honorable and successful person.” Indeed, there are many who, while not on the covenant path themselves, act in a way that mirrors the choices and contributions of those who are on the path. You might say they reap the blessings of walking a “covenant-consistent” path. 

In Isaiah there is written a continuing story with three main “characters”. The first is the Babylonian king that didn’t care about life and was delighted in the war. He sought to conquer for his own gain and thought that as a king he was above it all and allowed to take what he wanted. He didn’t need a God because he believed he had it all. The second character, put together as one group, is the Israelites who forgot their God and began to stray from their covenants. To remind them and for other purposes God allowed the greedy heart of the Babylonian King to conquer the Israelites who were put into bondage, a blessing in disguise because of the covenants they had made with God. The third character came years later. His name was Cyrus. Cyrus didn’t know God apart from any other god that was mentioned but he had a righteous heart and God paved the way for him to conquer Babylon with very little to no fight as well as other cities. He gave credit to both God and another god. The Israelites declared that God wouldn’t have sent a Persian man to save them because he didn’t even believe in God and yet God did! He knew what was right for His people because of who was listening to Him and letting Him work through them. The interesting and eye opening aspect of this story is that God had a purpose for all in the story from those who forgot their covenants with Him, to a man who didn’t know God but followed what was right, and all the way to another man who was the opposite of any qualities considered to be righteous in anyway. If we are all walking this path where we already have purpose, what, then, is the difference of the covenant path? 

D. Todd Christofferson says that “ the difference is uniquely and eternally significant. It includes the nature of our obedience, the character of God’s commitment to us, the divine help we receive, the blessings tied to gathering as a covenant people, and most importantly, our eternal inheritance.

The covenant path isn’t just a path. It’s not the general path we are all uniquely walking consisting of what we need for our Earthly life and growth. The rod is next to each of our paths should we agree to reach out and grasp hold of it. It is an opportunity for all to have because we have chosen His plan to come to Earth and we are walking that earthly and individualized path. The rod that can make our path a covenant one, is as D. Todd Christofferson has said, our “eternal inheritance”. Grasping that rod has a specifically designed purpose that goes beyond just what our earthy path has for us. We use this ordained rod to give our unique path a steadiness we could not find, should we choose to walk the path alone. 

Pres. Nelson was quoted in D. Todd Christofferson’s talk saying, “The ordinances of the temple and the covenants you make there are key to strengthening your life, your marriage and family, and your ability to resist the attacks of the adversary. Your worship in the temple and your service there for your ancestors will bless you with increased personal revelation and peace and will fortify your commitment to stay on the covenant path.”

Just knowing what the rod, or our covenants, universally blesses us with cannot hold us steady all by itself either. If we were to know the rod is there, next to our path, with all it’s many blessings but not take hold of it and then add it to our personal path it would do us just as much good as if we tried to walk the path alone. In order to walk the covenant path we have to understand how the covenants and accompanying blessings work in our lives. We have to not only have that desire to make covenants but we have to also keep them by constantly reflecting and noticing how they personalize into our lives. This is the obedience mentioned by D. Todd Chrsitofferson. 

Bound to God - John 16:33 

Once we have added the rod, the covenants, to our own path and made it a one of specific purpose with God we are then “Bound to Him” meaning that even though we now have the rod with us we will still let go at times if frightened, confused or curious; We will still have questions; We will still make mistakes; we will forget what we have covenanted specifically; and we will still be growing our testimonies. This is our life and our path that is meant to help us learn and grow on earth after all. However, because of the rod or our covenants we will have tied our will to His and will receive the divine help we need to remember those covenants again in an even deeper way.  

Divine Help - Moroni 8:26, Mormon 7:10, and 2 Nephi 31:13

This divine help as D. Todd Chrsitofferson talks about in his talk comes through the companionship of the Holy Spirit which we are given during our first specifically purposed covenant: baptism.

Baptism is being “born of water” so when we are completely immersed in the water and blessed by one commissioned of Jesus Christ we become his. We covenant to follow in His ways by serving one another and serving God. We promise to try our best to listen to His spirit and follow each prompting he gives us regarding our own personal path. 

Jer. 2:13 & John 4:13-14

We also remember this covenant on Sunday as we partake of the bread to remember that he atoned for our sins that we covenanted to try our best to do no more at baptism and for His name that we take upon us as we drink of his water because he is the “living water”.

Gather with the Covenant People

“I hear people say, ‘I don’t have to go to church to be a Christian,” and they are absolutely right. Salvation is through faith alone in Christ alone. But you don’t have to go home to be married, but stay away long enough and your relationship will be affected,” -Tony Evans. 

I liked this quote because it says it so simply and perfectly. We’ve also been learning this more since our gospel study has been reformed into being primarily at home and church supported. When we go home to search, ponder, and pray about the covenants and lessons we’re needing to learn more in depth it makes us receive more of the spirit to then share what another may need to hear. When we come together either in person or as we adjusted to with last year's physical restrictions we are living our covenants by being vessels for the Lord and to do his work. “We help ourselves when we help each other,” as was said by Garrit W. Gong in his talk “Room at the Inn”.  

We gather at home (which we will come back to), at church, and at the temple. 

D. Todd Christofferson quotes the prophet Joseph Smith saying, “What was the object of gathering the … people of God in any age of the world? … The main object was to build unto the Lord a house whereby He could reveal unto His people the ordinances of His house and the glories of His kingdom, and teach the people the way of salvation; for there are certain ordinances and principles that, when they are taught and practiced, must be done in a place or house built for that purpose.”

Many other covenants we make are in the temple which builds upon the covenants made in baptism. Just like the baptismal covenants that come into two parts (immersion into the water and the gift of the holy ghost) the endowment covenants also comes in two parts, the initiatory (which literally means to constitute a beginning) and the rest of the endowment where you promise to keep the law of obedience, the law of sacrifice, the law of the gospel, the law of chastity, and the law of concentration. The initiatory is a specific blessing of heritage and potential while the endowment is a group session symbolizing the personal path we each take in life but the covenant path we all take together and work towards together. I believe the endowment covenants mirror the baptismal covenants as you start by baptism which joins you to a group of other individuals who are trying to take Christs name and follow his example, then you receive the Holy Ghost which confirms and personalizes your covenants with personal revelation from God, then the initiatory expands on your specific purposes within those covenants, and finally in your endowments you are to go forward together and helping as many souls as you can along. 

Inherit the Covenant Promises

We’ve already discussed the aforementioned blessings and promises we inherit should we try and keep the covenants a part of our lifelong path but there are more covenant appendages and blessings I feel are outlined in the Family A Proclamation to the World. 

           Covenant Path                         Personal Path

Man and woman is ordained of God The family is central to the creators plan- the family is ordained Parenthood- accountable to God Fathers and Mothers have divinely designed primary roles and are obligated to help one another as equal partners.

Each has divine nature and destiny Gender is essential to our purpose & identity Children-love, teach, meet needs, be an example Circumstances necessitate individual adaptation to fatherly and motherly roles within the home but maintain the accountability to God.

 

In “The Family: A proclamation to the world”, it says, “In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life.” 

As we’ve talked about before this was our first step into the life of the covenant maker. Once on Earth we have the opportunity to turn our own path we’re walking on through life into a covenant filled path by continuing to agree to God’s plan. As listed in the proclamation each covenant is made personalized because of agreements to God as we fulfill them. 

Joy D. Jones said in her talk “Essential Conversations” this past April, “He trusts us to value, respect, and protect them as children of God. That means we never harm them physically, verbally, or emotionally in any way, even when tensions and pressures run high. Instead we value children, and we do all we can to combat the evils of abuse. Their care is primary to us—as it is to Him.”

To me this is in reference to the parenthood, family, and man and woman is ordained of God. God designed our lives to be integrated with one another through at least one family unit. This was intended with a specific purpose or purposes in mind. Because this is a promise to care for and raise children  we are also accountable to him because of it. This is an appendage to our premortal, baptismal, and temple covenants. We can then apply this covenant to our own lives with what God has destined for us to do on our own individual paths. All have children, family, and parenthood as apart of their individual lives in one way or another but it becomes a part of our covenants as we strive to accomplish it in the manner that God has laid out before us.

Joy D. Jones said, “It is our privilege and responsibility to help children “get far enough in” to the gospel of Jesus Christ. And we cannot begin too soon.”... “We cannot wait for conversion to simply happen to our children. Accidental conversion is not a principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Becoming like our Savior will not happen randomly. Being intentional in loving, teaching, and testifying can help children begin at a young age to feel the influence of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is essential to our children’s testimony of and conversion to Jesus Christ; we desire them to “always remember him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them.

“Accidental conversion is not a principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” I think this can be applied to all. I personally feel as though I am continually pursuing a conversion. It is through questioning, seeking answers,  testing out what I have learned, and then sharing what I have gained a testimony on.  

Joy D Jones says, “Simple, caring conversations can lead children to know not only what they believe, but most importantly, why they believe it. Caring conversations, happening naturally and consistently, can lead to better understanding and answers.” 

If we can foster the belief in the “why” and not just the “what” as we are doing for one another and in our own lives it’ll give the children of today more of a foundational instinct to constantly be turning to God and the stamina to not give up a belief just because it is challenged but to fight for and grow in their belief throughout their lives. 

Joy D Jones asks a three questions after she shares the story of a young man who was initially irritated with his drill instructor but later was grateful for the training he received which had unknowingly prepared him for the battlefield:

“Wouldn’t we rather have them “sweat” in the safe learning environment of the home than bleed on the battlefields of life?”... “When we strengthen a child, we strengthen the family.” 

Ultimately we are each walking our own unique path throughout life that can be enhanced through and be steadied through our covenants with God to be more like Christ, follow the guidance of the spirit, apply each gospel principle and covenant to our lives, and teach one another. As we do so we will receive all the promises available to us and we shall, … “mount up with wings as ^deagles; [we] shall ^erun, and not be weary; and [we] shall walk, and not faint.” -Isaiah 40:31. 

 

Dating Jesus

 01/06/2024

I had another Jesus dream that was interrupted by my five in the morning alarm. I’ve been waiting and wanting another Jesus dream for awhile now but I certainly wasn’t expecting this one. It could easily be seen as blasphemous and I wouldn’t blame that view because when I woke up my first thought was “well that was an interesting dream”. This thought didn’t last long though as this exciting thought immediately replaced it, “I had another dream with Jesus in it”.

Why don’t we unpack the dream and maybe we’ll find more meaning behind it all. And please remember while reading this that while the dream is full of meaning and impactful there are still some "silly" elements that I will be sharing that are simply just because it is a dream! 

PART ONE

This is usually the part of the dream that is in ‘reality’ or Earth or the representation of life verses heaven.

The dream started with Da Beast and I driving to this hotel for a meeting with someone. I asked Da Beast multiple questions like who we were meeting, why were we’re meeting them, what was the meeting about, and where were we meeting.

Da Beast's answer to all of these questions was “I don’t know.” Which frustrated me more and more because if he was taking me to this meeting why didn’t he know more about it?! He told me that all he knew was so-n-so, who he DID know but I didn’t, had set up the meeting and that all he had was an address.

The address ended up leading us to this gate with a giant fancy white hotel behind it. I started to think this meeting was going to be high class and we were going to get the highest form of treatment from this mystery meeting when Da Beast interrupted my thoughts with, “Oh. This isn’t it. I thought this was the entrance but it’s actually over there.”

When I looked over towards the right of this magnificent, had to get extra permission to go through the gates, hotel my heart dropped into disappointment.

There tucked slightly behind this grand hotel was another hotel. This small peeling red paint hotel was literally shadowed by the other hotel. Da Beast turned our car around and took the exit right next to this elaborate hotel. It was so easy to miss because it looked more like a sketchy alleyway than it did an entrance.

My bitterness grew. My hopes of luxury were dried up. The closer we got to this meager hotel the more those sour feelings grew. Large chunks of the hotel was missing paint, the parking lot and sidewalks were cracked and missing big pieces of cement. Overall the hotel looked very uncared for and I didn’t want to be there.

Da Beast parked as best he could in an unlined parking lot and got out of the car to open my door for me. He offered me his arm and we walked side by side towards this two story hotel with only exterior corridors. Every room door faced outwards towards the parking lot. While I was busy heavily judging the place and feeling sorry that we had to be here at all, Da Beast was looking for the room number he was given. I don’t remember what it was l, perhaps six or seven, but we were up on the second floor right next to the stairs.

The metal stairs creaked and wobbled as we ascended and before we could even knock the door opened and there was the man so-n-so that Da Beast knew. He held open the door but I didn’t move at first. Da Beast had to tug my arm a bit to have me follow, which I did, into an empty hotel room.

When I looked at this man in disgruntled disbelief he shrugged an apology and propped open the door; I assumed for others. Despite the state of the location I never felt fear or uneasiness; only distain. The man looked at me and answered my unasked questions, “I was told that the place is being refurbished and to book a room to accommodate many.

PART TWO

This part of the dream is when it jumps to another place. In my other dreams this place was heaven. The dreams would start off chaotic or lonely and usually end up with some kind of entrance to heaven (usually a white glowing doorway). Once in heaven I’d run to Jesus and hug him. This dream wasn’t really like that other than the dream being split into two practically unrelated scenes .More and more people arrived and somehow there was enough room for them all. It was like the room expanded and had no capacity limit. Like Mary Poppins bag or Harmonies enchanted purse.

After everyone had arrived to the ever expansive hotel room that defied all logic, He arrived. Jesus walked in and everyone in the room cheered! He walked around greeting everyone and I just waited nervously hoping he’d notice me. There were a lot of people but it didn’t take long for him to notice. He made eye contact and smiled. I smiled back and gave him a small wave before I continued to stand there and  wait. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to greet Jesus, I just knew he had a lot of others to greet and when it was time I’d have a turn.

While I waited near the entrance a few more people arrived asking if this was the place to see Jesus. I smiled at them and said it was and welcomed them in. They didn’t return the smile and looked skeptical. I hoped they’d stay but I wasn’t sure if they would.

After this happen quite a few times the room was then called to attention for a prayer. Dream me seemed to know this prayer but wakeful me didn’t recognize it. I’m not sure what we were saying but it was a single phrase repeated three times each ending with a low bow to the ground.

Jesus’ voice then released us and he walked over to me and some other guy who was blurry in the dream but I knew it wasn’t Da Beast. In fact Da Beast didn’t play any role in this part of the dream.

We all sat down and just talked casually.

A few of the skeptical late comers then stood up and angrily told the three of us that, “this isn’t how it should be!” They then gestured around the room where there were many different groups talking, or snuggling. They said to Jesus that “isolating others” wasn’t how anyone should act let alone Jesus. Their angry faces said it all. They had arrived full of skepticism and a high bar of expectation that the current event wasn’t living up to. They had sat together looking around at others enjoying themselves and thinking that something was missing, or wasn’t right. Instead of seeing the room as a peaceful and calm place they had seen it as segregation and rejection. Being uncomfortable with their own feelings and letting their insecurities take over they had concluded that it was ‘them’ but it was everyone else.

This one instance and effort to act was in retaliation and followed by a huffy exit.

While Jesus had tried to talk to them he mostly just listened because he knew that they had made their choice. I, on the other hand, sat in confusion looking around the room trying to see what they saw and failing. I saw people tending to each other, hugging each other, conversing, laughing, smiling, cuddling, and so much more.

When I looked back at Jesus my heart broke. His eyes welled with tears and his face was contorted in pain. He was deeply sad for those who chose not to stay and there were more.

The man next to me pulled Jesus into his chest and Jesus cried uncontrollably while the man rocked him. Jesus clung to the man’s clothes.

“What more could I have done for them?”

I waited.

When Jesus had finished crying he looked drained and I offered my lap to him. He rested his head there and that was the first time that I noticed his hair was short. This observation left me feeling a bit sad that the classic depictions of Jesus having shoulder length hair wasn’t what I was seeing. I feel like I asked him why he cut it but I don’t remember his direct response. I feel like his answer had something to do with being able to recognize him even when you’re expecting something else.

We didn’t talk much after that and I was happy to have Jesus taking comfort with me. While he rested I ran my fingers through his dark hair. It was thick and loosely curly. It was curly enough for my fingers to get slightly caught in his hair but defined only to the extent of it being deeply wavy.

The other man then requested that Jesus rest in his lap and Jesus moved and now his legs were in front of me.

Being unpleased with this and not liking how I felt this man “stole Jesus from me” I tried to change my thoughts by making do with what I had and if all I had was Jesus’ legs then I was going to do what I could.

“This might tickle,” I said as I began to massage the calves of Jesus. He chuckled and asked me a question, perhaps one asking what  I was doing, to which I responded that legs were boring.

This seemed to surprise and amuse Jesus but I could see he was also about to teach me so I quickly said something like “boring enough to be useful!” And then I kept massaging his calves which did tickle him a bit and he laughed more.

Hearing Jesus laugh and knowing that I got to be a part of it, especially after he had just been drowned in sadness, changed and lifted my mood. It didn’t matter what half of Jesus I got to spend time with, the important thing was that Jesus was with me.

Eventually Jesus had moved to behind me and I got to lean back on him. He held me tightly and whispered in my ear the very thing I had convinced myself by now wouldn’t happen. I was in such shock that I didn’t even hear all he said only what he asked at the end, “do you promise that the relationship you and I have will continue only because of and through Him?”

Unable to speak I just nodded understanding the God, our Father in Heaven, came first.

“Then you and I can be together.” He said.

“Like we’re dating?” I turned around and asked. He smiled and nodded again but there was some worry in his eyes.

PART THREE

Usually this part of the dream (if it’s there at all) is going back into “life”. For example in a previous dream where I went to Heaven and wanted to stay with Jesus he told me it wasn’t time and that I had to complete my mission. This mission was going and gathering my brothers and sisters to lead them to where he was because like all my dreams before this, He’s always tucked away somewhere. In other words you have to be actively looking for him to find him or you’ll get swept up with the rest of the world. This dream was slightly different as it’s been showing to be this far. The dream continued with me dating Jesus but instead it was a compilation of different instances and being narrated by myself.

I was ecstatic to be dating Jesus so much that I thought, “so it wasn’t a Mary that Jesus dated in the Bible it was a Megan”. A silly thought but I believe still holds meaning, so stick with me. After that I struggled. Dating Jesus wasn’t anything like I thought it would be. I thought when you dated someone who wanted to be around them all the time. When dating Jesus, Jesus is often out with others. For example while we were at a barbecue Jesus was off talking to everyone while I stood back feeling confused and jealous. Even when I was right next to Jesus trying to follow him and his example by also socializing I felt like he wasn’t with me and I was falling short.

I wanted so badly to be the BEST companion for Jesus but every kind thing I did for him I felt more like I was in the way, clumsy, or doing something that he could do himself but better. He never seemed to mind. In fact he always waited patiently, smiled warmly, and thanked me before going off to talk to someone else again.

I felt that I was dating Jesus in the wrong way and worried that if I continued to be super clingy and demanding of his personal attention, for just me, that the relationship would be over; that everything would end and I knew it would be because I let my insecurities win.

Just when I was contemplating what I needed to change, my alarm went off.

CONCLUSION

There is a saying that I’ve read that says “the closer you get to Jesus the more unworthy you’ll begin to feel”.

I believe that the last two parts of the dream this was the over-arching theme. First by witnessing others in part two of the dream and then also by myself in the third part of the dream. In both cases our insecurities were getting the better of us and these insecurities were rooted in what WE thought or expected things should be. In part one of the dream there was also heavy expectations. Let’s break down the main points of the dream.

Part one

• Fancy hotel verses frumpy hotel. The fancy hotel was so tall it shadowed the little hotel next to it. The little hotel was also hard to find and mentioned to be “under refurbishment”.  Writing down my dream I couldn’t help but think that the desirable hotel, based off of looks and comfort, was the great and spacious building in Levi’s dream. It wasn’t hard to find and you didn’t need to look for it. Everything else looked “less then” when compared to the fancy hotel. It would be the obvious choice for many to stay at because it supports the ideology that living a life of luxury, fame, fortune, high status or popularity, and being heard and accepted was what to strive for.
• Da Beast. There was a reason Da Beast was in this part of the dream because without him I may have just stayed in my place and then when at the hotel I might have just stood by the gate hoping to get noticed and let inside. Then finally at the door of the frumpy hotel I might have not even gone inside. This isn’t to say that I can’t and haven’t chose to follow directions that don’t make sense to me before but often when I don’t understand something I feel frustrated and challenged and Da Beast is always there to help me through it.

Part Two

• The second coming. This part of the dream while being written down was feeling a lot like “waiting on Jesus”. We were all gathered and waited for him to arrive. When he arrived I still stood by the entrance waiting for my turn to greet Jesus and welcoming late comers who resembled those who accept Jesus after his second coming.
• Prayer. The very specific prayer in another language has me very curious. Especially the fact that I knew it.
• Judgement. Just like the first part of the dream, judgement without curiosity was heavily present. When we make a judgement from the stand point of what we “expect” verses what we are “curious about” it doesn’t matter what anyone else says because we’re not focusing on “understanding” since we already feel like we have it “all figured out”.
• Mourning. Jesus is devastated when we leave him or isolate ourselves from Him as he is always there for us, even when he is visiting with others. We don’t “own” any part of Jesus. Sometimes we might only have his legs and feet, meaning sometimes we just have to wait or follow him while he talks to someone else. This doesn’t mean we’re any less important to Him. Just because others don’t show us Jesus, or gives us what we feel we need from them doesn’t mean our relationship with Christ isn’t there. What it DOES mean is regardless of what others are doing it is our own responsibility to get to know Jesus. It is our own choices that determine what we’re apart of. And Christ mourns for each and every souls that leaves. But only those who stay with him can see that. Jesus then asks as does the Lord of the Vineyard, “what more could I have done?”
• Our Relationship with Jesus. Crossing over with what was said in previous section on mourning, and going into part three where I think “so it wasn’t a Mary that Jesus dated in the Bible it was a Megan”, our relationship to Jesus is because of and through God our Father. While this IS a dream and thoughts and saying can be a little off key I think the important thing to note about this cross section of part two and three of the dream is just saying that God comes first and anyone can put their name in a relationship with a Jesus. When we covenant, or make the promise, that we will put God first then we are tied to Jesus because that is exactly what His work is all about. He is the arrow pointing to God and when we align ourselves with Him by also making our work about God then we begin a relationship of working in tandem WITH Christ.

Part Three

• Dating Jesus. Continuing from where we left off in the last section and the second part of the dream, I don’t seem to understand what dating Jesus is supposed to look like and my mistakes, insecurities, faults, and embarrassments become all exposed. Sometimes being as  close as we can get to Jesus we can loose sight of what was important in the first place. Instead of patience and long suffering to get to where we are, dating Jesus, now that we’re here we’re struggling, feeling more like we have to “preform”. I think should the dream had continued I would have come to the conclusion that while I fussed and worried about doing everything right I was missing out on the real opportunity to watch Jesus at work and to be with him. I wasn’t enjoying my time with him because I forgot to keep watch of him. Instead my focus turned to myself on all the things I was messing up. When your dating someone of COURSE you want to be with the ALL THE TIME. But you know you don’t have to be with them all the time. When you have the same end goals, dreams, pursuits, and ideas then you know your relationship is a ‘sure thing’ because you’ll both end up in the same place. You might take different routes based off of personalized preferences to those goals, dreams, pursuits, and ideas that separates you for a time but the reunions are always sweeter because of it. When dating Jesus it’s no different. You both promised to each other to be there for the other and that you’ll “meet back up with God”. Our father in Heaven is the commonality that keeps your union with Jesus a “sure thing”. Jesus is always there and while there will be many times you’re right there next to him in the thick of things there will also be sometimes where you’ll feel some distance as you’re off doing exactly what you need to be doing to spread his word. How sweet will the reunion be when you join together again with Jesus, after having done his work and he was also away doing his work, the will of the father. Jesus doesn’t just need followers, he also needs companions. Followers go where a leader is present and desire to be in constant companionship, especially when they are struggling. Companions are followers who have enough understanding that their confidence in their relationship to Jesus means that they are his helpmeets/helpmates. They can go off on side quests and accomplish his work without needing to be told EXACTLY what to do because he accepts all offerings and we know where to find him. We lessen HIS load by aiding in HIS work.
• Co-op example. When playing a co-op video game you both have the same goals and targets but often times might go about completing those goals or reaching those targets in slightly different ways. But you only have your screen in front of you. Sometimes your companion is in your screen. Sometimes they’re not. Sometimes you or your companion strays too far and a warning sign on the game pops up saying to “get back to your partner”. However, no matter how the game is actually played out, no matter how many times you fail, make a mistake, or have to reevaluate your strategy if you are playing the game with someone you know wants the same thing you do in the end, you don’t ever question that they won’t be there when you need them to revive you, back you up, or help you strategize. And thanks to the visual marker you always know where they are. Playing this game with Jesus is the best guarantee that you WILL finish and BEAT the game. 

The Closing of a Chapter

A hundred days before President Nelson’s one hundredth birthday he made an announcement that the best gift he could receive would be for us each to find the one; as in the parable told by Jesus and written down in Matthew 18 and Luke 15. 

Long before this invitation was even given the Marysville ward embodied that parable and continues to do so to this day. For many of you I was that ‘one’ you brought into your fold. 

When we first arrived here at Beale, AFB we were on unstable ground. Our family had just been separated for the eight months before that for basic and tech training, we had never been far from the help of family before, and the only time one of us had even lived away from home was when Da Beast served his two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Boston, Massachusetts. Everything was new, raw, exciting, and unknown. In order to protect these new and raw feelings I arrived here with a rough exterior and a single thought of  “I’m going to be a challenge here.” 

Now as we are leaving, I’ve realized that I interpreted that message incorrectly. The true message was “I’m going to be challenged here.” Sure some of you may have had interactions with me that have also challenged you. I had, after all, arrived here in Northern California as raw material ready to be molded and refined. 

These past three years with the help, patience, and encouragement of those I've interacted with here I’ve been able to find myself. Becoming a member of the Marysville ward as well as a dependent in the United States Air Force has been what I feel like a climatic moment in my life. 

I may not have seemed so lost on the outside, but through others following through on the inspirations they have each received, by the members of the ward each being themselves and sharing their testimonies, and by them challenging me, I became found. 

While living here I have gained confidence in my own gifts and my family has moved from a neutral and dormant space of belief to a belief that is awake and alive. I’ve been able to take this confidence and even learn new things that I never thought I’d be able to do like bake bread, publish a book, and befriend my neighbors. My family has also been able to experience things I wasn’t sure would even happen such as my son being baptized, my husband and I being able to attend the temple, and my kids making so many friends.  

Every perfectly planned moment from God has happened so small and simple that while looking back trying to take into account all that I’ve learned here I’ve almost missed it all. Or rather its all so woven and interconnected into everything that I’ve done since I’ve been here that there is no possible way I could even present what I’ve learned and the gratitude I have for it all in one single list. 

Our family has seen so much exponential growth since we have come here and much of that is because we have found ourselves members of the Marysville ward family. For those just moving into this ward, if you let them, the love here will change you in all the best ways possible before you even know what is happening. 

The Marysville Ward has been to my family what the MTC is to many missionaries. In a message given by Joshua J. Perkey from a New Era publication back in February of 2019 entitled “Your MTC Experience”, was laid out a typical experience of what to expect from attending the Missionary Training Center. From the schedule you’d have, to the homesickness you might feel, to the companions you might disagree with, and even to a new language you might learn; I couldn’t help but feel like the quotes given from various Elders and Sisters is what I’ve been feeling as our family has been preparing to move to England. A few of the things that stood out to me in this message, that I have also experienced while living here, are: 

• Learning how to study effectively
• How to teach by the spirit
• The value of how I spend my time here on Earth and reevaluating if I use it wisely and align it with God’s timing.
• Setting myself up to help others and to foster growth with them.
• Receiving comfort from each other
• Combined efforts of focusing on doing the work of the Lord. 

And finally but most importantly that if I am trying my best, my understanding will follow. 

Many of these things, and more, have had foundations laid out for me since I was a child in primary. I’ve also had other experiences gaining and obtaining understanding throughout my life; “Line upon line; here a little and there a little.” (Isaiah 28:10). 

And then there are moments like now where I can look backwards and forwards and see more of the meaning of my life here on Earth. The picture becomes more clear, and while scary and unknown the future holds, I know that I’m being guided down the path designed for me where I have the honor and opportunity to meet others along the way. Those who I will teach and those who will teach me. 

This is missionary work! The very thing that since I got my patriarchal blessing at the age of fourteen tightened my stomach into knots. It says that I will have opportunities to teach the gospel and serve a mission or missions. I didn’t at the time know that that meant nor did I want to. I didn’t want to serve a mission! When I didn’t go on a full time mission and instead got married and had children my mom offered that an interpretation of my patriarchal blessing could be that a mission I’d be serving on Earth would be to teach my children. While I agreed that this was certainly a part of it, I couldn’t help but feel like this was not the intention of the blessing. It wasn’t until Da Beast joined the Air Force and again now as I began to prepare this message, that the missions I would be serving would be in regards to where we are placed through the Air Force. I’ve learned that I can’t get closer to God without also being a missionary. Or rather it was rebranded to me through a dream as “discipleship”. Being a disciple of Christ is being a member missionary. It is the covenant taken at baptism to be a representative of Christ when I take His name upon me. I serve Him by serving others. I love others because He loves them. I follow His example and see the person before their choice is made and grieve when their choice isn’t Him. I don’t give up trying to bring the one back to the fold and I definitely don’t find joy in the eternal destruction of those around me. To be a disciple of Christ is to experience adversities, challenges and trials. 

As Samuel Annan-Simons said in a message entitled “Some Signs of True Discipleship”, “Adversities lead to experiencing charity, the pure love of Christ.” Just before this quote Samuel had just shared his own family's trials and struggles particularly with their brand new baby. Samuel continues by saying that “during [this] challenging time in our family life, the love we had for our son, the rest of our children, for each other, and for everyone of Heavenly Fathers children grew exponentially. We learned to see each of Heavenly Fathers Children as He would see them –eternal beings with limitless potential. Our desire to forgive all was enhanced, and an eye of faith and extra perspective was developed. Love for God and all His Children is perhaps the most potent of all the forces in the universe.” 

Later in Samuel Annan-Simons message he shares a story from a talk by Gene R. Cook entitled “Charity: perfect and everlasting love”. The story was about a woman named Betty who encountered many hardships but because she “suffered tribulation in the Savior's name, partook of His divine nature, and gained a deeper faith in and a love for God” she was able to endure it all. Most remarkable however was that she, “Seemed to even forgive others in advance”.  Samuel’s remarks to this were “To me to forgive in advance is to understand that all Heavenly Father’s children are free to choose. When the consequences of their choices bring us unwanted effects, it’s no longer about them. It's about us, and how we will respond. Will we love or otherwise? When we give people the benefit of the doubt, we are the ones who benefit.” 

“When we give people the benefit of the doubt, we are the ones who benefit.” Why? Because we are using much more than our own understanding. We are giving the power not to the people but to God who knows all things. We are using our faith that everything is going to be okay, that God is with us through all of the choices being made through us or on our behalf. When we feel like we are frustrated, cornered, scared, and unsure of the next weighty choice we are to make we can rest assured that even if we make a mistake that it is there for our good. That even if others make a mistake it is for our good and that all will be made right through the atonement of Christ. We are spending our belief to gain a glimpse into the mysteries of God. Samuel Annan-Simons, later says that “when our actions are based on inspiration, what we achieve is exponentially greater than what we can achieve on our own.”

Despite our feelings of inadequacy and loneliness at times from having the trust of the Lord to “Go and do” His work as his disciples, as long as we “Open our mouths” through inspiration, “they will be filled”. (D&C 33:7-10). In a message given by Joe J Christensen entitled “Open your Mouths: The Courage to Share the Gospel” he says “ Miracles could happen if we would just open our mouths.” This talk,  as well as the promptings I’ve received that I’ve been prepared for many missions through my patriarchal blessings, and learning more in depth about discipleship through membership in this ward I know that going forward I will be inspired to do as has been done for me. I will be seeking more to find the one out of the hundreds. 

Joe J. Christensen says, “I was visiting a returned missionary colleague, now a mathematics professor at BYU, who has made some interesting calculations of what will happen to Church population if present Church growth rates remain constant during the next twenty years [as of 1981]. He showed me that if the present growth rate of the Church in one particular country were to continue for the next twenty years, there will be more than three million members of the Church. There by the year 2000. Later, I made some further calculations. If just one hundred members of the church were effective in finding one other person each year with whom they could share the gospel, and who in turn would share it the same way with one other person in each succeeding year, there would be more than one hundred million new members of the church in Twenty years. That is what happens when exponential growth rates are accelerated. Even if just one person were to bring one other person into the Church each year, and each of them were to bring someone else into the Church, there would be 1,048,576 new members of the Church in twenty years.” 

I’d like to simplify this even further especially because of something I’ve learned just this past year; If one person were to bring one other person closer to Christ each year then there would be millions of Christians strengthened together in their numbers. The one needing to be brought into the fold might not even be outside of the fold to begin with. They might be within the fold, looking like they are doing just the right things, and trying their best to follow the master. To strengthen the church also looks like strengthening those within the same belief. 

As brother Christensen says, “We could help so much if we could just let people know who we are. And often we don’t need to do much more than open our mouths.” 

It’s through our God given gifts and following His inspiration that we can all experience our own exponential growth in Christ, together. 

XOXO

-Megan

Other Blog Posts of mine that have been highlighted throughout this post are: 

1. "Dating Jesus" where I talk about the dream I had that influenced the way I see discipleship. I go through the whole dream talking about even the more silly parts and then I break it down into what it means. The first part is very similar to the dream Lehi had in the beginning chapters of Nephi. It was the very answer I reflected upon to a question I'd be asking about three or four months later. 

2. "Known By Name" is a blog post from the first relief society discussion I lead when we first arrived here. It breaks down the importance of our covenants and why they're important on our own journeys relating it to the story of the iron rod. 

3. "Uncovering our Spiritual Gifts" Is a new blog post that as of the publication of this blog post on 8/12/2024 is not finished yet. It goes through the process of paleontologists do to uncover fossils and study them and relating that to our spiritual gifts. Among those gifts is the gift of the Holy Ghost which I talk more about in the second part of my "Prayers to Heaven" blog post which covers the difference between the spirit and the Holy Ghost. I decided to publish it because it seemed to fit this whole week of inspiration. 

I decided to publish these posts all at once even though they are in no real chronological order simply because they all are connected. Just as I mentioned above about being unable to fully acknowledge or appreciate my growth here these four blog posts are a collective of when I tried my best to record what I was being taught during my time here in Northern California. Interestingly enough along with nostalgia at how much time has passed here I have also felt that while this is the closing of our our Northern California chapter there are glimmers of the beginning of it circling back around. Another gift from God showing me where we started and where we are going.  

 

  

   

 

Trust Myself: A Poem

Trust Myself:

I just want you to know this comes from a place of love

No malice or strife, not even anger. 

I accept you for who you are, flaws and all 

I always have I always will. 

I’ve loved you so much I put you above it all 

Even God. 

But you can’t see it. 

Even now I’m hiding parts of myself

Because I don’t trust myself

Accept myself...

Because my best just never was good enough.

But not anymore. 

In order for me to accept every part of who I am 

I need to shine. 

Let her out. 

But I’m afraid. 

I’m afraid of stepping on those toes I’ve stepped on before 

Black, blue, knaraled and sore. 

I’m afraid that those parts of me, offend you. 

Because they do. 

All throughout my life I’ve been pushing

Pushing, looking, moving for approval 

Of what I give today. 

That what I can give is good enough. 

You say that “your happiness is not my responsibility” but you act like it is. 

And I want you to be.

Happy. 

So I hide parts of myself from you. 

To not offend you. 

I’d like to express myself 

Be the Mess, myself 

I’m not asking you to change who you are for me 

Because I want you to be who I see. 

And what I see, is all of you flaws and all. 

And I accept that. 

I don’t need you to change, want you to change

Who you are 

Because I love you, no matter what. 

I will always be here, 

I just can’t in all my pieces. 

This is my thesis: 

What if we cheered eachother on for our mistakes? 

Not because of them but what we do with them. 

What if we brush off the distrustful assumptions? 

Gumption.

Our bravery doesnt have to be shouted to be seen or felt

It just has to be expressed, in a kind and loving way. 

I accept all of you 

Believe it or not. 

I just ask you to do the same. 

Gratitude

Being the Good and Seeing the Good is having a attitude of gratitude. And gratitude matters. It's what helps us to appreciate, to hope, to have faith, to have joy and happiness. True gratitude helps us to break down barriers and fill in the gaps. The first time gratitude took a deep rooted hold on me was when I was struggling to find any light in my life in 2017. I was so lost and not sure where to go but kept feeling that if I kept going forward with small acts I'd make it through somehow. One of those thoughts is what started this blog: looking for the lessons of life. As I focused on what God might be teaching me I began to see how it was all working for my good, even when it all seemed to fall apart. Right along with that in 2018 was when I stumbled upon Jen Bosen from Real Life on Purpose where she put together a daily email for Novembers traditional daily gratitude. However, her version was something I hadn't seen before and it was exactly what I needed. While it is no longer available I was able to reach out to her last year in 2023 and get the Gratitude on Purpose email list which I will share below, without her original messages that go with each topic. This is because while I want to share the big imapct this had on me I also respect all the effort and work she put into her own project and don't feel it's my place to put much more than what I will be sharing.

  Gratitude on Purpose

By Jen Bosen

1. Abundance VS Scarcity
2. Speak out your gratitude
3. The Gratitude lifestyle
4. Gratitude breakdown
5. Gratitude expansion
6. Assume positive intent
7. Want what you have
8. Look back and be grateful
9. Anticipate gratitude
10. Mindful moments of gratitude
11. Embrace Negative Emotion
12. Bad news, good news
13. The network of humanity
14. One Truth is enough
15. Just Ask
16. Fear will not prevent loss
17. Being polite or being grateful?
18. Gratitude debt; pay it forward
19. Self Gratitude
20. Gratitude begets generosity
21. Mistakes aren’t what matters; what we do with it DOES

Last year when I reached out to Jen I was able to express how much this had meant to me and looking back on this list has brought tears to my eyes because these are the foundations I have rebuilt my beliefs on and even teach to my kids! I had the opportunity to express my gratitude to Jen YEARS later when I was finally in a place to look back and see how far I had come and how her efforts were noticed and needed. 

Jen using her spiritual gifts were answers to my prayers and saved me. She followed God which led me back to Him too and being able to then express that gratitude to her was what she said she was needing in this moment of her life. 

 

As I continued to grow on these foundations of gratitude it has allowed me to have an open mind and heart and has expanded my desire for others to also experience the same joy. To let go of their pain, no matter how justified they feel it may be. If that is what you're seeking then this post is for you.

 

Because we have a natural human tendency to seek answers we try and find the right sources.

If you have a heart problem you don’t go to see a mechanic.

Even the mechanic probably goes home to hobbies that have nothing to do with cars. Perhaps they relate to the heart because they work with valves and so do heart doctors. Perhaps they’re a fantastic cook but they don’t have a food handlers license so they give their food out to just friends and family. There is no limitation to the vast variety of talented and amazing people out there!

The mechanic’s value is not less. The mechanics “beliefs” are just different. The mechanic made the necessary choices to become a mechanic and the doctor made the necessary choices to become a doctor.

Simply put: I’d go to a doctor for my heart, a mechanic for my car, and Jesus for my soul.

What this DOESN’T mean is that I won’t talk to the atheist mechanic about souls, the Christian doctor about their favorite cars, or Jesus about the condition of my heart.

The church has its policies and makes its decisions by fallible people who have their own goals in mind. This united goal for the celestial kingdom and the church extends the offer to ALL who want to think celestial, who want the same goal, and who want to have the same belief to also achieve that.  If that’s what I want I make the necessary sacrifices, preparation, and choices to get there. The church isn’t trying to exclude anyone. Exclusion happens from individual choices made. It’s that way for any club, membership, religion, group, etc.  We can’t just say we want something and get it. Life in its imperfect state doesn’t work like that! We have to work at it. If I wanted to shop at Costco, I’d need to take the necessary steps and sacrifices to get access to it. If I wanted to go to Disneyland, I can’t just go straight to the gate and demand they let me in without a ticket even if the rest of my family is already in there. If I didn’t take the necessary steps and sacrifices to get myself into Disneyland I’m not going to get into Disneyland…today. These and many others  have boundaries, rules, requirements, expectations, etc. to make it to their collective end goal. Even apply for a job works like this! We “agree” to the terms and conditions of being a member of that company. As individuals we also each have or should have our own boundaries.

I only say ‘should have’ because it’s something a person would go to therapy for. Boundaries are a way of life. Choices are a way of LIFE. The church is no different. The church, president Nelson, and others are saying “if you WANT this, then work on getting there and we want all who want to, to come join us. To let go of whatever is holding you back but if you’re good where you’re at then that’s good for me too but if you ever change your mind then here’s how you can do it. As for those who already are here at this conference here’s how you can make the most of it because this life is a challenge, confusing, and also beautiful.”

From my perspective it has always been an invitation. The choice after that is all individual. I believe in eternal families, my God, my Savior, this Church and I want to be in the celestial kingdom so I make choices that aim me in that direction. Your beliefs and your choices may aim you in a different direction. That’s all.

When we have been encouraged to “think celestial” that’s for those who want or may someday want to be in the celestial kingdom too.

When we have been recommended to “not council with others that don’t believe” that’s not BECAUSE they believe different but what they do WITH that difference. If two differing parties get together and have a civil counsel but come to no common agreement based off of their differences then both parties go no where. This is not just church related! When the government cannot agree it shuts down which hurts a LOT of people. There is no “success” in counseling with people who BECAUSE they believe different they CHOOSE to focus on the differences and mistakes and don’t make much effort into finding common ground. If you don’t want to see any good in another’s message you’re going to only see what’s wrong. Both parties will end up just going into circles with no end goal. That’s not to say there was no VALUE in the conversation up to that point.

If we look for and highlight the mistakes someone or some organization has that’s all we will continue to see. If we look for the good, regardless of how much we have to stretch to see it, we will continue to see the good. It’s not as complicated as it’s being made out to be. It wouldn’t matter how else I worded this message if your intent is to continue to focus on what’s “wrong” that I said. If that was the case that’s what you’ll see and respond to. If I kept changing my analogies and the way I say it in an effort to find what we CAN agree on within what we DISAGREE on but you just want to pick it apart it’s going to not be a counsel it’s going to be exhausting, frustrating, and will most likely end up far from the original subject matter that was brought up in the first place. It will only make it more difficult to want to have a have another conversation, or another counsel. It doesn’t mean it WON’T ever happen but it does mean it’ll be HARDER to have another conversation because the expectation will be “misunderstanding” before the conversation has even begun; since that is the pattern and character that has been shown before. 

This is what it means in the scriptures when it says to “agree with the adversary quickly while thou art in the way with them”. It doesn’t mean admitting defeat, it doesn’t mean you stay silent and don’t defend yourself, and it DOESN’T mean to not get into the conversation in the first place.

The tough conversations need to be had to work through feelings, thoughts and actions. Most people avoid them for their own reasons. Everything and everyone is our teacher. There is a time to share your hurt and then right afterwards a journey of letting it go.  It’s NOT easy to share your feelings. I believe it’s even harder to share them eloquently. The hardest of all, in my opinion, is then letting it go/ to stop bringing it back up again. Teaching by consistently pointing out what wrong isn’t going to have a positive outcome. It doesn’t “fix” anything and it makes both parties, especially the one being “taught by mistakes”, worse.

“We are not our history. We are our future”.

Because we are on this earth to learn and are meant to make mistakes we are not meant to dwell on the past and wallow in self pity and guilt. God takes care of what “went wrong”. Jesus took care of all our mistakes. And we’ve been given the gift of the Holy Ghost to keep moving forward. We have a history but it was not meant to define us. It is meant to MOTIVATE us. The unfortunate history is not meant to hang around our necks and weigh us down, as the devil would like us to constantly remember, but to be a reminder of why we got moving in this direction in the first place.

We make mistakes. That’s our history, but what we do with it is what makes our future and our character.

And some others may not understand those choices we've had to make. Some we might not even understand ourselves or some that are so complex we’re not sure what the right one looks like. Seeing people at the intersection of their choice versus afterwards and if we agree with it will lead to more compassionate hearts. There is an accountability that needs to be taken with each choice we make but we mustn’t focus on it. Focus instead on the person who has to make the tough choice in the first place. Imagine how it felt for them having to make that choice. Did they feel it was right, right away? Was it easy for them to do? Did they have to give up things they loved and were used too, when they made that choice? Do you see them as brave for choosing what they thought was best in the moment? Do you see yourself in them? Have you needed to make tough choices where neither choice felt right or neither choice felt wrong but you HAD to make a choice and you just hoped it was the right one? 

It’s not often we see people in the middle of them making their choices; especially the tough ones. It’s usually a private and vulnerable time; so it’s natural for us to focus on the accountability of the choice after it’s already been made. That’s why we live on Earth in our probationary state. 

Probationary: 

1.) relating to a process of testing or observing the character or abilities of a person who is new to a role or job.


2.)relating to the release of an 

offender subject to a period of good behavior under supervision.

I always roughly knew probationary to mean “test” but I felt like I should look up the definition this morning and I’m glad I did. 

The first definition talks about a test of our character or abilities. How can we turn our heart more towards God? By choosing Him always. Consistent effort and showing integrity in our character, in who we are, turns our hearts more towards Him and like it says in verse 10 of Alma chapter 12, “And therefore, he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word; and he that will not harden his heart, to him is given the greater portion of the word, until it is given unto him to know the mysteries of God until he know them in full”. This reminded me of a talk from this past conference called “Integrity: a Christlike attribute” by Jack N. Gerard.

Definition two addresses probationary from a law standpoint as someone who has already committed an action requiring ‘proof of good behavior under supervision’. I think from a spiritual law standpoint this is applicable as well to our lives on Earth because we naturally struggle to choose God always. We might want to, but we we still fail from time to time. I think this definition could be changed slightly to mean that when we have made a choice against Gods commandments we have many opportunities to prove once again our loyalty to Him and that whatever we can’t make up is taken care of by the supervision of Christ who felt our pains and died for our sins. This reminded me of a video I saw on Instagram where a woman filming a man in their call asked something like the question, “why would God send good people to hell?” To which he responds incredulously with something like, “God doesn’t send us to hell. We’re already in our own versions of hell making our way back to Him for deliverance. WE put ourselves in hell. HE takes us out of it.”

When someone’s choice has hurt you say what you need to say, let it go because you can’t control them or their choices only yours, and then go about noticing anything good. About them, what you learned from the situation, about the organization, or anything you’ve noticed that has made you grateful for it. Gratitude is the biggest vehicle to happiness. Both kids are hurt. Both kids are defensive. Both kids need love. Both kids need peace. But it only takes ONE to stop the cycle. What if that ONE decided they had spent enough of their life trying to defend themselves verses living their happy life? What if that one kid decided to keep walking even if the other kid continued their torment? What if that one kid returned a name call with a true smile? Wouldn’t they have a happier life without continuing the banter to “protect” themselves and other kids like them?

They’d have more time to PLAY because they’re done fighting. That’s what I mean when I say “let it go” or “don’t dish it back”. I’m actually more worried about how happy everyone could ACTUALLY be if we spend all our time pointing fingers. How much more TOGETHER could we be if we noticed and appreciated our similarities verses dividing ourselves and defending ourselves because of our differences? How much more together could we have during the hard conversation. Then from that hard conversation only focus on what we LOVE about the other verses how WRONG they are?

“You’ll never be happier than you are grateful”

XOXO

Megan 

Prayers to Heaven

PART I

Our Offerings

Often going to pray we feel we don’t have anything to pray for or are stumped as to what we should pray about. I think this is because we often think of prayer needing to be formal or “in proper order”, and while there is certainly a place for it we must also consider what praying “style” will keep us continuous in communicating with our heavenly parents. We must consider which form of prayer is best for our current circumstances. We must consider the intention for the prayer, “what am I praying for?” THEN we will know which form of prayer to use. 

President Jeffery R. Holland in his talk from April 2024 entitled, Motion's of a Hidden Fire,  said, “When we don’t know how or exactly for what to pray, we should begin, and continue, until the Holy Spirit guides us into the prayer we should be offering”. This form of prayer is a reflective prayer. It’s the kind of prayer that you open up to just sit with God in His presence. Sitting with God opens up the pathways to Heaven for us and give us the hope and encouragement we are needing. President Jeffery R. Holland, just before this quote shared, also offered a list of other ways we can pray, “My beloved friends,” He says, “our prayers are our sweetest hour, our most “sincere desire,” our simplest, purest form of worship. We should pray individually, in our families, and in congregations of all sizes. We are to employ prayer as a shield against temptation, and if there be any time we feel not to pray, we can be sure that hesitancy does not come from God, who yearns to communicate with His children at any and all times. Indeed, some efforts to keep us from praying come directly from the adversary.” Later President Holland reflected on the devotion to prayer Christ had and even pointed out the different reasons why and how Jesus prayed; “He too, with us, wanted to “seek [the Father’s] face, believe his word, and trust his grace.” Time after time, He retreated from society to be alone before piercing heaven with His prayers. At other times, He prayed in the company of a few companions. Then He would seek heaven on behalf of multitudes who would cover a hillside. Sometimes prayer glorified His clothing. Sometimes it glorified His countenance. Sometimes He stood to pray, sometimes He knelt, and at least once He fell on His face in prayer.”

To pray in Private is ,as mentioned in Matthew 14:23, “And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening came, he was not alone.” It is a sacred time between God and ourselves where we seek direct guidance from Him, express our gratitude towards Him, and pour out our whole hearts unto Him. 

President Holland shares a quote from G.K. Chesterton which said “that thanks are the highest form of thought; and…gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” I will go into further depth on gratitude in my next blog post.

A private prayer encompasses many other forms of praying including the prayers we offer up for forgiveness or repentance. Or the continuous prayer which is always in our hearts and thoughts; our souls sincerest desires. Or the studious prayer where we seek God’s council. President Holland says more about these kind of prayers from his talk, “If we “ask not amiss” there are no limits to when, where, or about what we should pray. According to the revelations, we are to “pray always.” We are to pray, Amulek said, for “those who are around you,” with the belief that the “fervent prayer of a righteous [people] availeth much.” Our prayers ought to be vocal when we have the privacy to offer them. If that is not practical, they should be carried as silent utterances in our heart. We sing that prayers are “motion[s] of a hidden fire,” always to be offered, according to the Savior Himself, to God the Eternal Father in the name of His Only Begotten Son.”

As we pray in earnest and fervently we are showing great warmth, intensity of spirit, feeling, enthusiasm, admiration, and our serious state of mind. We take the time to plead to the Father, seek His guidance, cry out for the injustice, and even do as Christ did and ‘Fall on our face's in prayer’when our own strength is not enough.

Meditation is also another form of private prayer even when done in groups or when guided. Meditation isn’t the absence of thought but rather a controlled environment for thought. Thoughts are vital to the meditation practice. Your mind needn’t always be clear of evasive thoughts but rather sorted through. Thoughts are God's way of telling you what is important or what needs to be focused on, however, most times  the most important is hidden behind a bunch of junk thoughts or distractions. Your job during meditation, or any other form of prayer, is to sort through these thoughts like mail. Many you’ll observe and send along on its way but every now and then you’ll open one that will give you the distinct impression that this is a deep and concerning thought that needs attention right away.

Meditation isn’t just sitting there mindlessly, it’s a deeply rooted and uncomfortable work. It’s an access to the parts of your mind and memories that you often avoid or try to hide because it isn’t the time, you don’t feel you have adequate space to express, it’s embarrassing, or it’s hurtful. You may avoid these thoughts because you’re not sure what you’d do with them anyway. You’re not sure how to “fix it”. Allowing yourself to meditate is taking the mindful action to allow yourself that time, telling your spirit that you are safe to express, allowing you to feel it all, letting God work within you and within this space you will find a sense of comfort ,beyond the thoughts, and might even find your next step.

In contrast to our private prayers, our public prayers are opportunities to pray for one another in small groups or large congregations. It’s an opportunity to open or close meetings or to simply praise God and Jesus Christ with the baring of our testimonies. A public prayer is one we utter out in the open to join together as one under God. A few sub categories to public prayers that are found throughout many religions are the prayers that are written, repetitious, or sung in hymns or psalms.    

Other subcategories to the public prayers are the ones that are used to perform ceremonies, blessings, and to offer protection. These public prayers are in adherence to priesthood power to enhance well being. It’s these kind of prayers offered that show in our countenances like that mentioned by President Holland about Jesus in scriptures like Matthew 17:2, Mark 9:3, Luke 9:29, and 3 Nephi 19:25.   

And finally amidst the prayers in public we have the formal prayers and proper order of prayer. These are the prayers we are taught how to pray through Christ in Luke chapter eleven verses 1-4, through others, and in the temple. These are the most commonly thought of prayers that we offer. These are the prayers that cover all the other aforementioned prayers. These are the prayers that we offer when we want to know more, grow to become more like Christ, or to show our devotion and love to God and His other children as Susan H. Porter mentions in her talk from April 2024 entitled, “Pray, He is there”. 

Answers to prayer can take a long time. Lifetimes even. We don’t always get to see the effects or answers of our prayers. Jeffery R. Holland in his talk, Motion's of a Hidden Fire, says “God Hears and answers every prayer we offer and responds to each of them according to the path He has outlined.” When we have prayed but feel like God hasn’t answered us, Susan H. Porter says, “Don’t give up! Heavenly Father will show you what you can do”. Because we can only control what we do and the choices we make, it is important for us to also have patience and gratitude for the outcomes of our prayers. The answers may not be at the time that we want them, the inspiration we receive may not make sense to us, or the answer might not be what we were wanting but the answer always comes and in the meantime he still gives us hope and inspiration for what we can do now as we wait such as the example that Sister Porter gives where she was inspired to “Be an example of the gospel of Jesus Christ”. Sister Porter says that in these situations, “Often the best question to ask Heavenly Father is not why but what”.

PART II

Our Reception 

We are essentially made up of three distinct things: our minds, our bodies, and our spirit. When all three align we can feel peace and clarity but oftentimes one gets overused or underused. We tend to go to our minds first as that is how we identify ourselves. We are who we think that we are and become how we think we could become. Our thoughts, emotions, interpretations, and intellect all go through our minds. We use our own past experiences to project our futures and seek understanding in research and study. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the mind and forget that it’s actually our spirit that comes first. 

The spirit is our gift from God that guides us morally. It dictates what is right and wrong and weighs out what challenges are worth the outcome. It’s usually our initial thought. The prompting that comes through first before the mind has had its time calculating it and backing it up with experience. Our spirit is our unexplainable creativity, where our ideas, hopes, dreams, talents and faith reside. It dictates better ways of living and connects us to others. It operates on intuition, or gut feelings. It points and denotes all things to God, the creator of all things and works with both mind and body to see that divine intervention trumps coincidence. Our spirit is a truth seeker, joy enthusiast, and an advocate for good boundaries and where we can expand or hold fast. The spirit is our soul’s direct connection to God. There is not one or the other. 

“Through his spirit,” Susan H. Porter says, “your heart can change, and you can receive strength.” Through this spirit we can find our spiritual gifts, or rather traces of our divine natures that reflect our Heavenly parents. Our spiritual gifts have the ability to draw us closer to God because they call on those parts of ourselves that are closer to God already. My soul knows what my spiritual gifts are but often my mind forgets. Pursuing a life keeping in line with those gifts opens channels of inspiration and spiritual confidence which can also help others to open their own channels. For example, a sister in my ward shared her own gifts when she produced a talk in sacrament meeting the 24th of July 2022, based on Matthew Wickman’s message from BYU speeches entitled, "Thriving Spiritually", which a lot of the second part of this blog post pulls inspiration from. I felt like this talk given through Rebecca’s own inspirations that she followed through with “opened a channel of inspiration” for me. I felt I had my direction again and saw that once I felt that click into place my spiritual confidence began to increase once again.

Our spiritual gifts may not come “naturally” to us, as odd as that may sound. I think it's normal for us to think that if we are gifted with something then we must already have natural tendencies to use that gift but as in Mosiah 3:19 it says "the natural man is an enemy to God." This simply means in this context that while we may be given many gifts from God we may not always know how or when the right to use them is. We may feel rusty or mistake riddled as we try and activate those dormant gifts but as we do we will continue to receive further light and knowledge in where God wants us to use those gifts and how to use them.

Another gift from God we are given is an external helper after we are baptized; the Holy Ghost, an addition to our own spiritual intuition. This is a direct messenger from God who confirms or defers. It is the counselor to our entire entity: the mind, body AND spirit. The Holy Ghost advocates for what is being neglected and guides us on where we can further harmonize not just within ourselves but also to God. The Holy Ghost is our companion, friend, mentor and teacher. 

“The gift of the Holy Ghost . . .

1. Quickens all the intellectual faculties

2. Increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections;

3. Adapts natural passions and affections, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use.

4. Inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature.

5. Inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity.

6. Develops beauty of person, form and features.

7. Tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling.

8. Confirms inspiration and intuition if aligned with God

9. Marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being.”

In order to be receptive after we have presented our offering of prayers to God we must be open and willing to listen, record, and act even if the confirmation to our prayers wasn’t exactly how we expected it to be.  

1. Listen

• When was the first time that you felt God speak to you? What was that experience like?

• How do you find peace when life feels overwhelming? 

• What role has God played in your life?

• What verses of scripture help you #HearHim?

• How does God communicate with you?

• What advice would you give, particularly to young people trying to navigate the modern world, for how they can better #HearHim?

• cultivating the companionship of the Holy Ghost even when we weren’t seeking answers to urgent questions?

• Have you felt the Spirit even a little as you have sought the Lord in prayer?

• Have you felt the Spirit convey to you that God loves you, or that He understands you, or that He has great hopes for you, or that He sorrows with you, or that He rejoices with you, or that He appreciates your gratitude to Him or your kind deed for someone else?

2. Keep a journal of impressions:

• When they occur

• How they occur

• How I responded

• Does it feel peaceful or lead in the way of peace?

• Is this aligning in the direction of the person I want to be?

• extraordinary counterintuitive peace

• How do I feel more connected to God? How doI see Him in this?

3. Heed the Promptings

• Doing the right things at the right moments

• Accomplishing tasks with joy and peace instead of stress

• Intentional living

• Trust in God - have patience in His timing

• Own your choices. Take accountability and repent of the ones that didn’t align with God. Celebrate and rejoice with God over the choices you made with faith. Show gratitude for the His guidance in the choices you were unsure how to make. Susan H. Porter shares a story of praying for her father from when she was in primary to accept the gospel. Of the experience she says, “Heavenly Father does not force anyone to make a choice.” Because of this answers to prayers come in ways that can help us know what choices we can make for ourselves and in time all things will be made right in the sight of the Lord.

XOXO

Megan