Devoting Your Day

I want to write a blog post about blessing your day with devotion, but I'm just not feeling it. 

I want to write about how you can wake up in the morning with good intentions or a prayer and scripture or other spiritual reading but I don't even do that myself, every morning or even everyday at times.

I want to tell you all of these magical things that make my day run smoother but that's not where I am. 

I want to tell you about all the books I've read that have led me to write this post but, really, I read like two books a year. 

I want to, but I don't feel like I've learned enough to be able to. In fact I've looked through my list of all the blog post topics I'd like to write about and I don't feel like I have much experience in any of them, not yet. 

More like in the midst of all of them. 

The lesson I feel like is more prominent in my life currently is the thought "what kind of woman do I want to be?" which was prompted by a book I just finished called "The Lost Teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women" by Alonzo L. Gaskill, I I provided a link to Mike Whitmer, from the Deseret News, review. Just before that I was consumed with the thought, "Am I serving God or myself?" Which was stemmed from Brittani Krebbs. I first found Brittani on Youtube looking for what to expect from the military videos. Then I started following her on Instagram. She has a Christian faith that's inspiring and she shares devotional thoughts and notes she got from the devotionals she's been apart of. Last week was one about the first commandment: "Thou shalt not have any other gods before me". She mentioned how she got up with her baby and the first thing she did was take care of her baby. She didn't try to wake up earlier to put God first, was her thoughts. She said that even though that wasn't a bad thing it made her think about all the ways she could be putting God first in everything in her life. This isn't something I haven't heard of before, but the way it was mentioned this day stuck with me. In this devotional that she was apart of they talked about all the different gods: education, marriage, power, choice, self expression, achievement, education, athletics, spiritual things, and anything that takes up much of your thoughts and devotion. Then she shared a secret to finding these things that can take the place of God: What consumes or preoccupies your time? What goal, dream, or outcome is always in the back of your mind? 

 Then as I was reading “The Lost teaching of Jesus on the Sacred Place of Women” It made me think of it again because it talked about how we should treat each other and when we serve each other we are serving God and how I thought that went along with what this Brittani posted on Instagram. In my opinion she was serving God by serving her baby. I also believe that God gives us all talents and gifts to develop and share with others to support them and benefit them and ourselves. We need to all use our gifts and talents in line with our desire for the welfare of others. Because of the mass amounts of talents and gifts God gives to a person at any point in their life, the way we serve and spirituality progress will be different, but as long as our faith is in operation, God will make it known unto us our talents and gifts  and when and where to use them. Serving others is not bad, having goals, dreams, and ambitions is not bad but where are our intentions? Where is our foundation for that service, goal, dream, and ambition? If it's rooted in myself it will crumble. If I am not constantly checking and keeping my thoughts turned towards Him and watching the seemingly innocent thoughts that consume my every thought, they will wander. My service, hopes, dreams, goals, desires will leave the sturdy platform they once came from and become things I begrudgingly do, loathe to do, loose interest and motivation in, or that I do to get gain, wealth, popularity, and fame. Again, none of these things are bad if you have them, just where is it coming from? Self fulfillment or servitude to God? 

These were the thoughts running through my mind for a week, which you may or may not agree with, but which I found to be inspiring and a prompt to search my own intentions. Even when I get up in the morning to pray with my husband. I'm usually groggy and can't think of what to even pray for before I flop back on the bed and go back to sleep and he goes to work. I was "doing" the good but my "intention" was no longer there, it was a routine. Something I felt necessary. But now when I wake up I'm still groggy and can barely think straight and probably don't give the best prayers but my first thought is "I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my relationship with God. He wants to hear from me". And then I still go back to sleep and when I wake up next it's after the kids are up and I've looked at my phone. Am I putting God first in everything? No. Do I want to? Yes. Have I found a rhythm for that yet? No. Hence why I don't feel educated enough to be able to write this kind of post. I can tell you all the things I'd like to do or that I've done in the past but when it really comes down to it devoting your day to something, whatever it may be, starts in the heart of your intentions, your purpose. It's wanting and caring more for the outcome more than the obstacles or excuses we have in our lives.  

For example, almost two years in October  I took president Nelsons challenge to read the Book of Mormon in 3 months. When he first announced it at General Conference I laughed. Since having children it was hard for me to "find time" to study my scriptures. Especially the way I was USED to studying my scriptures and the way others had presented studying your scriptures. Before kids I would sit down in my room on the floor with my scriptures out, a journal, other resources, or I had a class to attend. Other said just "reading" your scriptures wasn't really "studying" your scriptures. And then I got a few people who would tell me that even if I just read a verse or two that "something was better than nothing" but that hardly seemed worth it to me. I had barricaded myself with thoughts, obstacles, and excuses for reading and studying my scriptures so I stopped. Sure I would read here and there when guilt really struck me but at the time of this General Conference I would say I hadn't really read my scriptures for 5 years, at least, which is something I feel ashamed about. After my initial laugh at his invitation (to read a book that I had read before over the course of a year, to not reading it at all, to being encouraged to read it in 3 months seemed impossible), I then had a thought "to just try it" when Russell M. Nelson said "the Lord will help you find a way to achieve it." So I took the challenge and during that whole time I learned that reading and studying your scriptures doesn’t have to be reading these large chunks of scriptures at once(although I did so I could finish on time since I didn't read everyday) and then trying to figure out the meaning and purpose for you; but instead reading a few verses in a topic that stands out to you, reading them over and over again, picking out phrases or words (for these first three months that was marking how many times Jesus was mentioned) that stand out to you and then reading the footnotes, following the promptings to other scriptures or general conference addresses, and writing down what comes to you from the scripture. Then you will know the message God intended for you; and it all started from just a few versus. And you know what I did it! I put aside my obstacles and excuses to put my faith in God first. And because it's now been proven that I can in fact read the Book of Mormon in 3 months I have since then done it 3 more times: the summer of 2019, October-December 2019, and then this past summer of 2020. Last winter I mostly listened to it and it actually helped me write a talk and prompt the blog post about Strengths or Weaknesses. This last summer I was actually able to get my journal out and write thoughts and impressions around a different word each day I read that I was looking for which gave me new insights especially for the words that weren't as evident in the scriptures themselves but gave good examples of it. For example I was looking for the word "compassionate" in the scriptures or examples of compassion in the Book of Mormon. It resulted on an idea for a future blog post.  

There is so much more I need to learn on what it means to devoting my day. Not knowing more than the meager amount of experience I shared here will keep me open for more knowledge to come my way and also allow me the opportunity to seek others expertise. As important as it is for us to be using our talents and knowledge for others it is equally important for us to enlist the help of others; all things you are weak in is someone else’s strength. Focus on your strengths, not what you wish you were good at and God will place you in the right time and place. All you will need to do is act on His inspiration and thank him continually.

So I'd like to know, how do you devote your day? 

xoxo

Megan 

--------------> Next Blog Post: One Breath at a Time

Celebrate All Things

Let's talk about the things that are not often celebrated or rather the instances where our mixed feelings make things confusing, our circumstances change, or even grief. Yes, I believe all of these things can be celebrated just as much as the things that make us happy and "feel good". 

Let's start with grief: I used to think that this only related to those who experienced something major like a death in the family, something significant like the loss of a job, or anything else related to a deep sadness. It was back in March that I realized that grief is more than any of those things, Grief is CHANGE. Anything that changes in your life can put you into any form or at any stages of the grief cycle- usually bouncing around back and forth within that scope. 

March, 19th 2020

Yesterday Morning I woke up with a thought that trauma goes through layers. It’s started for me as something I could sympathize with but couldn’t personalize. I was optimistic that it would be alright. 

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As things began to disappear and close and as social media became a thunderstorm of announcements of stress, encouragement, humor, stress, and experience I still held onto my faith that God was with my family and that it would be fine but other emotions started creeping in as well:
•denial of the seriousness
•anger at the panicked stockpiling
•anxious that I would have to go to the store on my normal shopping day and I couldn’t find what I needed.
•projecting my fear to the future that one day I might go to the store and not be able to feed my children or wipe our bums.
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Then I went shopping and that’s when my shock hit me. I saw it for myself but more than that I felt it. I felt dumb for wanting to cry in the store so I held it in until I drove home. Then I cried, yes, from the overwhelm and shock but also because I was full of gratitude-we had found what we needed, my son was a bright spot in everyone’s shopping experience, and our prayers had been answered.
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Then I plummeted. I didn’t want to leave my bed and I was upset with my lack of motivation. Our schedule hasn’t really changed but it all felt off. Why wasn’t I being normal? So I pushed myself and got more stressed and reacted angrily to minor situations. I tried to do nothing but then I felt hopeless and sucked into a device. Then I crazy organized and cleaned our apartment and felt slightly better. I tried things I enjoyed doing-some frustrated me more and some gave a bit of relief.
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Then I caught the Coronavirus...in my dream. I had accepted it in my dream. Then I woke up with this thought of trauma going through layers or in a pattern. Sound familiar? It did to me.
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I woke up this morning in search of the stages of grief. While the images I found of the Kubler-Ross grief cycle helped me realize the path I was on was of grief and change (especially the 7 stage change model curve) an image from a stock trading site resonated the most for me:

• Optimism 
• Excitement
• Thrill
• Euphoria
• Anxiety
• Denial
• Fear
• Desperation
• Panic
• Capitulation
• Despondence
• Hope
• Relief
• Optimism

I’ve been asked “how are you guys doing” and I didn’t really have an answer for anyone. Then I found this searching for the grief and change stages and now I have my answer: I’m grieving. At any moment I am in one of these emotions (plus others that are not on this particular image but this one resonated the most to me). My normal has been shaken and I’m grieving the loss of it. That doesn’t mean I’m constantly depressed because grief has stages and sometimes I may have thought I moved onto the next stage but really I’m just bouncing around from stage to stage, back and forth. I didn’t have a complete answer for anyone because “how I was doing” was on a spectrum

As you can see grief can come from anything, from stock markets, to being cooped up inside, from struggling to find you voice among many, to death. You’re letting go of something old, something you’ve worked for, something you’ve related to, or maybe something you’re attached to. Grieving is okay in these situations too, it’s not just saved for the severity of sad moments. 

Since March when everything was shut down and we were put on a quarantine to self isolate (where I'm from) things just seemed to go bonkers from what I saw in stores to what I saw on Instagram everyone was grieving, and when you have multiple people grieving at once it's even harder for everyone to heal because we all want someone to listen, we all want someone to see, we all want some one to understand...but when we all want something we can't give because we are grieving we can't expect others to give something they also don't have. But Christ can. When we turn to him and seek answers and give up our insecurities, when we stop demanding justice from other human beings that are too imperfect to give it and look into our own pains and shadows, when we open up our hearts and minds without pointing fingers so we can get a glimpse at the bigger impact our actions have not just at who we are angry at but also how it always comes back to someone we love...that's when we can begin to heal. As we heal we let go of trying to tell others how to speak, support, love, wear, and heal while also being patient with the different way they speak, support, love, wear, and heal. Our control is here. Our space is here. Our support is here. Our voice is here. It's not "out there". 

After a few months being stuck indoors for as much as possible (besides the occasional outing to the grocery store or to see family) there were other horrors being shared on social media. Many times I had to avoid social media for a few days to recollect myself. June 29th was definitely one of those times: 

So I’m having a rough go this morning and as I’m thinking about it I’m realizing:I’m getting really tired of being told by outside sources what to wear, how to think, what I should be doing or not doing, etc. Its restrictive.

I think everyone is feeling restricted and its been stressful for all of us and adding extra tension in everyone so, I feel like, we’re all extra irritable with each other. In my opinion I think as a whole we act on only two options: try and control the situation (by being vocal and trying to control what others do, think, say, believe, wear etc, dieting, judging others for doing things differently) or to search for freedom (overindulgence's like over eating, excess traveling, rebelling against a system, being over active/busy, seeking something sensual, etc.)

There’s actually a third option available to us but we don’t often take it but when we do it balances our inner turmoil from outer situational circumstances. It separates what is important and necessary from the loud voices around us. It connects us back to our soul, purpose and God. That’s where we will find the true peace and freedom. That is where we will be able to solve conflicts by necessary means including war or tough conversations if needs be. We will remember how to work from the inside out versus having the outside work it’s way in.

I'll say it again: grief is change and can mix up all our feelings. Often times I feel like the main emotion that makes an appearance is anger. I read once on instagram a mother who was explaining to her child what anger was: a mask hiding another feeling. Either because we don't yet know what that emotion is because we don't want to look at it or we know what the emotion is but we are ashamed or guilty of it. Either way we all have big emotions and it's okay to feel them, to coax them out, to be raw with someone close and safe, and to not always have an immediate resolution. I'm sure I've said it before but it's here in this vulnerable state that we can create the deepest and most healing bonds with one another as long as the other person is in a healing and growing place themselves. 

This brings me to my last example: No matter how happy or optimistic about a new venture you are going after you might still follow the stages of grief...and that’s normal! Grieving is okay in these situations too, it’s not just saved for the severity of sad moments. 

On July 10th 2020, the hubby got a call from his Airforce recruiter: we now have a date for the BMT (basic military training)! If you've been following my blog for a little while now you know we've been waiting a long time for this! If you haven't you can catch up by reading this blog post.  We've been excitedly and sometimes impatiently waiting for this day! My heart was thudding in my chest and there were butterflies in my stomach. I stood in the kitchen, pausing the dinner I was making, to stare wide eyed at the Da Beast in the corner of the living room talking excitedly, breathlessly, and cautiously into the phone. He was so excited and that's when other emotions started to put strain on my heart. I couldn't listen to them now. I told them, "later". But "later" never really came. Da Beast got off the phone and quickly looked at the job he'd be going to tech school for: cyber transport systems. It’s very similar to what he does now and he’s done for another job that he loved when we lived in Northern Arizona: network, cables, repairing communication systems to make sure they’re operational like circuits, telephones, routers & IP networks, ports, computers, etc. It says he can have a lot of down time if everything is operational so he can use that time to study for certifications like COMPTIA which he’s been wanting to do or other classes towards his career. It says the culture is a corporate of geeks where they talk about video games  It does take a lot of studying to achieve high marks for his tech school training which lasts about 6 months.More than likely all his training will take place at Keesler Airforce Base located in Biloxi,MS.

He then asked me what I was thinking or how I was feeling (I don't remember which) but I told him I was feeling a lot of things but didn't want to acknowledge them because then I would cry. He hugged me but didn't pry and I was glad at the time. I told him we shouldn't call or tell anyone yet until we let it settle with our little family first. We talked about things like if it was worth the kids and I moving there for the short period of time he'd be in tech school (his job training) and we entertained the idea for about an hour when I realized it was more important for us to stay where we are. Putting the kids through so much change all at once, veruses little by little was best not to mention we would have lots of family and friends near by. Another reason was because Da Beast is planning on leaving work a couple weeks before his BMT start date in September so instead of using that time to move we'd use it to spend time as a family, prepare the things we can control, and spend time with other family that he might not see for some time. At the end of the day we decided it just made more sense for the kids and I will stay where we are but we will be able to chat often enough when he’s in tech school and the kids and I will go to Mississippi once or twice while he’s there so we can visit.

The next couple of days we called/ video chatted family and shared our news! We also got to see our new nephew who made his debut July 2nd! I got asked a lot how I was feeling and even though I said and felt like I was excited there were still those other pesky emotions that begged for attention in the back of my mind. I quieted them by announcing that I had "many feelings but I was mostly excited" and then brushing them away again. By the end of all the announcements and Da Beast's very apparent excitement I never did get to acknowledging all of my feelings. I didn't want to ruin this for him. I didn't want to seem miserable to everyone when I really WAS excited. I didn't want "all those other feelings" to overshadow any happiness or excitement that I really did have but would then be judged by others because of these "other feelings". So I held it in and that's when the alarms started going off. My other feelings had just realized I lied to them and was never going to let them speak. It was like my whole body was saying "release pressure RELEASE PRESSURE!" but I instead tightened my walls and sunk deeper, but they were relentless: they started seeping out in anger and irritation and I even wanted to avoid a call with a good friend because I knew, to her, I'd spill the beans. And that's just what I did. My dear friend with ears to hear, a kind heart, and a compassionate soul listened to me ugly cry on the phone how afraid I was, how overwhelmed with feelings and responsibilities I was, how alone I was, how guilty I was, how frustrated I was, how disconnected I was...and all she said back to me was a validation of my feelings and how she only wished she could be here to give me a hug. I cried harder. She had a safe place for all my feelings to go and I am insanely grateful that God put her in my life by the simplest meeting in a park almost a year ago. After being so full of emotions I felt completely drained after our conversation and was then filled with love and courage by her gentle reassurances that we were strong and we were ready for this: no reprimands, no "this is what I would of done", no questioning my feelings or decisions, no "fixes", and no "you're so brave, I could NEVER do that,"...just listening and giving me a gentle push forward and back on my feet. Because if we are complete bearing our souls here: I didn't feel very brave. I'm also not saying anyone else said those things to me, I made them up on the spot to show the comparison and how much I appreciated the way she respond to me in MY current situation. In other situations and relationships the "other" things that could have been mentioned wouldn't all be "bad". 
That night I talked to Da Beast and told him all these feelings I had and he just listened and held me and told me that I didn't have to ONLY be happy or excited, I could be sad too. The next week I took it easy as I slowly gained back my momentum and planning for all the fun things we will be up too till he leaves. That is until yesterday. Da Beast was going through the same things I had just gone through: sinking deeper into his overwhelming feelings. We talked them out and I showed him the same support I always have and that I've been shown with a listening ear, open heart, and love...but it didn't start out that way. At first I was upset because I had been trying all day to bring everyone together but it was like putting two magnets together that had opposing energy and I wasn't getting anywhere. I wasn't seeking to put him down or scold him but I did remind him where his place was and what was important to me. Then when I realized it went much deeper that what I was aware of I then apologized for not asking more questions and being more observant. We talked about how grateful we didn't feel overwhelmed at the same time so we could be there to fully support each other and strengthen each other. I then felt like I've been told off and on the past few years, "brave". I also felt something I'd never felt before in the form of a thought, "I will wear my tears with honor."

In conclusion, and if I've written this post well enough, there were moments in my examples where celebration occurred. I celebrated the grief cycle when I found out that was what I was going through and I now had a rough map to my feelings. I celebrated the time I had to be more creative. In my second example I celebrated diversity and how we all navigate life different, it's beautiful, and I have so may more opportunities to listen to others stories! And in my final example I celebrated a long awaited announcement, good friends, and the deepening connection we have with each other when we express our feelings and listen to each other with love. Change is to be celebrated no matter how challenging or easy they many seem! Change may be grief but change is also a celebration! We are constantly growing and if we didn't feel a little scared we would be too arrogant to learn what we truly need to flourish. 

Let's not only celebrate the fun and happy times but lets also celebrate the challenging and troubling times that we are working through or have worked through, because in the end it's all worth a little celebration. 

You are worth celebrating! 

Much love, 
Megan 

--------------> Next Blog Post: Devoting Your Day 

Learning- A Life Long Process

How many times have we thought of knowledge as a destination?
When I get an 'A'...
When I get into the next grade...
When I get into the next math book...
When I complete my homework assignment...
When I pass this test...
When I graduate...
When I pick a career...
When I pick a degree...
When I go to college...
When I go to university...
When I go to vocational school...
Annnndd then what?
What I find interesting is after being in school constantly reaching for knowledge for a certain destination there is often disinterest in learning, dissatisfaction in the career/degree of choice, loss of direction, inability to fully understand your talents and dreams, lack of courage to fulfill and put into action what you've learned, and then essentially going back to school to continue with what is familiar. Or on the other hand that you feel superior or and expert in your field because of all the knowledge destinations you've achieved and you have no need to continue to learn.

Not all of the situations in life fall into these two categories, I've just seen it happen often to others, including myself. I'm in the first option. I learned for grades, I completed homework assignments and tests to move onto the next grade or level or graduation. I went to college with a money making career in mind not what I wanted to learn. I finished college without a degree, without direction, and burnt out from unsatisfying education.

Are all those things bad?
No way! It's good to strive to do the best you can and to improve. It's good to do things you don't always like, to learn things that make you uncomfortable to help you grow, it's good to try things to find out if you like them or not, it's good to make mistakes and resolutions, it's good to seek mentorship, teachers, and others with more experience in the things you enjoy. It's good to get degrees for those jobs that require them. I'll ask again:

How many times have we thought of knowledge as a destination?

When we grew up learning where was our focus? Was it trying to get to a stage, level, grade, ect? Or was it to discover, enjoy, contemplate, expand, understand, and grow?

Learning doesn't stop when we start going to school, when we graduate school, when we start a career, when we have children, when we get married, and not even if we declare we don't want to learn anymore. 😜

No.

We are always learning in everything. Whether we absorb anything is another story. Are we being receptive, open, humble, and seeking growth? If someone says something boarder-lining offensive we have two options:
1. Get offended. We have the right to after all! They hurt our feelings and were most certainly in the wrong.
2. Ask questions. The more we communicate the more we will absorb. We we learn that not only was that person unaware of what they had done because they were raised that way but they also have insecurities of their own causing their speech to be a little aggressive to hide those insecurities. Furthermore, we have a lot in common! If we both put aside our frontline of defense we will see that all we want is love, acceptance, respect, and friendship. We're now open to new perspectives and what the other has to teach us.

This goes into more than just one on one interactions but into everything. Because a good majority of what we will learn while alive on this Earth is through another human being who makes mistakes it is in our best interest to keep our hearts and minds open for opportunities. Some hurt more than others, like, a lot, and our natural reaction is to close up shop for the day and avoid that painful situation again. But if we can hold on just a little longer, find another who's job it is to help in healing, and try and see the other perspective we will draw closer than ever because we are now grafted together to grow stronger.

Bringing it back around to the educational system or "school", my perspective is that school should be about finding the joy of leaning no matter how that's achieved whether you're homeschooled or institutionalized. That means that every moment is a learning experience or the opportunity for one. I've been back and forth about whether to send my children to school or to teach them from home. I tend to lean more towards homeschool, my husband leans more towards public school, we decided together to go with what is needed for the time. We felt that this upcoming school year for Bubba's start in Kindergarten we were going to homeschool him. We sent him to a Montessori preschool last year. The reason I personally lean more towards homeschooling is the principle of freeform. There is no "wrong" way to lear since it's ALL learning. It's not structured or graded or put into generalizations. I realize that some long time homeschoolers with different points of view may strongly disagree with those statements but keep in mind that I'm comparing it to a public school system. I'm not saying that homeschool doesn't or can't have requirements, structure, or schedule in it's own way. The reasons we like a school system, however, is for it's ability to teach the children how to work with others who think differently than you, learn from someone else besides mom and dad, real world communication and interaction, testing the child's opinions and expanding interests, and of course not having to do the teaching. Luckily if you plan homeschool in such a way to include all of those things as well are they really "missing out"? This is when all of those who go, have gone, or have strong opinions about going "to" a school can strongly disagree with me too.

The struggle is real folks.

Moral of the story? If it feels like a good fit and meets whatever qualifications or requirements needed-- then you've made the right choice.

Put what you love to do in the forefront of your decisions and the decisions of the things your children love and then fill in all the requirements and necessary classes or subjects to lift it higher, to expand it, to develop it, and if you have more than one thing that you love, and they don't seem to have anything in common and you can't pick just one then don't! Find your overall purpose and reasoning behind why you love the things you do (helping people? Bring happiness? Communication? Expression? Ect.) and with that in mind set a timeline for yourself and start checking off all the things you love to do. In time they might all start coming together and revealing how they ARE all in common. You're experience with life is and will be unique and impactful on those around you, even if you don't realize it.

"Go, live your dream." -Disney's Movie Tangled.
XOXO
Megan
--------------> Next Blog Post: Celebrate All Things 

A Weakness or a Strength?

In my last post "You Are Enough" I shared a story about Alma the Younger and how I contemplated  Alma's "weaknesses" as misused strengths and shared my own story of how my voice is a gift to my children (and possibly others but the story was about my kids) that I was misusing by yelling at them or using an unkind tone.

In this post we will be covering just that! Do we have "weaknesses" or just misused or under utilized strengths? On the other side of the coin do we admire ourselves for something we think we are strong in but it's hurting ourselves or others? Where is the balance?

Or are we just splitting hairs?
Maybe.
A little.
However, it's a thought process that has helped me to investigate my feelings and the outcome of choices I make. Going from: "this is my weakness...this is who I am. It won't ever get better" to "what is to uncover here? What talent of mine is hiding? What talent of mine is in overabundance? Where is the balance?

Balance.

The word that's been on my mind and heart for years now as a slow and intense burning fire but never completely achieved but allows me to learn, grow, experiment, and investigate.

Someday I'll find that balance, the perfected state. 

But that won't happen in this Earthly life, that's what it's for: to have to focus on bringing ourselves back from straying-too far on either side of scale- to the present; To bring back what we've collected on our journey and to learn from it: the calm and the challenge; and to be present in this moment now by uncovering the mysteries of our subconscious.

Balance practices are everywhere.

• Yoga means literally means to "unify", to "join" to "unite", to "subjugate", to "control", to "yoke". I wrote a bit about my yoga experience up until this point here. 
• Meditation is the practice of thinking deeply or focusing ones mind for a period of time and can be done in stillness or chaos. It's something that draws others who struggle for a deeper meaning of their feelings and to typically find that peace in the tension. Through meditation I feel like balance is found when a deep rooted and traumatic event is uncovered and then releases allowing the mind and body to release and move forward. 
• Our own nervous system works to obtain a balance between parasympathetic and sympathetic, swinging back and forth every few hours in the day. 
• Ayurvedic medicine is literally a balance in bodily systems through the use of diet, herbal treatment, and yogic breathing. 
• Intuitive Eating- I don't like the stigma that comes with the word "diet" but feel free to use that in it's pure definition of "the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats." Our intake for our bodies takes a natural course of balance between many food groups including sweets. When we listen to what our body is telling us it needs, it finds balance. 

Sometimes these things also come out of balance just like everything else we try to do in our lives and that's okay. A quote by Traci Brosman's, "Are you Sleepwalking through life?" says:

"Don't be too hard on yourself when you catch yourself in the past or future. Gently bring yourself back to the present and see the beauty of life." 

What we may consider our weaknesses or our strengths function much of the same way: trying to find the balance.

Many of my own "weaknesses" felt abuntant in a time of a lot of fear and anxiety in my life (you can pretty much pick any of my blog posts from 2018 to learn more about that time of my life).

The one thing I tell everyone that helped me the most during that time was to see everything in my life different. Instead of feeling inflicted I felt the need to solve the mystery and find the lessons in my life, sprouting a consistency in blog posts. Once my perspective changed so did the outcome of the emotions I felt. I began to progress and slowly got to a point of realizing the beauty and gift in trials not only in myself but others as well.

Pain is important.
Our "weakness's" are important and can be made strong. (Ether 12:27)
But how?
By seeing the strength hidden in the weakness, by accepting it how it is now but seeing it's potential.
In the example of me yelling at my kids that was my fear and anger talking. It was my "weakness". However there were moments where I would talk or sing and the attention, focus, and change from my children was nothing short of a miracle. My strength was there underneath the fear that made it weak.

When talking with my mother in law about this topic she mentioned that our strengths could be misguided and could become weak. The example of serving others came up which hit home for me as well.
A personal example is joined by my recent discovery of my purpose, my word. This was brought up in a conversation with a good friend who had read the book "The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results" by Gary W. Keller (if I remember correctly). I haven't read it myself yet but she challenged me to "find my one word" to which I thought about it off and on for the next two weeks before I read a story in "A Path With Heart," By Jack Kornfield of a man you lived his life by putting joy into everything he did. As he aged he began to forget more and more things but through his karmic pattern of joy he put into place, even without memory, he continued his practice. That was when I found my word:

JOY

My word plugged into every definition I had been collecting. Everything I have done or desire to do, specifically to bring joy and happiness to others through support in their own endeavors or through my own work and goals. Things such as when I wanted to be a psychologist, art therapist, teacher, yoga, American Sign Language, writing fictional stories, writing blog posts, conversing with others deeply, seeing the things others don't like about themselves as great stories and loving those parts about them, wanting to work as a character performer at Disneyland to bring magic to others, giving talks, travel, and even down to something seemingly silly and small such as promising my husband when we got married (or maybe even before) that it was my goal to always make him laugh for the rest of our lives. We even made up what out tombstones would say. Mine: "It was my goal to always make him laugh" His: "HA HA HA!" 

This word made every action I've done make sense even the times where I couldn't make someone happy. When my focus was driven by a determination to make someone else happy no matter what I lost sight of my true purpose: to give out my joy, not to make someone happy because in reality I couldn't do that. My purpose is to share my joy not to sacrifice it because someone doesn't accept it. When I focused all my efforts on only trying to make someone else happy, just as my mother in law said, it became "misguided and became weak."

This is my purpose, guys! 

My biggest strength! 

The word that guides everything else! 

And it became weak. 

I questioned it. 

I doubted myself. 

But when I began to retrain myself and as I continue to gain confidence, I will continue to find more footholds in the fulcrum, the balance, of my gift; neither the weakness nor the strength: just the purpose. 

So what do you think? 

Are there weaknesses? 

Are there strengths?

XOXO
Megan
--------------> Next Blog Post: Learning- A Life Long Process

You Are Enough

Last year in June of 2019 I wrote a post titled, "How to Care For Others AND You", and since then it's still been one of my life lessons.

At the end of November I was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting for our church for the second Sunday in December, the 8th. The title I was given to go off of was the question, " How do I find joy in serving others." For the next two weeks I was anxious, nervous, excited, hopeful, and empowered.

My initial thought was that I had an opportunity to change the feeling of this particular theme of talk that I'd heard often but only felt insignificant and discouraged afterwards. I felt inspired by the spirit for what to say and felt very inadequate to present it. I postponed actually writing the talk because I was receiving so many thoughts and countering them with questions like "was I changing the way this theme was presented in talks for what Heavenly Father wanted me to say or because it was something I've been studying for a few years and I was passionate about it? I had decided it was both. I was asked to give this talk by the inspired bishopric through the spirit of God BECAUSE it was something I was dedicated to and I wanted others to feel and remember their own joy in serving others.

Once I actually began to write the words flowed, words that I felt were too perfect to be my own. I wrote most of my talk in one sitting but felt there was one more thing I needed to learn before it was finished. Over the next few days I had listened to my scriptures and talked to my sister and thats when I knew I had found the ending to my talk.
My next hurdle to overcome was to give the talk. I was nervous about presenting it but knew it was what God needed me to say, so, even through my distress I felt peace. Once at the podium I felt the spirit and that I was where I needed to be. It was the best talk I feel honored to have been called as a messenger in that time.

What does this talk I gave in sacrament meeting have to do with a blog post I wrote months ago? Well for starters I began my talk with:
"How do you help others and yourself at the same time without neglecting one or the other?"
That’s a big question to tackle and super personal, but regardless of which unique avenue of service you are on it’s the right one.

You. Are. Enough. 

As I mentioned earlier, “serving others” talk topics were tough, because I never felt like I was doing it in grand miraculous ways. I wasn’t doing it by the book answers of sharing your testimony, going to the hospital or home of a stranger, “visiting teaching” (as it used to be called), family history work, temple work, etc. I was under the impression that because these topics brought up guilt in me as I listened to these other talks that I was sinning and needed to repent by doing these things. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I so badly did, it was that I didn’t find how it worked for me yet. All those services I just mentioned are so good, so beneficial, and so important to the work of this church. That is why it needs to be delicately taught with compassion towards each soul. To bring to light the true and eternal joy in serving others versus the guilt, shame, and often times lack of motivation to do anything with the name “service” attached to it because they felt that their contribution wasn’t enough.

I strongly believe I was asked to give this talk back in December of 2019 because I have struggled with this, I continue to not know all the answers, and to tell everyone that their contribution IS enough and worth it.
The key to finding Joy in service?
Question yourself and pray to be aware of what it is that you DO and HOW you do it.
Elder Utchdorf gives a talk called “It Works Wonderfully” from October 2015 Ensign. In it he gives 2 thoughts on why the gospel can seem fulfilling and joyful for some while others have “less-than-fulfilling experiences”.

1.) Simplify
“to step back, look at your life from a higher plane, and simplify your approach to discipleship. Focus on the basic doctrines, principles, and applications of the gospel. I promise that God will guide and bless you on your path to a fulfilling life, and the gospel will definitely work better for you.”
2.) Start where you are.
Elder Utchdorf said, “Sometimes we feel discouraged because we are not “more” of something—more spiritual, respected, intelligent, healthy, rich, friendly, or capable. Naturally, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve. God created us to grow and progress. But remember, our weaknesses can help us to be humble and turn us to Christ, who will “make weak things become strong.” Satan, on the other hand, uses our weaknesses to the point that we are discouraged from even trying.
I learned in my life that we don’t need to be “more” of anything to start to become the person God intended us to become.”

I’d like to add another thought to his:

3.) Give yourself time. 
When I first got married I was never really into visiting teaching. I felt it was more forced and invading than natural and friendly. In our first apartment we lived in I would even turn down a few visits if I felt like I had a good enough excuse to do so and to my surprise that didn’t seem to phase the woman who tried to visit and teach me! Instead she seemed genuinely interested and concerned for me and would stay on the phone to just chat. When we moved I remembered her impact on my life and realized that if I was going to visit teach I was going to do it the way I thought it’d work best: by being a friend like she was to me.
Luckily I had a companion who felt the same way and although we did plan the lessons to teach we tried not to make that the focus. I found joy there.

Fast forward a few years when we moved to Mesa I became a visiting teacher to a few women, one of which was not active. This worried me at first because I thought I had this greater obligation to bring her back to the church. This was also the time I found out I struggle with anxiety. I went with what I could handle: by being a friend. I didn’t bring up anything church related for two years. Last Christmas I felt strongly to invite her to church. She came.

I think we put this pressure on ourselves like Utchdorf said to “be more”. We see others success and wonder where is our own when we don’t realize that their success was an accumulation of small incidents, hard work, and a collection of seemingly random situations that you wouldn’t think go together. And that our own successes are currently in the works, every small thing we do works up to what may seem like a major event.

A few weeks ago my husband and I met with a couple to chat. During our conversation we found out they were members of the church. After our conversation with them as my husband and I drove home he turned to me and said that he was proud of me for just being forward and mentioning the term “Ward” before we even knew they were members. His thought was that it was my sneaky way of sharing the gospel and my testimony. Shocked I responded with “we didn’t know before I said “Ward”? I thought they said something first!” He insisted that I started it. Truly stumped I went with a response that went like this “well I guess they looked like they were and I just convinced myself so much that it came out”. This experience sparked other thoughts in me that were more meaningful than the experience itself: I had no idea I was doing it and that if we are living our lives the best we can with a “willing heart,  desire to believe, and trust in the lord” -as Elder Utchdorf mentions in his   talk- then that’s probably how it will go a good majority of the time: we won’t even realize we’re doing it.
Recognizing this is where we will find the joy.
You can help and serve others by finding what works with you in a simple and present way and the Lord will truly do the rest because your contribution is worth it.
Recently with the corona virus changing the safety nets around us, our schedules, and our interaction with the world we've been asked by church leaders to spend careful and prayerful attention on those we minister too. I again felt the panic and the guilt. I haven't ministered since we moved into the ward last July. I sat with my feelings for a minute and then remembered this talk I gave in December where I encouraged everyone to recognize the good they do, to remember how you serve. I couldn't think of anything so I prayed asking Heavenly Father to remind me what it is that I DO, DO to serve other. Almost instantly I was reminded that I could write. So I did. I wrote and old fashion email. Did they respond? Nope. Then I thought about them during Easter and tried calling. Did they answer or call back? Nope. But my intention was there.

Remember how I said I wrote my talk but then felt there was something missing? I was listening to the Book of Mormon (you can get one for free at this site by clicking here or here) though my gospel library app and it just happened to be the story of Alma the Younger.
 In Mosiah 27 it talks about how Alma was “wicked and idolatrous”; that he “spoke much flattery to the people therefore he led many of the people to do after the manner of his iniquities” and “stealing away the hearts of the people”. This was a man who was “going about to destroy the Church of God”. Why would God then choose to send him and angel to essentially ‘shape up’ and become a great prophet later on?
I’ll let that sit for a second while I ask questions relatable to this one.
Why would God ask a man who stumbles himself through life to be a seventy? A stake president? Or a Bishop? Why would God ask imperfect people such as ourselves to teach one another, be missionaries, be parents, etc?
Because we are perfect in our imperfections! Because we have that desire to do good in our hearts.

Now let’s go back to Alma the Younger. Here’s a man who is being pretty naughty, we don’t know what desires he had in his heart but they must have been good because God called out to him and HE LISTENED. If he was doing unrighteous acts why would God then choose to send him an angel to essentially ‘shape up’ and become a great prophet later on? Why not the sons of Mosiah?

Here’s my interpretation of it:
1.) Yes, Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah equally led away or harassed the people of the Church, but it was Alma who was kind of this Mob Boss of the whole operation. This man had leadership skills. Leadership skills are an excellent quality to have when used to uplift and inspire others. He had a great gift, he was tempted to use it improperly but even through his unrighteous acts he was still practicing that talent.
2.) Once the angel did come to him it shook him to his core and he became ill because he now recognized  where he went horribly wrong. This gave him perspective and determination to help others. This also became a gift and talent that helped him preserve later in life.
3.) Because of all the wrong he did he was able to fully connect to others, to testify in a personal way, to have compassion on others, and to be an example.
In this past General Conference of April 2020 there was a talk given by Dale G Renlund titled, "Consider the goodness and greatness of God" where he also mentioned the transformation of Alma the Younger that I would recommend reading, it's definitely on my re-read list!

We like to look at the miracles of others and to express our positive attributes to others which is great and gives hope but it overlooks those little situations that brought us there even if they are uncomfortable. Examples of this from my life have been my own anger and yelling at my kids. I hate admitting this. I know it’s not right, it doesn’t feel right, and it’s something that was at its peak after I had my second. My anger held hands with my anxiety. Now, I don’t yell as much. I have accepted my efforts with compassion and continue to learn and grow.

One particular thought as I was writing this talk was that I have a gift in my voice, a powerful one, and the adversary has his focus squarely on distracting me and helping me to forget its there. This thought combined with my interpretations of Alma the Younger led me to wonder if our "weaknesses" were actually weaknesses or just misplaced or incorrectly used strengths.

There is this quote that I love by Marianne Williamson that says:

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Again I ask, how do we help others and ourselves at the same time without neglecting one or the other? How do we find joy in serving others?
D. Todd Christofferson in last 2019 April conference said in his talk entitled “preparing for the lords return” said in reference to God hastening his work “Employing our admittedly imperfect efforts—our “small means” —the Lord brings about great things”. By recognizing what we CAN do versus what we can’t/ aren’t doing.

This is a service to ourselves and is a service to others because when we strive to be good, when we have that burning desire to do good despite the way it seems to look for others we become aware of the impact we truly make we see all the good we truly do and this is where the joy is found.

You are enough. 

Your contribution is worth it. 

Through your efforts miracles will be had and you will find that joy in serving others. 

XOXO

Megan 

--------------> Next Blog Post: A Weakness or A Strength?

Our Quest of Freedom and Bravery Pt. 3

There are so many reasons why I haven't written or published another post in 6 months:
1. There was no update  on our progress in the Airforce application process. They've gotten back and few times and it just seems as though they are asking for the same thing. In my opinion they're stalling or buying themselves time. Maybe there is an influx of recruits, maybe policies are changing and they need to hold off on recruiting too many people. Whatever the real reason is we are still waiting. From a spiritual standpoint our time in the Airforce is being set up in just the right way and we are needing to wait for that moment. In the meantime we are needed here to continue to prepare and strengthen our family for this big change as well and be here for others. I guess I'll just keep adding little updates to my posts because I can't keep my blog on pause waiting for a good story and I can't keep creating more parts to this Freedom & Bravery Post.
2. My computer battery was fried thanks to me constantly leaving it plugged in. I never fixed it and I haven't gotten into a habit of working on another computer. Weird how habits can be broken over such a small thing such as using a different computer.
3. Holidays. Need I say more? I pretty much become useless to anything not holiday related come October.
4. I started a YTT-200 (Yoga Teacher Training) at the end of October which consumed a lot of my time, concentration, and energy. I had a lot of learning and spiritual opening and deepening to do which actually leads me into the topic for this part 3 post!

"Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is feeling the fear, the doubt, the insecurity, and deciding that something else is more important."- Marl Manson 

I took my first yoga class in 2014 during a semester of community college. My focus was more on my body. I wanted to feel strong and healthy. As a part of our class credit we were required to write a yoga memoir of sorts. This is what I wrote back then (edited from the original to fit the context of this post):

 "My first dip into yoga was through youtube videos and pictured instructions from health websites. From the little I knew about yoga I knew there were supposed different "types"...[the] one that caught my attention: Yoga to ease stress so that you can become pregnant. My husband and I had been trying... But I was too stressed. I tried to follow the pictures and videos but like all my exercise regimens at home: I am really good at doing it for a couple weeks and then I stop. I needed some constant motivation. I needed a class.

Once it got closer to signing up for [college] classes I began to feel like I needed this yoga class more than even I could understand. I had a strong desire to go to this class so that I could be more healthy and less stressed so that I could get pregnant but as I continued forward it became less about my destination and more about the journey to a destination that someone higher had planned for me.

For my first yoga class I was excited but I was also stressed. I was running late! I drove with hands gripped on the wheel, muttering to myself, all the way to the college campus. Before we had even really started the yoga sequences the stress began to melt off. There were no shoes allowed in the dance studio and I could feel the cold floor beneath my feet. I sat in the circle of other students there. Emily, our instructor, had us each take turns around the circle to say why we had decided to take a yoga course. At the time I didn't want to admit to everyone that it was so that I could get pregnant. On my drive home I suddenly began to cry and laugh at the same time. I didn't know why I was crying, and so I laughed about it because I felt that good. I reflected on how I took my time to roll up my mat because I didn't want to instantly go back into rushing somewhere. I wanted to take it all in and not let go of how it felt to be at peace.

That peace continued on even into my work day with the cute little 1 year olds I take care of at the day care I work for. I was more patient with them. I was more relaxed. They could feel it and they responded to it. Later on through the course I learned that [there are] certain positions that are used to release toxins both spiritual and physical ones. The toxins are continually releasing even after you are done with exercising.

Emily explained that because we are constantly releasing these toxins we may find ourselves crying or suddenly angry even a few days after class. It was at that moment that I realized why I had been crying after the first day of yoga. As I began to fully immerse myself into the yoga practices and "join together" my spirit and mind, I got closer to God in a whole new way. I realized it wasn't about what I wanted right now but what I needed. I realized it's okay to let things go and that I should because it's unhealthy to keep all that spiritual waste inside. Most of all, I realized that it's okay to be just me because I have a special purpose in life. That may not be to bare children right now, and I'm okay with that. I have other important things to be a part of. I'm so glad that I had the instructor that I did to lead me through this yoga journey. She is an excellent teacher. I keep telling everyone that I've taken her education courses for teachers and now yoga and if she were to teach anything else I would take that class too. Yoga has become one of my favorite courses I have ever had and I will always be grateful for what it has taught me."

Shortly after I had written this memoir -in that April of 2014- I found out I was pregnant with out first baby. I had learned, in a small way, what it felt like to let life take its course and how to be in the present moment. I had wanted to do baby yoga but the mentality I held around my morning sickness was that I couldn't do anything--I felt to ill, so I stopped. I may have done a few You Tube videos here and there after he was born but I didn't feel that healing need so I essentially abandoned it.

Two years after this memoir was written I got pregnant with our second baby during a chaotic time. Our rental contract was up on the house and we didn't want to renew, we moved into my families home that they were currently trying to sell, Dax was gone during work trainings so it was me and my morning sickness and a not yet 2 year old. After about 4 months we found a home to buy in another town and moved in with Dax's sister and her husband for a month, that was November of 2016. Dax had to get a new job where he worked night shifts at a Cox call center, we worked on house paperwork and hoped to be in our home before Christmas, I still had some nausea, and my anxiety bubbled beneath it all.

We were able to move into our first home December 1st 2016 and three months later and 3 weeks earlier than her due date my daughter was born. Those first few days I encountered my first real panic attacks. Those first few months after she was born I came to a realization that I had anxiety and always had but had coped with it well enough. I was angry a lot, I doubted my beliefs, and I questioned my purpose. All of this sent me on a journey to find myself, to be open to learning, and to starting this blog.

Over the next couple of years I worked on myself, I struggled, and I got stronger. In the summer of 2019 right after we had decided to sell our home and go back into apartment living to make it easier for our Air force journey I decided to pursue Yoga again. This time from a spiritual focus with a determination and force to REALLY incorporate it in my life. I was going to take a YTT-200 course.

I did my research and once I found the path I felt most drawn too I doubted it. Fear kicked in strong. I researched as much as I could about the course I was about to take (most of which kind of went over my head), I wrote down the benefits Brett listed on her site, and I even wrote down my reasons for doing it (July 2019 Journal entry):

• Myself. I feel like this is my biggest "why". I feel like if I practice and understand it more it can become a ritual of health that I can incorporate into everyday. To deepen my personal practice.
• It's a career/degree that can be completed in 17 weeks (about 3 months) at 3 times a week, for a total of 8-10 hours/week (I ended up doing about 15 hours/week and still didn't complete EVERYTHING).
• I can teach anywhere (in my journal entry I actually listed a few places of interest)
• Eventually I'd like to be trained in the Trauma Recovery Yoga and help with anxiety.

After this journal entry I felt the strong urge to just go for it. So, I mustered up my bravery, paid in full, in advance, and then sought out the required reading and began to read. Within the first chapter of "A Path with Heart," by Jack Kornfield I knew with every part of me that I was on the right path, little did I know how bumpy of a path it would actually be!

Within the first couple of weeks we were given a journal prompt,“what does asana mean to you”.

My response (November 2019 Journal Entry):

"Balance and strength- both inner and outer. I feel like with all the energetic and spiritual work that is to be done to lead to a successful and happy life there also needs to be the physical representation-- the asana. By practicing this flow and the breath I am putting any built up energy where it needs to go--constructively. I feel often times that when I work on my internal needs, it can become unbalanced if not checked in with it's physical partner. My introverted tendencies create this imbalance often. I work in my head until I become enraged, anxious, untamed, and then mentally exhausted. Even "positive" emotions can be built up: excitement, attachment, curiosity, etc. Unchecked by physical counterparts leaves me feeling "off" or "confused". 

By doing Asana I feel my life can be balanced between the tapah (focus) and the ishuara pranidhana (surrender) as well as the sthira (structure) and the sukham (sweetness) and I can find my own strength both inwardly and exclaimed outwardly in a dance or in helping another to find this precious and present space."  

I want to strive for the presence of the now. To flow between the bliss and the challenge as an observer versus the passenger. I want my happiness to be independent from situations. I wanted to be aware and flexible. Theres a flexibility to be found in each pose (following excerpt taken from my Yoga Instagram Account):

•Physically flexibility requires the balance of sthira(strength) and sukham(stretch). Often times we may feel the need to have too much sukham through pushing ourselves past physical limits due to pressures or the need to impress. This can cause complications in the body’s structure. When we first strengthen the muscles and then stretch we obtain that balance.

• Mental flexibility can come in handy when dealing with asana. Allowing yourself to be present, allowing the asana to adapt to you, eliminating poses or growing comfortable with modifications of poses even if they don’t look worthy to post on Instagram . I feel it! I feel the pressure to preform verses listening to my body and what it’s telling me it needs to do.

Connecting the mind and movement, getting out of overthinking and into doing, listening, observing, and accomplishing- This is what asana means to me. 

For at least half of the teacher training I struggled between what felt right to me and what I felt like I should do, I had painful moments in time and experiences resurface, my insecurities came out, my doubt leveled joy. And then I just went for it- I went for all of it. Like the quote I posted above I felt the fear, the doubt, the insecurity and with the support, guidance, material, and tools I was receiving from my class I conquered most of it and my anxious voice softened to just a voice in the back of my head. 

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is to keep moving forward in the dark when you feel like theres nothing to move forward to.  It's there that I uncovered my tendencies, created plans to move forward, became more compassionate, connected to others, sought out deeper understanding, and found more beauty in the world. It was there my creativity was sparked again and my purpose surfaced. 

Where do you draw inspiration from? 

Until next time! 

XOXO

Megan

--------------> Next Blog Post: You Are Enough 

Our Quest of Freedom and Bravery Pt. 2

*Pre-disclosure: This post was actually written August 2nd but was never posted due to unknown events. The second of three posts was supposed to be an informational update on our progress in the Airforce application process. We didn't hear from them until the beginning of September that they needed a follow up visit with the chiropractor that treated Da Beast after the offending accident that caused a halt in the process in the first place. So we're still at a stand still which I am at peace with. Other thoughts and inspirations, however, have flooded my mind and heart that I have been fighting for awhile and especially the past few weeks. Also we celebrated our 8th anniversary and took a mini family vacation. Lastly, my computer battery was fried thanks to me constantly leaving it plugged in. So here it is, the second part, hopefully in part 3 I can officially give an update on our military journey to the Airforce life.*

  Freedom was never gained taking the easy road. It has never been something that "comes easy". It may start off with ease, it may be surrounded by peace, and it may even have comfort sprinkled throughout the journey but at some point in that journey to freedom, opposition will present itself and it is not only a part of it but a necessary part of it. We cannot fully be grateful and experience our freedom unless we also understand the opposition of it, of ALL things (2 Nephi 2:11).

• Even in Heaven there was a war for our freedom to choose. (Revelation 12: 7-11) )  (Moses 4:1-4)
• Moses had to face his own fears and troubles to obtain the freedom of the people (Major events found in Exodus 2,  Exodus 7 , and Exodus 14) 
• Esther with the help of the people's fasting took bravery and a possibility of sacrifice for a freedom to live. 
• Jesus was born, atoned for our sins, and died for the freedom of every soul beginning as a promise made before the war in heaven and manifested on Earth. (Events found in Matthew 1 , Mark 14, and Luke 23) 
• Captain Moroni wrote a Title of Liberty and led the people through God for freedom for their religion. (Alma 46)
• Mormon fought for belief and hope for the people when they were at war for pride and anger. (Mormon 2)
• Moroni fought society by seclusion for the protection of the records and religion of the people. (Mormon 8) 
• The 13 colonies began the formation of the United States by fighting for independence from England  

...And the list is so much more extensive and on going. And these are just events of opposition for the benefit of the whole of a people. Everyday we face our own personal oppositions and often because of them we feel weak and alone. "Well, if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else; because if it's just you alone, you're not as much of a threat" Luna Lovegood from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", by J.K. Rowling. 

Do we flee or fight?

Fighting often gets a bad wrap because of the connotation behind it. When you come from a place of anger, hostility, pride, selfishness, misunderstanding, expectation, and assumption the fight is not fair, just or honorable. As a result in order to avoid a fight and obtain a sense of safety we concede or flee from the confrontation of another. However, if we evaluate the position of the other and what they are feeling as well as our own and come from a place of peace, love, humility, selflessness, flexibility, and openness the fight can be had and overcome. Not every fight mentioned above was done physically. Some were done verbally. Others were done when one half of the fighting party was fighting with God on their side and honorably while the other fought with hostility and lusting after blood. I'll let you figure out who "won" those wars and contentions. 

War and contention will continue, everyday, personally or in many groups and societies until the Prince of Peace comes to tame the land once again. 

Our families journey to fight for freedom not just for our family but also for our country and religion has definitely NOT been the easy road but we have felt this peace as it continues to go forward and I have faith that as the challenges with our decisions become more difficult- because they will- we will continue to be uplifted and guided by God, as long as we continue to draw close to him and happily endure all things. 

Easier said than done, I know. 

"Freedom isn't about what you can get from your country, it's about what you can do for your country" -John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address.  And let me just add that that goes for everything, not just our country. The more we concentrate on what we can do for others versus what we get out of it, our world will seem a little brighter, bigger, and more lovely. 

Other Resources we are using to promote the feeling of freedom in our home in preparation for our military journey: 

1. Church Resources for Military Members 
2. Come Follow Me Manuals for learning and teaching the gospel at home and supported by the Church. 
3. Scripture Reading and Study 
4. General Conference Talks 
5. Really good "self help" books. 

We've also been looking for advice from others who have recently been in our shoes through various websites and YouTube videos that I've either already shared or will continue to share as we document our journey from here on out! 

XOXO

Megan 

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