The Test of Life

     On May 31st 2019, I wrote a blog post about five ways you can find the lessons in your life which you can find by clicking here. 

    On June 15th 2020, I wrote a blog post about how learning is a life long process which you can find by clicking here. 

    On November 14th 2023 in correlation to this blog post I wrote about all of the lessons I learned about myself from therapy. I didn't want to make that blog post two long so I split it into two separate subjects because now that I have had many years accepting lives lessons and being prepared to continue to shed off more layers to expose a real and stronger me as I mentioned in my blog post back in 2017 about the Pride Cycle which you can find by clicking here. I think it's interesting to note that I clicked on that blog post on accident trying to find my life lesson blog posts and it ended up being very applicable to this past year of 2023 which I have deemed as a "season of purging" for myself. 

    Picking up where I left off in the last blog post, which you can find by clicking here , the year of 2022 ended with the last quiz from my "school of self" or therapy appointments. My therapist had to leave which was difficult for me but I also saw the benefit to it. One of my therapy goals was FRIENDSHIP including the friendships that I had which had ended and I was having a hard time letting go of, especially the deeper connection I felt to that individual. The fact that my therapist also had to leave my life looked an awful lot like a test from life. It was Heavenly Fathers nudge saying, "okay now what have you learned?" It was a practice for me. 

    Soon after my last session with my therapist I met a girl where we became instant friends. I've had this sort of spontaneous quick connection with a few others before and they have always been short lived. I'm still not sure exactly why this happens but it has, now three times. This time I think I was more ready for it because I knew she was moving soon. It was with my short and deep connected friendship with her that I was again tested. Perhaps these quick and deep connections with few individuals is the fact that I see myself in them. We are drawn to each other because we are unable to actually see ourselves the way others see us so we need someone to give us glimpses into what that is like. They are the closet thing we may run into that isn't a mirror to ourselves externally but internally. When I met her I felt like I met more of me and this time I understood why it might be hard for me to find friends. FRIENDSHIP ,being a therapy goal of mine and a repetitive life lesson for me such as in these blog post here and here, was a goal of mine where I was really actually looking for myself and what a rarity it was to find someone like me! 

    Now I know from an outside perspective this might all sound self centered but in reality it was a breakthrough for me. It helped me to give myself the self compassion, leniency, and forgiveness I rarely gave myself. It also took off the harsh lens that if I hurt people they wouldn't also be compassionate, lenient, or forgive me. It was an unrealistic lens I was holding onto, was unaware that it existed for awhile, and then wasn't sure how to remove. I kept learning, discovering, and writing until finally in December 2022 I was able to remove it because I saw myself in someone else and could at that point be more comfortably in myself, mistakes and all, in front of others knowing that generally speaking what we all want is a group of friends to make connection with and to communicate together. For the most part we all understand that others are going to disappoint us, make mistakes, make us upset, and confuse us! Generally speaking we all think that's worth it. Friendship needs the start of being yourself with someone else. I was finally able to do that. 

    It wasn't long after my friendship life-semester "final" that I was invited by a new friend of mine to a bible study. I knew with every part of myself that that was my next "class" I was to "enroll" myself into. It would also be a good place to continue to test out friendships with those of "like minds" but "different beliefs" which would very soon become my next lesson. Bible study ran from January 2023 to May 31st 2023 and towards the end I knew that bible study would not only end just for the summer for me but for now. I had felt it coming to a close. I had felt something else was going to call out for my attention. I believe a part of that was my calling in young women. 

    Over the summer my life tests started trickling in. 

• Parent to a Friendship. Living on Beale AFB with kids who are old enough to be making friends primarily on their own has led to an abundance in friendship. It had made me so happy to see my kids with FRIENDS! Which actually makes more sense seeing as friendship has been a big thing for me lately and not just for myself! For most of the friendships flourishing with my kids I've seen my kids truly bloom! Some other friendships have been more challenging but I'm so stinking proud of my children and how they handle these instances! However, I know it's been taxing on them and there have been a few times where I've had to get involved and communicate with the other parents about it. The texting conversation was civil and each situations has been a test of character, my boundaries, and my mothering methods. 
• On July 4th 2023 a movie called "Sound of Freedom" hit theaters and even before it did there was controversy about it swirling around. I didn't learn about this until a texting thread among our family. That was when my testimony woke up. It was as though what I believed was in a dormancy because I was worried about "keeping the peace" and I genuinely believe that people are good and we're all trying our best. This conversation, however, knocked me off of my fence. It didn't make sense to me that there would be such negativity surrounding a movie that was highlighting the humans who take advantage of the purest in our human race: children. This made me MAD. Another one of my therapy goals, besides friendship, was to "being angry in a healthy way" also under the category of boundaries and maintaining that balance of being kind while firm. It was through this group chat that I was able to stand up for what I believe, I recognized the difference between anger and a testimony, and my dormant testimony erupted! I felt the truth from God's spirit light me up in a way I hadn't felt for awhile and it was because of this conflict and controversy. After passing this test I had months of just feeling my testimony burning verses the calm and steady flow of the spirit that I had been living off of for years. It was a test because God felt I was ready to graduate into my further purpose BUT I had to learn it was OK to do so, FIRST. I had to learn ownership and responsibility over my own actions before using the gift of words God has given me. I had to learn how to use His gift. 
• October 5th-7th, 15th - A test for my testimony. Furthering the lesson of my therapy goals around boundaries I had a lengthy conversation following the October 2023 General Conference talks. The very last talk, specifically, in which President Nelson spoke about focusing on where we want to go starts now. Social media blew up about it both within the church because of how remarkably relatable the talk was to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, as well as from those who have left the church and no longer participate in the ordinances and functions of the church as a member but are still very much involved either by choice or because of church member, family members, who share the talks from general conference with them. I saw many exclaim how hurtful and unreasonable President Nelson's talk was and I felt I needed to share my more neutral insights. I'll link his talk here so you can read it or review it for yourself. The message's intended audience was for everyone by saying we all have a choice to make. He urges that we make sure that the life we are creating now is the kind of life we really do want because the lives we create here will represent the lives we have in heaven. If we "Think Celestial" we are reminding ourselves that our goal is one of a celestial life. We wish to be with our Father in Heaven and families together. We wish to be like God. We try to think "What Would Jesus do?" To me it was clear that if you were truly happy with the life you were creating for yourself and that you'd want forever than it wouldn't bother you that another is living the life that makes THEM happy, even if you think the Celestial Kingdom doesn't exist. Even if you think the church is wrong. In my stories on Instagram I shared a similar response which initiated a conversation through personal chats. With this other person I learned that there was more than just "thinking celestial" that bothered people about President Nelson's talk. There was also a line about "not taking counsel from those who do not believe". A few other accounts that I observed had similar things to say, that 'members of the church were told to only believe in what the prophet had to tell the members of the church and not our own minds'. What President Nelson actually says is that we should "follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost". This is using the intellect God has given us, our intuition. What I tried to convey to this other person was that what President Nelson WASN'T saying  that we were only supposed to talk to those who are members of the church or those who disagree with us. Everyone has their value, teaches us, and has knowledge and experience to share. Through our conversation parts of me came out in ways I wasn't expecting or intending and I tried my best to correct my mistakes and continue the conversation with them. It wasn't until the end that I realized what President Nelson had meant. This was another TEST of my boundaries and standing up for what I believe. President Nelson said to "not council with those who do not believe" because if someone's intent it to only seek out our mistakes and faults that is all they are going to find. There is no longer a "council" because at the core of the conversation the same belief to try and find connection and good within the other was missing. Remember that conflict and controversy is NOT the enemy. These two things help our testimonies to grow and after this conversation my testimony grew once again. It was hard for me to just let go of a conversation because I DO believe that everyone should have a chance to express themselves and I LOVE other peoples stories. I DO believe that each induvial is right where they need to be at this moment and that there is a REASON for EVERYTHING! By the end of it all, this conversation ended up being a test for not only my boundaries, but letting friendships go, and finding that balance between accepting responsibility for MY part, sharing what I believe, and holding to what I believe in.      

And then my writings started up again but this time on Instagram as a "Looking for the Good" project was born. It's a project I've started up to continue to share all the topics that are still showing up for me that I'm gaining deeper understanding on such as 

• Light & Simplicity - Often times we feel, or at least I feel, that I must rearrange or add to make things better. I spend countless hours researching and developing methods to help my home run smoother or for my children and husbands to feel more loved when in fact I am doing the exact OPPOSITE. I keep being reminded to "simplify" which has begun a "purging" season for me. Some has been easier than I thought like the things that we watch or listen to as a family. The best part? I've seen these "releases" and "replacements" affect not only me but the rest of my family as well. It's through "letting go" that we "let MORE God". His light is allowed to work through us all should we let it.  
• The Opposition to All things like ANGER vs TESTIMONY or JUDGE vs UNDERSTANDING. In 2 Nephi 2:11 it says "For there must be opposition in all things". I'd heard this so many times but I feel like being within instances of controversy I finally understood this which has freed me to take better care of how I react to certain situations. Since these opposites are so CLOSELY related they are HARDER to distinguish. Unlike HOT and COLD which are clear cut opposites, ANGER and TESIMONY feel the same. They are both intense and passionate but their purposes are VERY different. Anger comes from fear or hate and has the intent to cause suffering or to hold onto bitterness. It tends to be loud and harsh. A Testimony on the other hand comes from a place of faith and love with the intent to find resolution through being stern and direct. The adversary, Satan, Lucifer, whatever you call him, lives for these oppositions because it is often hard to tell the difference. He likes to claim that your anger was testimony or that those who are actually bearing testimony are heartless and acting out in hate. Knowing this technique of the adversary has helped me to fell more bold and confident in the battle for my soul, home, and heart.  
• Looking for the Good, especially when it's hard to see it.
• Sometimes you need to be a witness to gratitude verses a participant. What if your day is filled with nothing just so that you can be ready for the very BEST something? I specifically thought of waiting for my children or husband to come home. If I'm in the middle of something I deem as "important" or that I'm "busy" I miss out on being able to greet them they way they TRUELY mean to me. When I'm not filling every second of my time I allow myself the opportunity to prove that the best part of my day didn't involve a screen. 
• Sometimes you are meant to absorb and observe more like going to a library first thing in the morning to see the sun come through the window or pulling yourself into a hug by closing your eyes and applying a little tension. 
• Replacing "this is wrong" with "how is this a blessing?" 

These were just a few tests I've taken in my life, and even fewer that I've been aware of and have been able to report on. These tests will also not be the only ones I will ever experience in my life. I will continue to learn and grow and take more lessons from everyone and everything that I meet. I will continue to expand, change, and withdraw even with past lessons I've learned enough about, for now. Everything I have experienced prepared me for now and everything I am experiencing now is preparing me for the next right thing. 

I'm going to lean into this new found boldness with faith that God is working a marvelous wonder inside of me and that someday I will see even more clearly than I do now the completed test of me just living my life. 

xoxo

Megan 

The School of Self

     For the past few years blog posts have been nearly non-existent besides the one I posted in January of 2022. For the rest of the 2022 year and all of 2023 until now has been silent and not because there hasn't been anything to write about. 

    If anything I have had TOO many things to write about. For example I wrote a lot in my paper journal for most of last year to help me process emotion's and experiences as I went through therapy. I also wrote and self published a book called the "Veiled Conscious" which you can purchase at Barnes and Noble by clicking here or on amazon by clicking here or even Thriftbooks by clicking here. It's cheaper at Barns and Noble and Thriftbooks for a physical copy but if you're looking for a kindle version or audiobook I'd click the link for Amazon. I honestly didn't even know you could buy my book through Barns and Noble, so that was a neat find for me! 

    Besides my journal and my first published book I've been continuing to write more books which will hopefully published soon. Most of my writing time I feel has actually been tied up in homeschool lessons for my kids. Then there has been my more recent Instagram's posts and stories that has actually followed along the same standard I've been holding this blog to since it's beginning: to write what I've been learning. 

    These past 22 months, almost 2 years, I've had a LOT of intake and not a whole lot of output. I've been learning about myself which really started when I started therapy in July of 2022. The most interesting part of that was how I finally got into therapy. I had mentioned it off and on for five years before that and I guess I needed some divine intervention to help me get there because I got strep and then right afterwards a cold which I thought might be strep AGAIN. It wasn't, but because we went to my Primary Care Manager (PCM) on base to get the whole family tested this time I was given a mental health evaluation form. As terrifying and emotional as it was to fill that out it's what helped me to finally take that leap of faith which led me to my very sweet therapist. Her main goals was to help me with my three therapy goals, help me to self soothe, find self comfort, self compassion, and to create a network of friends around me. Since we had just moved onto base and the excitement of moving somewhere new in 2021 began to wear off in 2022 the loneliness kicked in. To add insult to injury as the saying go I also haven't been able to make friends very well my whole life. FRIENDSHIP was a BIG therapy goal of mine but I could also tell that my therapist genuinely wanted me to have a local circle of people that I could console with. 

 From July to December of 2021 I learned 

• To ride the wave of my emotions. Each emotion has a time limit and at the peak of an emotion is usually the most untrue and unhelpful. I learned how to tell myself that "this emotion is temporary". 
• Some of my favorite grounding, or comfort strategies, are rubbing fabric between my fingers, virtual/real nature walks, warm showers, connecting to my breath while eating, hug pillows, music- specifically focus, instrumental, or enchanting; changing location, write , doodle, making a plan, the smell of laundry detergent, hand soaps, hay, rain, and finding new recipes to try. At first I thought many of these might be childish but then I thought that perhaps that was the point; to reach and soothe the inner child. 
• That I am an Enneagram 9: The Negotiator. Not only was the description for this fairly accurate to me there is also the added bonus that the number nine has been our families number. We find it everywhere, especially in important situations. 
• That I am a highly sensitive person. I took a test recommended to me by my therapist and I only needed to answer 14 questions in correlation to their answers to be considered highly sensitive... I got 25. I then read at least most of "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine N. Aaron and found a lot of connections to myself through that book!
• "Don't Believe Everything You Think" by Joseph Nguyen  This was a book I read and discussed during therapy which taught me a LOT about myself the biggest thing being to "go with my first thought" because the rest of the thinking after that is justifications and rationalizations. It was easy for me to tie in my spirituality and that God is the instigator of those initial thoughts. 
• That my core values are Authenticity, Adventure, Balance/ Inner Harmony, Creativity, Spirituality, and openness. This was another test my therapist suggested I take.
• from my therapist that she has noticed that I am always looking for something new to learn, I usually take the harder route, that I'm a great storyteller.
• to honor the anniversaries of traumatic events with good memories and experiences. 
• to honor my confident self which was suggested in therapy and then enacted when I went and did a photoshoot for my birthday April 2023. 
• to try and get comfortable with embarrassment by accepting that I'm going to get embarrassed. I'm going to make mistakes and others are going to be witnesses TO those mistakes and even call them out but that THAT is OK. My therapist shared that one of her favorite quotes is "stay awkward, stay brave, stay kind." 
• about the dream completion theory that helped me also with research for my book that I mentioned above.   
• that I live in a variety of paradoxes and am I willing to accept that for now?
• that I share similar qualities to that which a good teacher has. My therapist brought it up and she wasn't the first. She suggested that I write down a list of what qualities I had that others might see in me that suggests "a teacher". 
• examples of how to communicate with others. I have yet to practice these to their full potential but I've been tested in 2023. 
• Boundaries are flexible. I remember this being a big lightbulb for me because the word boundary seemed so firm and stubborn. This line actually came from the book, "The Highly Sensitive Person" that I linked above which I didn't finish because I left blank pages if I ever wanted to go back and finish it. I was renting it from the library and had to return it. 
• Our strengths can also be our weaknesses if overused or used incorrectly. 
• that therapy is a school of self. I was taking a class to learn from someone who had a degree in phycological tactics and materials I could look over and write reports on. Within my class I had life quizzes to help me practice the tactics and materials I was given throughout the class. My life tests would then come later to really see how much I learned and expose where I needed to continue to learn. Thinking about therapy in this way helped me to see it's cost was worth it.

 
 To learn more about what I was tested on click here for the next post. 

It's Time

It's been a few months but now it's time.

If there is one thing I'd like you to know about the overall consistency of this blog it's that I write when I feel the topic has bubbled up, baked, and is ready to serve. This may give the blog an inconsistency. I myself have been disappointed from the disrupted perfection of posting once a month. Perhaps one year I will get twelve in a row but this year isn't one of them and I have come to accept that because through contemplating the "why no post" these past few months I've come to the conclusion that the topic I needed to write about next just wasn't ready yet. Now that "it's time" it doesn't mean that it is a completely understood topic, at least by me, it just means that I'm ready to share what I do know.

Now that I've summed up my whole blog in one paragraph lets get into the past few months review and then the actual topic: Support Vs. Love. I'll go ahead and bold each section of the blog so you can scroll down to whatever you wish to read about.

OCTOBER

October was the start of a very weird time for us. Between Baby getting sick September 27th, to finding out Wednesday September 29th that she was exposed to COVID-19 from a fellow Sunbeam September 26th, and to having to get our whole family tested for COVID-19 October 1st. To say we started off October with "a bang" would be an understatement.

For the first two weeks of October we primarily stayed at home as ordered to do so until we got the results back. During that time we had General Conference, had our conference camp-out

where we roasted marsh-mellows and played with Melissa and Doug Outdoor adventure toys, and then basically played Minecraft and watched TV shows while we all went crazy but none of the rest of us got sick. Then on October 12th Da Beast had his first day back. We had gotten the negative results back and we were allowed to go back to our normal routines and finally get out of the house. Little did we know that that afternoon we'd be rushed out of our house by a fire on base near the housing complexes. 

We ended up sitting in a parking lot for a business on base while the kids played in the grass finding sticks and using their imaginations while we waited for the "o.k." to return back home. We sat there for about 2.5 hours or until the rest of Da Beasts work day. For the next week and a half we just worked on getting back into our routine of home school and work and I also added in some Halloween themed anatomy posts on my yoga Instagram account Story Telling Yoga with Megan:

    October 22nd was our first real event on base that we went to. It was a trunk or treat where we dressed up, drove to the neighborhood center, collected candy, and then voted for the best decorated Halloween trunk we saw. 

After that all of our holiday festivities began. 

On October 23rd we went to Bishops Pumpkin Farm.

There we bought some tickets to the events they had from riding the carousel 

To panning for marbles 

To riding the train around the farm

To watching the Olypigs:

to picking our own sunflowers,

 eating barbecue, drinking fresh apple cider, picking out the best pumpkin,

 and bringing home some pumpkin muffins and the memories of the best fall day in 2021. On October 29th we had our Ward Truck or Treat where we ate hot dogs and a bag of chips that reminded me of a Halloween a long time ago...

and if you notice a few pictures up on our on base trunk or treat Baby is wearing the same clown outfit.  This picture on the left is my first trick or treating experience and out of a whole pumpkin-head-bucket of candy I wanted the potato chips. This clown costume also used to be my moms so that three generation of little clowns for Halloween. This year instead of actually going around and getting the candy the kids just wanted to hang out at the balloon animal table and then we went home.

November

For November we celebrated Cookie Monsters birthday on November 2nd with a giant cookie, vanilla ice cream, and some natural blue food coloring.

On November 6th we went to Caloma, CA for a Pioneer day which loaded with crafts, activities and knowledge from different cultures and backgrounds. It was so much fun to make our own bricks, rope, cloth dolls and to get to taste homemade dutch oven bread with honey butter and bbq. We got to learn about early settlers, gold panners, different sizes of barrels they would carry on ships, pickling limes, and the toys they would entertain themselves with. We got to listen to a band play music and then as we were leaving we realized we missed a whole section of the state park events! Oh well maybe next year! ;)

Most of my month's energies were spent on gearing up for Christmas out of state and posting everyday on the Instagram account  above something to be grateful for that went along with some yogic words of wisdom I was reviewing/learning. 

On November 11th was the last picture I really took for the month and it was for Yuba Counties Veterans Day parade. We met three nice older ladies that made sure our children went home with LOT's of the leftover Halloween candy that was thrown from those in the parade. Afterwards we went to a local sandwich shop called Aj's Sandwiches which made very delicious sandwiches. On November 16th we celebrated National Fast Food day by going to another local restaurant known as Elkin's Frosty. We got some pretty decent hamburgers and their oreo frosty was very tasty.  On November 17th I went to my first relief society activity where I talked about similar topics as my blog posts "A Friend indeed" and "You Are Enough". The day after I got sick and then for the following week the whole family was sick. We were lucky enough to feel better in time for our travels down to Universal Studios and then to our end goal where our family all was for Thanksgiving. The trip went by way too fast but it was nice to see family, to spend all that time together, to learn new things, to support each other, and to remember how far we've all come. 

SUPPORT VS. LOVE

It was on our Thanksgiving trip that I had a really good conversation with my mom that made me really think about the lesson I must be learning because I didn't feel anything specific to blog about. It must be a lesson much broader than a day by day, week by week or even a month by month kind of lesson. This lesson had to be a major one I've been learning all year.

I first started picking at the pieces of the topic and I'm still figuring it out but I’m pretty sure this year's theme has been the whole “Support VS. Love” dilemma. There is a popular saying in religion to “love the person but not the sin”. Something felt off about that saying but it’s been the easiest to explain MY OWN PERSONAL INTERNAL DILEMMA.

Personal internal dilemmas are created when our belief is challenged by an outside circumstance. If we are faced with a circumstance that we felt unprepared for or don't know much about our initial reaction might be to declare it as incorrect. What if instead we trained ourselves to shift that initial reaction to one of curiosity? There is a sense of magic and wonder on the opposite side of the coin from fear and ignorance when we enter the unknown and undiscovered. We can turn our fear into wonder and our judgement into understanding if we are brave enough to venture into the world unknown to ourselves. Especially the world we thought we knew completely but are now being challenged to revisit to either change our direction or solidify it. Luckily there are those experienced in this unknown, after all they are the very people we disagreed with in the first place.

When first writing this blog it was at 2am a few days ago when I couldn't sleep because the blog was writing itself in random pieces that I now have to put together. It wasn't until today when I took a step back and observed the year as a whole that I realized I've been learning this for awhile. This breakthrough is what I needed to bring all the random pieces together. Or at least I hope that I can. 

When we say "Love the person not the sin" I feel like what the statement said in ignorance is saying is to only accept parts of who someone is. A few months ago this became very personal to my own self discovery because for years I've felt like I wasn't seen and loved as a whole. I've said things like "what if who I really am no one likes? Because the real me is a real jerk?" It made me feel like I was living three separate identies. 1.) The face you know me as 2.) The Mr. Hyde "real" me I was a terribly afraid of was true and 3.) The peaceful, calm, confident, caring, joyful, intermediary, playful, creative, story-teller, and God fearing woman I saw myself desiring to be more of. I could see her, I wanted to be her, but I felt like the other "me's" got in the way. I was on a search for people to see the complete me and I know I'm not the only one. 

It is terribly uncomfortable to face others who only accept bits of you. I think that’s why many of us are on the search to find those who accept everything and it is a relief; even if we know what we are doing doesn’t necessarily line up completely with our purpose (because we’re still trying to figure that out ourselves through trying and eliminating); but to know that this one person or group of people accept us even through our misshapen discoveries makes us comfortable  enough with time to let the things that really aren’t US, go.

We feel accepted. 

Acceptance, or support,  is oftentimes mistakenly connected to love. There is this idea that people need to earn or deserve love or that it has to line up with our beliefs. That is our misunderstanding, our ignorance, our fear to not learn more about the circumstances around us. What we are really saying is not "my love has conditions" but "what if my belief ends up being a lie? What if I learn that my belief was wrong? What if my belief changes?" We are SO UNCOMFORTABLE with that idea that we want to PRETEND that the circumstance doesn't exist. And then we put out our boundaries and conditions in the name of love. What we don't realize is that it won't ever "go away". We essentially have three options to choose from when presented with a challenging circumstance:

a.) Go into it; meaning to participate in the acts. 

b.) Go out of it; meaning to disregard it's existence. 

Or

c.) Accept it; meaning to question it's purpose for the intent purposes of gaining understanding and grounding on belief. 

 Regardless of what we choose we will keep being prodded by new circumstances with the same choices to make: learn now or learn later. This is to refine our lives. If we are so afraid of our beliefs being changed by external circumstances is our belief really as complete as we thought? I don't believe so. I believe this is the exact reason why it needs to be challenged. By being challenged we draw closer to our pure potential if we choose to learn from it verses run from it.    

So what is real acceptance? 

In my opinion, because this is my blog where I express those, we truly accept someone when we can lend our support to them by asking questions to gain understanding verses to use against them as proof that their way is wrong and ours is right. With the right amount of curiosity we can accept a belief contrary to our own without having to disregard it or participate in it. Or if the circumstance is presented to correct our direction to our purpose we can be open to accepting it and all the discomfort of disregarding what we feel like we've built our whole identity on. We can mourn our past existence and we can bring with us the bits that are our more rooted beliefs that have already gone through refinement and that still serve us. By following through in this way we can stay steady on our own course of action, our own purpose, while honoring those who are following their own path. By accepting them wholly we then have also accepted ourselves completely. 

This is the meaning of the word "namaste", "The divine light in me bows to the divine light in you." To do this there is a level of understanding, there is no one side trying to convince the other. 

Of course there will be consequence to action. We see this all over the place in life with many different names. In the yoga world alone it goes by many names such as Karma and dharma. When our tendencies are inconsistent, problematic, or strays to far from the truth Dharma is then presented as different situations offering similar choices we struggle to make. Dharma helps to iron out the karma and our karma cultivates our next dharma. This push and pull between dharma and karma is known as Lila; the divine reminder of our specific purpose and path we often forget we are on, also known as avidya (ignorance of our true nature or having an attachment to the illusions of life). 

Regardless of what name it goes by when we are presented with a choice to make there will be a consequence. Either we will draw closer to our divine purpose and the choices will become easier and more clear to make or we will face it another day through a similar situation. Either way we will face the consequences of the choices we make each day. 

Because this is so versatile and uniquely  made up for each individual we cannot say one way or another on another persons choices whether they are right or wrong, they just are. We are each here to combat our own karmas by going through our dharmas which connect at many different points and at different times with those in our lives. The karma of another may ignite our own karma but that doesn't mean that they have to continue down the path of your own karma, they have their own to finish! Two may share the same dharma with different things to learn from it. What is does mean is that you have the opportunity to address your karma. You take responsibility for your part, you accept the situation (or dharma) by asking questions to understand, you communicate clearly each role played, and then you move through your own karma. In the end you should end up with a slightly more clear understanding of your purpose and path in life, at least one small aspect of it. This is why everything is a teacher. We have constant learning opportunities but are we being persuaded to follow whatever comes our way with no real direction? Are we avoiding it because it is painful in one way or another? Or are we accepting it as it is and letting it work in our lives for our good and the good around us?

This is why one of the greatest commandments is to "love one another". If we learn to accept wholly we learn to love completely. No one has to hide parts of who they are, no one has to seek acceptance elsewhere, and no one is alone. When love increases, hurt decreases, and great healing comes forth.

"Education is the difference between wishing you could help other people and being able to help them." - President Russell M. Nelson,  "What will you Choose", Church Educational System Devotional, BYU Hawaii  

XOXO

Megan

           

Answer: Preparation

Hello again and welcome to my blog where all thoughts and opinions are my own and may or may not be shared with others! 😉 

Let's just remember that as we go along together today on our adventure through the information jungle on a high speed train with lots of twists and turns...okay? 

First let's go through our families updates from the past month:

Military 

As far as Da Beasts job goes nothing has changed. He is still being trained by following others around on their "tickets" or jobs where something is not working and they need to go fix it; and completing a sheet of tasks. The secretary of defense issued a mandate for military members to be fully vaccinated against COVID-19 to which the Air Force has complied and set in place dates in which these vaccine(s) need to be completed by. (Complete article: click here.) Other than that there is only one more "update" for the military but this one is more personal; as of today, September 22nd 2021 we have been a military family for one whole year. Last year on this date Da Beast took his oath and flew to Texas where we began this wild and intensive learning experience!  

Life

Speaking of anniversaries, Da Beast and I just celebrated our tenth one. 

To celebrate we pattered our evening after our reception which was Beauty and the Beast theme with a menu outlining the reception events and food so for our anniversary I made another menu which is pictured above. 

• As a tradition every year for our anniversary we have the food that we had at our reception: party meatballs, raw vegetables and dip, brownies and cheesecake in some variety or another. Because these are more "snacks" I usually alter them to make more of a dinner like we did with reception leftovers on our honeymoon when I found some bow tie or farfalle noodles in the cupboard of our vacation rental. However, with this anniversary being the tenth one I figured it was time to write down a fancy 3 course dinner. If you're curious, and maybe even so I can reference this later when I forget what I cooked, here are the links to the recipes I used for dinner or similar ones I found because I already don't remember what recipe I used, exactly: 

Bread Dipping Oil - Food Lovin' Family

Honey Garlic Meatballs - The Frugal Girls mixed with another recipe I can't seem to find that involved tomato paste and chopped jalapenos. It basically looked like this:  

26oz frozen meatballs

1-6oz can of tomato paste 

1/3 cup soy sauce

2-3 cloves of minced garlic (half of recipes suggestion) 

3/4 cup honey

~No Spices added from recipe~

1 seeded and diced jalapeno pepper

Add all ingredients into a crock-pot and mix well to evenly coat meatballs. Cook on low for 8 hours stirring meatballs about halfway through if you can. 

Brown Butter Farfalle is just that basic because I wanted to use the barbecue like sauce from the meatballs to go on the noodles and in order for there to not be too much conflicting or overpowering tastes I just browned some butter and coated the noodles in it. 

Autumn Roast Vegetables - I usually just do whatever vegetables I have on hand to roast. It's always some combination of red pepper, sweet potato, carrots, Brussels sprouts, mushrooms and/or broccoli. I coat them in olive oil, minced garlic, and salt and pepper and then cook them in a preheated 400 degree oven for 40 min, mixing halfway through. 

Brownie & Cheesecake - Instead of cake for our reception we had our two favorite desserts: cheesecake and brownies. I didn't make these but instead bought them from the commissary. 

Sparkling Punch - I also bought this because I thought it'd be fun to try Welch's Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Rosé that I saw at the commissary. Also it is "Rose" so how could I not with the whole Beauty and Beast theme?!

After dinner and dessert Da Beast and I read or referenced notes from the past ten years and how much we care for and admire each other through it all while the kids took pictures:

And then we looked at all of the picture books and binders you see in the the above pictures and told the kids our wedding story. 

• We finished off the night with our reception video since it was getting late and then the following night Da Beast and Baby had their dance to Bob Carlisle's "Butterfly Kisses" and Bubba and I had our dance to Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years". After that we had a little dance party and that was it! 

There really isn't much more of an update than that from this past month. We are continuing our normal routines which is normal for us but if you want me to write it out in the next post of what we do on a "normal" day for us then comment below! 

Now that the updates are done we're going to move onto the topic of this blog post: 

Vaccinations

*gasp*, hurry grab your defense mechanisms, comfort strategies, justifications, and panic button... you know...just in case. Did your heart rate go up a little or stall just now? Did you clench your teeth or your butt cheeks just from reading the very word? 

Don't worry, I cringed a little as I typed it all out too so now that we're on the same page let's put away all the defenses, justifications, and the panic button because I really don't think you'll need them. This post will hopefully add to your library of comfort strategies you keep on hand. If not you can stab me later with your verbal pitchfork that I know you're probably still holding onto but hear me out first before you do that okay?

Okay. 

Let's talk....

COVID-19 Vaccine 

Oh yeah. We're going to start big because this has got to be the most controversial vaccine talked about right now even though vaccines of any variety have been in the hot seat of conversation for years. I wanted to start talking about this one because then I feel we can work our way backwards from all the confusion surrounding it and due to the recent mandate to be fully vaccinated as an Airman. Da Beast HAD to get it but that doesn't necessarily means he wanted to. Why? Because of all the unknown, misinformed, and equally persuasive information out there. We are in a world were information is vastly available but with it comes confusion and anxiety because we are told to "do our research" to make a correct decision but there isn't a clear formula for accurate and correct researching because everyone can produce what they want you to know. At least not that I know of. It's really hard to find actual truth and with this vaccine that truth seems to be buried in politics. If you disagree, that's fine, you don't have to think it's political. Whether you disagree or agree I'm going to explain why I think it's political. 

Those on the "right" say it is dangerous, ineffective, suspiciously timed, and invasive of personal privacy AND constitutional freedoms. 

Those on the left say it is safe, effective, a miracle, and our duty. 

Both sides have evidence that justifies their claim and both sides produce a response from the other "side" that justifies their evidence. For example the left says there will be "restrictions", "proof of vaccine" and "mandates" that need to be had for safety and efficiency. The right would see this as proof that this takes away our freedoms as choice and is pushed because of an agenda. This would then further frustrate the left and more incentives and restrictions result. It's a never ending cycle of distrust that causes the truth to be unclear. 

Another thing that is suggested to do when you are about "researching" for what to do concerning the vaccine is to consult with a medical professional. This is also hard when there are medical professionals leaving their jobs because they weren't ready to take the vaccine but were being forced to OR when they declare that they have been working elbow deep in it all and they know for sure it is necessary. Which medical opinion is more accurate? It is unclear because of all the push and pull surrounding the vaccine. 

So if you can trust no one because they are all trying to accomplish their own goals or push their goals on another, if you cannot trust your own research, and if you cannot even trust a medical "expert" then what CAN you do? 

The answer is the title of this blog: preparation. The very thing I hear so very little about that isn't also surrounded by something that sounds like it's trying to persuade you one way or the other. And I'm going to tell you how I think you can prepare yourself. 

Childhood Vaccines 

To do that I think now is the time to go to go backwards to the beginning and work our way back to the COVID-19 vaccine because we have to clear up a few things first. We, first,  have to understand the purpose of a vaccine from it's creation: to help people. Trying to immunize your body from something that wreaked havoc on many lives has been practiced in many different ways for many years. While I was reading the two history articles I linked I was envisioning the scene in the movie "Princess Bride" 

Although this is a movie I think it's applicable to vaccinations, immunizations, and more natural ways of protecting your body from viruses and diseases. The difference between Wesley and Vizzini was not "who was right and who was dead" but who was immune. If you read the articles linked and highlighted above, specifically this one, you will see all the vaccines administered during childhood at specific times in history and will even see that there are a few that are no longer on the list as time goes on. The immunity became so strong society no longer needed the vaccine for it. And that I believe is the goal and center point of those who create and administer vaccinations. Every other belief and fear stems from that center point, but the main purpose is to help our bodies to heal and protect them from further harm. Most who enter the fields of molecular biology, biochemistry, chemistry, and/or microbiology in pursuit of studying, researching, and creating vaccines is to help people. I haven't talked to any one personally, of course, this is just my opinion as stated at the beginning of this blog but digging around in my memories of watching interviews of anyone who goes into the medical field to learn more about the human body is so that they can help others. It's my best guess. Do I also believe that opinion, fears, and corruptness can still penetrate into the medical field including vaccines? Yes, yes I do. It happens everywhere and with anything. But that is straying away from the core belief of the vaccine and in order to clear up the confusion that is what we are trying to focus on here in this blog post. Then afterwards you can take it how you like and figure out what is best for you. 

The Missing Piece

So now that we've talked about why and what vaccines were created and administered for let's talk about what I think is missing from this game of tug of war: you. That's right, you, the one who actually decided to give this blog a chance and have read it up to this point and trying to hold yourself together. What both political sides keeps missing (as far as I am aware) in their calculated responses to vaccines is the individual. And this has been a on going poo-flinger debate for more than just this past year. Many claim that natural methods are the way to go and always have been. We have been given the Earth and it's resources to keep us healthy and that's all we need. They fling their distaste and foul opinion at those who disagree with them. Others claim that scientific methods are the way to go and that we have evolved to provide for ourselves. We have been given our minds to keep us healthy and that's all we need. They fling their distaste and foul opinion at those who disagree with them. Then there is the third party that believes both cannot possibly be right. Finally there is the fourth person who believes all are right. 

There is a story that Jack Kornfield shares in his book "A Path With Heart" that goes right along with this example I have given. His story is about the right way to practice spirituality. There are two men who believe they are practicing spirituality the "right" way and the other is wrong. They go to their master to end the debate but instead the master says both are right. The third man i the story is confused and says that they both can't be right. The master smiles and tells the third man that he is also right. The point that is being made in both my example and the one Jack Kornfield presented in his book in Chapter Three on page thrity-two, is as Jack perfectly wrote, "There are many ways up the mountain and each of us must choose a practice that feels true to our heart. It is not necessary for you to evaluate the practices chosen by others. Remember, the practices themselves are only vehicles for you to develop awareness, loving kindness, and compassion on the path towards freedom." 

Taking this and applying it to how you should maintain your heath is something only you know and can take control over. It is not our responsibility to cross examine how others choose to take care of themselves. Each "vehicle" of heath is available for each individual to take. If you don't know how to drive the car you shouldn't be forced to sit behind the wheel and drive it. If you don't know which wine the iocaine powder is in and you haven't immunized your body against it you shouldn't be drinking it, and if you don't know if your body will be able to handle a vaccination you shouldn't be forced to have it. Instead you should be learning more about yourself. I feel like there has been only two voices heard when it comes to the COVID-19 vaccine: the one that says you will be apart of the healing of society and the other that you will suffer and possibly die. Neither voice seems to care about the person in the middle of this tug of war. 

Preparation  

The best way to know if something is right for you is to research and study yourself. The vaccine, should you decide is the right thing for you to get, is not going to fix everything. The sheet you get with the information about each vaccine will even state that they are unsure for how long each vaccine will last and if it'll protect everyone. It hasn't been proven because there hasn't been enough time to provide evidence of how long or effective they are. Just being told to get the vaccine is only a band-aid solution. Here are some things I think should be consider. I am not a doctor, nor do I have evidence of these suggestions working, nor am I saying that any or all of these will cure you of ailments, diseases, viruses, or the like. This is all my own opinion. 

1. What are you doing now to help promote your health? Do you exercise, get sunlight, eat a balanced diet, take vitamins, use essential oils, seek counseling, clear and clean your space often, etc? 
2. Research the ingredients in the vaccines and determine if you are allergic to any of them. If you are unsure take the list of ingredients to the doctor and ask specifically for a way to test if you are allergic to those ingredients...not if you should get the vaccine or not. I would also seek to see how helathy your heart and liver are as these two main organs will help to flush out the vaccine. It is my belief that most deaths or severe reactions to a vaccine is because the person was either mandated to get the vaccine when they already know their body does not handle vaccinations well OR they had no knowledge of what they were allergic too and found out the hard (and possibly) deadly way. 

Once you have evaluated and prepared yourself in those two areas AND have prayed, sought counsel, and  decided it is safe for you to take the vaccine I would recommend to do the following:

       3. Determine the best time for you to take the vaccine. I would recommend to schedule your vaccine

           for a day(s) of the week that allow you to have ample time to deal with any side effects. Also for 

           females with menstrual cycles or if you believe in lunar cycles, I would recommend getting the

           vaccine after your menstrual cycle or after a new moon when your body is in it's highest recovery

           state. I would not recommend getting the vaccine right before a period as this is a time where your

           immune system is at it's lowest and your body recovers slower. Again...my opinion. Should you   

           decide or have to get the vaccine you will know when the right time for you is. 

       4. Once you have the day you will be getting the vaccine begin to increase your health (see above     

           examples if you need to) about a month before. Then the week before I would recommend taking

           supplements and using essential oils that help promote respiratory, liver, and heart health. The 

           morning of the vaccine I would take the fenugreek and thyme supplement as well as place the 

           lavender essential oil on your neck, eucalyptus on your ribs, essential shield on your upper arms, and            oregano on your feet using a carrier oil. Then after the shot before bed I'd place the recovery cream               on the arm with the shot. 

       5. A few other things I'd recommend keeping on hand are quick meals like soup, some bananas,                        bread, and a reheat-able hot pack for ache muscles.

Hopefully this blog post helps clear away some of the differing opinions surrounding vaccines so that YOU are able to make the best decision for yourself and your family. And even if it has been mandated for you to get the vaccine and you feel as if your choice has been taken away just know that you will always have choice. You can choose another job, you can choose how you educate and prepare yourself, you can choose the day you receive the vaccine, and you can choose to have hope and trust in your intuition. 

I believe in you.           

XOXO

-Megan 

Next Blog Post:
          

 

A Little Perspective

 

"...You know what I'm craving? 

A little perspective. That's it. I'd like some fresh, clear, well-seasoned perspective." -Anton Ego (Ratatouille). 

When trying to come up with a title or what to even write in this months blog post I wasn't sure what to do. We don't have many military or life updates but a few and also I'm not sure what I even learned this past month! 

Then I went to the calendar to see what we did this past month to see if I could jog any memories which brings me to the very few updates I have: 

Military 

1. Da Beast is still in processing, in a way, because he's done some more specific training and briefings for his job. This is pretty much going to be the only "updates" given from here on out as far as his job and the military goes so unless there is something more "newsy" to report on we'll just leave it at that.
2. As far as our life as a military family has gone so far, it's still surreal. I was just washing Da Beasts uniforms today in disbelief that this is our life now. We're still our overall selves with the military as our life training and current growing experiences. I guess it feels surreal because we do the relatively normal things we've done before. We go to the grocery store, we go to church, we spend time at home, Da Beast goes to work, we clean, and so on. The only differences we've seen are those more internal. We have more drive, more direction, more ambition, more goals, more appreciation, more teamwork, and more courage than we had before. Da Beast and I have been reflecting more on what we've been taught through these experiences as the anniversary of Da Beast taking his oath approaches. We are grateful for the direction our life has taken us these past eleven months because it's what we needed to get the fresh perspective we have now. 

Life

The only updates I have is that: 

Bubba lost his first tooth

and both my kids are "in" school now. Baby is a preschooler and Bubba is now a first grader. 

Other than that I've been challenging myself with a few different things such as baking, making tortillas, and exercising. 

I've never seen myself as much of a baker. I can make a pretty good banana bread but other than that my cookies are biscuits (and I'm not just trying to be British...they are like chocolate chip southern biscuits), my yeast breads are dense, and my tortillas are firm and brittle. Being in a city where a farmers market wasn't too far away I was HAPPY to be the consumer and support the small businesses that made those things rather than take up the challenge. It wasn't my thing and I didn't need it to be my thing. Since moving to a Air Force base where the nearest town is so tiny it only owns a small market I haven't even been to and a fruit stand that I also haven't been to; AND the nearest "real" town is twenty minutes away, we've stuck to mostly just shopping at the commissary on base.

  This means the fresh foods I've been buying have reduced to overpriced and/or under quality brand tortillas, bread, and sometimes complete shortages of food items. 😂 

I said enough was enough and while in California I was going to do as the Californians do and make some sourdough bread. While I was at that I was also going to make some fresh tortillas as well. 

Going from a non-baker to these beauties....

 ...had my eyes tear up with joy and I'm very proud of taking the challenges.

Exercising has also always been a bit of a challenge. It's never stuck because it's never been naturally in my life, nor has it activated my imagination and I've discovered that I really do need both of those for me to tackle anything in front of me. It was Walt Disney who said, "We keep moving forward, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." And I believe our curiosity stems from our imaginations. We wonder how, why, or what if? It challenges us to move past where we originally thought we were stuck. It can bring us out of complacent consumerism and into a creator mindset. 

It moves the clouds and cobwebs away from out thoughts and leaves us with a more clear perspective.

Going back a bit to Da Beast and I reflecting more on what we've been taught these past eleven months since joining the Air Force: we had a really good conversation on when life has felt more stagnate and when it has seemed to flow more. We concluded that it came down to this creator mindset. Instead of walking down the path and meeting a roadblock only to wait for it to open we've been training ourselves to get more curious. What if there was another way around it? 

                                    

What if instead of thinking the meeting was an inconvenience and messing with our national fajitas day plans we got in the car, ordered dinner at Chili's, saw wild chickens as we waited...

            

 ate our dinner at the church, and then explore this new building we come to ever week now? 

What if that hour and a half is worth more than we give it credit?

Why not try the DFAC when all the base restaurants were mysteriously closed and the smoke lay heavy in the air?    

Why not imagine you are in a galaxy far, far away when the smoke from the fires keeps you indoors but the also turns the sun red?

How can we make the most out of time off compensated to us for accepting the voluntary overnight shift for work? Why not drive seven hours to use the passes we have to Universal Studios? 

In all these situations there can be so many reasons for why we shouldn't, couldn't, can't, won't...but we chose to think of at least one reason why we should, could, can, and will. Sometimes we are asked to wait for the road to be opened. We are asked to wait at the gate for permission to proceed, but how many times are we waiting at the gate, demanding it to be opened when it blocks our path when there are so many other paths we could take but we just don't notice them because of where our focus is or we don't want to take that direction. 

It is perfectly fine to be the consumer. Just make sure you know you are and it's where you're supposed to be at this time so it doesn't become complacency. A few questions you can ask yourself to dictate where you are as a consumer or a creator is to make a list about the things you enjoy in your life and place them either in the "consumer" category or the "creator" category.

Consumer or Creator

• A consumer is someone who has a passion for supporting another in their craft. They are perfectly fine not being the creator and are comfortable with where they are in their own capabilities. They understand that should they have more desire to learn the craft they could but it's not where they want their attention to be focused right now. Questions to ask: What do you like that you'd rather purchase than make? What craft do you appreciate that others do? Where do you like to put your support to other creators? What is most important for you in your life right now and what can you "hire out" to others?
• A Creator is someone who has a passion that they want to pursue. They have the drive to learn and act upon their dream because they believe it is the best idea and they want to share it. The creator wants to back up their work with experience and knowledge and look for opportunities to expand in both. They understand that their time is important to them and this is what they choose to focus on and if needed they will seek and support others in another area of their life that they are not spending their time on currently. Questions to ask: what would you rather make yourself verses purchase? What crafts would you like to learn and experience more of? What do you educate yourself with or want to educate yourself with? Where do you want to be taught instead of given? What gets you excited?

It is good to be a consumer and it is equally important to think like a creator. That's where we explore and discover. It's where we find what we can do, what we have in common, gratitude for what we already have, and finding at least one good thing about something we dislike or find difficult. 

A few ways we've done this at home is when our kids say they don't like something we say, "maybe you just haven't found out how you enjoy it." 

So you don't like church. Instead of thinking about all the reasons you shouldn't or don't want to be there toy with the idea of what you DO enjoy about it or what would make you enjoy it and go and seek it out or make it yourself if you're ready.

So you don't like broccoli. Have you tried it boiled, mashed, baked, roasted, fried, raw, pickled, with a dipping sauce, steamed, seasoned, shredded, and so forth? 

So you don't like so-n-so. You two are complete opposites in the world. What if instead of focusing on what you don't have in common or what bothers you make it your secret mission to find one thing you have in common or what purpose they have in your life. Maybe they don't make good conversationalists but when you need someone to sit there in silence with you they are perfect. Maybe they don't make could travel partners but they can make you laugh till your stomach hurts. Maybe they are no longer in your life but they still play a role in where you are today. What have they taught you? How are you stronger because of the challenge they gave to you whether you wanted it or not (chances are it was not)? How have they still blessed you even if they've hurt you? This isn't to say we have to have every single person in our life. This isn't to say we have to keep every single person we've ever met in our contact list. This is simply a mind exercise for you to test out your perceptive. Is it a basic salt and pepper perspective or is it well seasoned and layered with thoughts that challenge one another?       

Just a few something's to think about. 

Oh and one more thing, 

Can you suggest a wine to go with this fresh, clean, and seasoned perspective? 😉

XOXO

Megan 

Next Blog Post: Answer: Preparation 

          

 

 

Fly, fight, and Win!

Why hello there you beautiful soul! 

Thanks for coming and reading today's blog post!

As of right now I have very little idea of where I want to take it so we will take this journey together, mmkay? 

Let's start where the other post left off: our family without a home living in the very temporary housing on base and having a difficult time finding a place to live OFF base as well as letting go the fantasies about living ON base. Interestingly enough the blog post I had just written and published June 22nd, "My Nations Call Pt. 1", came in handy when Da Beast and I had a really good conversation about "letting OUR ideal's go even when we KNOW there is something better in store". My experiences, feelings, and revelations were so fresh on my mind that when it came time to address the way each of us disjointedly assessed the problem of figuring out where to live, it laid a good foundation of conversation approach. There was no blame laid on one or the other, just the opportunity to lay out what was on each of our hearts and how we could bring them together in our goals for finding our family a home and discovering what might be holding us back. 

If it wasn't clear, our desire for living on base was hindering the action of finding a place off base. It was another run of the spiritual art of letting go and I felt grateful for the once frustrating time. That experience allowed us to move forward, together by letting go together. 

The next day, June 24th, Da Beast was on the phone with a master sergeant and a technical staff sergeant about the difficulties of finding a home off base. They asked him all sorts of questions and then they hung up. Da Beast was making tons of calls to apartments and homes for rent and even applying to some and after the call continued reaching out as well as extending our time as much as we could at the temporary housing. After about 10-15 minutes he gets a call and I can hear excitement and surprise in his voice. He comes out of the bedroom and looks at me. My heart pounds in the confirmation in what I feel like he's going to say. He puts the caller on hold and tells me that he was on the phone with base housing and they have a house available for us as early as tomorrow. I sat there stunned and in awe of the miracles that just worked out in front of me. Here is what Da Beast was thinking about this situation, 

"I had just called to see where we were on the on base housing and it was 3rd. Then my supervisor called because he was very aware of our issues with trying to find a place to live and was going to pass some information along to those higher ups in our command. Within 15 minutes of me talking to him he had several master sergeants on a conference call with me, all looking at real estate websites trying to find places for us. I was on the phone for about another 15 minutes when they said to just keep looking and they would forward anything they found to me. Another 10 minutes goes by and I was getting a call from housing saying they had a house to offer us and it was ready for immediate move in. I called my supervisor back and he started laughing and said he knew that one of the master sergeants was on the phone with housing to see what could be done on our behalf. Whatever they did it worked. It was amazing and we couldn't be more grateful."   

We both couldn't believe it was real but we also weren't going to question any further what we were being given. 

With very little mental preparation for this sudden turn around and very little belongings with us we checked out of temporary housing and moved into our base house June 25th 2021, just in time for Da Beast to be put on "housing leave". This was a time to search for housing if we didn't already have it and to settle our belongings if we had them, which we didn't. The moving company was short staffed and as far as we knew our things were still waiting to be shipped. 

Before the nine duty days, or almost two weeks, housing leave and unrelated to looking for a house (which did consume a lot of Da Beast's time) he also began his "In Processing". This started by talking to the processing coordinator to schedule a meeting at the welcome center where he had to be briefed by three different people: The first person was over resources such as daycare, spouse employment opportunities, on-base living, base amenities, and the scheduling of FTAC (First Term Airman Course) which was scheduled for after housing leave; The second person was over dorm living arrangements which Da Beast didn't need to talk to for very long; and the third person was over financial reimbursements for moving-travel.  

During the two week housing leave we waited around and contacted the moving company and our TMO (traffic management office) representative, we went to Sacramento to celebrate the fourth of July, 

Independence Day Parade in Rancho Cordova, CA

T&R Taste of Texas BBQ for Lunch 

Sacramento State Capital Building

It could just be because I'm a noob to the area but I couldn't find any places that had shaved ice which is a yearly tradition for us for the fourth of July. I DID however find something close called Gunther's where they take a real fruit freeze and place a layer of vanilla ice cream in the middle. It's called the 50/50 and it's fantastic. The place is so crazy good that there was a decently long line we had to wait in to try these. A few weeks later and I'm still craving them. We have raspberry fruit freeze on the left and orange on the right. 

Sometime within this two weeks we also had to buy a new air mattress because the one we brought popped at 1am which was fun. For the rest of this nine duty day housing leave we did everything on the floor, bought some necessary items such as towels, linen, and cookware that could be reimbursed. We also purchased some "not-so-necessary" items that will not be reimbursed but we knew we were going to replace anyway such as a new table which was being shipped from Florida and didn't arrive until we were finally getting our shipment of furniture.  At the very end of the nine duty day leave we finally had a truck show up with our belongings:

Yes...all we owned fit into those few crates loaded up on that truck. I couldn't believe it either however we did move from a two bedroom with one bathroom apartment into a three bedroom two and a half bathroom house so I guess it wouldn't look like very much. I am surprised however at how everything fits inside the home and there's not a lot of just "empty" space. 

After the housing leave Da Beast's In-Processing continued with his First-Term Airman Course Week which consisted of a class everyday covering different topics such as communication, trust, loyalty, commitment, personal values and qualities, resilience training covering human relationships/bias's, behavioral psychology, sexual assault/abuse, as well as Community College of the Air Force and opportunities to advance/continue education. After FTAC Da Beast then went back to his 'shop', or building, where he works with others. He is now completing specific computer based training's to gear him up for his Cyber Security job. Currently he needs assistance to jobs but once his training is complete he'll be a technician much like he was at his internet jobs where he'll get a problem and go fix it. 

 While Da Beast has been at work we got back into a routine at home and are processing our own place here. This could be left at the more simple "where we fit in at Beale AFB or in the military in general", because that alone would be enough of an explanation but it goes even deeper than that. We've not just been marveling at and even doubting that this military life is now something we're apart of, but we've had lessons coming to us in the same fashion as the term I've coined for myself since 2017 as "Life Lessons". This time life wanted us to know how crucial our part is in our Heavenly Parents plan. 

The lesson started long before these past few weeks with a call from a soon to be very good friend. She had told me that she was reading and looking into what her "why" was. What was one word that could explain everything she did? What was the motivation and purpose she was contributing to the world? Her's was 'mother' and mine I found out was 'joy'. Everything I've ever wanted to had an end goal of helping others find resolve, feel important, feel empowered, feel seen, laugh, and all around find enjoyment. It is more difficult to feel the great joy of life when you feel lost, insignificant, powerless, or rejected. Where is the fulfillment? I believe it is a mission of mine to help those around me find it. 

I am on the shore. 

Since this conversation in May of last year I've picked up thoughts here and there, feeling like I was playing the devils advocate, always asking "what if we're all doing exactly what we were supposed to be doing?" This thought felt contrary to the belief of the whole missionary work of the Gospel of Christ, repentance from sin, and essentially becoming better than we are. But what if as we are ends there? What if we just 'are'? This is a difficult thing to wrap your head around when you hold a VIP card in your own beliefs on life and truth. How could God have [insert lack of spiritual understanding] in His plan? This seems counter productive to His plan of Happiness. Surely those who leave church, the gospel, and religion behind are unhappy. Right?

I don't think so.      
I think they're right where they need to be. 

I think they're brave. 

They ran into the ocean. 

Months of this thought on repeat connected to when I decided to study Isaiah with the companionship book, "Understanding Isaiah," By Parry, Parry, and Peterson I felt the pain for those who were "lost" being judged and cast out of Heaven during Christ's second coming. What if the "lesser" choices we made in life were chain reactions from something we experience and are trying to explain to ourselves? Would they be judged so harshly for their sins because someone else influenced their choice? Isn't failure apart of His plan? Would there not be a time between the second coming of Christ and the judgement day to truly sort out the TRUE desires of our hearts not just the influences desires? I believe that is why Christ will come again. He will be there to sort out all we could not and to make sure we have a clear view of what our options are and then help us to attain them. Through this spiritual experience I was told I was to be apart of that. I am to be going out, walking with, and welcoming everyone home. I am to help them find joy THROUGH Christ. Not because I preach to them but because I see them. As. They. Are. This is MY purpose and yours may look different. It's SUPPOSED to look different. Another thing I learned from Isaiah is that God has a part for each of us to play in his plan. The Israelite's were questioning God and at the time everyone was making poorer choices. God has the wicked and bloodthirsty king of the Babylonians conquer land and put the Israelite into captivity...again. Later along this same story-line and now my studying within this past month in enters Cyrus. He doesn't know God but he still listened to what the spirit prompted him to do and his way was paved before him. He was able to conquer Babel without a fight and the Israelite's were freed but doubted that God would include such a man to do so! He wasn't religious! He wasn't from the house of Israel! He was Persian! But God knew that Cyrus was what the people needed. There was a whole chapter dedicated to questioning God and his mysteries verses asking humbly to know and understand so we can better fulfill our purpose in His plan. Working with God instead of telling him how it "works." The miracles will then reveal themselves.    

I am standing right next to the water. 

Fast forward to this past month when I watched a conversation between Al Caraway and Charlie Bird I was finally given the key to unlock all of these thoughts and my own purpose in His plan. Charlie said something along the lines of: "In the family, the proclamation to the world is doesn't say anything about homosexuality. All it says is that man and woman were ordained of God, which I think is beautiful. That means that man and woman had a specific reason and purpose to His plan, NOT that those with same sex attraction had no part of it." 

He has his feet in the water. 

When he said that a light bulb just went off in my head and I felt the truth of that all the way to my heart. This was the explanation I had been waiting for! This put it all together for me. We ALL have a purpose in this life, we are all needed, and we all add value and beauty to it. The trick is figuring out what that is and then being brave enough to go and fulfill it one moment at a time. The goal is to work together and realize that no one persons "purpose" is better or holier than another. God clearly defines his specific purposes for His plan of happiness, has given us ALL the opportunity to participate in it, and how to obtain it. Like all the different factions to operate a business (taking the paychecks out of it). Or a machine. In order for it to function each part must do what it was destined or designed or purposed to do. In a business there are usually opportunities to expand your knowledge and expertise to obtain a different job. You have requirements to obtain it should you wish to but you don't HAVE to. If you are the happiest and feel your fulfillment and purpose in one aspect of the business you don't need to be anything else and you shouldn't be anything else! It was as if that job was made for you, because in life it was. If you don't play your part than who will? But should you feel the desire for something different, take the time to get there because eventually you'll find it. The goal is that we all work together while we find our places in His magnificent plan.

That being said...

Let's imagine an island in the middle of the sea. There is no other land but this land and there are people placed all over the island and even far out into the sea. You can't move from the place you've been put because it requires your specific perspective. This requires you to work with those who are around you. If you are on the island this may look like trading places or passing things along towards the middle of the island and back. It's a network. But what about those that are out in sea? The ocean waves are strong and making it difficult to make it to the island. Some islander people think that the ocean people don't belong on the island or that they won't "fit". Some see that the ocean people need help but are to far inland that they're not sure how to do that. Some islanders are scared to touch the ocean because they're not sure if they would be able to get back to the island. Some are standing on the shore right next to the water and some are standing in the water. There are those that are curious and so they leave the land to experience the ocean. And then their are those with a large capacity for love and compassion that they can't stand the separation and they run straight into the ocean to either join the ocean people or to try and bring the ocean people to the island with them. As they are running towards the ocean with their singular focus they can hear the worry of some of the inland people as they exclaim that they will be "lost" and "unhappy" in the waters. They feel confused but know their purpose is in the waves next to the others. The one standing on the shore thinks they must be brave to do so and tells them that if they should ever need a hand back onto the land that they will be waiting there for them. Another on the shore shirks at the idea of touching an ocean person because what if they "pull them in after them". It's better to just never be apart of the ocean even one tiny bit because deep down they think they aren't strong enough to resist the temptation. Once the runner makes it out to the ocean he discovers that there are many beautiful and some lonely souls just floating along. The runner desires to link arms with them, and then another, and then another. After many years of the runner feeling like they have been living each moment with purpose they look back towards the shore and remember their friend who said they'd be waiting if they ever needed a hand back onto land. The runner discusses this with their friends and discovers that most of them always wondered what the island was like but didn't think they'd fit in. A few said they were more comfortable in the water and land scared them. Another few said they felt they were where they needed to be in the water. Another few said they were going to go explore more ocean and share what they knew with the rest of the ocean people. Finally there were a few that said they'd like to go back to the shore with the runner. The runner and their friends make it back to the shore where they are rejected by some but not by others. Some of them went back to the water offended, some went back to the water to share what they knew, some went back to the water because it was all they knew, and yes some stayed because they felt they had finally found their purpose. 

Where are you in the story? 

What is your purpose you are living and contributing? 

I am standing on the shore right next to the water thinking that those who ran out into the ocean are brave and if they ever want to come to the island again I'll be here waiting for them with an outstretched hand to accept. I'm watching the ocean and the people in it wanting to know each story they are living and also knowing that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. If I wasn't how would those in the middle of the sea know where to go if they wanted to go to land? If it weren't for those in the middle of the sea or venturing the sea how would those way out in sea know anything different? How would they know that they have so many options to choose from? 

What is your purpose in this moment? 

What drives you?

What makes you feel that "win"? 

What puts that fight in you? 

What gets under your wings and helps you fly?  

Whatever that is, whatever it looks like, when you are doing what you feel inspired to do you will be just where you need to be. You will be walking the path made for you. When you align yourself with your purpose you will discover that everything you've been learning throughout your life has led you to these designed moments and then there will be a time to teach what you know to others. To share. To challenge them and help them grow in their purpose. Not the one you think they should be living but the one they are living. 

You have a part. You ARE significant. And you'll know where to find me if you ever need a hand onto land. 

xoxo

Megan         

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